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L.A. Affairs: I’m a queer man living with HIV. I found love again — with a woman

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L.A. Affairs: I’m a queer man living with HIV. I found love again — with a woman

Hello again! Maybe you remember my L.A. Affairs essay from 2022 that described my relationship with Ruben. We married in Mexico in 2019 when I was 74 — my first marriage. But COVID-19 and pneumonia brought him down in November 2021, and I was widowed at 76.

I’m truly at my best when I’m coupled. So it wasn’t long before my yearning for partnership again started kicking in. I exchanged contact information with a number of guys, but without any serious follow-through. At my age and living with HIV, I guess I wasn’t what most gay men looked to as a potential romantic candidate. I had just about resigned myself to a lonely end of life.

Then I went to see and write a review of a remarkable Haitian artist’s show at UCLA’s Fowler Museum on March 25, 2023 — the night of Myrlande Constant’s opening — and I was waiting in line for the preopening lecture. I got to talking with the petite woman standing ahead of me. She was there with Olga and Tanya, two friends from her condo building who had gone off to the ladies’ room. When they returned to join the line, they saw how Lori and I were engaged in animated conversation. When the line started moving, Olga said, “You’ll sit with us, won’t you?” And I did.

After the lecture, Lori and I ambled through the galleries together, commenting on the spectacular beaded and sequined art and opening up to each other. She was about eight years past her divorce and had two kids, one of them with two kids of her own. We promised to stay in touch.

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I invited her to the theater shortly afterward, and in turn, she asked me to her brother and sister-in-law’s house for a spring dinner as a sort of secular nod to Passover. She told her brother and copied me on the message. She thought he would really enjoy meeting me — but not like this was a “date” or anything.

Afterward, I wrote to thank her for the evening and added, “But you know what? Actually I would like to date you.” And so we started. It took a while to negotiate the HIV part, which turned out to be less complicated than either of us had imagined. I had to be reminded that U=U, or Undetectable = Untransmittable. One of Lori’s children is nonbinary, and they were thrilled to learn their mother was now dating a queer man!

Lori and I consider ourselves “apartners,” a word we learned about a year into the relationship to signify a couple committed to each other but still retaining their separate households. I’m over at Lori’s generally Thursday through Sunday nights and return home weekdays to continue my writing. She could stay at my place, but I have three housemates and no private bathroom, so it can be a little awkward. My favorite moment of the week is Thursday night when I tuck myself into her bed as I look forward to a long weekend together.

Lori is my first girlfriend in 52 years. My last was in 1971, just before I came out as a gay man. I’ve had a number of loving relationships with men. Being a romantic partner is not strange to me — just now, again, with someone of a different gender. I would never claim to have “gone straight” or that my love life with a woman is morally or, in any other way, better. I’m neither converting nor proselytizing. It’s not a term I’d often used for myself in the past, but I think “queer” suits me just fine now.

Curiously, I learned that my three siblings some years back had speculated about what might become of me, and they laughed in disbelief when my brother said he saw me eventually settling down with a “frizzy-haired communist woman.” Well, Lori is no communist, but we are certainly on the same page when it comes to politics.

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An old friend of mine reacted this way: “Remember the Kinsey scale? Zero being exclusively heterosexual and 6 exclusively homosexual. Well, I’m a total 6, but most people are somewhere in between. And it seems that includes you.”

On the 25th of each month, Lori and I celebrate another month together with flowers or a nice dinner out. On our first anniversary, we exchanged “apartnership” rings: Lori selected one from my jewelry box (given to me by a rabbi lover of mine over 50 years ago), and I chose one from hers (given to her in Mexico by a fellow she met on the street one day who just happened to find her enchanting).

We’re now approaching two years of being a couple. We’ve met each other’s families. It turns out we knew a lot of people in common, and both of us worked at the same nonprofit at different times. Our paths had crossed so many times though we’d never met. We’ve traveled domestically and abroad and survived the rigors of 24/7 togetherness. We celebrated Lori’s 70th with a family getaway last April, and we just feted my 80th with a play reading and dinner for 40 of our friends in L.A.

When I first came out in 1971, I believed that in a masculine-dominated culture like ours, an egalitarian heterosexual relationship was near impossible and that if you sought a partnership of equals, your better chance was with someone of the same gender. There may be some truth to that, but I’ve come to realize how everything is always so much more complicated.

As Lori and I go about our evolving lives, shopping, doing food preparation, washing dishes, event planning, making love, playing Rummikub or Spelling Bee, I see that gender is rarely the determinative factor. We love each other irrespective of our personal equipment.

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We know the days are getting shorter but hope they never end. And thank you to Haiti’s Myrlande Constant for introducing Lori and me.

The author is cultural editor for peoplesworld.org, a biographer and translator. He can be found on Facebook at facebook.com/eric.a.gordon.585.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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‘American Classic’ is a hidden gem that gets even better as it goes

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‘American Classic’ is a hidden gem that gets even better as it goes

Kevin Kline plays actor Richard Bean, and Laura Linney is his sister-in-law Kristen, in American Classic.

David Giesbrecht/MGM+


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David Giesbrecht/MGM+

American Classic is a hidden gem, in more ways than one. It’s hidden because it’s on MGM+, a stand-alone streaming service that, let’s face it, most people don’t have. But MGM+ is available without subscription for a seven-day free trial, on its website or through Prime Video and Roku. And you should find and watch American Classic, because it’s an absolutely charming and wonderful TV jewel.

Charming, in the way it brings small towns and ordinary people to life, as in Northern Exposure. Wonderful, in the way it reflects the joys of local theater productions, as in Slings & Arrows, and the American Playhouse production of Kurt Vonnegut’s Who Am I This Time?

The creators of American Classic are Michael Hoffman and Bob Martin. Martin co-wrote and co-created Slings & Arrows, so that comparison comes easily. And back in the early 1980s, Who Am I This Time? was about people who transformed onstage from ordinary citizens into extraordinary performers. It’s a conceit that works only if you have brilliant actors to bring it to life convincingly. That American Playhouse production had two young actors — Christopher Walken and Susan Sarandon — so yes, it worked. And American Classic, with its mix of veteran and young actors, does, too.

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American Classic begins with Kevin Kline, as Shakespearean actor Richard Bean, confronting a New York Times drama critic about his negative opening-night review of Richard’s King Lear. The next day, Richard’s agent, played by Tony Shalhoub, calls Richard in to tell him his tantrum was captured by cellphone and went viral, and that he has to lay low for a while.

Richard returns home to the small town of Millersburg, Pa., where his parents ran a local theater. Almost everyone we meet is a treasure. His father, who has bouts of dementia, is played by Len Cariou, who starred on Broadway in Sweeney Todd. Richard’s brother, Jon, is played by Jon Tenney of The Closer, and his wife, Kristen, is played by the great Laura Linney, from Ozark and John Adams.

Things get even more complicated because the old theater is now a dinner theater, filling its schedule with performances by touring regional companies. Its survival is at risk, so Richard decides to save the theater by mounting a new production of Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, casting the local small-town residents to play … local small-town residents.

Miranda, Richard’s college-bound niece, continues the family theatrical tradition — and Nell Verlaque, the young actress who plays her, has a breakout role here. She’s terrific — funny, touching, totally natural. And when she takes the stage as Emily in Our Town, she’s heart-wrenching. Playwright Wilder is served magnificently here — and so is William Shakespeare, whose works and words Kline tackles in more than one inspirational scene in this series.

I don’t want to reveal too much about the conflicts, and surprises, in American Classic, but please trust me: The more episodes you watch, the better it gets. The characters evolve, and go in unexpected directions and pairings. Kline’s Richard starts out thinking about only himself, but ends up just the opposite. And if, as Shakespeare wrote, the play’s the thing, the thing here is, the plays we see, and the soliloquies we hear, are spellbinding.

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And there’s plenty of fun to be had outside the classics in American Classic. The table reads are the most delightful since the ones in Only Murders in the Building. The dinner-table arguments are the most explosive since the ones in The Bear. Some scenes are take-your-breath-away dramatic. Others are infectiously silly, as when Richard works with a cast member forced upon him by the angel of this new Our Town production.

Take the effort to find, and watch, American Classic. It’ll remind you why, when it’s this good, it’s easy to love the theater. And television.

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The L.A. coffee shop is for wearing Dries Van Noten head to toe

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The L.A. coffee shop is for wearing Dries Van Noten head to toe

The ritual of meeting up and hanging out at a coffee shop in L.A. is a showcase of style filled with a subtle site-specific tension. Don’t you see it? Comfort battles formality fighting to break free. Hiding out chafes against being perceived. In the end, we make ourselves at home at all costs — and pull a look while doing it.

It’s the morning after a night out. Two friends meet up at Chainsaw in Melrose Hill, the cafe with the flan lattes, crispy arepas and sorbet-colored wall everybody and their mom has been talking about.

Miraculously, the line of people that usually snakes down Melrose yearning for a slice of chef Karla Subero Pittol’s passion lime fruit icebox pie is nonexistent today. Thank God, because the party was sick last night — the DJ mixed Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous” into Peaches’ “F— the Pain Away” and the walls were sweating — so making it to the cafe’s front door alone is like wading through viscous, knee-high water. Senses dull and blunt in that special way where it feels like your brain is wearing a weighted vest. The sun, an oppressor. Caffeine needed via IV drip.

The mood: “Don’t look at me,” as they look around furtively, still waking up. “But wait, do. I’m wearing the new Dries Van Noten from head to toe.”

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Daniel and Sirena wearing Dries Van Noten

Daniel, left, wears Dries Van Noten mac, henley, pants, oxford shoes, necklace and socks. Sirena wears Dries Van Noten blouse, micro shorts, sneakers, shell charm necklace, cuff and bag and Los Angeles Apparel socks.

Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries stills
Daniel and Sirena wearing Dries Van Noten

If a fit is fire and no one is around to see it, does it make a sound? A certain kind of L.A. coffee shop is (blessedly) one of the few everyday runways we have, followed up by the Los Feliz post office and the Alvarado Car Wash in Echo Park. We come to a coffee shop like Chainsaw for strawberry matchas the color of emeralds and rubies and crackling papas fritas that come with a tamarind barbecue sauce so good it may as well be categorized as a Schedule 1. But we stay for something else.

There is a game we play at the L.A. coffee shop. We’re all in on it — the deniers especially. It can best be summed up by that mood: “Don’t look at me. But wait, do.” Do. Do. Do. Do. We go to a coffee shop to see each other, to be seen. And we pretend we’re not doing it. How cute. Yes, I’m peering at you from behind my hoodie and my sunglasses but the hoodie is a niche L.A. brand and the glasses are vintage designer. I wore them just for you. One time I was sitting at what is to me amazing and to some an insufferable coffee shop in the Arts District where a regular was wearing a headpiece made entirely of plastic sunglasses that covered every inch of his face — at least a foot long in all directions — jangling with every movement he made. Respect, I thought.

Dries Van Noten’s spring/summer 2026 collection feels so right in a place like this. The women’s show, titled “Wavelength,” is about “balancing hard and soft, stiff and fluid, casual and refined, simple and complex,” writes designer Julian Klausner in the show notes. While for the men’s show, titled “A Perfect Day,” Klausner contextualizes: “A man in love, on a stroll at the beach at dawn, after a party. Shirt unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up, the silhouette takes on a new life. I asked myself: What is formal? What is casual? How do these feel?” What is formal or casual? How do you balance hard and soft? The L.A. coffee shop is a container for this spectrum. A dynamic that works because of the tension. A master class in this beautiful dance. There is no more fitting place to wear the SS26 Dries beige tuxedo jacket with heather gray capri sweats and pink satin boxing boots, no better audience for the floor-length striped sheer gown worn with satin sneakers — because even though no one will bat an eye, you trust that your contribution has been clocked and appreciated.

Daniel wears Dries Van Noten coat, shorts, sneakers and socks. Sirena wears Dries Van Noten jacket, micro shorts and sneakers

Daniel wears Dries Van Noten coat, shorts, sneakers and socks. Sirena wears Dries Van Noten jacket, micro shorts and sneakers.

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Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries stills
Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries
Daniel wears Dries Van Noten coat, shorts, sneakers and socks. Sirena wears Dries Van Noten jacket, micro shorts and sneakers

Back at Chainsaw the friends drink their iced lattes, they eat their beautiful chocolate milk tres leches in a coupe. They’re revived — buzzing, even; at the glorious point in the caffeinated beverage where everything is beautiful, nothing hurts and at least one of them feels like a creative genius. The longer they stay, the more their style reveals itself. Before they were flexing in a secret way. Now they’re just flexing. Looking back at you looking at them, the contract understood. Doing it for the show. Wait, when did they change? How long have they been here? It doesn’t matter. They have all day. Time ceases to exist in a place like this.

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Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries
Daniel wears Dries Van Noten tuxedo coat, pants, scarf, sneakers and necklace and Hanes tank top. Sirena wears Dries Van Note

Daniel wears Dries Van Noten tuxedo coat, pants, scarf, sneakers and necklace and Hanes tank top. Sirena wears Dries Van Noten jacket, micro shorts, sneakers and socks.

Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries stills
Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries stills
Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries stills
Image March 2026 Loitering at Dries

Creative direction Julissa James
Photography and video direction Alejandra Washington
Styling Keyla Marquez
Hair and makeup Jaime Diaz
Cinematographer Joshua D. Pankiw
1st AC Ruben Plascencia
Gaffer Luis Angel Herrera
Production Mere Studios
Styling assistant Ronben
Production assistant Benjamin Turner
Models Sirena Warren, Daniel Aguilera
Location Chainsaw
Special thanks Kevin Silva and Miguel Maldonado from Next Management

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Nature needs a little help in the inventive Pixar movie ‘Hoppers’ : Pop Culture Happy Hour

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Nature needs a little help in the inventive Pixar movie ‘Hoppers’ : Pop Culture Happy Hour

Piper Curda as Mabel in Hoppers.

Disney


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In Disney and Pixar’s delightful new film Hoppers, a young woman (Piper Curda) learns a beloved glade is under threat from the town’s slimy mayor (Jon Hamm). But luckily, she discovers that her college professor has developed technology that can let her live as one of the critters she loves – by allowing her mind to “hop” into an animatronic beaver. And it just might just allow her to help save the glade from serious risk of destruction.

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