Tennessee
Archibald: Let’s rename the world, but start with Tennessee
This is an opinion column.
Who knew it was an option to simply change the names of things that don’t belong to us?
The possibilities are endless. You don’t have to actually change anything. You just have to call it something else.
For personal reasons, I’d like to rename Tennessee “Dorkland.” No offense to actual dorks. For personal reasons, Tennesseans have called me worse.
I’ve never understood why Alabama, which presumably dares defend its rights of way, allows the Dorkland River to flow freely in and out of its borders. Maybe we should just call it the River Sticks. Because you cross it to get to hillbilly hell.
It’s freeing to rename things that annoy you. There’s a president, I mean precedent, for it. And bodies of water are a good start.
Lake Superior is in the state of Canada, for Pete’s sake. It should rightly be called Lake Inferior. And the Pacific Ocean sounds like some hippy dippy draft dodger with “bad feet.” Let’s call it the Ocean of American Might. That’ll make waves.
Most rivers in Alabama are named for Native American culture, and I like that, except in the case of the one mentioned above. Lakes, on the other hand, are generally named for Alabama Power execs or their mothers, lawyers, engineers or friends. I’d change them in a Reddy Kilowatt, to Atlantic, Ventnor and Marvin Gardens. Park Place and Boardwalk. You know. Monopoly properties.
I guess New Mexico has to change. But I’m sure smart people are already thinking that.
I’m curious, too, why we never bothered to name the moon. It’s there every night and it’s just … moon. It’s like calling your dog “Dog” or your kid “Kid.” We planted a flag in that thing, so give it a fitting name: Yankee Doodle Flashlight. Or is it a gaslight?
But before you can change the heavens you have to change the wrongs closer to home.
There’s an Alabama town called Cuba 11 miles west of Intercourse. Of course we can’t have that. Cuba, I mean. We’ll call it Foreplay instead.
An hour northeast of Needmore, a little less than an hour northwest of Smuteye, is the community of Little Texas. There are only about 1,200 people there, but they need to own it. Forget the Little, and just call them Texas. The state of Texas? We’ll call it West Smuteye.
Marshall County has an Egypt and an Arab (rhymes with Ahab). It’s probably why the county has the third-highest immigrant population rate in the state. Alabama has a Berlin, a Havana and a Rome — where all roads do not lead.
There’s the Abel community in Cleburne County, just across the Talladega National Forest from Waldo, if you know where to find Waldo. As the Bible tells us Abel was a loser, so that has to change. Just call it Cain.
For that matter, why don’t we change the names of names.
Alabama offensive coordinator Nick Sheridan has not earned the right to be Tuscaloosa’s Nick S. (or a paycheck 22 times the median household income in the state, but that’s another story). Let’s just call him Temp.
That singer from Alabama, India Ramey, is tearing up Nashville these days. She’s great. But I’m afraid we’re going to have to call her Indiana. For America’s sake.
Cuba Gooding Jr. must be Cuba Not-so-Gooding. And while I hate it for Tennessee Williams, he will now have to be Dorkland Williams. It’s not even fair.
But hey, I’m just calling ‘em what I see ‘em.
In a world where greed is godly, thought control is liberty and theocracy is religious freedom, a rose is whatever you want to call it.
John Archibald is a two-time Pulitzer winner who, in actuality, has nothing at all against the great state of Tennessee. Or Dorkland.
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (WZTV) — A bill moving through the Tennessee Legislature could reshape how pharmacies do business in the state, with CVS warning it could lead to widespread store closures.
The Tennessee Senate has passed legislation that would change the way pharmacies can operate. The proposal has been dubbed “the CVS bill” because it directly impacts the drugstore chain.
Under the bill, drugstores would no longer be allowed to negotiate prices directly with insurance providers or government programs. Instead, a third party would be required to step in.
The bill is now under debate in the House. CVS says the change would force more than 100 of its pharmacies to close across Tennessee, but lawmakers disagree.
Tennessee football star Jermod McCoy is the player who will likely hear his name called first from the Tennessee program in the upcoming NFL Draft. There are many teams he would fit well, but these three teams are the teams I believe he is the best fit with at this moment.
1. Dallas Cowboys
The Dallas Cowboys are in need of a cornerback in the draft class, and they are likely to spend one of their first two picks on one. They are selecting at No. 12 and No. 20 in the draft as of now, and McCoy could hear his name called. He would be joining a decent group of cornerbacks, but he would be an immediate starter, likely alongside a later selection that they make with a cornerback.
It would be shocking if the Cowboys pass on him if they select at 12 and he is still on the board. McCoy would be an immediate starter and would be someone who could shut down a whole side of the field for the Cowboys early in his career.
2. Miami Dolphins
The Miami Dolphins is one of the better fits for Jermod McCoy, and it would make the most sense, as the Dolphins could use almost every position after a major haul of their players. They are in a major rebuilding phase and drafting at No. 11 leaves many to believe that McCoy could be in play.
McCoy would likely be their No. 1 cornerbakc the day he got to the franchise, and would have the chance to dominate the way he did in his one season on the field with the Vols. This selection would depend on who drops out of the first ten selections. If he is one of the better players remaining (highly likely) he very well could hear his name called at pick 11.
3. New York Jets
The New York Jets have the chance to be very good when it comes to the draft, as they are drafting at both No. 2 and No. 16. I believe they will be looking to get a cornerback with their No. 16 pick, which would make a lot of sense considering they had to get rid of Sauce Gardner.
McCoy would be the perfect replacement, as they could find themselves in one of the better situations on the defensive side of the football. He can shutdown a side of the field, and I would bet that he would be a great fit with the Jets because of that exactly.
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Tennessee
Nashville Sounds and Autism Tennessee partner to host inclusive Beyond the Label Day for local children
NASHVILLE, Tenn. (WTVF) — At a ballpark built for noise, there is space for something quieter.
During the Nashville Sounds’ “Beyond the Label Day,” kids are learning, playing and experiencing baseball in a way that works for them. Autism Tennessee volunteers stepped in to guide kids through sensory play designed to calm and focus.
From spinning toys to textured fidgets, these tools help turn overwhelming moments into manageable ones. Children engaged with the activities, pointing out shapes like a circle, noticing items like candies, and expressing how nice the experience was.
Adam English, general manager of the Nashville Sounds, said making space for everyone is the goal, even as the stadium announcer calls another Sounds strikeout.
“It’s important for us to raise awareness about autism, but also just make sure that First Horizon Park is an inclusive place for everybody” English said.
The Sounds stadium even has a sensory room for families at every game.
“There’s huge baseball fans that sometimes shy away because of loud crowds and we want to make sure every game out here available” English said.
For Autism Tennessee leaders like Jessica Moore, days like this are about more than awareness. They are about belonging.
“Typically events like this can be super overwhelming… so this is just a way for people to feel like they can come and still be successful” Moore said.
What are your thoughts on making sports venues more inclusive for all fans? Watch the video to see the sensory room in action, and share your experiences with me at kim.rafferty@NewsChannel5.com.
In this article, we used artificial intelligence to help us convert a video news report originally written by Kim Rafferty. When using this tool, both Kim Rafferty and the NewsChannel 5 editorial team verified all the facts in the article to make sure it is fair and accurate before we published it. We care about your trust in us and where you get your news, and using this tool allows us to convert our news coverage into different formats so we can quickly reach you where you like to consume information. It also lets our journalists spend more time looking into your story ideas, listening to you and digging into the stories that matter.
Checking in on Cole: Gallatin rallies around teen battling brain tumor with prayer vigil
Austin Pollack brings us an update on a remarkable young man facing great odds, and his family has one simple request: pray for Cole. I believe in the power of prayer and hope you’ll join me in lifting up Cole and his family.
– Carrie Sharp
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