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This Valentine’s Day, be grateful a man failed to meet your expectations

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This Valentine’s Day, be grateful a man failed to meet your expectations

I’m so disheartened at the ability of men to work through their emotions. I’ve been chronically lovebombed and ghosted. I changed therapists, did nine months of celibacy, started dating slow and sober, chose more “stable” types and it still happens the same way every time — they ghost and get back with a less challenging ex who they feel more control over, because with them, they’re not required to grow or change. I have a Capricorn Sun, a Taurus Moon, and a Libra ascendant, with Venus in Pisces. Help.

I’m going to (very lovingly and gently) hold your hand when I say this — the fact that you are doing everything “right” and following what you (and even professionals) believe to be the most evolved and healthy way of doing things, does not guarantee that your ideal romantic relationship will materialize in your life at the time that you want it to. Or even in the way that you want it to.

Women are the most empowered they have ever been to be the sorceress of their own success — especially materially. As a Capricorn woman, no doubt you’ve made dedicated efforts toward optimizing your experience of life, and seen well-deserved results. Your frustration at not seeing the same outcome manifest in your dating life is understandable, particularly considering the often-infuriating tendency of men to be less emotionally evolved. (This, of course, is a direct result of how society has, for millenniums, not provided them with the incentive to be anything more than the equivalent of sentient pools of stagnant fleshwater). However, love and relationships constitute a completely different realm, where the rules of girlbossery do not apply. And thank God for that, because don’t us hardworking women deserve a break from having to control everything?

The point of optimism here is that women who have made the commitment to love themselves are providing the societal structure needed to incentivize men to do the same. Women do that with the power of choice. In refusing to engage men who do not meet our needs for partnership, we set a standard that, with time, they will be forced to meet if they indeed do desire the companionship of women. Which they should if they also love themselves. Statistically, men who are equipped to form meaningful long-term relationships with women enjoy better lifelong mental, emotional and physical health, with an increased quality of life as a whole.

The complexity of the situation lies here: The invisible yet palpable alchemy of two souls dancing with each other through life in harmony is just that — a dance. Yes, choreography can add much-needed order and structure to an artistic work. But what makes a dance truly inspiring is the intuitive improvisational style of the dancers themselves, one that can’t necessarily be mapped out and predicted. Humans are not financial milestones or career accolades. They are not an impeccably furnished apartment, or a satisfyingly executed Pilates sequence at the end of a long workweek. Humans are gorgeously asymmetrical, thrillingly undefinable, wonderfully unpredictable — a work of art authored by an infinitely inspired Creator.

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The invisible yet palpable alchemy of two souls dancing with each other through life in harmony is just that — a dance.

Goth Shakira wears a Miss Claire Sullivan corset and skirt, Shushu/Tong shoes, Blumarine earring, Hirotaka earring

Goth Shakira wears a Miss Claire Sullivan corset and skirt, Shushu/Tong shoes, Blumarine earring, Hirotaka earring, Pianegonda ring, Xeno underwear and stylist’s own collar.

The magic of encountering a lover who moves your soul involves realizing that while there exists a person who does encapsulate a smattering of critical non-negotiable traits on your list (the “choreography”), it would not be the magic of love without understanding that there are things you could have never predicted you would adore in the first place (the alchemy). It can be anything from a particular vernacular that they only employ when they’re deeply moved, or the way the light falls across a one-in-8-billion facial structure you could never have dreamed of. When we try to control all of the parameters of our attraction and devotion, we leave no room for the great Dancer to improvise the next move in our life. Creativity needs space. And love comes down to divine timing and fortune. That can feel like a threat to the girlboss part of your brain. But it can feel like a salve to the lover girl part of your soul, if you let it.

So what to do about your underwhelming past lovers, your Pisces Venusian yearning, your throbbing heart, your efforts to prepare yourself to love from the most whole place you possibly can? Reframe your mission. Instead of your ultimate goal being the acquisition of an ideal partnership, your task should be becoming the best lover you could possibly be. You’re already doing that.

There is a lot of discourse these days about decentering men, which is healthy. I would go so far as to say that we need to go one step further, by decentering partnership, and centering love. Being alive is an act of love. Let life itself romance you. Be courageous enough to ask it to, every day if you need to. Practice romance in every human connection you have in the exquisite life your sweet Taurus Moon has created for you. Invest, especially, in love of self. Because we can’t wait for men to catch up to us. They need to take responsibility for the quality of life they want in the same way we are. Let them flail. Let them be inadequate. Let them be disappointing. Let them show you if they can’t keep up. And thank the universe for that information, because that is a blessing that shows you when you need to move on to what actually serves you. Trust that your person, the one that is more of a reverie that even your own mind could conjure for itself, will arrive in your life not a moment too soon, nor a moment too late. Enjoy the agency you have over what you can always control, which is your approach to life, your reactions to whatever may occur within it and the degree to and depth at which you choose to love yourself. Know that true love feels peaceful and calm, and trust that you’ll be able to recognize that feeling when it arrives.

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Blumarine jacket, vintage Jean Paul Gaultier top from Wild West Social House, Jane Wade bra, vintage Maison Margiela pants

Blumarine jacket, vintage Jean Paul Gaultier top from Wild West Social House, Jane Wade bra, vintage Maison Margiela pants from Wild West Social House, Narcisz Made shoes, Pianegonda ring, Thirty1 Ring and Ariel Taub earrings.

Reality can hurt, but it presents the gift of sanity. If you know your husband wouldn’t treat you like that, great — that’s not your husband. With every impostor removed from your life, more space is created for your person to move in. Keep doing the things that make you feel powerful and whole. Practice love in all of its forms. Use the skills you’re developing along your journey to be the best friend, family member, colleague, neighbor and lover of self — and above all, lover of life — that you can be. Love yourself by letting go of what was, thankfully, never ours to control in the first place — the divine divination of love. If you position that as your true purpose, a man’s failure to live up to your expectations will cease to debilitate you. You might even end up feeling grateful for it.

In need of relationship advice? Our columnist holds court in a starry place to answer your heart’s questions about love. Submit your inquiries here.

Photography Eugene Kim
Styling Britton Litow
Hair and makeup Jaime Diaz
Visual direction Jess Aquino de Jesus
Production Cecilia Alvarez Blackwell
Photo assistant Joe Elgar
Styling assistant Wendy Gonzalez Vivaño

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Video: Designer Fashion Hits the 2026 WNBA Draft

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Video: Designer Fashion Hits the 2026 WNBA Draft
Fashion brands have taken note of the WNBA draft, described by Lauren Betts, the No. 4 draft pick, as the Met Gala of women’s basketball. Vanessa Friedman, our chief fashion critic, was there.

By Vanessa Friedman, Gabriel Blanco, Nikolay Nikolov, Laura Salaberry and Bernardo Garcia Elguezabal

April 14, 2026

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‘Now is the time’: Bob Baker Marionette Theater to make Highland Park its forever home

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‘Now is the time’: Bob Baker Marionette Theater to make Highland Park its forever home

In 2019, the Bob Baker Marionette Theater needed a lifeline. Forced out of its edge-of-downtown home of more than 55 years, the beloved troupe with its thousands of handcrafted puppets — a saucy black cat in heels, a fish out of water that can’t help but wiggle — ultimately found a new location in a Highland Park theater.

Signing a 10-year lease was a sigh of relief for the company, the result of a lengthy search that included more than 80 spaces and ensured its playful, fanciful shows would continue to be a multigenerational, SoCal tradition. But yearly rises in rent, as well as the looming end of the contract, remained a cause of stress for the nonprofit.

The Bob Baker Marionette Theater can exhale once again.

The saucy black cat puppet in a performance at the Bob Baker Marionette Theater.

(Chloe Rice / Bob Baker Marionette Theater)

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The theater’s executive team said it has entered into an agreement to purchase its current location at the corner of York Boulevard and North Avenue 50, which had former incarnations as a movie theater and a Korean church. Once completed, the $5 million acquisition will ensure the theater has a permanent home, a place where skateboarding clowns and leek-haired onions can continue to frolic and dance for decades to come.

“This is monumental for us,” says Alex Evans, the theater’s co-executive director. “It’s been decades of us struggling to survive. Now we’re at this moment where it’s not a struggle. It’s a blossoming moment where our future is set up forever.”

Bob Baker’s Highland Park home was originally built as the York Theater in 1925, hosting movies and vaudeville performances during that era. It most recently housed the Pyong Kang First Congregational Church. Over the years it has also been a barbershop and the site of an organ sales and repair store.

The purchase comes at a celebratory time for the troupe. While its annual Bob Baker Day Festival at the Los Angeles State Historic Park had to be postponed from April 12 to the fall due to a forecast of rain — the historic and fragile puppets cannot be exposed to water — the company still took its show on the road to the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival. Its adults-only May fundraising event the Puppet Prom, which typically raises more than $30,000, is nearly sold out, and the theater, which also hosts film screenings and concerts (with puppets, of course), continues to pack in full audiences — partly due to its location in a walkable neighborhood with young families.

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And in the coming weeks the theater will launch its first new show in 40 years, “Choo Choo Revue.”

“Now is the time,” says Evans, who notes that while they have built new puppets and tweaked existing shows, this is the first proper new production since 1981’s “Hooray LA!” “We have the staff to implement it. We have a sustainable business to be able to pull off what is going to be close to a half-million-dollar production to mount a new show.”

In going public with its intent to secure the York Boulevard theater, the company is initiating a new round of fundraising. Bob Baker over the last year has raised $4.5 million of the $5 million purchase price. It is seeking $500,000 to close the gap as well as an additional $2 million for what it describes as critical renovations, such as repairing the building’s roof and restrooms.

A trio of dog puppets in colorful, circus-like oufits.

Some of the eccentric canines puppets.

(Chloe Rice / Bob Baker Marionette Theater)

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Mary Fagot, Bob Baker’s co-executive director, says the theater has in place a $500,000 loan to ensure the deal closes. Yet Bob Baker does not want to to begin its new era with debt.

“We think it’s an achievable gap,” Fagot says, pointing to community fundraising the theater had to enact to stay afloat during the COVID-19 pandemic. During the days of the shutdown, for instance, the company was able to raise $365,000 in four weeks.

Rising rent, say the co-executive directors, was a key driving factor in the decision to approach the building’s ownership to purchase the space. This year, Bob Baker will pay close to half a million in rent, an amount, says Evans, that is double the theater’s budget when it was in its prior space near downtown L.A. That, coupled with the lease’s impending expiration in a couple of years, acted as a sort of deadline to craft a proposal that could appeal to its building owners.

“We started to have discussions in 2023 with the owners of the building, and those evolved into this becoming a real possibility,” Fagot says. “Then we started the hard work of talking to our biggest supporters about getting behind us.”

Bob Baker, founded in 1963 by its namesake puppeteer, now attracts more than 145,000 audience members per year, including about 20,000 students via school field trips. Funding for the building purchase was secured, in part, by gifts from the Perenchio Foundation, the Kohl Family Foundation, the Ahmanson Foundation, the late Wallis Annenberg, and celebrity donors such as Jack Black and Tanya Haden.

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A sidewalk performance outside the Bob Baker Marionette Theater featuring ladybug puppets.

A sidewalk performance outside the Bob Baker Marionette Theater featuring ladybug puppets.

(Genaro Molina / Los Angeles Times)

“I’m proud to have played a small part in helping safeguard such a beloved institution that has enriched Los Angeles for decades,” says Brian Mikail of Capstone Equities, which rents the space to the troupe. The hope when signing the lease, says Mikail, was that Bob Baker could someday be set up to purchase the venue.

The agreement, says, Fagot, is a win-win for both sides.

“I think we were the ideal owners for this space,” Fagot says. “If it’s for any other purpose, it would need a giant transformation, and for us, it’s exactly what we need.”

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“Choo Choo Revue” is set to open May 16 and will feature more than 100 brand new, handcrafted puppets. Look, for instance, for a conductor with a clock as a face, dancing luggage and a cicada jug band, among a host of other oddities. Expect, perhaps, a crescent moon in pajamas to be a new favorite. Or maybe audiences will instead fall for the singing mushrooms.

“The show invites audiences to go on a train ride, where the show is looking out of a train window and seeing flights of imagination,” Evans says. “It’s daydreams outside of a window. Windmills run around. It’s weird, fantastical abstractions of what’s possible. The hope is by the end of the show people are inspired to be more creative and to look at the world more beautifully.”

There’s also a clear hunger for the type of whimsical, family-friendly entertainment that the theater provides. Gross revenues topped $3.1 million in 2025, up from $699,211 in 2018, according to its most recent annual report. Fagot says the COVID pandemic only increased the demand for the “special brand of magic” that Bob Baker creates.

“People needed community,” she says. “They just need joy. They need inspiration and creativity and want to do it together, and that is what we do.”

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With ‘Big Mistakes,’ Dan Levy returns to TV with a crime comedy : Pop Culture Happy Hour

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With ‘Big Mistakes,’ Dan Levy returns to TV with a crime comedy : Pop Culture Happy Hour

Dan Levy in Big Mistakes.

Spencer Pazer/Netflix


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Spencer Pazer/Netflix

Dan Levy co-created and starred in the beloved Schitt’s Creek. And now he’s back with a new comedy on Netflix that’s got a very different vibe. In Big Mistakes, Levy and Taylor Ortega play dysfunctional siblings who get drawn deeper and deeper into the world of organized crime, even as their mom – the great Laurie Metcalf – runs for public office.

Subscribe to Pop Culture Happy Hour Plus at plus.npr.org/happyhour

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