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Virginia couple married for 30 years claim they’ve never argued
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With greater than 30 years of marriage underneath their belt, one Virginia couple — Hannah Keeley, a grasp life coach, and her husband, Blair Keeley, a advertising and marketing skilled — declare they’ve by no means had a single argument.
In addition they say they’ve by no means even raised their voices at one another, together with whereas parenting their seven youngsters, who’re all now grown.
If these relationship claims elevate a couple of eyebrows — and a number of the consultants Fox Information Digital consulted say a state of affairs like this sounds very “uncommon” and “not often achievable” (maintain studying!) — the couple additionally share intriguing insights concerning the strengths of their partnership and sensible takeaways others may glean from their experiences.
“Relationships are a ability, not a present,” the couple stated in a joint assertion to Fox Information Digital.
“We determined from the start that our marriage was vital sufficient to develop the talents of communication,” the Keeleys stated. “Our dad and mom each have long-standing wholesome relationships, [so] we realized what to do, and what to not do, by observing them.”
Whereas the couple admit they’ve gotten upset with one another occasionally throughout their three-decade relationship, they view “anger as miscommunication” — so, as a substitute of feeding any emotions of anger, the pair select to “combat on the identical facet,” slightly than be in opposition to at least one one other, they stated.
“There isn’t a profitable or dropping in an argument,” the Keeleys informed Fox Information Digital.
“An argument is there to show one thing. Should you resort to preventing, you’ve each misplaced,” they stated.
Listed here are 7 total suggestions the couple shared in feedback to Fox Information Digital.
Tip No. 1: Share emotions and expectations
Arguing and yelling are behaviors much like a baby throwing a tantrum, the Keeleys imagine. “You yell and scream on the best goal obtainable — your partner,” the couple stated. “A wedding shouldn’t be an association of ardour, however a partnership of energy.”
That is why, they stated, they select to speak with one another earlier than anger even has an opportunity to take root.
They share their emotions, expectations and the interior narratives they might or might not have created throughout the occasions they’ve gotten mad at one another.
Tip No. 2: ‘Problem one another to develop’
Hannah and Blair Keeley additionally flip to their religion after they face challenges, they stated. This consists of consulting the Bible, together with a verse from Deuteronomy 32:30, which says that “one man will chase a thousand and two put ten thousand to flight.”
“That is the precept of multiplicity,” the Keeleys stated.
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“If a wedding is a relationship between two people who find themselves attempting to repair and ‘full’ each other, it’s often a strained and weakened partnership,” they informed Fox Information Digital.
“Nevertheless, if a wedding is a relationship between two full individuals who problem one another to develop, that could be a highly effective and peaceable partnership. If somebody makes you content, that’s harmful. In the event that they make you happier, that’s lovely.”
Different ideas they are saying they’ve realized with the assistance of their religion embody accepting private duty and practising a “cooperative partnership, not a hierarchical relationship.”
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A cooperative partnership encourages “collaboration and mutual honor,” they imagine.
Tip No. 3: Learn the physique language
For {couples} who desire a extra harmonious relationship, the Keeleys advocate listening with out interruption and studying the opposite individual’s physique language.
“Have a look at how the individual is holding their physique and sustaining their gaze,” they informed Fox Information Digital.
“Closed in posture, [people] really feel attacked. Huge actions, they really feel unimportant. Downward gaze, they really feel embarrassed or ashamed. Upward gaze, they really feel confused.”
“Search for the ache or worry that the phrases might not be capable of categorical,” they went on.
Tip No. 4: By no means go to mattress offended (however not for the explanations you assume)
Hannah and Blair Keeley insist it’s vital for {couples} to not go to mattress offended. That is as a result of nighttime is when people usually encode their cognitive experiences from earlier within the day.
“If a pair can resolve all of their points with calm communication, then that might be the perfect, if not often achievable, situation,” stated one knowledgeable.
Within the couple’s personal phrases: “Anger towards your partner can simply flip right into a perception for those who don’t handle the thought previous to bedtime. How can we do that?”
They continued, “All the time affirm the love you’ve got for that individual, even when there isn’t a decision. The last word battle decision is making the aware resolution to like.”
Tip No. 5: Keep away from the phrase ‘ought to’
Romantic companions have to keep away from the phrase “ought to,” the Keeleys additionally stated, in the event that they wish to have a profitable relationship.
“Holding the thought that your partner ‘ought to’ be completely different is arguing with actuality,” Hannah and Blair Keeley wrote.
“Should you try this, you’ll lose 100% of the time. Perceive the best show of affection is permitting freedom to exist with out expectations.”
Tip No. 6: Talk, talk, talk!
The Keeleys first met in 1986 throughout their first yr of school at Furman College in Greenville, S.C. However sparks didn’t fly till they obtained to know one another three-and-a-half years later.
That is when Blair Keeley discovered Hannah’s misplaced sketchbook — and requested if they might catch up earlier than they graduated.
After commencement, Blair went to Saudi Arabia to work with a information company for Desert Protect, whereas Hannah began graduate faculty in Columbia, S.C. The couple wrote letters to one another all that summer season.
They finally reunited and obtained married on Dec. 21, 1991.
At present they reside close to Richmond, Virginia; their seven children’ names are Kelsey, Katie, Kyler, Karis, Korben, Klara and Kenna. The Keeleys imagine that no less than a few of their success as a married couple will be attributed to the time and dedication they gave one another early on.
Tip No. 7: Do not sabotage one thing good
“Folks don’t must imagine we’ve by no means fought. It doesn’t hassle us a bit,” the Keeleys additionally informed Fox Information Digital.
“These closest to us, those who reside underneath our roof and see us 24/7, definitely imagine it, and that’s all that issues to us — that we’re making an impression on those that love us probably the most and know us one of the best.”
When requested for different ideas about those that may query their strife-free relationship, the couple thought of that society might need conditioned folks to imagine fights are an unavoidable facet of relationships at this time.
“The objective of a wholesome relationship shouldn’t be to keep away from preventing, however to disagree in a method that permits for issues to be solved.”
“If we imagine we are able to’t keep away from one thing, we’ll sabotage our personal private efforts to attain any proof that’s in opposition to that perception,” the Keeleys stated.
“Possibly the easiest factor you are able to do on your marriage is imagine that concord in that partnership shouldn’t be solely potential, however straightforward to attain.”
The consultants weigh in
A number of relationship consultants and psychological well being professionals informed Fox Information Digital that fight-free relationships are unusual, however not not possible to attain.
“Within the relationship gamut, by no means having a single argument would fall on the extra ‘uncommon’ facet,” stated psychotherapist Dr. Daryl Appleton, who practices in New York Metropolis and New England.
“For apparent causes, this may be actually wholesome as a result of we see two folks nonetheless in love after 30 years with little to no turmoil. On the opposite facet, we all know that by no means having a disagreement or passionate variations will be unhealthy as a result of it begs the query: Can the whole lot in life truly be agreed on?”
Appleton believes {couples} can have wholesome and respectful arguments after they actively pay attention, share duty in problem-solving, make actionable follow-through steps and use “I statements,” equivalent to, “’This made me really feel X’ or ‘I perceived the occasions as Y.’”
Unhealthy arguing practices that Appleton stated {couples} ought to keep away from embody name-calling, violence, private assaults, bringing unrelated elements right into a present combat, stonewalling, not taking accountability and holding a grudge.
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Appleton stated, “The objective of a wholesome relationship shouldn’t be to keep away from preventing, however as a substitute be capable of disagree in a method that permits for issues to truly be solved and for our companions and ourselves to really feel seen and heard.”
New Jersey-based non-public follow therapist Frank Thewes of Path Ahead Remedy LLC informed Fox Information Digital that {couples} ought to keep away from yelling, gaslighting and utilizing insults when and if an argument comes up.
As an alternative, they need to have calm, constructive and emotion-centered debates with the intention to focus on matters healthily with out escalation.
“{Couples} who declare to by no means argue are both so well-matched that they by no means have a disagreement or open battle — or they each generally tend to withdraw from battle and keep away from open battle and displaying uncomfortable feelings,” Thewes stated.
“Each companions could possibly be so self-regulating that they deal with the whole lot with calm and empathy, however this is able to be an anomaly slightly than the norm.”
Thewes continued, “This isn’t essentially unhealthy, until it’s manufactured or as a result of every companion having a worry of emotional battle and due to this fact avoiding it and by no means coping with points.”
He completed, “If a pair can resolve all of their points with calm communication, then that might be the perfect, if not often achievable, situation.”
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Southeast
GERRI WILLIS: This Christmas, I keep thinking about family, friends in western NC. America should, too
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Three months ago, Hurricane Helene touched down in western North Carolina, leaving in its wake $53 billion in destruction. By some estimates, 40% of the housing stock was damaged. An untold number of roads, driveways and rural lanes were demolished. But the real toll was human. More than one hundred people died, 103 to be exact, swept up by rivers of mud and debris. Many people are still unaccounted for, though the exact number is hard to come by.
That Biden’s administration has done less than it could to alleviate the destruction in the wake of Helene is accepted wisdom. And, you know it’s true when you hear uncomplaining North Carolinians praise the private efforts by church groups and charitable organizations like Samaritan’s Purse, while they remain silent on whether the federal government has done enough. The unspoken criticism should sting Congress, but, of course, they are deaf to such tame censure.
I’ve followed this story closely. My family is from a small town called Spruce Pine located fifty miles northeast of Asheville perched on a mountain top along the Blue Ridge Parkway. It is just one of scores of communities in the region, but the cost of restoring just this small town of 2,400 people will be hundreds of millions of dollars. The biggest cost, an estimated $100 million, will be required to replace the town’s water treatment plant which was covered by a blanket of mud during the storm and is unreclaimable.
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Ironically, all of the developed world is dependent on this tiny, closeknit town because it is here that a rare super pure quartz is mined that is essential to the manufacture of semiconductor chips, solar panels and fiber-optic cables. Without Spruce Pine, much of modern life would be impossible.
My 89-year-old mother, Betty Jean, and my sister, Frankie, were both living in Spruce Pine at the time of the storm. I had warned my sister that a hurricane-force storm was coming and that they should take precautions, but she discounted the warning just like almost everyone there did. No one had ever seen a hurricane breach the formidable wall of the Blue Ridge Mountains. That is until September 24th, when Helene doused the region with 20 inches of rain and battered it with high-force winds. I am lucky my brother rescued my sister and mother and their property was little damaged.
My cousin, James, also a resident of Spruce Pine, moved his family to safer ground in Raleigh as soon as he could, and then, turned around, filling up his truck with supplies and headed right back into the carnage. Like so many, he just wanted to help. Paved roads fell off the sides of mountains, making travel nearly impossible. There was no water, no cell service for days. When I finally reached James to find out how it was going, he said, “They’re picking bodies out of trees.” I tried to imagine what that was like.
The emotional scars left by this loss to long-time residents are inestimable. My mother, relocated to my brother’s home, says she still feels a deep sadness as if she was “betrayed by someone she loved.” She misses her friends, her church, her view of the mountains from her porch and the sense of security she had there.
My sister, though, said it is the damage to the land itself that is most disturbing. She was shocked to see hundreds of acres of forest felled, mowed down by a wall of mud. I understand her reaction. More than fancy clothes or cars, land is the ultimate measure of wealth in western North Carolina. Everyone there wants an acre, or better yet, two or three or more.
I still remember riding shotgun with my grandfather on a narrow and winding mountain road years ago, his Jeep barely clinging to the berm on the steepest corners. His lead foot turned the whole adventure into a roller-coaster ride. Too young to understand the possible consequences of falling from a Jeep down a mountainside, I giggled. He jammed the brakes, stopping at one particularly lovely vantage point, where he declared, “We own this land from here to that ridge over there.” I looked out over the view, stunning and still, just making out the far ridge in the summer haze. I remember being flattered hearing him say that “we” owned it. I had never thought about being a landowner as a child of nine but I was sure willing to start.
Our family’s roots in western North Carolina go back at least seven generations. My sister’s research on Ancestry.com turned up a fact I could never had guessed at: We settled in the area after the Revolutionary War, the land given to us as payment for military service.
These memories crowded in on me as I watched our coverage of the aftermath of the storm. Our own Fox Weather network doggedly reported on the storm, the damage and the efforts to rescue those impacted and rebuild. Listening to our reporters say the names of the tiny towns I had known all of my life – Swannanoa, Burnsville, Blowing Rock – was heart-rending.
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But it is Spruce Pine that I continue to think about especially at Christmas time. Business owners, elected officials, friends and family continue to reach out to share the latest on efforts at recovery there. David Niven is owner of DT’s Blue Ridge Java, an anchor of the downtown, which was demolished when the Toe River jumped its banks during the storm. He is praying that he and his wife, Tricia, can reopen in May, but he’s got a long way to go.
His losses total more than $600,000 and getting a large enough, low-cost loan seems impossible to him. The Small Business Administration is out of loan money. Six-thousand applicants tried to get a handful of loans from the Chamber of Commerce. Winners were chosen by lottery. Niven wasn’t one of them. Meanwhile, the water plant has not been replaced, though temporary solutions have been found. The water has been deemed safe to drink, but many folks continue to sip bottled water anyway.
“For western North Carolina to recover, it’s going to take free money,” Niven says.
State officials have anticipated this and on December 10, a delegation of state elected representatives went to Washington to ask for $25 billion to fund recovery and rebuilding. They arrived just as both the House and Senate were focused on averting a government shutdown. The package approved by both houses funds the government through March 14 and provides disaster aid for six states struck by Helene. That’ll be a start, but not enough to bail out North Carolina’s deep need. Whether Congress picks up the request for more funds is an open question as spending cuts become a bipartisan goal.
As temperatures drop, reports of people in western North Carolina living in tents continue to crop up, though officials say the reports are inaccurate. Still, housing is critical. North Carolina State Rep. Dudley Greene was one of the representatives who went to Washington to ask for money. “We have transitioned from the immediate need of food and water, and moved more toward housing. That is a big concern. A week before we had a six-degree night,” he said. And, as always, it’s the practical issues that make need more acute. Greene says FEMA’s hotel voucher program is only so helpful since there are few nearby hotels open, and the ones available are simply too far away for people with jobs in the area.
The question though, of course, is what will the next administration do? Vice President-elect J.D. Vance visited Fairview, N.C., early in December (Dec. 6), promising help. “We haven’t forgotten you,” he said.
We can only hope he keeps his promise and pray that this Christmas will be followed by a 2025 in which the region gets the assistance it so desperately deserves.
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Southeast
Chilling Google searches lead police to arrest active-duty Marine in alleged murder of escort
An active-duty Marine was recently arrested after Google searches led Florida investigators to suspect he murdered a reality TV star and dumped her body in an Alabama pond.
Willie Ellington, 20, who was stationed onboard the Naval Air Station Pensacola, was arrested on Wednesday and charged with first-degree murder and possession of child pornography, according to the Escambia County Sheriff’s Office.
Tshey Ronaie Bennett, 26, who was last seen meeting Ellington at the Sweet Dream Inn, was reported missing Saturday, according to the sheriff’s office.
Authorities identified Bennett as an “escort,” but did not elaborate on the purpose of the meet-up.
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Bennett appeared on the first season of HollyHoodTV’s series “Skrippa Bootcamp,” which premiered earlier this year, according to her Facebook biography.
The show centered around a dozen “aspiring and elite dancers” living together while working to perfect their craft, according to the show’s website.
Due to the “suspicious circumstances” surrounding her disappearance, investigators worked the case as a potential homicide, authorities said.
Bennett’s car and phone remained at the inn, but the bedding was missing, according to a report from Military.com.
Her body was found Wednesday inside a pond in an abandoned neighborhood in Mobile, Alabama, according to the sheriff’s office.
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The report noted Ellington attempted to skip town via bus and had Google searches on his phone “pertaining to ‘can someone scream when they’re strangled? What is the statistic of prostitutes homicides being solved …’ and ‘How does a dead body look in two days?’”
The sheriff’s office has not publicly commented on Bennett’s cause of death, as of Thursday afternoon.
Fox News Digital reached out to the Escambia County Sheriff’s Office for comment, but did not immediately receive a response.
The District One Medical Examiner’s Office has not released Bennett’s cause of death, as of Friday afternoon.
One of Bennett’s friends, Muranda Newson, posted to Facebook, noting Bennett was a mother.
“I hate that I’m typing this,” Newson wrote in part. “I hate that handsome boy is hurting. I really really hate someone did this to you baby you didn’t deserve this at all.”
Fox News Digital reached out to HollyHood TV on Friday for comment.
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Southeast
2025 showdown: This Republican woman may become nation's first Black female governor
EXCLUSIVE: Republican Lt. Gov. Winsome Sears of Virginia could make history next year as the nation’s first Black woman to win election as a governor.
She would also make history as Virginia’s first female governor.
But Sears, in an exclusive national interview with Fox News Digital, emphasized that “I’m not really running to make history. I’m just trying to, as I’ve said before, leave it better than I found it, and I want everyone to have the same opportunities I had.”
Sears, who was born in the Caribbean island nation of Jamaica and immigrated to the U.S. as a 6-year-old, served in the Marines and is a former state lawmaker. She made history three years ago when she won election as Virginia’s first female lieutenant governor.
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“You’ve got to remember that my father came to America in ‘63 just 17 days before Dr. King gave his ’I Have a Dream speech,’ she said.
Sears noted that her father “saw opportunity here, even though… you really couldn’t, as a Black person, live where you wanted.”
“And yet, here I am, here I am sitting right now as second in command in the former capital of the Confederate States,” she said. “With me, we can see once again, there are still opportunities, still opportunities to grow, still opportunities to do even better. We are going to be better, not bitter. We’re not going to be victims. We’re overcomers.”
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Sears has a major supporter in popular Republican Gov. Glenn Youngkin, who three years ago became the first Republican in a dozen years to win a gubernatorial election in Virginia, a onetime key swing state that had shaded blue in recent cycles.
But Virginia is unique due to its state law preventing governors from serving two consecutive four-year terms, so Youngkin cannot run for re-election next year.
Youngkin told Fox News Digital last month that Sears “is going to be a fabulous governor of Virginia.”
“I have to make sure that we have Winsome Sears as our next governor,” he emphasized. “I’m going to be campaigning hard.”
Making the case that Youngkin as a “successful businessman” has “brought that success to government,” Sears highlighted that “we want to continue what he has begun.”
“There’s still much work to do, still regulations that we’ve got to get rid of, still educational opportunities that are needing to be taken advantage of, and I am the one to carry that, because I’ve been part of that,” she added.
Sears was interviewed in Virginia Beach on Thursday, with a month to go until President-elect Trump returns to the White House.
In late 2022, she described Trump as a liability after Republican candidates that the then-former president had backed underperformed in the midterm elections. And she said that she would remain neutral in the 2024 GOP presidential primary.
“I supported him in 16 and in 20 why? Because I saw that he was good for our country,” Sears noted.
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But she added that Trump “said some things, and it bothered me. And as I said, I come at this as a Christian. And so I figured, well, let’s see if there’s somebody else.”
Sears pointed to July’s attempted assassination of Trump as the moment that changed her mind.
“I was waiting to hear a change, and after he was shot and he was accepting the nomination, I heard him say, ‘miracles are happening every day. I am one of those. God has spared my life. And so, I humbly ask for your vote.’ I was on board right then,” she emphasized.
But a top Trump supporter in Virginia, conservative radio host John Fredericks, has continued to criticize Sears.
“She’ll ruin Republicans’ chances in Virginia in 2025 and we need a different GOP candidate that REALLY has President Trump’s back,” he argued last month on his radio program and in a social media post.
Asked if she’d like Trump to campaign with her over the next 10 months leading up to the 2025 election, Sears said, “I think he’s going to be having a lot to do in, well, in D.C. And if he wants to come here, fine. If he wants to help, fine. I mean, you know, we could use all the help that we can get.”
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Sears, who launched her gubernatorial bid in early September, avoided a competitive primary when Republican Attorney General Jason Miyares announced last month that he would seek re-election rather than run for governor.
Three-term Democratic Rep. Abigail Spanberger, a former CIA officer, is her party’s candidate for governor.
Spanberger announced 13 months ago that she would run for governor in 2025 rather than seek congressional re-election this year. While a Sears-Spanberger general election showdown is expected, recent reports indicate longtime Democratic Rep. Bobby Scott is mulling a gubernatorial run.
“We will see what shakes out on the Democrat side, but I will face whoever comes, because I believe that we have the better policies,” Sears said.
She is viewed by political pundits as more socially conservative than Youngkin, who hailed from the GOP’s business wing.
Asked if Sears was too far to the right for Virginia voters, Youngkin pushed back in his Fox News Digital interview, saying, “Not at all. And Winsome is a commonsense conservative leader. We have been partners literally from day one. We campaigned together. We were elected together. We have governed together.”
But the Democratic Governors Association (DGA), pointing to the criticism from Fredericks, who chaired Trump’s Virginia campaign in 2016 and 2020, argued that “Virginia Republicans are kicking off the 2025 election divided and already publicly calling out Winsome Sears.”
“This once again confirms that Sears will have to run even further to the right and take deeply harmful and out-of-touch positions to win the GOP nomination,” DGA national press secretary Devon Cruz claimed.
Sears, asked about the DGA criticism, which also includes spotlighting her stances on issues such as abortion and IVF, argued that “the Democrats are trying to figure out a way to hit me… I don’t worry about it. I let them say what they want to say. I am proven, proven to do the right thing.”
“I’ve always said I’m a Christian first and a Republican second. That’s always who I am,” she added. “So it must mean that I don’t care about politics. I care about serving.”
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