Lifestyle
Evacuated? Hosting someone who is? Try these 9 tips for harmonious communal living
Togetherness can be a mixed blessing.
As the Palisades fire raged, every member of the Cullen family — deeply rooted in Pacific Palisades since the 1960s — found themselves displaced. 10 family members from multiple households there were forced to flee the homes they owned as the inferno swallowed up their neighborhoods.
Six of the close-knit group crowded into a Venice rental, along with their six cats, to figure out next steps. The apartment had three bedrooms, so everyone had a place to sleep, but it was still extremely challenging, says John Cullen, a 32-year-old software engineer. He and his partner, 27-year-old Weinkei Li, a medical assistant, suddenly found themselves living with John’s parents, both in their 70s, as well as his younger sister and her fiancee. The six cats who had come from three different homes had to be kept separately so as to avoid fights. One even briefly escaped before being found in a neighboring yard.
“There was definitely a lot to keep track of and that creates a chaotic environment — more stressors are introduced at a time that’s already so difficult and stressful,” John says. “We were all in so much shock. We were all dealing with grief in different ways and by the end of the week, we were definitely getting testy with each other. Though we were also trying our best to help each other out.”
The Cullens have since found separate places to live. But thousands of people, displaced by the wildfires, are finding themselves in communal living situations, of myriad configurations, by necessity. That might be with friends or relatives who have lent spare bedrooms or couches; it might be short-term apartment rentals with ad hoc roommates or multiple family members in a shared hotel suite. For many, the duration of these temporary living arrangements is uncertain.
“It’s an environment of intense overwhelm and nerves frayed to the edges.”
— Dr. Supatra Tovar, clinical psychologist
Communal living is challenging even in the best of times, says Dr. Supatra Tovar, a clinical psychologist and co-chair of the Los Angeles County Psychological Assn.’s Disaster Response Committee. But post-disaster, with evacuees suffering from recent trauma while also facing great uncertainty about the future, it’s especially trying for everyone involved.
“It’s an environment of intense overwhelm and nerves frayed to the edges,” Tovar says. “There’s overcrowding and privacy issues, emotional strain, managing different household norms and routines, navigating through financial pressures and, for evacuees, dealing with a feeling of lack of autonomy, which can be disempowering for them and uncomfortable for the hosts.”
Those challenges can produce complex, conflicting emotions that can be hard to understand. Evacuees may feel incredibly grateful for their hosts’ support while at the same time feeling resentful of their more stable living circumstances. Hosts may genuinely want to help and simultaneously become exhausted by their guests and the enormity of the situation. Both parties, even amid true affection for each other, may get on one another’s nerves, which is normal in any communal living situation, but especially so post-disaster.
“Emotional regulation is the most important thing you can practice,” Tovar says. “Know you will be on a roller coaster of emotions — anything is OK to feel at this time. Allow yourself to feel everything, move through it. Then see if you can find another way to think about things. Remember: you’re not your normal self right now.”
But accepting support during dire times — when society so often promotes self-sufficiency — is critical, adds Julie Cederbaum, a USC social work professor who specializes in families and trauma.
“Allowing yourself to be supported and uplifted by the people around you is critical to creating a sense of safety and healing,” she says.
Being together can even be healing. Finding ways to enjoy one another’s company — sharing conversation and laughter — can help remind you of the bond that brought you all together in the first place.
“We are inherently social creatures. Especially in times of crisis,” Tovar says. “Cultivating a sense of gratitude for being with your family and friends during this difficult time can go a long way towards navigating the stress and healing from this disaster.”
Here’s some advice for mitigating the stresses of post-fire communal living for both evacuees and those hosting them.
For everyone
1. Communicate your needs clearly from the start
Have a house meeting early on. Openly discuss needs and expectations. If your children have special needs, discuss that. If you bring pets, talk about managing their care. Get into the minutiae: what times do you typically wake up and go to bed? When do you eat meals? How can you merge these timelines or navigate them? Talk about how you plan to divvy up expenses such as groceries and utilities.
“If not addressed, it can lead to stress or resentments,” Tovar says. “Evacuees may have to adjust their routines, hosts may have to relax their rules. That first meeting is everything.”
2. Create personal spaces and manage clutter
Even if your living space is small, you can designate certain areas — a corner of the room or a patio — for individuals or families to have their own spaces. You can also set up privacy curtains, even if it’s just taping a sheet to wall. If the living space is small, manage clutter — keep things you don’t need every day, like extra clothing, books or suitcases, in your car or in hotel storage. If you have the ability, get foldable furniture and remove bedding during the day to ensure walkways are clear.
“Carving out personal space promotes a sense of agency,” Tovar says, “and provides you refuge if you need to get away from the crowd.”
3. Establish routines and cleanliness expectations
Create a schedule for when you’ll be using shared spaces, like the kitchen and bathroom, in order to prevent conflicts. Maybe that’s a rotation in the kitchen. Or using a timer with limits on how long each person’s shower should be.
“It’s a point of contention in any household: how long is the shower?,” Tovar says. “Discuss the needs of the household; use shared spaces equally.’”
If there are children in the home, adds Cederbaum, they do best with routines.“If multiple families are living together, create joint routines to support your children or merge existing ones,” she says, “so kids can transition in this new environment at a time when everything in their lives has been destabilized.”
“Allowing yourself to be supported and uplifted by the people around you is critical to creating a sense of safety and healing.”
— Julie Cederbaum, USC social work professor
For evacuees
4. Respect house rules
However you can merge with the household you’re in, within reason, will go a long way toward minimizing arguments and misunderstandings. Try to adapt to the household norms and routines. If the hosts have quiet hours, try to honor that even if it’s different from your usual lifestyle. If you feel the need to alter your living space, like rearranging furniture, ask permission.
“Any time you’re a guest, you feel like you’re tiptoeing a little,” Tovar says. “But remember: this space wouldn’t be offered to you if this person didn’t care about you and want you to be safe. So you may not need to tiptoe as much as a normal situation, because there’s a lot of grace. But also being considerate of your host can go a very long way to creating a peaceful environment.”
5. Contribute
Even though you may be quite busy filling out paperwork or replacing your belongings, contributing to the household, even in small ways, will go a long way. Offer to help with chores or groceries; cook breakfast or walk the dog. These tasks can help ease the burden on the hosts and return a sense of normalcy for evacuees.
“Talk to your hosts about incorporating routines from your own life so as to create a sense of normalcy for you,” Cederbaum says. “In a situation like this, where everything feels out of control — and you’re in someone else’s house — having a routine gives you a sense of order and control that reduces stress and anxiety.”
6. Seek external support
Taking advantage of the many resources available right now, like pro bono therapists, housing assistance — or just friends — is vital. Seeking external support can help you start to navigate your path toward more permanent housing and recover from the emotional loss.
“Some of us internalize things — we keep our feelings inside and don’t talk about it,” Cederbaum says. “Some externalize it — we talk about it all the time. If people offer help or a lending ear, you’re not burdening them by talking about your stress and worries and sadness. Taking opportunities to express how you feel is beneficial to your overall well-being.”
For hosts
7. Set boundaries early on
Be upfront about your expectations regarding shared spaces, chores and expenses. Establish a preliminary length of stay that you revisit toward the end of that time period so that it’s not open-ended. You may think you’re hosting someone for a week and it could turn into months, Tovar warns. Establish how much you can provide in terms of time and space and find out whether that aligns with your guest’s needs — and then revisit that later.
“Providing somebody a safe place after disaster is about the biggest donation you can give that person,” Tovar says. “You are doing so much for them and they’re so grateful to have this space to regroup. You shouldn’t feel like it’s an open-ended invitation for months and years. You also have to take care of your own life and routine and coming to a mutually agreed upon time to terminate the stay helps both people move forward and reclaim their lives.”
8. Practice empathy
It’s important to remember that your guests have just experienced an unimaginable loss. And while it’s important to maintain boundaries, offering emotional support by listening can help foster a more harmonious living situation. Avoid saying things that are aggressively positive like: “Perhaps this was for the best” or “Maybe this is God’s plan.” “Listening is the most important thing you can do rather than offering advice,” Tovar says.
“Recognize that even when discussions happen and routines are set up people may make mistakes and those conversations may have to happen again,” Cederbaum adds. “Be patient. It takes a minute for people to integrate and be focused, especially when their brain is overloaded.”
9. Encourage open dialogue
Consider a weekly house meeting and check in with your guests about issues like noise levels and taking time in the bathroom, rather than letting things simmer. Have an open dialogue that isn’t about finger-pointing but about finding solutions.
“Say: ‘Some people are not feeling like they have equal time in the shower. What can we do to solve this problem?’ And then open it up for everyone to discuss,” Tovar says. “Rather than saying ‘Hey, Fred, you took too long in the shower.’”
Also check in with your guests to find out what their progress is in terms of finding permanent housing. Understanding where they’re at and working with them to find the next space may also help you free up your space.
“Recognize that communication styles may differ and be adaptable,” Cederbaum says. “Remind them: We’re in this together.”
A screenshot from George Mélière’s Gugusse et l’Automate. The pioneering French filmmaker’s 1897 short, which likely features the first known depiction of a robot on film, was thought lost until it was found among a box of old reels that had belonged to a family in Michigan and restored by the Library of Congress.
The Frisbee Collection/Library of Congress
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The Frisbee Collection/Library of Congress
The Library of Congress has found and restored a long-lost silent film by Georges Méliès.
The famed 19th century French filmmaker is best known for his groundbreaking 1902 science fiction adventure masterpiece Le Voyage dans la Lune (A Trip to the Moon).
The 45-second-long, one-reel short Gugusse et l’Automate – Gugusse and the Automaton – was made nearly 130 years ago. But the subject matter still feels timely. The film, which can be viewed on the Library of Congress’ website, depicts a child-sized robot clown who grows to the size of an adult and then attacks a human clown with a stick. The human then decimates the machine with a hammer.
In an Instagram post, Library of Congress moving image curator Jason Evans Groth said the film represents, “probably the first instance of a robot ever captured in a moving image.” (The word “robot” didn’t appear until 1921, when Czech dramatist Karel Čapek coined it in his science fiction play R.U.R..)
“Today, many of us are worried about AI and robots,” said archivist and filmmaker Rick Prelinger, in an email to NPR. “Well, people were thinking about robots in 1897. Very little is new.”
A long journey
Groth said the film arrived in a box last September from a donor in Michigan, Bill McFarland. “Bill’s great grandfather, William Frisbee, was a person who loved technology,” Groth said. “And in the late 19th century, must have bought a projector and a bunch of films and decided to drive them around in his buggy to share them with folks in Pennsylvania, Ohio, New York.”
McFarland didn’t know what was on the 10 rusty reels he dropped off at the Library of Congress’ National Audio-Visual Conservation Center in Culpeper, Va. A Library article about the discovery describes the battered, pre-World War I artifacts as having been, “shuttled around from basements to barns to garages,” and that they, “could no longer be safely run through a projector,” owing to their delicate condition. “The nitrate film stock had crumbled to bits on some; other strips were stuck together,” the article said. It was a lab technician in Michigan who suggested McFarland contact the Library of Congress.
“The moment we set our eyes on this box of film, we knew it was something special,” said George Willeman, who heads up the Library’s nitrate film vault, in the article.
Willeman’s team carefully inspected the trove of footage, which also contained another well-known Méliès film, Nouvelles Luttes extravagantes (The Fat and Lean Wrestling Match) and parts of The Burning Stable, an early Thomas Edison work. With the help of an external expert, they identified the reel as having been created by Méliès because it features a star painted on a pedestal in the center of the screen – the logo for Méliès Star Film Company.
A pioneering filmmaker
Méliès was one of the great pioneers of cinema. The scene in which a rocket lands playfully in the eye of Méliès’ anthropomorphic moon in Le Voyage dans la Lune is one of the most famous moments in cinematic history. And he helped to popularize such special effects as multiple exposures and time-lapse photography.
This moment from George Méliès’ Le Voyage dans la Lune (A Trip to the Moon) is considered to be one of the most famous in cinematic history.
George Méliès/Public Domain
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George Méliès/Public Domain
Presumed lost until the Library of Congress’s discovery, Gugusse et L’Automate loomed large in the imaginations of science fiction and early cinema buffs for more than a century. In their 1977 book Things to Come: An Illustrated History of the Science Fiction Film, authors Douglas Menville and R. Reginald described Gugusse as possibly being, “the first true SF [science fiction] film.”
“While it may seem that no more discoveries remain to be made, that’s not the case,” said Prelinger of the work’s reappearance. “Here’s a genuine discovery from the early days of film that no one anticipated.”
Joshua Jackson
I Got the Eye of the Tiger!!!
Published
BACKGRID
Joshua Jackson may have picked up a thing or two from “Karate Kid: Legends” … we got video of him going H.A.M. in a boxing gym with a trainer.
Watch the video … the 47-year-old actor ditched his shirt for the workout, really working up a sweat as he bobbed and weaved in the ring while throwing in some pretty impressive jabs!
He later goes to work solo on a speed bag like an old pro.
Joshua has publicly said that starring in “Karate Kid: Legends” in the role of a former boxer was a dream for him, but there’s no word on whether he’s training for another role or just really fell in love with boxing.
Either way … you’re looking great, Joshua!
Tracy Morgan, left, and Daniel Radcliffe star in The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins.
Scott Gries/NBC
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Scott Gries/NBC
Tracy Morgan, as a presence, as a persona, bends the rules of comedy spacetime around him.
Consider: He’s constitutionally incapable of tossing off a joke or an aside, because he never simply delivers a line when he can declaim it instead. He can’t help but occupy the center of any given scene he’s in — his abiding, essential weirdness inevitably pulls focus. Perhaps most mystifying to comedy nerds is the way he can take a breath in the middle of a punchline and still, somehow, land it.
That? Should be impossible. Comedy depends on, is entirely a function of, timing; jokes are delicate constructs of rhythms that take time and practice to beat into shape for maximum efficiency. But never mind that. Give this guy a non-sequitur, the nonner the better, and he’ll shout that sucker at the top of his fool lungs, and absolutely kill, every time.
Well. Not every time, and not everywhere. Because Tracy Morgan is a puzzle piece so oddly shaped he won’t fit into just any world. In fact, the only way he works is if you take the time and effort to assiduously build the entire puzzle around him.
Thankfully, the makers of his new series, The Fall and Rise of Reggie Dinkins, understand that very specific assignment. They’ve built the show around Morgan’s signature profile and paired him with an hugely unlikely comedy partner (Daniel Radcliffe).
The co-creators/co-showrunners are Robert Carlock, who was one of the showrunners on 30 Rock and co-created The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and Sam Means, who also worked on Girls5eva with Carlock and has written for 30 Rock and Kimmy Schmidt.
These guys know exactly what Morgan can do, even if 30 Rock relegated him to function as a kind of comedy bomb-thrower. He’d enter a scene, lob a few loud, puzzling, hilarious references that would blow up the situation onscreen, and promptly peace out through the smoke and ash left in his wake.
That can’t happen on Reggie Dinkins, as Tracy is the center of both the show, and the show-within-the-show. He plays a former NFL star disgraced by a gambling scandal who’s determined to redeem himself in the public eye. He brings in an Oscar-winning documentarian Arthur Tobin (Radcliffe) to make a movie about him and his current life.
Tobin, however, is determined to create an authentic portrait of a fallen hero, and keeps goading Dinkins to express remorse — or anything at all besides canned, feel-good platitudes. He embeds himself in Dinkins’ palatial New Jersey mansion, alongside Dinkins’ fiancée Brina (Precious Way), teenage son Carmelo (Jalyn Hall) and his former teammate Rusty (Bobby Moynihan), who lives in the basement.
If you’re thinking this means Reggie Dinkins is a show satirizing the recent rise of toothless, self-flattering documentaries about athletes and performers produced in collaboration with their subjects, you’re half-right. The show feints at that tension with some clever bits over the course of the season, but it’s never allowed to develop into a central, overarching conflict, because the show’s more interested in the affinity between Dinkins and Tobin.
Tobin, it turns out, is dealing with his own public disgrace — his emotional breakdown on the set of a blockbuster movie he was directing has gone viral — and the show becomes about exploring what these two damaged men can learn from each other.
On paper, sure: It’s an oil-and-water mixture: Dinkins (loud, rich, American, Black) and Tobin (uptight, pretentious, British, practically translucent). Morgan’s in his element, and if you’re not already aware of what a funny performer Radcliffe can be, check him out on the late lamented Miracle Workers.
Whenever these two characters are firing fusillades of jokes at each other, the series sings. But, especially in the early going, the showrunners seem determined to put Morgan and Radcliffe together in quieter, more heartfelt scenes that don’t quite work. It’s too reductive to presume this is because Morgan is a comedian and Radcliffe is an actor, but it’s hard to deny that they’re coming at those moments from radically different places, and seem to be directing their energies past each other in ways that never quite manage to connect.
Precious Way as Brina.
Scott Gries/NBC
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Scott Gries/NBC
It’s one reason the show flounders out of the gate, as typical pilot problems pile up — every secondary character gets introduced in a hurry and assigned a defining characteristic: Brina (the influencer), Rusty (the loser), Carmelo (the TV teen). It takes a bit too long for even the great Erika Alexander, who plays Dinkins’ ex-wife and current manager Monica, to get something to play besides the uber-competent, work-addicted businesswoman.
But then, there are the jokes. My god, these jokes.
Reggie Dinkins, like 30 Rock and Kimmy Schmidt before it, is a joke machine, firing off bit after bit after bit. But where those shows were only too happy to exist as high-key joke-engines first, and character comedies second, Dinkins is operating in a slightly lower register. It’s deliberately pitched to feel a bit more grounded, a bit less frenetic. (To be fair: Every show in the history of the medium can be categorized as more grounded and less frenetic than 30 Rock and Kimmy Schmidt — but Reggie Dinkins expressly shares those series’ comedic approach, if not their specific joke density.)
While the hit rate of Reggie Dinkins‘ jokes never achieves 30 Rock status, rest assured that in episodes coming later in the season it comfortably hovers at Kimmy Schmidt level. Which is to say: Two or three times an episode, you will encounter a joke that is so perfect, so pure, so diamond-hard that you will wonder how it has taken human civilization until 2026 Common Era to discover it.
And that’s the key — they feel discovered. The jokes I’m talking about don’t seem painstakingly wrought, though of course they were. No, they feel like they have always been there, beneath the earth, biding their time, just waiting to be found. (Here, you no doubt will be expecting me to provide some examples. Well, I’m not gonna. It’s not a critic’s job to spoil jokes this good by busting them out in some lousy review. Just watch the damn show to experience them as you’re meant to; you’ll know which ones I’m talking about.)
Now, let’s you and I talk about Bobby Moynihan.
As Rusty, Dinkins’ devoted ex-teammate who lives in the basement, Moynihan could have easily contented himself to play Pathetic Guy™ and leave it at that. Instead, he invests Rusty with such depths of earnest, deeply felt, improbably sunny emotions that he solidifies his position as show MVP with every word, every gesture, every expression. The guy can shuffle into the far background of a shot eating cereal and get a laugh, which is to say: He can be literally out-of-focus and still steal focus.
Which is why it doesn’t matter, in the end, that the locus of Reggie Dinkins‘ comedic energy isn’t found precisely where the show’s premise (Tracy Morgan! Daniel Radcliffe! Imagine the chemistry!) would have you believe it to be. This is a very, very funny — frequently hilarious — series that prizes well-written, well-timed, well-delivered jokes, and that knows how to use its actors to serve them up in the best way possible. And once it shakes off a few early stumbles and gets out of its own way, it does that better than any show on television.
This piece also appeared in NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour newsletter. Sign up for the newsletter so you don’t miss the next one, plus get weekly recommendations about what’s making us happy.
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