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Opinion: Lego was my son's world. It took me decades to see why — and to join him there

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Opinion: Lego was my son's world. It took me decades to see why — and to join him there

Six decades after the age when most people do, I’ve become obsessed with Lego. My gateway drug was a set reminiscent of an ice cream truck. Like many parents, I was trying something new as a way to connect with one of my kids. Unlike many parents, in my case the kid in question was an adult, and I was building a set that he had designed.

My three boys were infatuated with building blocks as children, and my husband would play with them, teaching the concept of a “stable base.” But I was the one alone with the kids day after day, enduring interminable and soul-crushing afternoons on the floor of the playroom. I remember when the boys were about 3, 7 and 8, feeling like it was an eternity until my husband would get home, and I was thinking: “Lego again? Didn’t we just do this yesterday?” Those hours seemed to go on forever, but one day, impossibly, I blinked, and they were suddenly driving, procuring fake IDs and heading off to college.

Of the three, my middle child, Aaron, was the enigmatic one, the one I couldn’t always understand. We moved from Ohio to the Bay Area when Aaron was in fifth grade, and the transition was almost too much for him. He’d always been change-averse; when I rearranged the furniture in our Ohio family room when Aaron was about 6, he was disconsolate, wailing for days like King Lear in the storm: “Why is everything different?”

The move to California caused him terrible angst; like a sad old turtle retreating into his shell, Aaron lived 24/7 in hoodies with the hoods pulled all the way up for almost a year. I look back at family photos from this time and my heart breaks to see his face, often filled with consternation rather than joy.

So how did Aaron find his equilibrium?

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First of all, he discovered musical theater. As a teenager, he was in a dozen musicals at our local community theater. He and I saw Broadway shows together whenever we could: “Hamilton,” “Anything Goes,” “Dear Evan Hansen.” To see Aaron discovering joy through musical theater was a delight (and a relief).

Secondly, Aaron continued building with Lego even as other kids his age outgrew it. During middle school, he found a group of similarly infatuated enthusiasts online who shared their original designs with each other. By the time he was in high school, he had discovered the “adult fans of Lego” community, and that was it for him: He’d found his people.

During college, he started accepting commission work (“Can you design and build a life-size Nike Jordan shoe out of Lego?” “Why, yes!” “How about creating a Balrog, the demonic monster from ‘The Lord of the Rings’?” “You betcha!”). After graduating, he continued with larger and better-paying commissions, cobbling together a burgeoning career.

Aaron’s dream, pretty much ever since he developed fine motor skills, was to work for Lego as a designer. But that would also mean moving to Denmark. After college, he’d begun to teach himself Danish — the kid had his eye on the prize — and, a few years after he graduated, he was hired by Lego.

He and his wife now live in Billund, Denmark, 5,368 miles from our home in the Bay Area.

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Last fall, through a fluke of timing, Aaron and I got to spend a few special days together in New York, going to Broadway shows and to a bar in Greenwich Village for a big drunken show-tunes singalong. But it was when we went to the Lego store at Rockefeller Center that I felt like I got a glimpse into the center of his soul. We saw sets he’d designed, and he told me about fellow designers when we checked out their sets. This was his place, these were his people, this was his life — or, at least, it was his foundation.

Thinking about it now, I realize the concept of the “stable base” that my husband taught him all those years ago has become a metaphor for Aaron’s life: This world of interlocking bricks is where he feels the most calm, happy and competent. He needs things to make sense in the way Lego makes sense.

As much as those after-school hours all those years ago felt monotonous, I’d love to go back in time to when we all lived under one roof and when I, the boys’ mom, was the big love of their lives, sitting on the floor of that playroom. Not forever, but just for a little while, armed with the insights I have now.

The time has gone too fast. In the meantime, I have a new and profound connection to Aaron, my sometimes-elusive one. When I dump out a bag of the little plastic bricks and start sorting through them, just the mere sound brings me back, to remember and to feel the essence of my son, however far away he might be.

Abby Margolis Newman is a freelance writer in the Bay Area. @newmaniacs

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A beloved music producer is dying. His clients came to his home for a farewell concert

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A beloved music producer is dying. His clients came to his home for a farewell concert

Classical music producer Adam Abeshouse was diagnosed with bile duct cancer last spring. His clients — including Simone Dinnerstein, Jeremy Denk and Joshua Bell — performed a concert in his home studio to bid farewell. “I was just thinking of how many of us wanted to celebrate Adam while he’s still here,” said pianist Lara Downes, who organized the event.

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On a recent Friday afternoon, Adam Abeshouse, one of the world’s leading producers of classical music, lay on his bed in his Westchester, N.Y., home, propped up with pillows, waiting for his pain medicine to kick in. He struggled to talk about his life’s work with a star-studded list of clients, which includes celebrity violinist Joshua Bell and pianist Garrick Ohlsson.

“I worked very hard for my clients,” the 63-year-old producer said. His breathing was labored. “I was devoted to them. From the devotion to the clients, I developed this theory that the best thing that I could do for my clients is make them feel safe, and loved, and create an atmosphere in the recording session to do their best.”

Last spring, Abeshouse was diagnosed with bile duct cancer. It progressed with devastating speed. In August, his doctors told Abeshouse he had only weeks to live. One of his clients, pianist Lara Downes, organized an at-home concert by the musicians he’d worked so closely with for decades.

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Downes, who also hosts a video conversation series with NPR and Classical California, said the musicians wanted to give their beloved producer a chance to share music together one final time.

“Somehow, it worked out that we could all get here today to be together,” Downes told NPR. “I feel like it was sort of meant to be. This is Adam’s family and it’s such a gift that we can do this.”

The concert took place in the producer’s state-of-the-art studio, adjacent to his home. Abeshouse, wearing khakis and a bright blue polo shirt, sat listening in a wheelchair a few feet from the performers, flanked by friends and family. He held hands with Maria Abeshouse, his wife of 38 years.

The program opened with solo pieces played by acclaimed pianists Simone Dinnerstein and MacArthur “genius” grant winner Jeremy Denk on a Steinway grand that was built in 1906. Then a Grammy-winning string trio called Time for Three performed an original composition. Next up was pianist Garrick Ohlsson, widely regarded as a leading interpreter of Frédéric Chopin, playing the composer’s Nocturne in C Sharp Minor.

Adam Abeshouse's clients joined him at the studio adjacent to his home for a farewell concert. Joshua Bell, front, from left, Adam Abeshouse, Larisa Martinez and Kevin Puts. And, back, from left, John-Henry Crawford, Charles Yang, Peter Dugan, Lara Downes, Ranaan Meyer, Garrick Ohlsson, Jeremy Denk, Nicolas Kendall and Simone Dinnerstein.

Adam Abeshouse’s clients joined him at the studio adjacent to his home for a farewell concert. Joshua Bell, first row, from left, Adam Abeshouse, Larisa Martinez and Kevin Puts. And, second row, from left, John-Henry Crawford, Charles Yang, Peter Dugan, Lara Downes, Ranaan Meyer, Garrick Ohlsson, Jeremy Denk, Nicolas Kendall and Simone Dinnerstein.
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“He was the first producer I ever worked with who made recording — a pleasure is the wrong word — but a plausible joy,” Ohlsson said after his performance. “He is the most sympathetic human. He’s got the best ears. He’s got the best musical instincts and technological wizardries. And I’ve done maybe 30 CDs with him over the years. And he’s a dear friend and one of the greatest people I’ve ever known.”

Celebrity violinist Joshua Bell brought his rare Stradivarius, crafted in 1713, to play for Abeshouse. He’d flown in from Europe the night before.

“Adam has been both a dear, dear friend and he’s been my producer for the last 20 years,” said Bell. “I’ve spent many hours with him in the studios, sitting next to him, doing a process which is usually excruciating for me — the editing process. But with him, it always became a fun time together. Those moments have been so precious to me.”

Bell accompanied his wife, soprano Larisa Martinez, on a Mendelssohn aria.

Bell noted that Abeshouse is also a classically trained violinist. “And he understands music from a violinist’s perspective,” he said. “We just get along so well. He’s become my hero on top of everything, just the way he’s been dealing with his setbacks with such dignity. He’s just one of those people who everybody loves. You never hear an unkind word about Adam Abeshouse.”

Over the course of the concert, nearly a dozen musicians played for Adam Abeshouse. Each one embraced him after performing. At least for one afternoon, joy supplanted pain.

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“This is more than I could have ever dreamed,” Abeshouse said. “All these musicians are coming to play for me. It’s kind of a miracle.”

A musical miracle to bid a classical luminary godspeed.

Edited by Neda Ulaby. Produced for the web by Beth Novey. Produced for the radio by Chloee Weiner.

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How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Charlie Puth

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How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Charlie Puth

When pop singer-songwriter Charlie Puth first began visiting Los Angeles in the early 2010s, he remembers landing at a house near Mount Olympus with an incredible view. Though he‘d only recently become a legal adult, he’d already built a following as a YouTuber, posting covers and singing intro songs for popular creators on the platform. That day in Laurel Canyon, he looked out over the sprawling metropolis.

“And in a very like ‘Entourage’ way, I was like, I will live here one day, and I will make it in the city,” he said.

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In Sunday Funday, L.A. people give us a play-by-play of their ideal Sunday around town. Find ideas and inspiration on where to go, what to eat and how to enjoy life on the weekends.

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Fast-forward to today, the Grammy-nominated hitmaker has charted 13 Billboard Hot 100 songs, worked with everyone from Elton John to Selena Gomez and is considered underrated by the most famous pop star in the world. As of this week, he also has his own heavily-improvised six-episode Roku Original comedy series, “The Charlie Puth Show,” where the New Jersey-native parodies the absurdity of the entertainment industry.

“We poke fun at that the egregious, unapologetic agents saying, ‘You’ve sold millions of records, but it’s time to do a reality show,’ ” he said.

And up until a recent move to Santa Barbara, Puth fulfilled his dream of living in Los Angeles, where he still often spends Sundays chasing caloric Valhalla and doing “the opposite” of his job so he “can remain sane.” Below, the “Hero” singer shares his ideal Sunday in Los Angeles.

This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for length and clarity.

7 a.m.: Rise and sweat

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I’m waking up. I walk down either Carla Ridge or run up Loma Vista, up in Trousedale [Estates], and get exhausted. That’s about an hour. Just get a good sweat.

8 a.m.: One shake, two shake

I immediately cancel out that wonderful workout with a big breakfast burrito from Dialog [Cafe] and a date shake. But I’m not going to Dialog. I’m Postmating it and tipping my driver well.

I’m very hungry. I’ve just run up a huge mountain, so I’m eating that and simultaneously ordering the Paul Saladino raw shake from Erewhon. The meat one. I love that shake. And I always get a bone broth from Erewhon, too. So the day hasn’t even started, and I’ve spent an absurd amount of money on ordered food. I’m living in La La Land.

9 a.m.: Pool hang

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I take a shower, and if it’s nice out, I’m fortunate enough to have a pool, and jump in that. Maybe see what a couple friends are doing.

10:30 a.m.: Group brain rot

I love having company over. I’ll call my friend Adam, I’ll call my friend Jeff, who works at my record label, and we will just watch brain-rot TikToks.

You don’t want to know stuff that I show my wife. Brooke [Sansone]’s, like: ‘I don’t even know what kind of response I can garner up for this.’ I’m looking at a meatball — and it has two eyeballs on it, like Stick Stickly from Nickelodeon. And it says “Meatball Martin is calling you.” And there’s a sound of like an iPhone ringing. And that’s the TikTok. My friends and I just die laughing. [We can spend] easily, nine hours [doing that]. We’ll start to get headaches from being on our phones too much.

I hope you weren’t thinking that, ‘Oh, I go up Runyon Canyon or Fryman Canyon, where I go to the Getty. I go to Zuma Beach. I go to the Greystone Mansion or I go down to South Central and get some really great homemade brisket. Or we go to Woon on the East side, Silver Lake and then at night, dancing.’ I know all those amazing places exist. I go to all those places during the week. It’s just Sunday, and so I just want to be home.

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12 p.m.: Get him to the Greek

It’s Sunday, so we’re ordering Matū cheesesteaks in Beverly Hills. Right on the dot at noon. It’s a delicious option for lunch. And if we’re feeling adventurous, we will take the car and go down to Go Greek on Bedford [Drive] and just get an after-cheesesteak yogurt. It’s an upscale frozen Greek yogurt place. It’s a local place and it is really good.

[Building a yogurt cup] starts healthy, but then come the gummy worms and the chocolate chips.

3 p.m.: Mall crawl

I’ll put on a little hat, some sunglasses and we’ll run to the Westfield Mall down in Century City. We’re moving slow, a lot of food’s in us.

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It’s the best mall ever. We don’t even buy anything. We just walk around. Walking is such a reward after going through that insane parking garage to get into that mall. I just like to be among the people and not get noticed and not have it be a big deal. It kind of grounds me.

We’ll probably stay there for like 45 minutes and then take the car to Silver Lake, where the real eats are at.

5:00 p.m.: The feast continues

We go to Burgers Never Say Die. They have soft serve too. I’ll get chocolate vanilla swirl with a side of four burgers and cheese sauce. They have really good cheese sauce there. I don’t know how they do it. Actually, yes, I do. I know how they do it. They fry their french fries in beef tallow, which is what McDonald’s used to do, and that’s why they taste so crispy and nice.

That’s when I take my hat off, because we’re in Silver Lake, and you see everybody doing the same thing as me and my buddies. So we’ll just eat that on the hood of the car.

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7:00 p.m.: Artisanal Diet Coke and a movie

Then we’ll, you know, we’re in L.A., so we’re driving a lot. And if it’s not too traffick-y, which it shouldn’t be, we’ll hit the 405 and get off at the Palisades. And there’s actually a movie theater in the Palisades Village. The last thing I saw there was “Tick, Tick… Boom!” with Andrew Garfield. [Sings “Come to Your Senses”]

They have really, really good Diet Coke there. It just remains crispy. It’s way different than having it out of the can, fresher than the bottle. It’s mixed within the machine. And it just remains spicy. I drink Diet Cokes by the sleeve. It’s like, I’m a Pez dispenser of Diet Coke.

9 p.m.: Evening snack

Since we’re on the West side, we might as well. If we’re still hungry, we’ll go to Eduardo’s [Border Grill], which is a really, really wonderful burrito spot.

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9:45 p.m.: Fourth dessert

Then we’re ending the evening with more ice cream. We’re going to the Bigg Chill in Westwood. I love Los Angeles. Living in Los Angeles changed my life. It also changed my weight.

Anybody reading this, you can eat whatever you want in Los Angeles, you can go to Matsuhisa. You can do your Nobu. You can do anything you want, as long as you run up Loma Vista. That’s how you burn the cals.

10 p.m.: Demo tape drive

After that, we are driving around looking at all the nice houses in either Hancock Park or on Beverly in Beverly Hills, just listening to demos. A lot of my friends are in the music industry, so we’re just listening to what songs are coming out, what songs they’re working on, what songs I’m working on. All my records are basically mixed in the car, even if the sound system is a little wonky, I still want to hear it on a car stereo sound system, because that’s how people are going to listen to the music.

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That’s the great thing about L.A., is that you can just remain inspired, because there’s creatives all around.

I don’t know a ton about Hancock Park, but I do admire how the streets are kind of an S-shape curve. And I did research on it one day. Why are the streets like that? [It’s] so people don’t drive quickly. That’s how it was designed a really long time ago. They could have easily made the road straight, but it’s more dramatic for the road to be an S-shaped curve, I guess.

11 p.m.: ‘Toks and Sopranos

Anticipating that Monday is going to be a pretty busy day, I try get back home at like 11 to shine the night off with some last-minute brain rot ’Toks. And say goodbye to my friends and watch “Sopranos” with my wife. I think James Gandolfini is one of the best actors of our time. May he rest in peace.

It’s a series that I can watch over and over and over again, because it’s based on where I’m from, New Jersey, so I feel some sort of affection towards it. It’s just seeing the intro of Elizabeth, N.J., which is what you see when you land at Newark Airport and all the factories. There’s something that is just very reminiscent of home, even though I didn’t live at the factory.

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12 a.m.: Bedtime

I do my best to just not look at the phone, but it never works. I’m sure I get 30% less great sleep. But that’s a wonderful Sunday to me. Sunday full of relaxation.

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Sunday Puzzle: Phonetic fun!

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Sunday Puzzle: Phonetic fun!

Sunday Puzzle

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On-air challenge: This is a phonetic puzzle. If I asked you to say a letter of the alphabet before one of the gifts of the Three Wise Men to get a boy’s name, you’d put L before MYRRH to get ELMER. Now try these.
 

Say a letter of the alphabet before … to get …

  1. … a decoration on a gift … a thin musical instrument
  2. … a carpenter’s tool … a biblical patriarch
  3. … a boundary of a field … a word meaning “prevention of a team from scoring”
  4. … the sound a cat makes … part of a car that clears a windshield
  5. … the opposite of war … a monocle, for example
  6. … where a judge presides … a person who accompanies someone on a date
  7. … a son of Adam and Eve … a word meaning “difficult to understand”
  8. … a mean, mixed-breed dog … a card game
  9. … a word meaning “having a raspy voice” … a fish that swims upright
  10. … a seabird with a harsh call … a dog with floppy ears

Last week’s challenge: Last week’s challenge came from listener Curtis Guy, of Buffalo, N.Y. Name a certain breakfast cereal character. Remove the third, fifth, and sixth letters and read the result backward. You’ll get a word that describes this breakfast cereal character. What is it?
 
Challenge answer: Toucan Sam, Mascot

Winner: John Weaver of Tacoma, WA.

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This week’s challenge: This week’s challenge comes from listener Joe Krozel, of Creve Coeur, MO. Think of a place in America. Two words, 10 letters altogether. The first five letters read the same forward and backward. The last five letters spell something found in the body. What place is this?

Submit Your Answer

If you know the answer to the challenge, submit it here by Thursday, October 10th, 2024 at 3 p.m. ET. Listeners whose answers are selected win a chance to play the on-air puzzle. Important: include a phone number where we can reach you.

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