Sports
Things are looking up for Reds rookie Hunter Greene, just as he envisioned
Seeker Greene was informed not to seek out, however he sought out anyhow. Up at the 3rd deck. Up towards the almost sold-out group. As much as see what he visualized given that he was simply one more youngster.
Greene hasn’t been simply one more youngster a lot of his life. The limelight has actually tracked him almost fifty percent of his time in the world. Every pitch examined, every video game studied, every step logged given that his heater initially touched 100 miles per hour at Notre Dame High in Sherman Oaks. Touchdown on the cover of Sports Illustrated, also in 2017, just amazed the buzz equipment in a sporting activity yearning exhilaration.
As well as at each quit, at each turn, Greene has actually exuded a trendy self-confidence. Apparently never ever daunted as well as constantly all set. So, yes, the 22-year-old bottle sought out from the pile at Truist Park at 1:50 p.m. Sunday prior to making his big league launching for the Cincinnati Reds versus the Atlanta Braves. He liked the sight.
“I sought out right when I ventured out there,” Greene stated. “I wished to take it all in as well as appreciate it. I really felt truly comfy around.”
Greene looked it, as well, not surrendering a hit over the very first 3 innings. Over the following 2, he resembled the second-youngest bottle in Big league Baseball encountering the protecting Globe Collection champs in his very first begin, however he didn’t yield. The 6-foot-5 right-hander pressed via 5 innings, generating 3 keep up 7 strikeouts to 2 strolls. He tossed 92 pitches, 56 for strikes. His heater got to three-way numbers 20 times, however he didn’t topple.
He left with a lead the Reds didn’t give up to restore a four-game season-opening collection split. His 5 innings made him the bottle of document. A win.
His prompt family members, a lot of the little circle in his individual life, took a trip from Los Angeles to be there. CC Sabathia, a coach as well as likely Hall of Famer, turned up to view the young Black guy anticipated to proceed the custom of the Black Ace each time when they’re in brief supply.
Extra family and friends are anticipated to participate in the following time he’s arranged to take the pile Saturday.
It’ll be a brief journey, some 30 miles where Greene began his well-documented trip. He’ll see something acquainted when he seeks out. He’ll see an area where his love for the sporting activity was sealed. Where he saw his preferred gamer, Rafael Furcal, make plays in the red. The young Black guy will certainly see Dodger Arena on the day after the 75th wedding anniversary of Jackie Robinson damaging the shade obstacle.
“It’s mosting likely to be enjoyable, guy,” Greene stated. “It’s a stunning arena. I’m sure it’s mosting likely to be loaded. However I’m aiming to control as well as go right after these individuals as well as contend as well as have a good time.”
*******
Russell Greene identified his kid was various early. The pleased daddy, a popular private detective that helped popular lawyer Johnnie Cochran, maintains an image that crystalizes the awareness. In it, the daddy as well as his 4-year-old kid are stooping beside each various other. Both are leaning on a bat. Seeker’s is plastic as well as black. He’s putting on a black safety helmet. Seeker’s hand-eye control, he remembers, was uncommon.
“As well as I recognized after that,” Russell stated.
A years later on, Seeker dedicated to UCLA prior to playing in a senior high school video game. By 14, he was tossing 93 miles per hour. The following year, he was called the California gamer of the year as well as made the under-18 U.S. nationwide group. When he wasn’t on the pile, he was just one of the very best shortstops in the nation. Individuals loaded ball parks to gaze. The nationwide focus complied with.
“We had followers attempting to obtain their Sports Illustrated publication authorized by him while we’re attempting to jump on the bus,” Notre Dame instructor Tom Dill stated. “We had lines of individuals. I needed to quit it. I also saw some opposite trainers in the line.”
That UCLA dedication ended up being a back-up strategy by draft day in 2017. The Reds picked him No. 2 general as well as provided him a $7.23-million finalizing perk — the biggest windfall given that restrictions on draft investing were very first executed in 2012.
Greene was deemed a first-round choice as a shortstop as well as started his expert having fun both methods, as a bottle as well as marked player, in newbie sphere that summertime. However the Reds had him concentrate on pitching beginning that offseason. The strategy was for him to rake via the minors as well as make his big league launching at 20. That didn’t occur.
A year after being prepared, Greene surrendered a two-run crowning achievement in the Futures Video Game at Nationals Park however charmed with 19 heaters over 100 miles per hour, peaking at 103.1 miles per hour, in 1 1/3 innings. He was 18 years of ages. The buzz lingered. 2 weeks later on, his surge quickly delayed. He was identified with a torn ulnar security tendon — the forerunner to Tommy John surgical treatment. Greene as well as the Reds unsuccessfully attempted restoring the injury without the procedure. In April, he went under the blade.
“I bear in mind the limelights was as if he had actually passed away in an airplane accident,” Russell stated. “I indicate, the information spread like you wouldn’t think. That can do a great deal to an individual.”
The COVID-19 pandemic closed down the 2020 minors period so Greene didn’t join in a main ready 2 years. There were minutes of uncertainty as well as irritation far from the competitors. However he stated those 24 months given lessons.
“I found out a great deal regarding myself, regarding other individuals, individuals that I believed had my back that truly didn’t,” Greene stated. “Even if I wasn’t playing, so, if you’re not playing, some individuals will certainly kick you to the aesthetic a little. I found out a great deal regarding some people as well as individuals in my circle that I believed remained in my circle that truly weren’t.”
With the injury, the focus dissipated. For the very first time given that intermediate school, Greene wasn’t under the microscopic lense. The obstacle offered difficulties. However there was a feeling of freedom rehabbing in privacy, tossing on backfields, functioning to boost.
“For a lot of my job, it’s been hard for me to seem like I can obtain my operate in without seeming like whenever I tip on the area it’s reached be the very best of the very best,” Greene stated. “I reached strike everyone out. I reached look ideal. While various other individuals don’t have that limelight so they’re able to create normally with no of the additional things. You can fall short without it getting on a freaking nationwide system.”
“For a lot of my job, it’s been hard for me to seem like I can obtain my operate in without seeming like whenever I tip on the area it’s reached be the very best of the very best”
— Cincinnati Reds bottle Seeker Greene
He seemed like himself once more by the 3rd bullpen session of his tossing program as well as returned in 2021 perhaps much better. He started last period with double-A Dayton as well as controlled. He amounted to 60 strikeouts to 14 strolls as well as a 1.98 earned-run standard in 41 innings in 7 begins.
By mid-June, he was pitching for triple-A Louisville. In August, he touched 105 miles per hour. In one getaway, he tossed 37 pitches of at the very least 100 miles per hour, establishing the document throughout all degrees given that pitch monitoring information started in 2007. He completed with a 4.13 age as well as 79 strikeouts in 65 1/3 innings on the majors’ front door. The buzz was back.
“I don’t consider his capability to toss over 100 miles a hr a curse,” Russell stated. “Some individuals could see it as a curse since it’s a curse to injury. However I’ll inform you what, that 100 mile-an-hour heater made him a considerable quantity of cash that’s been well-invested that Seeker won’t need to function a day in his life. As well as the amount of individuals can claim that?”
******
In 2007, Russell began bringing a 7-year-old Seeker to Big league Baseball’s very first Urban Young people Academy in Compton. They would certainly drive the hr each means from rural Stevenson Cattle ranch 3 times a week to the academy in the central city where MLB was trying to promote baseball amongst Black young people.
Why? Russell stated there were racial events as well as preference antagonizing his kid at the regional organization. Seeker wasn’t offered an opportunity to pitch or play shortstop. He played just 3rd base for 3 or 4 innings as well as was benched for the remainder of the video game. So, after becoming aware of the academy from a close friend, Russell enlisted his kid.
“He was prevented not seeing any individual that resembled him, in addition to trainers screwing with him,” Russell stated. “I saw that, as well as I didn’t desire him to avoid the video game. I desired him to see various other gamers like him, that had a hard time as well as did well all at the very same time. The academy was such a stunning location.”
Greene promptly felt comfortable. He was enabled to play shortstop as well as pitch. Practices were enjoyable collaborating with retired significant leaguers, consisting of previous Dodger Ken Landreaux. Darrell Miller, the academy’s supervisor as well as a previous Angel, remembered Greene dealing with a group at a fundraising event.
“We needed to construct a little mean him, as well as he brought your house down,” Miller stated. “Among one of the most extraordinary speeches. I informed him, ‘Seeker, you’re mosting likely to affect the globe somehow, form or type.’ You might see achievement in him as a 7-year-old.”
Greene later on used Robinson’s No. 42 as well as won an essay competition developed by Robinson’s little girl, Sharon, when he was 13. He blogged about determination as well as remaining concentrated while his more youthful sibling, Libriti, underwent therapy for leukemia.
He has actually held young people baseball camps in Inglewood given that transforming expert. He has actually presented baseball facilities as well as handed out turkeys in Compton. He wasn’t increased in those predominately Black areas, however he has actually been attracted there to aid.
“Seeing individuals that would certainly show up like me or have the ability to motivate that future generation was truly vital,” Greene stated. “So whenever I tip on that pile, that’s my emphasis as well as having the ability to place on for the future generation as well as African American gamers is constantly unique.”
******
Greene reported to spring training — after exercising with experts Sonny Gray as well as Marcus Stroman — particular he would certainly get to the majors in 2022. The inquiry was when.
Reds pitching instructor Derek Johnson stated Greene was a “tweener” when the club very first put together in Arizona. The door ruptured open days later on when the club traded Gray to the Minnesota Doubles. Greene made 3 looks in the Cactus Organization. In the 3rd, he surrendered 7 runs, 5 made, over 2 innings versus the Chicago White Sox. The objection resurfaced.
“It resembled the skies is dropping,” Russell stated. “I obtained a great deal of telephone calls with, ‘What’s incorrect with Seeker?’ Well, absolutely nothing’s incorrect with Seeker. It’s like can he deal with a few other pitches? He’s reached have the ability to hone his devices without all the analysis.”
The Reds, set in restoring setting, did not differ their strategy. Greene, the company’s top-ranked possibility, damaged camp on the opening day lineup. He is just one of 3 novices in their turning, noting a brand-new age for a franchise business without a playoff win given that 2012.
“I believe his off-speed things has actually improved in the last number of years,” Johnson stated. “As well as truly currently, the following action is, ‘OK, what do I do versus a left-handed player? What do I do versus a right-handed player?’ Placing all his things with each other as well as making it fit, making it benefit him.”
The very first pitch of Greene’s major league job was a 98.3 miles per hour four-seam heater — a pitch ability critics think can be as well level frequently — to Eddie Rosario for a called strike over the within edge. His 4th was a 100.1 miles per hour heater Rosario surrendered for a ground out.
“Seeing individuals that would certainly show up like me or have the ability to motivate that future generation was truly vital”
— Cincinnati Reds bottle Seeker Greene
He tested the following batter, All-Star initially baseman Matt Olson, with a 100.3-mph heater on a complete matter. Olson whiffed. Job strikeout No. 1. Next Off, Austin Riley, a Silver Slugger champion in 2021, didn’t stand an opportunity. Slider for a called strike. A strike moving at a 99.5-mph heater. An 87-mph slider off home plate, sharp sufficient to generate a negative swing from Riley. 3 pitches, 3 strikes, as well as a 3rd out. Greene’s very first inning remained in guides.
He gave up a run in the 4th inning however ran away a bases-loaded, one-out jam with a diving catch from very first baseman Joey Votto. There was extra disturbance in the 5th. Travis d’Arnaud got on a first-pitch 99-mph heater to punch a crowning achievement. With 2 outs, Olson released Greene’s 86th pitch, a 101-mph heater over the wall surface in facility area.
Reds supervisor David Bell pondered drawing the newbie. He hadn’t tossed that lots of pitches given that last period. However Bell allowed Greene face Riley a 3rd time. He coaxed a flyout to finish the inning as well as his getaway.
“He couldn’t have actually managed today any much better than he did,” Bell stated.
Greene confessed to combat fatigue. Developing the endurance to pitch much deeper right into video games will certainly feature growth. The objective in 2022, most importantly, is to remain heathy. He expects battles. So does his daddy. That boy with the 105-mph heater, Russell claims, is still creating. There will certainly be harsh spots. Sunday in Atlanta, a mid-day they all envisioned, wasn’t among them.
“It was absolutely nothing except incredible,” Russell stated. “A million butterflies in one tummy.”
On Saturday, a much deeper section of family and friends will head to Dodger Arena to view him pitch. It has actually been both a brief as well as lengthy roadway to this factor, to making this begin in his yard on this certain weekend break. The sight will certainly behave.
Sports
The Browns gave Deshaun Watson what he wanted. Now they’re paying the price
CLEVELAND — To grasp how the Cleveland Browns spiraled into one of the worst teams in the NFL, it’s important to first return to the end of last season.
The Browns dismantled their offense this year and rebuilt an inferior version in an attempt to appease Deshaun Watson. All of the changes failed miserably. The Browns bottomed out as one of the worst teams in the league and plummeted to a 3-14 finish. They hold the second pick in the 2025 NFL Draft.
For three years, the Browns contorted themselves to match Watson’s strengths and desires. But teammates ultimately grew tired of the organization catering to an ineffective quarterback, and he never really fit in Cleveland. He received at least one death threat.
Now as a second Achilles tear leaves Watson’s career in danger, the Browns can begin the painful process of officially moving on from the worst trade and biggest mistake in franchise history.
How did it get to this? And how did it end so badly? Look to last year.
After Watson’s 2023 season ended prematurely with a broken bone in his shoulder, Joe Flacco joined the Browns in December and resurrected his career by throwing for 300 yards in four consecutive games — something Watson failed to do once in 19 starts with the Browns. It was an embarrassing exposure of the franchise quarterback. The problem was never the scheme.
Flacco’s performance during an 11-6 finish and improbable run to the playoffs earned him the NFL’s Comeback Player of the Year and merited another contract to remain in Cleveland as Watson’s backup.
“You have to bring Joe back; somebody has to teach Deshaun the offense,” one member of the organization said as the season neared its conclusion. “Joe picked it up faster in 30 days than Deshaun has in two years.”
It was a stinging indictment of a quarterback the Browns invested three first-round picks and guaranteed $230 million to obtain.
#DawgPound QB Deshaun Watson’s set back in his Achilles rehab has been explained — he suffered another tear and could miss the entire 2025 #NFL season putting Cleveland in position to now select a QB 2nd overall in the upcoming #NFLDraft: pic.twitter.com/mQJgFJz6Tv
— Rich Eisen Show (@RichEisenShow) January 10, 2025
Coach Kevin Stefanski had shown Watson film clips of his offense during their first meeting in March 2022, demonstrating how Watson could thrive in this wide zone, play-action scheme crafted by Gary Kubiak and Mike Shanahan. But after he arrived in Cleveland, Watson never embraced Stefanski’s system. He wanted to be in shotgun, and Stefanski wanted him under center to make the play-action component more effective.
The Browns tried giving Watson what he wanted. They fired offensive coordinator Alex Van Pelt after the 2023 season and brought in Ken Dorsey, who had more experience with mobile quarterbacks like Josh Allen and Cam Newton. Two weeks after Van Pelt was fired, Bill Callahan departed as offensive line coach to join his son Brian’s staff in Tennessee.
I’ve spoken to players who believe Callahan would have stayed had Van Pelt remained on staff — when Brian first started receiving head-coaching interviews in 2023, Bill made clear he was staying in Cleveland — but all of that seemed to change when Van Pelt was fired. Andy Dickerson was hired to replace Callahan. The changes were a disaster.
Dorsey was supposed to deliver the type of offense Watson wanted — one with more choice routes between the quarterback and receivers, more shotgun formations and more freedom. None of it worked, partly because Watson never looked like the same quarterback he was in Houston.
The Browns failed to score 20 points in any Watson start this season. They averaged 4 yards per play with him, the lowest mark in the league for any quarterback who made at least five starts, according to TruMedia. It was the third-lowest output by any Browns quarterback who made at least five starts in a season since the team returned to the league in 1999. Only Charlie Frye and Doug Pederson had worse production.
GO DEEPER
A Browns season filled with disappointment finally comes to an end
The line under Dickerson struggled with injuries and protections. Watson was sacked 33 times in his seven starts, although he did little to help himself. He consistently missed getting proper depth in the pocket — when he was supposed to drop 8 yards, he was only getting 6, according to two players with knowledge of the Browns’ offensive schemes. Watson continually ran into his linemen on sacks because he was standing in places they didn’t expect him to be.
Deshaun Watson takes another sack, this one to lose the game on a clutch 4th down pic.twitter.com/q8FsHbyVkk
— Streameast News Network (@StreameastNews) September 29, 2024
What isn’t clear is how much Watson’s struggles can be attributed to the shoulder injury he suffered in 2023. A displaced fracture to the glenoid bone ended his season after six games. It was a common injury among baseball pitchers, but much rarer in quarterbacks, leaving the team with no way of knowing when or whether a full recovery was possible.
At the start of a late August practice, all four Browns quarterbacks went through a standard footwork and accuracy drill that generally ends with each quarterback hearing a color on command from an assistant coach and firing passes toward a net with various colors marked above the targets. But with the early portion of practice open to reporters and cameras, it was odd to see Watson throwing passes to an equipment staffer nearby while the other three quarterbacks tried to hit the net targets.
One rival executive who spoke with Browns officials before the start of the season was concerned about what lay ahead for them.
“Not an ounce of positivity about the offense,” the executive said. “The vibes aren’t exactly high.”
Watson routinely missed open receivers. Passes in the opener against the Dallas Cowboys sailed 5 yards out of bounds. In a September loss to the New York Giants, the Browns ran a slant/out combo route on a run-pass option on a key fourth down late in the game. Tight end Jordan Akins was open in the flat, but Watson didn’t see him and was stopped short of the first down on a keeper. At his weekly media availability three days later, Watson said Akins was “a decoy” on that play and not an intended receiver.
“We all saw the same things,” one player said. “We all watch the film. Guys are open.”
According to multiple players, those mistakes weren’t pointed out in film sessions, frustrating at least a few veterans who believed Stefanski wouldn’t criticize Watson in front of the team. When Jameis Winston replaced Watson after he tore his Achilles in October, players said Stefanski returned to pointing out the quarterback’s mistakes in film sessions.
Off the field, Watson spent the year dealing with traumatic personal matters. His agent, David Mulugheta, received a disturbing email in June from someone threatening to shoot Watson or burn down his house, according to a police report obtained by The Athletic. Police later closed the investigation with no suspects identified.
In the week leading up to the season opener, Watson’s father and a college teammate died within a span of a few days.
“There are other things that are bigger than this,” Watson said. “It’s been a long week … it wasn’t even really about football.”
Watson faced a new civil lawsuit during the season alleging he sexually assaulted a woman in 2020. The suit was quickly settled, and the league closed a brief investigation citing insufficient evidence. That’s how it has gone for Watson in Cleveland. He has settled more than 20 lawsuits alleging sexual misconduct since he arrived from Houston. He served an 11-game suspension and paid a $5 million fine for violating the NFL’s personal conduct policy.
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If this is the end of his Browns career, his three-year tenure in Cleveland will conclude with a 61 percent completion rate, 3,365 passing yards, 19 touchdowns, 12 interceptions and more settled lawsuits than games played. Watson’s EPA (expected points added) per dropback with the Browns was -0.19, according to TruMedia, which ranks 197th out of 201 NFL quarterbacks since 2000 (minimum 15 starts). The only quarterbacks who were worse: Zach Wilson (2021-24 New York Jets), John Skelton (2010-12 Arizona Cardinals), Blaine Gabbert (2011-13 Jacksonville Jaguars) and JaMarcus Russell (2007-09 Raiders). Watson is the only name on that list who wasn’t on a rookie deal.
Players told me there was a constant heaviness surrounding Watson in the locker room and that they felt a different energy in the building upon his departure after his Achilles injury in October. A couple of veterans told me it felt like a cloud had been lifted.
Dorsey and Dickerson were fired the day after the season ended. Former tight ends coach Tommy Rees, promoted to offensive coordinator Tuesday, will likely be tasked with helping Stefanski return to the wide zone, play-action scheme again in 2025. The Browns enter draft season perfectly positioned to select a new quarterback if they choose.
GO DEEPER
Browns promote TE coach Tommy Rees to offensive coordinator: Source
Earlier this month, Bailey Zappe became the 40th quarterback to start a game for the Browns since they returned to the NFL in 1999, a shocking number for a team that has never enjoyed stability at the most important position. Watson was supposed to change all of that. Instead, those within the Browns had privately made clear they were moving on from him even before he reinjured his Achilles. Watson tore it for a second time when he rolled his ankle while in Miami, according to the team, and had a second surgery to repair it last week.
Because Cleveland still owes him in excess of $170 million against its cap sheet, the Browns were expected to carry him on the 2025 roster before the reinjury. At the very least, the second Achilles tear means they could place him on injured reserve so he isn’t consuming a spot on the 53-man roster. In addition, Cleveland can get insurance relief against his salary and a portion of the cap hit on the $92 million still owed to him.
The image of Watson being carted off the field with a towel draped over his head while a smattering of Browns fans cheered is a painful reminder of how messy the Watson era has been. Three years after handing out the richest guaranteed contract in NFL history, the Browns are back in the quarterback market.
— The Athletic’s Zac Jackson and Katie Strang contributed to this report.
(Photo: Nick Cammett / Getty Images)
Sports
UFC star Conor McGregor faces lawsuit over alleged sex assault during 2023 NBA Finals game
UFC star Conor McGregor was sued on Tuesday over sexual assault allegations stemming from a bathroom incident at the Kaseya Center during a Miami Heat NBA Finals game in 2023.
The woman, who is described as a 49-year-old senior vice president at a Wall Street financial firm, alleged that McGregor assaulted her in the bathroom in Miami during Game 4 of the NBA Finals on June 9, 2023.
Her lawyer, James Dunn, filed the lawsuit in the U.S. District Court, Southern District of Florida.
“My client has thought long and hard about the decision to pursue this civil case, and is fearful of the effect it may have on her job on Wall Street,” Dunn said. “Nonetheless, her main goal in filing this suit is to raise awareness and encourage others to report sexual assault.”
Prosecutors said in October 2023 that McGregor would not face criminal charges over the alleged incident.
Barbara Llanes, McGregor’s lawyer, spoke out about the new lawsuit in a statement to Irish Legal News.
FORMER INDIANA BASKETBALL PLAYERS SAY TEAM DOCTOR SEXUALLY ABUSED THEM WITH UNNECESSARY PROSTATE EXAMS
“After a thorough investigation at the time, the State’s Attorney concluded that there was no case to pursue,” she said. “Almost two years and at least three lawyers later the plaintiff has a new false story. We are confident that this case too will be dismissed.”
The lawsuit alleged that staff and security at the arena “had actual knowledge of the wrongfulness of the conduct” and failed to protect her adequately enough. The suit also accuses staff of overserving McGregor despite having a “chargeable knowledge of a heightened risk of battery being carried out.”
McGregor was at the game to promote a pain-relief product. He struck the Heat’s mascot Burnie and attempted to “spray” the character as he was getting taken off the court.
The woman alleged that she was led to a men’s room by a person in McGregor’s entourage, and the assault took place.
A Heat spokesperson told The Associated Press that the team does not comment on litigation.
The Associated Press contributed to this report.
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Sports
Plaschke: The unbearable guilt of losing nothing — and everything — in the Altadena wildfire
I lost nothing. I lost everything.
I am lucky beyond all imagination. I am haunted beyond all reason.
I am spared. Nobody is spared.
I am rounding the sharp turn that enters my leafy Altadena cul-de-sac, my home for the last dozen years, and I am loudly pleading.
“Hail Mary, full of grace …”
It is a Wednesday morning, several hours after the Eaton fire began tearing apart thousands of lives, there are still flames shooting up from burning destruction. On every block, the air is still dark with smoke and the streets are still clogged with trees, but my fiancée, Roxana, and I had just endured a night of sleepless terror. We had to come here. We had to see.
Did we lose this most evil of lotteries? Did we take a direct hit from the hand of hell?
I’m shouting and shaking as the bravely determined Roxana spins the car through flames and foliage onto a scarred and sooted street where we see a bit of fence, and a bit of white, and, then, there it is, standing strong amid the ruins of my beloved neighborhood.
Our house. It survived. It survived?
“The Lord is with thee …”
I begin crying, awash in gratitude and relief, until I look around at the barren smoldering landscape and my heart almost instantly drops into a much deeper emotion.
Guilt.
I was here, but where was everybody else? Where were my neighbors? Where were my friends? Why was I still standing and they were not?
My next-door neighbor lived in a sprawling old house that was always full of life. It was gone, burned to nothing, a portrait of death. How did those flames miss me?
Directly across the street was the tidy home of the kindly elderly professor who lived behind a bevy of beautiful trees. No more. No more beauty. No more privacy. No more house. The bones of her refuge lay crushed and stacked and still flickering with flames. Why was she so cursed when I was so blessed?
Next to her lived a wonderful attorney who never complained when cars from my house were parked in front of her beautifully remodeled home. All gone. Total carnage. Her proud accomplishment had been reduced to rubble. Why did I not lose everything instead?
Of eight houses in my cul-de-sac, four remained standing, three of those absorbed some damage, and mine was the only one that appeared untouched. There was no reason for it. There was no logic behind it. My neighbor Phil Barela said he stayed late the previous night and doused a small fire at the back of our property line, and I’ll credit him forever for saving the structure, but this was surely much more than that.
The fire that surrounded our house on all sides did not consume it. There had to be a reason. What was that reason?
During that frantic Wednesday morning visit, we made a quick dash through the house as flames flickered on the streets below. We were enveloped by the smell of smoke, but everything else felt normal. Everything was just as we left it. Surrounding a brown prickly Christmas tree were old magazines, throw blankets, hurriedly discarded socks, all the trappings of an ordinary life.
A life that, like that of thousands of grateful Angelenos whose houses had survived, had nonetheless changed forever.
Our house will have to be stripped and scrubbed and basically gutted down to the drywall and insulation because of smoke damage, and we were the lucky ones.
We could lose all of our furniture, and we were the lucky ones.
Once we’re allowed to live in the house again, which could be months considering all the water and power issues, we will spend the next two years living in the middle of a construction zone, and we were the lucky ones.
If you hear guilt in those statements, you hear right, a guilt as oppressive as a flame. Why did so many others lose priceless photo albums while we get to keep ours? Why must so many others rebuild their daily steps from scratch while our basic floor plan remains the same?
A couple of years ago I wrote a book about the resilient Paradise High football team, which played a nearly undefeated season months after their town was leveled by the 2018 Camp fire. It was called “Paradise Found,” and its central character was a tough head coach, Rick Prinz, whose house amazingly did not burn down.
I contacted Prinz this week to ask about survivor’s guilt. He said it is real. He said he felt it immediately.
“When we found out our home did not burn it was very emotional, we were so thankful and amazed,” he said. “We also felt guilt at the loss of so many others. We did not share our joy with others and kept it to ourselves. I would try not to mention that our house survived to those who had lost so much.”
Prinz admitted the darkest thoughts wrought by survivors’ guilt — “Yes, there were times when we thought it may have been better if our home had burned,” he said.
But he acknowledged that it was so difficult to get his house working again, his focus turned to that. — “Living in a burn scar, rising insurance costs, constant construction, terrible road conditions … the survivor’s guilt begins to wane,” he said.
That guilt is still going strong here. I will not complain. I cannot complain. I don’t deserve to complain.
Even one minute spent in that house is better than the horrible fate that awaited so many who were never given that time.
From this moment forward, every day in that house will be a monument to pure luck and good wind and Phil Barela and, certainly, I had nothing to do with any of it, and how do I live up to that?
There are many of us in Los Angeles in similar situations, houses intact but lives uprooted, forced nomads who may never get home until spring, folks facing a road so long and complicated surely some of them, like Prinz, may already wish their homes were instead destroyed so they could have just started the rebuild from scratch.
You know who you are, those of you whose homes were saved as their guilt threatens to destroy them. You know who you are, and so seemingly does everybody else.
At one of the recent hotels that we’ve been surfing while waiting to be allowed back home, I was approached by someone walking a big dog down a narrow hotel hallway, a common sight these days.
“Good morning, are you an evacuee?” she asked brightly.
“I am,” I said.
“I lost everything,” she said.
“I did not,” I said.
End of conversation. She abruptly spun and headed in the other direction. I was a pariah. I was not worthy of discussing a loss that could not be quantified. I wasn’t a true survivor.
It was then that I realized, no, we’re all survivors, we’ve all been touched even if we still live in pristine neighborhoods with power and water and life. We were all burned. We will all be scarred.
Just because your house is standing doesn’t mean you are standing with it.
At the moment, I’m trying to stand, but I’m not quite there yet. I am blessed but hobbled. I have learned in the past few days that intangible losses, while no match for the tangible ones, can nonetheless stick deeply in the throat. Those of us with intact houses in burned areas can’t publicly admit it, nor should we, but it’s true.
I’m a creature of habit, a slave to routine, I begged for the same press box seat during the Dodgers postseason run, I drive the same weird route to USC football games, I wear the same basic black uniform to every game of every sport.
And now, even though my house is there, everything else is gone, my traditions, my habits, my normalcy.
I used to drive down a pretty Altadena street toward work. That street is now one long junkyard. I used to stop at a corner Chevron Station every day to buy snacks and talk Lakers with the owner. That place has become a blackened shell.
My favorite hamburger joint, gone. One of my favorite breakfast places, gone. A dive bar that helped keep the neighborhood together, gone. Pizza joint, gone. The hardware store that just sold me air filters last week, gone.
From Altadena to Pacific Palisades, you all have stories like this. You lost your favorite watering hole, your favorite grocery store, a part of your city that had become your anchor, your strength, your best friend. All of Los Angeles has stories like this. Our daily lives have been mangled beyond recognition. There have been deaths, there has been destruction, everybody, everywhere, nobody is keeping score, it’s all bad and it all requires a resilience that was on full powerful display everywhere last week, including in my little burned-out block.
During the brief visit to our house the day after the fire, my neighbor Brian Pires was standing in the middle of the street waxing in amazement that his house had also survived when flames shot up from his corner lot. It was his garage. It was suddenly on fire. He had no water, no hose, no chance, yet he refused to give up. He jumped in his car and raced back to the main road and returned moments later with two firetrucks in tow. He had somehow found the firemen himself and led them to the flames which they quickly doused.
At that moment, he wasn’t just a chiropractor protecting his home, he was all of Los Angeles fighting to breathe again with an unreal courage that transcends all tragedy.
Many of us may never get over the guilt of having a house that is still standing. But, damn it, we owe it to those who lost everything to keep them standing.
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