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Dating habits are changing — again. Here are 3 trends and tips for navigating them

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Dating habits are changing — again. Here are 3 trends and tips for navigating them

While the ways to connect are evolving, two dating coaches say the goal is still to get off the chats and actually go on dates.

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Thomas Lohnes/Getty Images


While the ways to connect are evolving, two dating coaches say the goal is still to get off the chats and actually go on dates.

Thomas Lohnes/Getty Images

Technology, burnout and generational differences are creating new habits in the dating scene and bringing back old ones.

We spoke to two dating coaches about what trends they are seeing and how to have a good time when exploring your love life — whether you are new to the dating scene, coming back in or simply wanting to step up your game.

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1. Speed dating is coming back

The mechanics of speed dating haven’t really changed: You spend four to five minutes with a stranger and then move on to the next. Typically, you write down whether you’d like to see them again, and you find out later if they felt the same way about you. If so, you can set up a date.

What’s changing is the renewed interest.

Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and the author of F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story, has seen more interest in speed dating — both among her clients and through live-event offerings. The ticketing website Eventbrite, for example, reported a 63% increase in those events in the first few months of 2023, compared with those same months in 2022.

For newcomers, Hoffman recommends focusing on whether potential matches pique your curiosity.

“The curiosity can be based on something that they say, can be based on also how they look or something they’re wearing. Something, you know, that happened even outside of your five minutes of speed dating,” she says.

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She adds that speed dating is similar to the dating apps in that both are simply a venue to meet new people. So, don’t fret too much about it.

“You only have five minutes, so you can’t make too much of it. I’m always telling my clients to give somebody the benefit of the doubt. If there’s something interesting there, then explore that, and take a little more time with it down the road,” she says.

2. AI has entered the chat

Chats and tools powered by artificial intelligence have entered many aspects of our lives, and dating is no different.

The 2023 “Singles in America” study by Match.com found that 6% of singles had turned to AI for help with their dating life. Of those, 43% used it to craft their profile, and 37% used it to write the first message to their match. Those who had used AI reported getting more and better matches and meeting in real life faster.

This is, perhaps unsurprisingly, a trend more common among Generation Z. Men also reported using AI slightly more than women, and only 22% of all respondents said they would consider it a deal-breaker if someone used AI to craft a dating profile.

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“There is a way to use an AI to help people show their best selves,” says Maria Avgitidis, the CEO of Agape Matchmaking and host of the Ask a Matchmaker podcast.

She says some AI tools can help you write answers to the prompts in dating apps or pick the best-looking photos for your profile. But they shouldn’t be used to alter your images.

“There’s a way to do this, and I know because we do it. We have online dating managers at Agape Matchmaking who literally do this, and it’s not AI. It’s human intelligence, but it’s just as well,” she says.

To those who might think that all of this is inauthentic, Hoffman says our online conversations aren’t genuine most of the time, anyway.

“A lot of times, people will tell me that they were texting with someone and it was a great, witty, fun banter, and then they get to the date and it was boring or they didn’t seem the same,” she says.

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3. “Living apart together” is getting attention

Beyond dating, the concept of living apart together — where couples break out of the typical path of moving in together and then marrying — is being talked about more.

Hoffman says the term started making rounds online after a 2021 New York Times article, although she had seen it in her own practice, mainly among people over 55 years old who started dating after building a life for themselves — they perhaps have a job, a home or children.

While living apart together appeared to start with older daters, it’s catching on with younger people too.

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While living apart together appeared to start with older daters, it’s catching on with younger people too.

Dan Mullan/Getty Images

“Dating means compromising that life and bringing somebody else into it, and for some daters, it’s just not that appealing,” she says. “If everything else in your life is already working and you could have a relationship and not be living in the same space and having to compromise the things that are already working, you can have your cake and eat it too.”

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Now she sees this concept picking up among younger people who want to maintain their autonomy and individuality while in a relationship.

Hoffman says that when exploring this option, communication is key.

“I am all about empowering daters to know that they can design their own dating life, but it’s all about communication … first getting clarity on what you actually want and then being able to communicate that to your partner and knowing also that that could change,” she says.

There might come a time when you change your mind and want to move in with that person, and that’s OK too, she says.

Getting outside is the important step

Hoffman and Avgitidis agree that online dating can be a great way to meet new people, but the goal is to get off the chats and actually go on dates.

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“I look at all elements of dating as a set of learned skills,” Hoffman says. “So when you aren’t practicing them, when you aren’t flexing that muscle, it does atrophy a little bit.”

There are signs that people are doing more of that lately and trying to meet people in more social environments. Avgitidis points to data from Eventbrite, which says it saw attendance at singles and dating events increase by 42% from 2022 to 2023.

For better success at these types of events, Avgitidis recommends two things. One is to put on your “you can approach me” uniform.

“I always tell people, wear green if you’re a woman; wear light pink or light purple if you’re a man. Color does matter when it comes to giving off a vibe like, ‘Hey, you can come talk to me,’” she says. “These are colors that I have noticed as a matchmaker and a dating industry professional that really will attract people to come talk to you, regardless of sexual orientation.”

The second one is to not get stuck on what the outcome may be.

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“You have to come into the mindset [that] every single person is an opportunity. So with that said, if you are goal oriented, then I would tell you that whenever you go to an event, I want you to talk to two people that you have never talked to before. That’s it. It doesn’t matter what gender they are. It doesn’t matter what orientation they are,” Avgitidis says.

Try talking to those new people, and if after 15 minutes or so you feel uncomfortable, then you can leave.

So to bring it all together: Give people a chance to surprise you, focus on getting to the first date and find what works for your relationship.

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Street Style Look of the Week: Airy Beachy Clothes

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Street Style Look of the Week: Airy Beachy Clothes

“She’s like a female Willy Wonka,” Sakief Baron, 36, said about Kendra Austin, 32, after she explained that her personal style had a playful and cartoonish spirit.

Dressed in loose, oversize layers in blue and neutral shades, the couple were walking on the Upper East Side of Manhattan when I noticed them on a Saturday in April. There was a symmetry to their ensembles, so it wasn’t too surprising when she noted that he had influenced her fashion sense.

Before they met, she said, she was “less sure” about her wardrobe choices. “I also have lost 100 pounds in the time we’ve been together,” she added, which she said had helped her to recalibrate her relationship with clothes.

His style has been influenced by hip-hop culture, basketball players like Allen Iverson and his mother’s Finnish background. “I just take all these pieces and then it kind of comes together,” he said.

Both described themselves as multidisciplinary artists; he also has a job at a youth center, mentoring children. “I want to make sure that I look like someone they want to aspire to be every time they see me,” he said.

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What are Angelenos giving away in one Buy Nothing group? All this treasured stuff

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What are Angelenos giving away in one Buy Nothing group? All this treasured stuff

In my L.A. Buy Nothing group, I started noticing how some objects, given for free from neighbor to neighbor, carry emotional weight. An item was more than it appeared. It was a piece of personal history, perhaps one with generational memories.

From one person’s hands to another’s, objects find new life through the free gift economy on Facebook or the Buy Nothing app. Buy Nothing Project, a public benefit corporation, reports having 14 million members across more than 50 countries who give away 2.6 million items a month. There are more than 100 groups in Los Angeles alone.

Buy Nothing reduces waste by keeping items out of landfills. It also builds community. When our lives are increasingly online, Buy Nothing encourages us to get out of our cars and make connections with neighbors, even if the interaction is no more than a wave when picking something up left by a doorstep. Researchers have found that even small social interactions can foster a sense of belonging.

Still, Buy Nothing has its challenges. For years, some have complained that the groups shouldn’t be limited to neighborhoods, but rather have more open borders. Last year, many longtime members complained about the project enforcing its trademark, leading Facebook to shut down unregistered groups even if they were serving people under economic strain. Critics saw the tattling as a shift from mutual aid toward control and branding. For its part, Buy Nothing says its decisions are based on building community, trust and safety.

Despite those disagreements, Buy Nothing offers a platform for special connections. As much as there are jokes about people offering half-eaten cake, many have passed along treasured items. Buy Nothing items may feel too valuable for the trash or too personal for Goodwill. The interaction between giver and receiver becomes just as meaningful as the object itself.

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I set out to document these quiet exchanges in my Buy Nothing group, drawn to the question of why people choose to pass their belongings from one neighbor to another.

Tiny builders, big exchange

Lidia Butcher gives a toolbox and worktable her two sons used to Chelsea Ward for her 17-month-old son.

“We’ve had the toolbox and worktable for the last 10 years, it’s been very special. When I told my youngest son we were going to give it away, he was a little sad. He said he was still playing with it, but then I explained that it’s been sitting untouched for a year and that if we gave it to someone else, maybe someone else would be happy about it. So he felt joy about giving it to another child who would want to play with it. I have this little emotional feeling letting it go, but at the same time, it’s a good feeling. Like a new beginning.”

— Lidia Butcher, 35, joined the group several years ago when someone told her a person in the group once asked for a cup of sugar.

“We’re getting a worktable. Benji is now old enough to be interested in playing with tools. I’m going to move my drafting table out of his room. His bedroom is my office. So that will go into storage or the Buy Nothing group and the worktable will go in its place. We live in an apartment, and as he’s growing, his needs change but our space doesn’t. Buy Nothing is really helpful to be able to cycle out of stuff.”

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— Chelsea Ward, 38, has found the Buy Nothing group extremely helpful since becoming a mom.

Something borrowed

Abby Rodriguez lends Sophie Janinet a veil for her wedding.

“Sophie had asked for a wedding veil on our Buy Nothing group and I’m lending it to her because I wanted it to have a second life. I hate the idea that precious things just sit there and never get touched. My wedding day was one of the best days of my life. At one point the power went out and now we have this amazing picture with my husband and I and everyone using their phone to light up the dance floor.”

— Abby Rodriguez, 40, discovered Buy Nothing when she moved to her northeast L.A. neighborhood in 2020.

“I moved to Los Angeles from France four years ago. The day I joined Buy Nothing was the first time I felt connected to the community. It played a huge role in my adapting to life here. I’m receiving a veil because I want my wedding to look and feel like my values. I thrifted my dress, I chose a local seamstress to alter the dress but when I tried it on, I felt something was missing. I wanted a veil but I didn’t want to buy new because I didn’t want to add anything to the landfill. So I posted a request for the veil on Buy Nothing.”

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— Sophie Janinet, 37, is recreating the low-waste, slower-paced values she once lived by in France through her local Buy Nothing community.

1

2 Two women sit on steps with a fake owl.

1. Abby Rodriguez, left, holds her wedding veil that she is lending Sophie Janinet, right, for her upcoming wedding. 2. Michele Sawers, left stands with Beth Penn, right, while giving her a decorative owl.

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A pigeon-spooking owl gets a second life

Michele Sawers gives Beth Penn a decorative owl.

“Coming from a place of luck, now I have plenty to give. The owl has been with me for 26 years. I bought the owl soon after I bought this house. The owl was purchased because I had a pigeon problem, they would camp out under my eves and I would have bird poop everywhere. The owl must have worked because they’re gone and they haven’t come back.”

— Michele Sawers, 58, uses Buy Nothing regularly to connect with her community and support her low-consumption values.

“There are things I don’t want to own. So borrowing those things on Buy Nothing is really nice. There is a person who I borrowed their cooler twice and their ladder twice so I feel like they are my neighbor even though they are not [right next door]. We get these birds that poop on the deck and the recommendation online was to get a fake owl. When it was posted on Buy Nothing, I thought, ‘I have to have that owl!’ It’s going to have a good home with me on the deck with some cats, a dog and some kids.”

— Beth Penn, 47, once helped build her local Buy Nothing group and now experiences it from the other side, as a member.

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Stuffed toys find a new purpose

Two women stand in front of a green plant holding stuffed dolls and a bag of ball pit balls.

Magaly Leyva, left, stands with Tatiana Lonny, right, with the stuffed toys and play balls she is gifting her.

(Dania Maxwell/For The Times)

Magaly Leyva gives stuffed toys and plastic play balls to Tatiana Lonny.

“My mother-in-law gave the dolls and plastic play balls to my daughter, but she has so much. My daughter is not going to play with them with the same intent that another kid would, because she’s really little. I’d rather another kid use these things.”

— Magaly Leyva, 35, joined Buy Nothing nearly four years ago to find clothes for her nephew.

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“I’m taking these new items to a township called Langa in South Africa. I know the kids there will be so happy. They have so little there. I’m doing this all by myself, I’m just collecting a GoFundMe for the suitcase fee at the airport.”

— Tatiana Lonny, 51, began using Buy Nothing in hopes of finding resources to support the animals she rescues.

A second helping

Laura Cherkas gives Aurora Sanchez a cast iron pan.

“Buy Nothing gives me the freedom to let go of things because I know that they will stay in the community and the neighborhood. I’m giving a couple of cast iron items that my husband and I got when we were on a cast iron kick, probably during COVID. We determined that we don’t actually use these particular pans and they were just making our drawers heavy. So we decided to let someone else get some use out of them.

“I hate throwing things away. I want to see things have another life. Sometimes I take things to a donation center, but I like the personal connection with Buy Nothing and that you know that there is someone who definitely wants your item.”

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— Laura Cherkas, 40, has built connections with other moms through Buy Nothing and values it as a way to cycle toys in and out for her child.

Two women stand by a gate at night holding cast iron pans.

Laura Cherkas, left, holds the pan she is gifting Aurora Sanchez, right, through Buy Nothing.

(Dania Maxwell/For The Times)

“I wanted a cast iron pan because I cook a lot of grilled meat. I’m excited to try this style of cooking out and it will help me when I cook for only one or two people. I got lucky because I was chosen to receive it.”

— Aurora Sanchez, 54, has spent the past two years engaging with Buy Nothing, finding in it a sense of neighborly support that makes her feel valued while strengthening her connection to the community.

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Next player up

A man poses next to a basketball hoop in front of his garage.

Joe Zeni, 70, is using his local Buy Nothing group on Facebook to give away a basketball hoop he used with his son when he was little.

(Dania Maxwell/For The Times)

Joe Zeni first offered a basketball hoop on Buy Nothing in 2023, where it remains unclaimed.

“I’m giving away a Huffy basketball freestanding hoop because it’s just taking up space. We used to play horse and shoot baskets together. My son is now 35, he doesn’t live here anymore.”

— Joe Zeni, 70, uses Buy Nothing often to give items away, believing many of the things he no longer needs still have purpose.

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Armani Goes Back to the Archive

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Armani Goes Back to the Archive

In the year since his death, there has been no hard pivot at Armani. The shadow of the founder has stayed in place over the Milan HQ, where the brand seems happy to leave it. Armani is not just plumbing the past for continued inspiration, it’s reselling it.

Today, Giorgio Armani is announcing Archivio, a grouping of 13 men’s and women’s looks, plucked from the brand’s back catalog and remade for today. (And, yes, at today’s prices.) There’s a jacket in pinstriped alpaca of 1979 vintage; a buttery one-and-a-half breasted jacket with a maitre d’s flair that first appeared in 1987; and an unstructured silk-linen suit that will activate ’90s flashbacks for die-hard Armani clients and those who want to capture that era’s nostalgia. The advertising campaign was shot and styled by Eli Russell Linnetz, who has his own label, ERL, but always seems to be the first call brands make when they want sultry photos with the aura of Details magazine circa 1995. (He did a similar thing for Guess recently.)

Linnetz’s images are a reminder of how Armani’s work still reverberates decades later.

Archivio is also a canny recognition of what shoppers crave now. On the resale market, Armani wares are as coveted as can be. Every week it seems as if I get an email from Ndwc0, a British vintage store, announcing a new drop of meaty-shouldered ’90s Armani power suits. They sell for less than $500. At Sorbara’s in Brooklyn, you can buy a tan Giorgio Armani vest for $225.

That vintage-mad audience is in Armani’s sights: To introduce the collection, it’s staging an installation, opening today, at Giorgio Armani’s Milan boutique. It will feature the hosts of “Throwing Fits,” a New York-based podcast whose hosts wear vintage Armani button-ups and shout out stores like Sorbara’s.

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It’s prudent, if a bit disconnected. Part of the charm of old Armani is that it can be found on the cheap. I’m wearing a pair of vintage Giorgio Armani corduroys as I write this. I bought them for $76 on eBay. Archivio is reverent, but its prices, which range from $1,025 to $12,000, may scare off shoppers willing to do the searching themselves.

If you ask me, the next frontier of this archive fixation is that a brand — and a big one — will release a mountain of genuine vintage pieces. J. Crew and Banana Republic have tried this at a small scale, but a luxury house like Armani hasn’t gone there. Yet. Eventually, Armani (or a brand like it) is going to grab hold of the market that exists around its brand, but through which it gets no cut.


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