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‘My losses started the day I was born’: A poet on what it’s like to call Gaza home

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‘My losses started the day I was born’: A poet on what it’s like to call Gaza home

Mosab Abu Toha and his wife and children are currently living in Syracuse, N.Y., where he is a fellow at the University of Syracuse.

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Five days after the Oct. 7, 2023, attacks, Palestinian poet Mosab Abu Toha fled his home in Gaza, along with his wife and their three young children. Two weeks later, their home was bombed, leaving it in rubble.

“I say that I am houseless, but I am not homeless,” Abu Toha says. “I have a home to return to, which is Palestine.”

Abu Toha and his family initially took shelter in a refugee camp. When the camp was bombed, they moved to a school that had been turned into a shelter by the UN Relief and Works Agency for Palestinian Refugees. Eventually, he was able to get passports that enabled the family to leave Gaza. But while crossing into Egypt, Abu Toha says he was detained for two days and beaten by Israeli soldiers who claimed he was a member of Hamas.

Abu Toha has chronicled his life and his family’s journey in The New Yorker, The New York Times and The Washington Post, and also in his new book of poetry, Forest of Noise. He says that as a Palestinian who was born in a refugee camp, “My losses started the day I was born.”

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“I lost my childhood,” he says. “I’m a Palestinian refugee who lost 31 members of my extended family, who was wounded in an airstrike in 2009 when I was 16 years old, who lost his house, who lost 300 friends.”

Abu Toha and his wife and children are currently living in Syracuse, N.Y., where he is a fellow at the University of Syracuse. He says the decision to leave his extended family behind in Gaza was one of the hardest choices he’s ever made.

“If there was one reason why I left Gaza, it was just to save my children because I couldn’t provide food to everyone in Gaza,” he says. “If I’m inside [Gaza], that’s true, that I could be close to my parents and my siblings and my relatives and my students, too. But I can’t do anything when I’m there except just to stay close to them, to die with them, to suffer with them.”

Forest of Noise

Forest of Noise

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Interview highlights

On his family members who are still in Gaza 

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My family in Gaza has been devastated. … My father and two of my siblings moved from north Gaza to Gaza City. And while another sister of mine with her three children are still in north Gaza, and in one voice message that my sister managed to send me, seven days after I lost contact with her, I could hear the Israeli gunfire. I could hear the airstrikes. I could hear the artillery shelling. …

People do not feel safe while they are inside their houses because they … could be bombed at any moment, just like what happened to our house last October. But also, they can’t even leave the house to look for food and look for medicine and look for water. This is the case of not a family or two. It’s about hundreds, hundreds and hundreds of families.

On trying to comfort his three young children 

I was able to leave Gaza in December last year, and we lived in Egypt for about six months before we came to the States. And the first few days after we left Gaza, the children kept asking about their grandparents, about their cousins and about every relative they knew. Sometimes they would bring up the names of their friends. And by the way, one of my children lost a very close friend of hers, and I didn’t tell her about that. It’s really horrific. … I’m not sure if we go back to Gaza one day, she will ask about this friend of hers from kindergarten. So when we came here to the States, I noticed that my children stopped asking a lot of questions about what’s happening in Gaza. And I think this is good and bad at the same time.

On the trauma of his childhood resurfacing as a father

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I’m someone who has never lived in peace in Gaza. I mean, the only sound I could hear was the drones buzzing. … When I go to the sea to swim with friends or even to have a picnic there, I could see the gunboats. Everything in Gaza reminds me of the occupation. … My frightening childhood shaped me. And I’m still traumatized from childhood. And I’m also traumatized as a father who could barely protect his children in Gaza. I was taken away from my children. And I mean, I could see myself in the eyes of my children when they scream. Each time they hit an airstrike, each time they get hungry because there is not enough food. … The starvation started early on after October 7th. I spent a lot of time in the street looking for food, looking for water for my children. So it is terrible to be a child in Gaza.

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On having access to food that people in Gaza don’t have 

When you eat something that other people don’t have access to, it feels terrible. I mean, again, I’m not living by myself. I’m not living alone. When we left for Egypt, I was sitting at the table with my wife and kids and eating and my son … would stop eating and ask, “Is my grandmother eating?” And he would start crying. I mean, this is a child who is 8 years old and he has empathy with other people. … And one time he started to cry asking whether his friends from the neighborhood were still alive. … It is terrible to be a parent in Gaza.

On his use of the word “genocide” [Editor’s note: “Genocide” is a legal term. While Israel has been accused of genocide at the International Court of Justice, the Israeli government strongly denies the accusation and the court has yet to make a final ruling, although a preliminary ruling found it “plausible” that Israel has violated the Genocide Convention.]

I know that it is a controversial term, but it’s not controversial when we see, especially now with what’s happening in north Gaza, where Israel separated Gaza City from north Gaza, where they are bombing people right now. So I think the word ‘holocaust’ started to be used, I think, 20 years after the Holocaust happened. So why do we really have to wait until the genocide has all that it needs to be called a genocide in order to call it that term? And I’m wondering whether the word really is lacking here, because what Israel has been doing and this is found in the rhetoric of the Israeli officials — they want to exterminate people in Gaza. They cut off electricity. What do you call it when you cut off electricity, when you cut off food, when you cut off water, when you when you target ambulances? I mean, what do you call this? I mean, do we really have all have to die in order for them to call it genocide? I mean, it’s enough, the way they are killing us in Gaza.

On why he doesn’t want to talk about Hamas 

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Hamas is a faction. … Whatever they say, they are not representing all Palestinians. So the rhetoric they are using, they represent themselves. Whatever the Israelis are saying, they are saying it as a country. So whatever Hamas is saying, whatever they are doing, they are not doing it as a state, we do not have an army. So you can say Hamas is not the Palestinians. And I do not have to agree with everything that Hamas says because I’m not Hamas. …

Israel [is] besieging us and bombing us and preventing us from building an airport. Why don’t we talk about these things? Let’s stop talking about Hamas. Let’s talk about what happened before October 7th. What happened before Hamas was established in 1987? Hamas is not the cause of the problem. This has been going on for decades, not for a year. Everyone in the world should understand this is not about October 7th. And even if there is a ceasefire, let’s be clear about this, even if there is a ceasefire, this doesn’t mean that there will be peace, because the same problems that led to October 7th, the occupation, the deprivation of the Palestinian people in the West Bank, in the Gaza Strip, it still continues.

Heidi Saman and Thea Chaloner produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

Lifestyle

Shy on the dance floor? Virtual reality ‘partners’ aim to help you find your groove

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Shy on the dance floor? Virtual reality ‘partners’ aim to help you find your groove

Entrepreneur David Huang tests out a VR headset while conducting demonstrations of the social dance lesson app Dance Guru at the Augmented World Expo in Long Beach, Calif., June 17, 2026.

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Wedding season is in full swing, bringing with it a familiar sense of dread for anyone who fears the dance floor.

But relief may finally be at hand with the help of a new app, Dance Guru, and a virtual reality (VR) headset.

The social dance instruction app transports users to a spacious, digital dance studio. Waiting inside is a computer-generated coach: a handsome, male avatar wearing a shirt open to his navel. He speaks with a slightly gravelly English accent.

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“Watch me now,” he instructs at the start of a waltz lesson — which NPR tried out at the Augmented World Expo in Long Beach, Calif., an annual conference showcasing the latest developments in virtual and augmented reality.

The avatar then demonstrates a basic box step.

From there, the lesson becomes interactive. The coach tells the user to hold his hand while an electric pinging sound tracks the student’s foot placement.

“One, two, three, four, five, six,” the virtual teacher counts down.

When the user stumbles, he remains remarkably patient. “Do not worry, foundations take time. Let’s try that again. Work on grounding your steps more intentionally.”

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Solving the beginner’s dilemma

Dance Guru creator David Huang said he came up with the idea for the app a couple of years ago out of frustration.

“I always wanted to learn to dance and I was always terrible at it,” Huang said. “And I always ended up stopping midway through the lessons.”

He soon realized that many beginners hit the exact same roadblocks.

“Private lessons are too expensive, and you feel like you’re always forgetting the dance steps,” Huang said. “You cannot find a partner to dance with. So I figured maybe I can create something like this.”

The Dance Guru platform currently offers tutorials in salsa, bachata, waltz, and cha-cha, in both lead and follow modes. To make the digital instruction feel authentic, Huang used motion-capture technology to record the movements of real-life dance teachers — with their permission.

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Building on the legacy of online tutorials and video games

Dance Guru belongs to a small but growing wave of apps using VR to demystify social dance. At a nearby booth, conference attendee Victor Chen is testing out a competing app called Trip the Light. It currently offers salsa lessons, as well as freestyle options, where a user can dance with a partner without having to learn specific steps.

Trip the Light's booth at the Augmented World Expo included posters of the app's virtual instructors. Real-life performers, who gave Trip the Light permission to motion capture their movements, were used as a basis for these avatars.

Trip the Light’s booth at the Augmented World Expo included posters of the app’s virtual instructors. Real-life performers, who gave Trip the Light permission to motion capture their movements, were used as a basis for these avatars.

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“A lot of times when you’re trying to learn a choreography, it’s watching a YouTube video and you have to pause it, rewind, and play it,” Chen said. “If you were to have a virtual avatar dancing in front of you and correcting for any parts that you missed, it might be a lot easier.”

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How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Deidre Hall

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How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Deidre Hall

For half a century, Deidre Hall has taken on every kind of disaster in the drama-packed town of Salem, Ill., as a star of “Days of Our Lives.”

There was the time — actually, it happened twice — when her character, Dr. Marlena Evans, was famously possessed by the devil and even levitated.

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In Sunday Funday, L.A. people give us a play-by-play of their ideal Sunday around town. Find ideas and inspiration on where to go, what to eat and how to enjoy life on the weekends.

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Or the time a serial killer, who was actually Marlena under hypnosis, seemed to kill several beloved characters. The long-running show’s storylines have become legendary, and in March, while promoting “Hail Mary,” actor Ryan Gosling even gave Hall a shout-out, admitting he was a fan, praising the hard work of soap opera actors and calling her an “OG acting inspiration.”

But Hall’s real life in Santa Monica is much quieter than her character’s, and she likes it that way.

“When I bought my house in Santa Monica, I didn’t realize how great it would be to live near Montana Avenue,” says Hall, 78, about the popular shopping spot. Every day, she walks to the main street with her golden retriever, Riley, and enjoys Pilates, art and good food along the way. “The owners of the Farms Market even keep dog biscuits, so guess where the dog wants to go every time we walk — the Farms, of course,” she says, laughing.

When she isn’t filming the daily soap opera, which airs on Peacock, Hall enjoys raising monarch butterflies, exploring the shops and restaurants on Montana, and hosting movie nights at home with her two sons.

Here’s what a perfect day in L.A. looks like for her.

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This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for length and clarity.

7 a.m.: Breakfast and dog walk

I usually kick off my day with a protein shake, feed our golden retriever and take her out for a walk. She’s a phenomenal girl. When we adopted her, her name was Riley, but I did think about naming her after Mrs. Hughes from “Downton Abbey.”

10 a.m.: Church and garden time

After I walk the dog and go to church, I like to spend some time in my yard. I’m not a natural gardener, but I really enjoy it. I started raising monarch butterflies because my identical twin sister, who played my twin on the show, planted a butterfly garden. Monarchs are amazing because they are transitional. Every year, they travel from Mexico to southern New England, but it’s getting harder for them. Their numbers have dropped by about 80%. To help, I plant milkweed, which is what they need to survive. I buy my milkweed from the Staghorn Garden on Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica. Julie, who owns the nursery, is delightful and has a wide variety of milkweed. The monarchs always seem to find my garden. Julie was raising some caterpillars too, and she cared a lot about them. We talked about how important it is to help the butterflies. That’s why I do this. Sometimes I get milkweed with eggs already on it, and Julie knows her butterflies are going to a good home.

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1 p.m.: Walk to Montana Avenue for some lunch

I live near Montana and love taking long walks, going to Pilates and trying out the great restaurants nearby, like R+D Kitchen and La La Land. I’m a big fan of the waffles at the Courtyard Kitchen. Just a few days ago, I had a chicken salad on raisin bread with an Arnold Palmer, and it was delicious. It is right on Montana and has a nice outdoor seating area. It’s one of my favorite spots. La La Land always has a long line in the morning, which is perfect if you want coffee. They serve coffee, doughnuts, croissants and avocado toast. There’s plenty of outdoor seating, and you can even bring your dog.

2 p.m.: Peek inside a clock shop

There’s a small clock shop on Montana Avenue that’s closed on Sundays, but if you walk by, you’ll see all kinds of clocks — standing, table and wall clocks. The owner is great at fixing them. Once, I bought a wall clock from MacKenzie-Childs, but it didn’t work. And I was really upset because it matched everything else on my countertop. I brought it to the owner and said, “I love this, but I can’t make it work.” He fixed it right away. His name is John, but I call him Geppetto. And we all know why. He really does have a magic touch.

2:30 p.m.: Visit a neighborhood art gallery

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Ten Women Gallery is run by 10 artists, all of whom show their work there. I was drawn to some watercolors there, bought a few cards and spoke with one of the artists. She told me, “You seem to love watercolors,” and mentioned that the artist who painted them, Pamela Harnois, lives in Los Angeles and teaches nearby. I got Pamela’s name and found out she taught at the Brentwood Art School. I was so inspired by her gift that I started taking private lessons with her on Saturdays. That gallery is where I discovered my love for watercolor painting.

3 p.m.: Grab some ice cream at Rori’s

The other day, my longtime girlfriend wanted to get ice cream and told me, “We are walking to Rori’s Artisanal Creamery.” It’s a small shop on Montana near Lincoln. They make everything themselves, using local ingredients from grass-fed cows with no added hormones. The place is family-owned and probably has the healthiest ice cream you’ll find. They switch up their flavors often, but my favorite is the salted caramel.

6 p.m.: Family dinner and movie night at home

R+D Kitchen is always packed, so my sons, who are 31 and 33, do the cooking. They come over, and together we make salads and cook dinner. There’s a neighborhood grocery store called the Farms, off Montana, a small family-run place that has everything we need. Everyone knows each other there, and people bring their dogs. We try to have movie night every Sunday. Sometimes the day changes, but we always make sure to have one night a week where we cook a meal and sit down as a family. Keeping that tradition has become really important to us. My sons are great cooks, which is funny because they definitely didn’t get that from me. [Laughs]

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9 p.m.: Take Riley for one last walk and visit neighbors

After dinner, I take my dog for a walk. It’s a great way to meet neighbors. We always go around the same block. We’ve met so many people, and since she’s a golden retriever, she loves meeting everyone.

10 p.m.: News, knitting and bedtime

I am a news junkie, so I usually watch whatever is on the news before I go to bed. I have a long-standing passion for knitting. Lately, though, the news would make me drop a stitch.

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Iris van Herpen Reaches for the Stars

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For Iris van Herpen, couture is a laboratory as much as a runway. Our chief fashion critic, Vanessa Friedman, takes us inside this Dutch designer’s latest Paris show — from sci-fi-inspired gowns to an audacious attempt at a dress made of charged plasma.

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