Lifestyle
Grief changes you. Michael Arceneaux is writing through it
Michael Arceneaux at the Hollyhock House. Arceneaux wears Loewe shirt, Isabel Marant denim jeans and jacket, Louis Vuitton shoes, Akoni glasses.
(Gabriel S. Lopez/For The Times)
Forty-eight hours of torrential downpour betray the natural logic of Los Angeles. Submerged roadways, mudslides and record-setting rainfall have transformed the Southland city into an obstacle course out of the apocalypse, the very scene you’d see in a movie before everything goes full dystopia. Withstanding extreme conditions is nothing new for Michael Arceneaux, who has made a career out of navigating unstable ground. Today is just another Wednesday.
As we sit to talk on the balcony of his Koreatown apartment, seven stories up, the rain has finally stopped despite a procession of chubby gray clouds that hang like prop art in the sky, threatening to disrupt what momentary peace we’ve found. For now the storm is over. The context is appropriate given what Arceneaux, 39, has faced in the last year, losing his mother to cancer in October. And a close friend before that. “I am in my sad boy era,” he jokes.
I want to tell him that storms don’t last forever but people in the midst of intense grief don’t need cheesy Hallmark cliches. Instead, I promise to listen and be there for him. It has been a great fortune of mine to call Michael a friend since 2004. The orbit of our friendship began that summer, before either of us made it as writers, and what I knew of him then is even more vivid and electric now: He is as genuine, witty and insightful as they come.
“Grief is just a really uncomfortable subject.”
— Michael Arceneaux
Michael grew up the middle child in a subdivision of Houston named Windsor Village. He attended Howard University, where he studied broadcast journalism, and later started the Cynical Ones, a blog that earned him the reputation as an original voice on matters of race, politics and pop culture. He’s written for just about everybody — the Washington Post, Rolling Stone, the New York Times, Ebony, Essence — and is currently developing a TV series inspired by his first memoir of essays.
Michael’s latest book, “I Finally Bought Some Jordans” (out March 12), is a profoundly felt coda to his “I” trilogy, which began in 2018 with “I Can’t Date Jesus,” a New York Times bestseller, and was followed by “I Don’t Want to Die Poor” in 2020, an essay collection about debt and shame. “Jordans” is a noticeable detour from those previous offerings — its centerpiece is grief.
Through a series of serpentine encounters, touring from New York City to Houston to L.A., with the COVID-19 pandemic as its backdrop, the book addresses millennial angst and its many challenges. Throughout, Michael prevails as his characteristically funny self, scrutinizing au courant artwork (on “Slave Play”: “It makes you think. Much of what I thought throughout the play was, What the f—?”) while learning to find joy in middle age and local Tex-Mex delicacies, like the crab nachos from Cyclone Anaya’s, a beloved Houston eatery.
Still, the reality of what he’s weathered can’t be avoided. “Grief is just a really uncomfortable subject.” He tells me he didn’t want to avoid it. That he couldn’t. That he had to write about it. Write through it. So that’s exactly what he did.
Jason Parham: Prepping for the interview I realized it’s been 20 years, this year, that we’ve known each other.
Michael Arceneaux: It has.
JP: I’ve always admired how gracious you are when greeting folks. So I’d like to begin where you always begin with me. How are you?
MA: I’m actually having a really difficult time. Last year was the worst year of my life. I’m really deep in grief. But I have no choice but to pull it together to an extent because I don’t want this [book] to fail. And I don’t want to fail.
Arceneaux’s latest book, “I Finally Bought Some Jordans” (out March 12), is a profoundly felt coda to his “I” trilogy. Arceneaux wears Louis Vuitton shirt, trousers, jacket.
(Gabriel S. Lopez/For The Times)
JP: I wouldn’t call three books a failure.
MA: No. But I always worried about how Zora Neale Hurston died poor. If not for Alice Walker, literally all of her work would be lost. And that’s the case for a lot of Black writers and creatives. Not to be overly cynical — and this was something I told my mom because it was how I felt — I’m like, ‘I would probably be more valuable dead than alive.’ In my mind I already know how that goes, and it’s very true of a lot of people.
JP: Too many people.
MA: The point of the book is, I thought I would be in a certain place. I’ve made some strides that I’m happy with, but it’s not exactly what I thought it would be. And a lot of that stuff is beyond my control. That’s always been the case. It’s about accepting that. I’m very self-critical, and while I don’t want to value my work solely by monetary meaning, it’s hard to ignore that no matter how successful you’ve been or appear to be.
It’s a hard time to be a creative. There’s a real devaluing of what I do for a living. It’s unsettling. The [Hollywood writers] strike was really painful. Last year, like a lot of people, I felt it. It didn’t matter what level you were at — especially if you were Black. The discomfort is a wake-up call.
JP: It’s so different from when we started. You created a blog in 2005, the Cynical Ones. Are you nostalgic at all for that time in media?
MA: I wouldn’t say nostalgic. Something I wrestle with is that my writing and my pursuits kept me away from my mom. Ultimately I have to find my way and see things through. I’m not the first person to say this, but I’m learning in grief that I am a different person after losing her. Part of that is rediscovering an actual love of writing. This is a roundabout way of saying maybe I should do a newsletter. Maybe it can be something I play with. Because I started a blog to find my voice and get better as a writer. Samantha Irby has told me to do one forever. She has one where she does Judge Mathis recaps.
JP: Wait, really?
MA: Yes, it’s hilarious. I highly recommend it. Clearly I have a lot of complaints, but I still want to enjoy this. I didn’t put so much work and effort into this to not enjoy it. So much of what my ambition was rooted in is now a reward that can’t be given. It’s become, ‘How can I continue to enjoy what I’m writing?’
JP: That’s important.
MA: I don’t say this arrogantly, but anybody that’s both Black and queer, being pioneering is exhausting. You’re constantly having to change people’s perceptions. And in this climate it’s harder than ever.
JP: Rarely is Black art allowed to just exist.
“I’m not the first person to say this, but I’m learning in grief that I am a different person after losing her.”
— Michael Arceneaux
MA: I get the critique about that. Unfortunately, we live in the world as is and not how we want it to be. But if you very much stick to your voice and commit to it, all of that will shine through. I always remember how hard it was to get “I Can’t Date Jesus” published because everything mirrors that process, in that people have very limited ideas of what they think queer means, what gay means, what Black means, how that presents, what that sounds like. I hear the dumbest things. The same things I heard in publishing I hear even worse in television, even if it’s delivered with a smile. I’m exhausted from dealing with people’s prejudice.
JP: Was writing always your path?
MA: I was pushed into freelancing. I’m disappointed more writers are being pushed into it because people who don’t know what they’re doing are running companies into the ground, and everybody else is left to deal with it. A lot of the lamenting I’ve seen for media this year, I didn’t see that for all the Black media that was decimated a decade ago. And it doesn’t make what’s going on now any less awful, but it’s been an obvious problem for a while.
JP: You wrestle with that sentiment quite beautifully in the book, the difficulty in shouldering collective grief — what’s happening in the world — alongside private grief.
MA: I was very adamant during the promotion of my first book — because I felt it already happening — about not being boxed in. I didn’t want to be that sad gay person. I didn’t want to perpetuate certain tropes. Not that I carry that burden but it was in the back of my mind. That said, initially I had an idea of what I wanted the most recent book to be when I had a different title. Then life happened. It forced me to be more honest about how I felt, even about things I thought were settled. Clearly a block was there.
When I told my mom about the book, she said, ‘You’re angry.’ I didn’t think so, but I did recognize that there were unresolved feelings from my childhood. Now it’s become about accepting that some things won’t change. You won’t necessarily get that happy ending. I intended for this trio of books to end on a brighter note as I enter middle age, but life doesn’t work that way. Look at what’s happening around us.
JP: But I think the book is more relatable that way. More human. Life takes a curve; sure, it’s not what you expected, but you do your best to find hope and humor in the darkness. And maybe that hope takes the form of a haircut. You write about how getting a cut was a small way of regaining control. We’re the same in that we believe in the restorative power of a fade. There’s almost nothing that a fresh cut can’t fix, even if only momentarily.
“I was very adamant during the promotion of my first book — because I felt it already happening — about not being boxed in,” says Arceneaux. The writer stands outside the Hollyhock House, wearing Dior Men’s shirt and shoes, Zegna trousers, Canali coat.
(Gabriel S. Lopez/For The Times)
MA: There are people whose lives were destroyed when the plague happened and I want to acknowledge that. I worked really hard to make the first book happen. Going into the second book, it was about trying to get over life’s humps. Overall I was still fortunate that year. But I was struggling in the apartment I was in, in such a small space. I was alone. I’m not with my family. I don’t know what’s going on. I’d already experienced COVID, so I knew what it felt like.
The second book wasn’t the most important thing but I wanted it to reach people. I couldn’t do it at my best so I wanted something that I could have — and that was getting a cut up the street. It’s very vain and small, but other people were being much more selfish than I was. Catholic guilt is forever. A little bit of me was like, I’m triflin’ but not as triflin’. I wanted to feel like a bad bitch, and that’s the best I could get in such a dire situation.
JP: In one essay, you dig into the political elite — Barack Obama, Pete Buttigieg, Joe Biden, Eric Adams — and the limits of symbolism. How representation for the sake of representation doesn’t generate progress in the way some people seem to think, and how minorities bear the disproportionate brunt of their failures. November is around the corner. How f—ed are we?
MA: I don’t really believe in polling but I did see that even if Trump is convicted he is still within the margin of error. It’s an old man and a criminal. I’m trying to not be disparaging. They’re both old but Trump is crazy, and crazy presents a certain energy. I think we’re f—ed. A few convictions might actually complicate the situation. Still, I don’t know.
There’s this conversation happening on why Biden is not getting credit for the economy. But then half of Americans say they can’t afford to pay rent. And it’s grossly underreported. A lot of people are very discouraged.
JP: More than we probably even realize.
MA: People are not being spoken to. And there is this arrogance to [how Biden operates]. Like, he won’t apologize for his role in the massive death of Palestinians. It’s indecent in and of itself. But it’s not politically expedient. Now he’s prone to losing Michigan and Georgia, and it comes off like he doesn’t even care. They keep telling Black people to be grateful. The whole stimulus check thing, for example. They keep telling us we’re misinformed. It’s condescending to working-class Black people, who are the majority of us.
Black people have a right to be disappointed and not happy that this 80-year-old man has not done as much as he claims to do. Some people wanted to shut down the police altogether. He said no, no, no — rock this police bill. He said, ‘Democracy is so important.’ But they didn’t pass that voting rights bill. Maybe it would have failed either way, but he didn’t exert that much public pressure. Now we’re supposed to be guilted into it. Barack and Michelle are gonna come wagging their fingers and say, ‘Hit Pookie, tell him to vote.’ Pookie got every right to be disenchanted. Maybe it’s not articulated the best way, but people have a right to be disappointed. People are suffering and those $1200 checks meant a lot because it was the first time in their life where they felt like the government actually put money in their pocket. And if you can’t understand that on a basic level, you are screwed.
“I wanted to feel like a bad bitch, and that’s the best I could get in such a dire situation.”
— Michael Arceneaux
JP: Is there just less empathy these days?
MA: I think so. I mention in the book about a friend, Brian, who passed away from brain cancer. I started waking up in the middle of the night because my sleep pattern was off. I now realize that was my grief. A week ago I woke up and heard that Nicki Minaj diss record, “Big Foot.” There’s a line about Megan [Thee Stallion] lying on her dead momma. Then the memes started. That’s what I mean. There is a level of depravity now that is a lot more casual than it should be.
JP: There’s been a noticeable shift in the national mood for sure. Almost like one world is ending and another is beginning.
MA: I’ve joked in TV meetings that it could be illegal to be gay in a year [laughs]. I have that on my mind. Being from Texas, and what’s happening there, Texas is very much a template with what [Republicans] want to do with the rest of the country. So when people say, ‘How can you live in this multicultural society and still live in repression,’ I’m like, well look at Houston, the most ethnically diverse city in the country.
JP: Things feel noticeably scarier than 2016.
MA: It does. Especially because of my skin and I hate slavery [laughs]. My only hope is that Trump is crazy and who knows what he will say. Crazy is not very reliable.
“I’m learning in grief that I am a different person,” says Arceneaux. “Part of that is rediscovering an actual love of writing.”
(Gabriel S. Lopez/For The Times)
Producer: Ashley Woeber
Grooming: Arielle Park
Photo Assistant: Alma Lucia
Styling Assistant: Ryan Phung
Location: Hollyhock House
Jason Parham is a senior writer at Wired and a regular contributor to Image.
Lifestyle
Baz Luhrmann will make you fall in love with Elvis Presley
Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.
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“You are my favorite customer,” Baz Luhrmann tells me on a recent Zoom call from the sunny Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. The director is on a worldwide blitz to promote his new film, EPiC: Elvis Presley in Concert — which opens wide this week — and he says this, not to flatter me, but because I’ve just called his film a miracle.
See, I’ve never cared a lick about Elvis Presley, who would have turned 91 in January, had he not died in 1977 at the age of 42. Never had an inkling to listen to his music, never seen any of his films, never been interested in researching his life or work. For this millennial, Presley was a fossilized, mummified relic from prehistory — like a woolly mammoth stuck in the La Brea Tar Pits — and I was mostly indifferent about seeing 1970s concert footage when I sat down for an early IMAX screening of EPiC.
By the end of its rollicking, exhilarating 90 minutes, I turned to my wife and said, “I think I’m in love with Elvis Presley.”
“I’m not trying to sell Elvis,” Luhrmann clarifies. “But I do think that the most gratifying thing is when someone like you has the experience you’ve had.”
Elvis made much more of an imprint on a young Luhrmann; he watched the King’s movies while growing up in New South Wales, Australia in the 1960s, and he stepped to 1972’s “Burning Love” as a young ballroom dancer. But then, like so many others, he left Elvis behind. As a teenager, “I was more Bowie and, you know, new wave and Elton and all those kinds of musical icons,” he says. “I became a big opera buff.”
Luhrmann only returned to the King when he decided to make a movie that would take a sweeping look at America in the 1950s, ’60s, and ’70s — which became his 2022 dramatized feature, Elvis, starring Austin Butler. That film, told in the bedazzled, kaleidoscopic style that Luhrmann is famous for, cast Presley as a tragic figure; it was framed and narrated by Presley’s notorious manager, Colonel Tom Parker, portrayed by a conniving and heavily made-up Tom Hanks. The dark clouds of business exploitation, the perils of fame, and an early demise hang over the singer’s heady rise and fall.
It was a divisive movie. Some praised Butler’s transformative performance and the director’s ravishing style; others experienced it as a nauseating 2.5-hour trailer. Reviewing it for Fresh Air, Justin Chang said that “Luhrmann’s flair for spectacle tends to overwhelm his basic story sense,” and found the framing device around Col. Parker (and Hanks’ “uncharacteristically grating” acting) to be a fatal flaw.
Personally, I thought it was the greatest thing Luhrmann had ever made, a perfect match between subject and filmmaker. It reminded me of Oliver Stone’s breathless, Shakespearean tragedy about Richard Nixon (1995’s Nixon), itself an underrated masterpiece. Yet somehow, even for me, it failed to light a fire of interest in Presley himself — and by design, I now realize after seeing EPiC, it omitted at least one major aspect of Elvis’ appeal: the man was charmingly, endearingly funny.
As seen in Luhrmann’s new documentary, on stage, in the midst of a serious song, Elvis will pull a face, or ad lib a line about his suit being too tight to get on his knees, or sing for a while with a bra (which has been flung from the audience) draped over his head. He’s constantly laughing and ribbing and keeping his musicians, and himself, entertained. If Elvis was a tragedy, EPiC is a romantic comedy — and Presley’s seduction of us, the audience, is utterly irresistible.
Unearthing old concert footage
It was in the process of making Elvis that Luhrmann discovered dozens of long-rumored concert footage tapes in a Kansas salt mine, where Warner Bros. stores some of their film archives. Working with Peter Jackson’s team at the post-production facility Park Road Post, who did the miraculous restoration of Beatles rehearsal footage for Jackson’s 2021 Disney+ series, Get Back, they burnished 50-plus hours of 55-year-old celluloid into an eye-popping sheen with enough visual fidelity to fill an IMAX screen. In doing so, they resurrected a woolly mammoth. The film — which is a creative amalgamation of takes from rehearsals and concerts that span from 1970 to 1972 — places the viewer so close to the action that we can viscerally feel the thumping of the bass and almost sense that we’ll get flecked with the sweat dripping off Presley’s face.
This footage was originally shot for the 1970 concert film Elvis: That’s The Way It Is, and its 1972 sequel, Elvis on Tour, which explains why these concerts were shot like a Hollywood feature: wide shots on anamorphic 35mm and with giant, ultra-bright Klieg lights — which, Luhrmann explains, “are really disturbing. So [Elvis] was very apologetic to the audience, because the audience felt a bit more self conscious than they would have been at a normal show. They were actually making a movie, they weren’t just shooting a concert.”
Luhrmann chose to leave in many shots where camera operators can be seen running around with their 16mm cameras for close-ups, “like they’re in the Vietnam War trying to get the best angles,” because we live in an era where we’re used to seeing cameras everywhere and Luhrmann felt none of the original directors’ concern about breaking the illusion. Those extreme close-ups, which were achieved by operators doing math and manually pulling focus, allow us to see even the pores on Presley’s skin — now projected onto a screen the size of two buildings.
The sweat that comes out of those pores is practically a character in the film. Luhrmann marvels at how much Presley gave in every single rehearsal and every single concert performance. Beyond the fact that “he must have superhuman strength,” Luhrmann says, “He becomes the music. He doesn’t mark stuff. He just becomes the music, and then no one knows what he’s going to do. The band do not know what he’s going to do, so they have to keep their eyes on him all the time. They don’t know how many rounds he’s going to do in ‘Suspicious Minds.’ You know, he conducts them with his entire being — and that’s what makes him unique.”
Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.
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It’s not the only thing. The revivified concerts in EPiC are a potent argument that Elvis wasn’t just a superior live performer to the Beatles (who supplanted him as the kings of pop culture in the 1960s), but possibly the greatest live performer of all time. His sensual, magmatic charisma on stage, the way he conducts the large band and choir, the control he has over that godlike gospel voice, and the sorcerer’s power he has to hold an entire audience in the palm of his hands (and often to kiss many of its women on the lips) all come across with stunning, electrifying urgency.
Shaking off the rust and building a “dreamscape”
The fact that, on top of it all, he is effortlessly funny and goofy is, in Luhrmann’s mind, essential to the magic of Elvis. While researching for Elvis, he came to appreciate how insecure Presley was as a kid — growing up as the only white boy in a poor Black neighborhood, and seeing his father thrown into jail for passing a bad check. “Inside, he felt very less-than,” says Luhrmann, “but he grows up into a physical Greek god. I mean, we’ve forgotten how beautiful he was. You see it in the movie; he is a beautiful looking human being. And then he moves. And he doesn’t learn dance steps — he just manifests that movement. And then he’s got the voice of Orpheus, and he can take a song like ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ and make it into a gospel power ballad.
“So he’s like a spiritual being. And I think he’s imposing. So the goofiness, the humor is about disarming people, making them get past the image — like he says — and see the man. That’s my own theory.”
Elvis has often been second-classed in the annals of American music because he didn’t write his own songs, but Luhrmann insists that interpretation is its own invaluable art form. “Orpheus interpreted the music as well,” the director says.
In this way — as in their shared maximalist, cape-and-rhinestones style — Luhrmann and Elvis are a match made in Graceland. Whether he’s remixing Shakespeare as a ’90s punk music video in Romeo + Juliet or adding hip-hop beats to The Great Gatsby, Luhrmann is an artist who loves to take what was vibrantly, shockingly new in another century and make it so again.
Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.
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Luhrmann says he likes to take classic work and “shake off the rust and go, Well, when it was written, it wasn’t classical. When it was created, it was pop, it was modern, it was in the moment. That’s what I try and do.”
To that end, he conceived EPiC as “an imagined concert,” liberally building sequences from various nights, sometimes inserting rehearsal takes into a stage performance (ecstatically so in the song “Polk Salad Annie”), and adding new musical layers to some of the songs. Working with his music producer, Jamieson Shaw, he backed the King’s vocals on “Oh Happy Day” with a new recording of a Black gospel choir in Nashville. “So that’s an imaginative leap,” says Luhrmann. “It’s kind of a dreamscape.”
On some tracks, like “Burning Love,” new string arrangements give the live performances extra verve and cinematic depth. Luhrmann and his music team also radically remixed multiple Elvis songs into a new number, “A Change of Reality,” which has the King repeatedly asking “Do you miss me?” over a buzzing bass line and a syncopated beat.
I didn’t miss Elvis before I saw EPiC — but after seeing the film twice now, I truly do.
Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: Sick of swiping, I tried speed dating. The results surprised me
“You kinda have this Wednesday Addams vibe going on.”
I shrieked.
I was wearing my best armor: a black dress that accentuated my curves, a striped bolero to cover the arms I’ve resented for years and black platform sandals displaying ruby toes. My dark hair was in wild, voluminous curls and my sultry makeup was finished with an inviting Chanel rouge lip.
I would’ve preferred the gentleman at the speed dating event had likened my efforts to, at least, Morticia, a grown woman. But in this crowd of men and women ages ranging from roughly 21 to 40, I suppose my baby face gave me away.
My mind flitted back to a conversation I had with my physical therapist about modern love: Dating in L.A. has become monotonous.
The apps were oversaturated and underwhelming. And it seemed more difficult than ever to naturally meet someone in person.
She told me about her recent endeavor in speed dating: events sponsoring timed one-on-one “dates” with multiple candidates. I applauded her bravery, but the conversation had mostly slipped my mind.
Two years later, I had reached my boiling point with Jesse, a guy I met online (naturally) a few months prior who was good on paper but bad in practice.
Knowing my best friend was in a similar situationship, I found myself suggesting a curious social alternative.
Much of my knowledge of speed dating came from cinema. It usually involved a down-on-her-luck hopeless romantic or a mature workaholic attempting to be more spontaneous in her dating life, sitting across from a montage of caricatures: the socially-challenged geek stumbling through his special interests; the arrogant businessman diverting most of his attention to his Blackberry; the pseudo-suave ladies’ man whose every word comes across rehearsed and saccharine.
Nevertheless, I was desperate for a good distraction. So we purchased tickets to an event for straight singles happening a few hours later.
Walking into Oldfield’s Liquor Room, I noticed that it looked like a normal bar, all dark wood and dim lighting. Except its patrons flanked the perimeter of the space, speaking in hushed tones, sizing up the opposite sex.
Suddenly in need of some liquid courage, we rushed back to the car to indulge in the shooters we bought on our way to the venue — three for $6. I had already surrendered $30 for my ticket and I was not paying for Los Angeles-priced cocktails. Ten minutes later, we were ready to mingle.
The bar’s back patio was decked out with tea lights and potted palm plants. House-pop music put me in a groove as I perused the picnic tables covered with conversation starters like “What’s your favorite sexual position?” Half-amused and half-horrified, I decided to use my own material.
We found our seats as the host began introductions. Each date would last two minutes — a chime would alert the men when it was time to move clockwise to the next seat. I exchanged hopeful glances with the women around me.
The bell rang, and I felt my buzz subside in spades as my first date sat down. This was really happening.
Soft brown eyes greeted me. He was polite and responsive, giving adequate answers to my questions but rarely returning the inquiry. I sensed he was looking through me and not at me, as if he had decided I wasn’t his type and was biding his time until the bell rang. I didn’t take it personally.
Bachelor No. 2 stood well over six feet with caramel-brown hair and emerald eyes. He oozed confidence and warmth when he spoke about how healing from an accident a few years prior inspired him to become a physical therapist.
I tried not to focus on how his story was nearly word-perfect to the one I heard him give the woman before me. He offered to show me a large surgery scar, rolling up his right sleeve to reveal the pale pink flesh — and a well-trained bicep. Despite his obvious good looks and small-town charm, something suspicious gnawed at me. I would later learn he had left the same effect on most of the women.
My nose received Bachelor No. 3 before my eyes. His spiced cologne quickly engulfing my senses. He had a larger-than-life presence, seeming to be a character himself, so I asked for his favorite current watch.
“I love ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty,’” he actually said.
“Really?”
“Oh yeah, it’s my favorite. Oh, and ‘Wednesday.’ You kinda have this Wednesday Addams vibe going on.”
I was completely thrown to hear this 40-something man’s favorite programs centered around teenage girls, and by his standards, I resembled one of them. Where was the host with the damn bell?
Although a few conversations clearly left impressions, most of the dates morphed into remnants of information like fintech, middle sibling, allergic to cats, etc. Perhaps two minutes was too short to spark genuine chemistry.
After a quick lap around the post-date mingling, we practically raced to the car. A millisecond after the doors closed, my friend said, “I think I’m going to call him.” I knew she wasn’t referring to any of the men we met tonight. The last few hours were all in vain. “And you should call Jesse.”
I scoffed at her audacity.
When I arrived home and called him, it only rang once.
The following three hours of witty banter and cheeky innuendos were bliss until the call ended on a low note, and I remembered why I tried speed dating in the first place.
Jesse and I had great chemistry but were ultimately incompatible. He preferred living life within his comfort zone while I craved adventure and variety. He couldn’t see past right now, and I was too busy planning the future to live in the moment.
Still, in a three-hour call, long before the topic of commitment soured things, we laughed at the mundanity of our day, traded wildest dreams for embarrassing anecdotes, and voiced amorous intentions that would make Aphrodite’s cheeks heat.
Why couldn’t I have had a conversation like that with someone at the event?
It’s possible I was hoping to find the perfect replica of my relationship with Jesse. But when I had the opportunity to meet someone new, I reserved my humor and my empathy.
Also, despite knowing Jesse and I weren’t a good match, I thought we had a “chance connection” that I needed to protect. In reality, if I had shown up to speed dating as my complete self, that would have been more than enough to stir sparks with a new flame.
It would be several more weeks before I was ready to release my attachment to Jesse. But when I did, I had a better appreciation for myself and my capacity for love.
The author is a multidisciplinary writer and mother based in Encino.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Editor’s note: On April 3, L.A. Affairs Live, our new storytelling competition show, will feature real dating stories from people living in the Greater Los Angeles area. Tickets for our first event will be on sale starting Tuesday.
Lifestyle
In reversal, Warner Bros. jilts Netflix for Paramount
Warner Bros. Discovery said Thursday that it prefers the latest offer from rival Hollywood studio Paramount over a bid it accepted from Netflix.
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The Warner Bros. Discovery board announced late Thursday afternoon that Paramount’s sweetened bid to buy the entire company is “superior” to an $83 billion deal it had struck with Netflix for the purchase of its streaming services, studios, and intellectual property.
Netflix says it is pulling out of the contest rather than try to top Paramount’s offer.
“We’ve always been disciplined, and at the price required to match Paramount Skydance’s latest offer, the deal is no longer financially attractive, so we are declining to match the Paramount Skydance bid,” the streaming giant said in a statement.
Warner had rejected so many offers from Paramount that it seemed as though it would be a fruitless endeavor. Speaking on the red carpet for the BAFTA film awards last weekend, Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos dared Paramount to stop making its case publicly and start ponying up cash.
‘If you wanna try and outbid our deal … just make a better deal. Just put a better deal on the table,” Sarandos told the trade publication Deadline Hollywood.
Netflix promised that Warner Bros. would operate as an independent studio and keep showing its movies in theaters.
But the political realities, combined with Paramount’s owners’ relentless drive to expand their entertainment holdings, seem to have prevailed.
Paramount previously bid for all of Warner — including its cable channels such as CNN, TBS, and Discovery — in a deal valued at $108 billion. Earlier this week, Paramount unveiled a fresh proposal increasing its bid by a dollar a share.
On Thursday, hours before the Warner announcement, Sarandos headed to the White House to meet Trump administration officials to make his case for the deal.

The meetings, leaked Wednesday to political and entertainment media outlets, were confirmed by a White House official who spoke on condition he not be named, as he was not authorized to speak about them publicly.
President Trump was not among those who met with Sarandos, the official said.
While Netflix’s courtship of Warner stirred antitrust concerns, the Paramount deal is likely to face a significant antitrust review from the U.S. Justice Department, given the combination of major entertainment assets. Paramount owns CBS and the streamer Paramount Plus, in addition to Comedy Central, Nickelodeon and other cable channels.
The offer from Paramount CEO David Ellison relies on the fortune of his father, Oracle co-founder Larry Ellison. And David Ellison has argued to shareholders that his company would have a smoother path to regulatory approval.
Not unnoticed: the Ellisons’ warm ties to Trump world.

Larry Ellison is a financial backer of the president.
David Ellison was photographed offering a MAGA-friendly thumbs-up before the State of the Union address with one of the president’s key Congressional allies: U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, a Republican.
Trump has praised changes to CBS News made under David Ellison’s pick for editor in chief, Bari Weiss.
The chair of the Federal Communications Commission, Brendan Carr, told Semafor Wednesday that he was pleased by the news division’s direction under Weiss. She has criticized much of the mainstream media as being too reflexively liberal and anti-Trump.

“I think they’re doing a great job,” Carr said at a Semafor conference on trust and the media Wednesday. As Semafor noted, Carr previously lauded CBS by saying it “agreed to return to more fact-based, unbiased reporting.”
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