Lifestyle
10 lively walking clubs to help you tour L.A. by foot — and make friends while doing it
Walking is considered one of the healthiest ways to exercise, but let’s be honest: Unless you have a dog dragging you to the door or a friend pulling your arm, it’s easy to find reasons to stay on the couch. Especially in a place like L.A., where cars typically take us from point A to point B.
L.A. really is a walking city.
Explore our ground-level guide to the people and places keeping our sidewalks alive.
These 10 walking clubs won’t help you get a dog, but they can give you a compelling reason to get up and out. They’re as much about exercise as they are about socializing and exploring.
Here in L.A. there are groups for almost every interest and skill level, and almost all the clubs are free. Some, like the SoCal Stair Climbers, average a brisk 2.5 miles an hour as they explore L.A.’s myriad stair walks. Others, like the Slow Walkers Club, let the slowest participant set the pace, and sometimes help them finish a route. Achilles International Los Angeles provides guides to help people with disabilities get moving, while L.A. Leggers is focused on training walkers and runners for the L.A. Marathon.
All the groups share a similar, overarching goal: to help people make connections while moving.
“It’s easier to get out when you’re in a setting of like-minded individuals,” said Laura Murillo, founder of SoCal LGBTQ+ Explorers. “Our little catchphrase is: ‘Making friends as an adult is hard, exploring SoCal is easy!’”
Achilles International Los Angeles| Culver City EverWalk Walking Club | Hot Girl Walk | Long Beach Walking Club| Los Angeles Hiking Group | L.A. Girls Who Walk | L.A. Leggers | Slow Walkers Club | SoCal LGBTQ+ Explorers | SoCal Stair Climbers
Achilles International Los Angeles
Achilles International was established in 1983 “to transform the lives of people with disabilities through athletic programs and social connection,” according to its website. Today it has programs in 18 countries, including the United States. Its Los Angeles chapter creates opportunities for people with physical and mental disabilities to participate in running, walking and other athletic events with the help of nondisabled volunteers, or “guides.”
Achilles International Los Angeles
Athletes range from “people with autism and no physical disabilities to people who are blind or amputees — we have a lot of veterans who lost their legs,” said Christina Swanson, who was inspired to run the L.A. Marathon after watching a blind woman guided by volunteers complete the race in 2019. Swanson became a volunteer guide herself that year and in 2020 became the Los Angeles chapter’s president.
The L.A. chapter hosts walks the first Sunday of every month at 10 a.m. at Dorothy Green Park in Santa Monica and is starting a second monthly walk in the South Bay area, with times and days to be announced.
The chapter had only a few athletes and guides when Swanson first got involved, but today about 50 people — athletes and guides — show up for walks every month, she said. (Swanson said several of her friends have signed up as guides since she got involved.)
After training and a background check, volunteer guides are paired with athletes. Typically, a walk involves warm-up stretches before people tackle the three-mile trail starting at Dorothy Green Park, although some athletes may walk longer routes. What the guides do also varies: “Some blind athletes just need someone to be their eyes and keep them from walking off the path; others might need two guides to make sure they stay safe,” Swanson said.
Guides are encouraged to converse as much as possible with their athletes and, if possible, train with them on additional days at locations that are convenient to them both. “A lot of our blind athletes can’t drive, so it’s sometimes a big lift for them to get to Santa Monica or the South Bay,” she said. “If our volunteers can meet with them someplace else, it helps them out.” — Jeanette Marantos
Culver City EverWalk Walking Club
When, in 2016, long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad and her friend and coach Bonnie Stoll organized the first EverWalk event — a 135-mile trek from Santa Monica to San Diego over seven days — Culver City resident Laura Petersen “signed up and completed the walk (much to my surprise!),” she said in an email. “That’s when I seriously caught the walking bug!” And when Nyad and Stoll called on volunteers to lead walks in their communities, Petersen stepped up once again, starting the Culver City EverWalk Walking Club in 2018.
Culver City EverWalk Walking Club
Since then, except for about a year during the COVID-19 pandemic, she has led walks once a month, following different routes of about three miles. When she resumed the walks in 2021, she decided to always start at Coombs Park in Culver City, usually the first Saturday of every month from 9 to 10 a.m., “to make it something people could count on.” Her co-leader and husband, Peter, joins the walks each month to help ensure everyone is included.
“We cater to all kinds of walkers, which is sometimes tricky if we have some people walking faster or slower than others,” Petersen wrote. “Peter’s taller and faster, so he’s usually up front, whereas I usually stay with the slower walkers, kind of like a mother hen, to make sure I can see all my chicks ahead of me.”
Membership is free, and while the focus of EverWalk is to get people moving, these walks are also a great way to make new friends. “It’s so much easier to chat with people you’ve just met when you’re on the move, walking side by side,” she said. “I love when we get to the end of a walk and I hear people say, ‘The time just flew by!’” — Jeanette Marantos
Hot Girl Walk
Mia Lind was a 22-year-old communications major and sorority president at USC trying to combat the stress and anxiety in her life when her motivational post about “hot girl walks” went viral on TikTok in January 2021. The idea is that women should stop obsessing about intense workouts to get skinny and instead take daily mindful walks focusing on gratitude, goals and their self-worth, because those are the things that really make you hot.
“When I walk, I think about how grateful I am for the people who love me, and how proud I am about what I’ve achieved and all my new goals. … And that’s how I get to how hot I am,” Lind, 25, said laughing. The idea resonated with her sorority sisters, who urged her to post it online. It met with enough interest (and sponsors) worldwide that Lind quit her day job in September 2023, and now travels the country and the world promoting healthy living and self-worth through walking. (Her pop-up walk in London on Oct. 19 drew 400 people.)
She’s trademarked the name Hot Girl Walk and has started groups that meet regularly in Los Angeles, New York and Miami as well as pop-up walks in other cities, such as one in Boston that drew 800 people in July. There are no membership rules or fees; anyone is welcome to join the monthly Hot Girl Walk in L.A., she said, although “Hot Girl Walkers” are predominantly female. The ultimate goal: Encourage people to start walking, have fun and stop stressing. — Jeanette Marantos
Long Beach Walking Club
Long Beach native Evelyn Avila was looking for a safe way to meet and make friends with other women when she started the Long Beach Walking Club in April 2023. “I started my fitness journey around the same time. I didn’t know how to work out or lift weights, so I just started walking,” she said. “I saw walking clubs popping up everywhere, and I thought Long Beach would be amazing because it’s such a diverse environment.” The idea struck a chord: The group now has 18,000 followers on Instagram and 2,000 “engaged” followers who regularly sign up for events.
Avila, a 31-year-old social media manager, lived downtown at the time, so having walking buddies provided some safety in numbers too, she said. “I love walking to the beach and the shoreline, but it’s not the safest option to walk alone.”
The club offers easy walks at least once a week, along with other activities, such as recent classes about mental health and self-defense. There are also social gatherings at local restaurants or parks and community service opportunities such as food drives and toy drives. Club walks last about an hour and are designed to be easy, Avila said, adding: “These are leisurely, flat, paved walks that are more about socializing.”
Membership is free, and members are encouraged to network and set up extra walks with others in the club. Avila did all the work herself for the first nine months but now has nine “ambassadors” who help with organizing, and the club is currently applying for nonprofit status. Avila is excited about all the ways the group is building community just 18 months after it began. “This is my passion, my hobby,” she said. “Our members are glad to have this space just for women, because [spaces exclusively for women] really don’t exist. This club really helps me help them.” — Jeanette Marantos
Los Angeles Hiking Group
Back in 2007, friends Barry Craine and Lee Zebold started an L.A.-based group with a simple winning formula: Encourage Angelenos to have fun outdoors with others. Some 17 years later, the free, nonprofit Los Angeles Hiking Group has more than 43,000 members on Meetup and multiple opportunities every month for people to join free urban walks or group hikes organized by one of the group’s nearly 70 leaders.
“If you don’t want to travel far, an urban walk is an ideal activity for someone living in a city,” said Mike Cheng, who joined the group in 2011 and is now its president. “I’ve had the best times of my life hiking or walking. And of course it’s a great way to meet people. If you like to walk, and you meet a person who clearly enjoys what you’re doing, you have something in common right away compared to meeting someone in a bar.”
Cheng leads hikes for small groups in places such as Bishop Lake, but he also gets involved in the many urban walks. This time of year, he said, there are several nighttime excursions to admire holiday decorations. Walk leaders do a lot of research to find the best locations, he said, and it doesn’t cost anything to get involved, beyond taking the time to join. And while the membership is huge, individual walks are typically much smaller, no more than 35 people, Cheng said, out of consideration for the neighborhoods where they’re walking. “If you’re hiking in the wilderness, you can accommodate more people, but can you imagine a group of 60 people walking through a neighborhood? Anything over 35 is just too much.” — Jeanette Marantos
L.A. Girls Who Walk
(Francine Orr / Los Angeles Times)
When Monica Figueroa was sent to work in New York City for a few months, she struggled to make friends in the bustling city. After getting flaked on multiple times by people she met on Bumble BFF (an app for people seeking friendships), the San Diego native invited a woman she connected with on the app to attend a walking event with her hosted by City Girls Who Walk. Figueroa and the woman attended several walks together and bonded with two other women, whom they added to their friend group.
But when Figueroa received a promotion that moved her to Los Angeles, she was back at square one making new mates, so she decided to start her own walking clubs. She launched L.A. Girls Who Walk in June 2023, along with another chapter in her hometown, San Diego, where she has volunteers leading walks and occasionally returns to host them herself.
Walking is “a very low-budget, accessible and healthy activity to do when you’re being social, and there really aren’t that many of those things to do [in L.A.],” said 30-year-old Figueroa. “Everything either costs money, [or] causes you to be up late at night, which is not good for your health. It just seems like everything comes with a price, and [walking] really is one of the few things that doesn’t.”
L.A. Girls Who Walk holds one or two walks per month, usually on the Westside at Palisades Park Rose Garden in Santa Monica. Figueroa hopes to host walks in the San Fernando Valley later this year. L.A. members also often get together for smaller neighborhood walks or for social gatherings like bar-hopping. The group even sells merch, including crewnecks and baseball caps. — Kailyn Brown
L.A. Leggers
Back in December 1988, KNX radio reporter Bob Scott ran the Los Angeles Marathon equipped with a radio and microphone to conduct interviews along the way. Scott was alarmed by the number of participants he encountered on the 26.2-mile route who had no training or even awareness of what the marathon entailed, so he helped start a training club that gets people into shape for the annual marathon. Thus L.A. Leggers was born.
Today, the group has more than 600 members and an annual entry fee of $85 that helps cover the expense of T-shirts and other swag, plus discounts for running events, running equipment and, most important, social events. Members start training weekly in August until the marathon in March, and then the group takes a hiatus until the next August. (It’s too late to join the group now, but sign-ups for the next training session, which begins in August 2025, should start in April.)
The marathon includes walkers as well as runners, and about 100 of the club’s 600 members are walkers, said Vice President William Sweat. Participants are put into pace groups based on how fast they can walk or run a mile, and they increase their miles every week, going up to 20 miles per session. Members are expected to work out at least three times a week — twice with other members of their pace group and once during the weekly events; the group meets on Saturdays to work out on various routes in Santa Monica, Venice or Pacific Palisades.
Lest you worry this sounds too intense, Sweat said socializing is a key part of the training. “The mantra when you’re running or walking with the club is you should not walk until you’re winded,” he said. “You should be able to hold a conversation when you’re training, so you should be talking.” — Jeanette Marantos
Slow Walkers Club
Lisa Moore likes to walk, despite “very bad knees,” but when she joined a few walking clubs, she got tired of being left in the dust. “I just couldn’t keep up with the people on those walks. People would tear out and leave me behind, so I was just walking alone.” Moore started her own group in February with a name that made her intent very clear: the Slow Walkers Club.
More than 300 people have signed up since then, but her monthly walks usually involve small groups, “and the only rule is we let the slowest person set the pace,” Moore said. “When we did the Silver Lake Reservoir walk, one woman had very bad ankle pain and there was one steep hill, so we just basically helped her get up that hill. It was hard for her, but she did it. That’s the kind of stuff I like doing, making sure everybody is included to go as far as they can go.”
Moore lives in Hollywood, but she tries to schedule walks of three miles or less all over Los Angeles, including at Descanso Gardens, the Santa Monica Pier and even the giant Ikea store in Burbank. “You can easily get 4,000 steps there,” she said. “It’s a great place to walk if it’s raining or really hot. You just follow the arrows.”
At the end of a walk, the group tries to find a place to eat and do a little more socializing. Moore said she’d like to offer more frequent walks, and hopes other members will suggest places to go. “We try to keep it fun and scenic, but the conversation and making friends is as important as the walking,” she said. “We all need to be included and not left behind. I don’t like that feeling, and I don’t think anybody else does either.” — Jeanette Marantos
SoCal LGBTQ+ Explorers
Angeleno Laura Murillo and a friend joined a walking group in Orange County in 2021, intent on doing some exploring while meeting new people. They made several new friends, she said, but every time they invited them to visit their home in East Hollywood, “We couldn’t get anyone willing to make the drive to L.A.,” she said, laughing. So in March 2022, the two decided to start a walking group closer to home, dedicated to helping others in L.A.’s LGBTQ+ community meet new people and make friends while exploring the Greater L.A. area.
The SoCal LGBTQ+ Explorers is open to everyone in the LGBTQ+ community, including allies. Most of the events center around weekly or monthly urban walks in Griffith Park and Pasadena, but there are other activities, such as walks that include picking up trash in Fullerton’s Coyote Hills, kayaking trips, museum visits and dinner or lunch after certain walks. “It’s easier to meet people when you’re in a setting of like-minded individuals,” Murillo said. “It’s not a dating thing; there’s no pressure. It’s just people getting together to go for a walk and make friends in the LGBTQ community.” — Jeanette Marantos
SoCal Stair Climbers
Dan Gutierrez spent years biking and mountain hiking until he found out about stair walks, a practice advocated by authors Dan Koeppel and Bob Inman. His first stair walk — on the 265-step Esther’s Steps in Silver Lake (also known as the Landa Street Stairs) — was a revelation. “I was in pretty good shape and kind of jogged up the first 92 steps, until I got to the top and realized, ‘Oh no, there’s more!’ That stairway beat the crap out of me. But I also realized that stairways are great interval training.”
Since then, Gutierrez, a satellite systems engineer, has made it his mission to catalog every stairway in the Greater Los Angeles area, including those near his home in Long Beach. He has kept a record of every walk he has done since his first excursion on Dec. 14, 2013, when the group began.
The Stair Climbers is a free group that now features multiple walks every month. One of his most popular is his Painted Stairways Tour, which involves 14 painted stairways over 6.4 miles around the Silver Lake area. The shorter excursions are after-work walks of five to six miles on Tuesdays and Thursdays led by Gutierrez in the Long Beach area, or Thursdays in Santa Monica’s Rustic Canyon, led by members Dave and Kristy Moorman.
Gutierrez also organizes longer walks of eight to 15 miles on weekends, and at least once a year offers the 305-mile, 808-stairway L.A. Loop, which he breaks up into 15 segments over many weekends. On the longer walks, Gutierrez insists that participants take an hour break midway to rest and eat a meal. “I’ve found that if you rest a bit and have something to eat, you’ll not feel as wiped out.” He designs the stops to be near places that offer several restaurant options, he said. “That’s one of the virtues of urban walks — you don’t have to carry all your food.”
Gutierrez likes to keep his walking “brisk,” averaging 2.5 miles a hour, but he also stops frequently to offer mini lessons in history and architecture, which is how he gives people a chance to catch their breath. The motto of the club, after all, is “Enjoyment, Exercise and Exploration,” so Gutierrez has found a balance. “I’ve found if you walk faster and then rest, it helps people become faster walkers, so I’m kind of training them in a gentle, hidden way.” — Jeanette Marantos
Lifestyle
How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Tig Notaro
Thirty years ago, comedian and actor Tig Notaro didn’t have a clear direction in life, so she followed some childhood friends who wanted to get into entertainment to Los Angeles. Secretly wanting to do stand-up, Notaro decided to try her luck at various outlets in town, which became the start of her successful career.
“I stayed on my friends’ couch near the Hollywood Improv on Melrose, and a couple months later, got my own studio apartment in the Miracle Mile area,” Notaro says. “I love all the options for everything in L.A. — the entertainment, the restaurants. I like to stay active. So many people love the hiking options in Los Angeles, and I’m one of them.”
In Sunday Funday, L.A. people give us a play-by-play of their ideal Sunday around town. Find ideas and inspiration on where to go, what to eat and how to enjoy life on the weekends.
Notaro appears in Season 3 of Apple TV’s “The Morning Show” and is a series regular on Paramount+’s “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy,” as she was on “Star Trek: Discovery.” She’s also a touring stand-up comic and hosts “Handsome,” a comedy podcast, with Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin. The trio will be taping a live show May 4 at the Wiltern with the cast of Netflix’s “The Hunting Wives.” The live shows include interviews, but also “incorporate some ridiculous things,” she says. For example, upon hearing that some of the hosts always wanted to learn to tap dance, Notaro “hired a tap instructor to come to our live show in Austin and teach us how to tap dance in front of the audience.”
Notaro lives near Hollywood with her wife, actor Stephanie Allynne, their 9-year-old fraternal twin boys, Max and Finn, and three cats, Fluff, Linus and Skip. When she’s not touring, her ideal Sundays include sampling vegan restaurants, wandering through bookstores or museums, and doing something physically active with the family.
This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for length and clarity.
6 a.m.: Up with the kids
Because we have active children, we still wake up at 6 a.m. or 6:30 a.m. on Sunday, but there’s not as much of a rush to get going. Stephanie and I will often have coffee and chat in the living room together. I love that part of the day. Stephanie may cook breakfast, but Max and Finn are pretty self-sufficient and can make certain little meals for themselves. Max is really starting to take an interest in cooking, so he’d make breakfast for himself. Our family is vegan, but he eats eggs, so he makes himself an egg sandwich with avocado a lot of times.
9 a.m.: Daily morning walk
After breakfast, we usually have a morning walk around our neighborhood. That’s a daily thing I like to do, regardless of what’s going on. Now that I’m not touring as much, tennis is back on the schedule. So I’d go to Plummer Park in West Hollywood and play for a while, then join the family for lunch.
11:30 a.m.: Hike with a side of chickpea sandwich
I love Trails, a cafe in Griffith Park, where you can eat outdoors. It serves simple food, and has good vegan options. I usually get their chickpea salad sandwich. The food there is great. Afterward, we’d visit Griffith Observatory, where there’s lots to see. There are lots of great trails in the park, so we’d go for an hour hike before leaving.
3 p.m.: Browse the shelves for rock biographies
Bookstores are fun, so we’d head downtown for the Last Bookstore, which is in a historic building with lots of vintage books. I really love all things plant-based, and I’m a very big music fanatic. So I love to look for vegan books, nutrition books, rock biographies and autobiographies. It’s just fun to browse around the stacks.
If we didn’t go to the bookstore, we’d probably go to LACMA. Our sons are huge fans of art and want to go for each new exhibit. They love Hockney, Basquiat and Picasso, to name a few.
4 p.m.: Cuddle with cuties at a cat cafe
We’d then make a quick stop at [Crumbs & Whiskers], a kitten and cat cafe on Melrose for coffee, snacks and to pet the cats. It’s best to make reservations in advance. There’s cats all around the place that need to be adopted. You can visit and pet them, or find a new roommate. I’d love to take some home, but we already have three.
5:30 p.m. Italian or sushi, but make it vegan
We’re an early dinner family. One restaurant we like is Pura Vita in West Hollywood. It’s the greatest vegan Italian food, and for non-vegans, nobody ever knows the difference. It’s the first 100% plant-based Italian restaurant in the United States. They make an incredible kale salad and I love the San Gennaro pizza. It’s got cashew mozzarella, tomato sauce, Italian sausage crumble and more.
Then there’s Planta in Marina del Rey. It’s right on the harbor and you can sit outside and look at the boats coming in and out. They have sushi, salads and other plant-based entrees. They’ve got a really great spicy tuna roll that’s made out of watermelon. They are magicians.
Or there’s Crossroads Kitchen in West Hollywood. They play the best classic rock, and the atmosphere is upscale, fine dining. The appetizers that we always get are called Moroccan Cigars, which are vegan meat substitutes fried in a rolled batter. I really like the grilled lion’s mane steak, their mushroom steak with truffle potatoes, or the scallopini Milanese, that has a chicken or tofu option. I get the chicken with arugula on top. I always love to have a decaf espresso with dessert, which is either a brownie sundae or banana pudding.
7:30 p.m.: Comfort watch or word games
After dinner, the kids often like to watch an episode of “Friends,” a show that all ages enjoy, sports or “The Simpsons.” Or we’d play a game where each of us will add a word to a sentence and create a weird or funny long sentence until one of our sons says period. Then they’ll try and remember the whole sentence and repeat it back.
9:30 p.m.: Bubble bath then bed
The boys usually go to bed at 8:30 p.m. and bedtime for us is 9:30 p.m. Stephanie and I would read or chat. I like to take a bubble bath, if people must know. The best Sundays for me mean finding a good balance of relaxing and being active. I feel very lucky that my family and I can do those things together.
Lifestyle
It Started with a Midnight Swim and a Kiss Under the Stars
When Marian Sherry Lurio and Jonathan Buffington Nguyen met at a mutual friend’s wedding at Higgins Lake, Mich., in July 2022, both felt an immediate chemistry. As the evening progressed, they sat on the shore of the lake in Adirondack chairs under the stars, where they had their first kiss before joining others for a midnight plunge.
The two learned that the following weekend Ms. Lurio planned to attend a wedding in Philadelphia, where Mr. Nguyen lives, and before they had even exchanged numbers, they already had a first date on the books.
“I have a vivid memory of after we first met,” Mr. Nguyen said, “just feeling like I really better not screw this up.”
Before long, they were commuting between Philadelphia and New York City, where Ms. Lurio lives, spending weekends and the odd remote work days in one another’s apartments in Philadelphia and Manhattan. Within the first six months of dating, Mr. Nguyen joined Ms. Lurio’s family for Thanksgiving in Villanova, Pa., and, the following month, she met his family in Beavercreek, Ohio, at a surprise birthday party for Mr. Nguyen’s mother.
Ms. Lurio, 32, who grew up in Merion Station outside Philadelphia, works in investor relations administration at Flexpoint Ford, a private equity firm. She graduated from Dartmouth College with a bachelor’s degree in history and psychology.
Mr. Nguyen, also 32, was born in Knoxville, Tenn., and raised in Beavercreek, Ohio, from the age of 7. He graduated from Haverford College with a bachelor’s degree in political science and is now a director at Doyle Real Estate Advisors in Philadelphia.
Their long-distance relationship continued for the next few years. There were dates in Manhattan, vacations and beach trips to the Jersey Shore. They attended sporting events and discovered their shared appreciation of the 2003 film, “Love Actually.”
One evening, Mr. Nguyen recalled looking around Ms. Lurio’s small New York studio — strewed with clothes and the takeout meal they had ordered — and feeling “so comfortable and safe.” “I knew that this was something different than just sort of a fling,” he said.
It was an open question when they would move in together. In 2024, Ms. Lurio began the process of moving into Mr. Nguyen’s home in Philadelphia — even bringing her cat, Scott — but her plans changed midway when an opportunity arose to expand her role with her current employer.
Mr. Nguyen was on board with her decision. “It almost feels like stolen valor to call it ‘long distance,’ because it’s so easy from Philadelphia to New York,” Mr. Nguyen said. “The joke is, it’s easier to get to Philly from New York than to get to some parts of Brooklyn from Manhattan, right?”
In January 2025, Mr. Nguyen visited Ms. Lurio in New York with more up his sleeve than spending the weekend. Together they had discussed marriage and bespoke rings, but when Mr. Nguyen left Ms. Lurio and an unfinished cheese plate at the bar of the Chelsea Hotel that Friday evening, she had no idea what was coming next.
“I remember texting Jonathan,” Ms. Lurio said, bewildered: “‘You didn’t go toward the bathroom!’” When a Lobby Bar server came and asked her to come outside, Ms. Lurio still didn’t realize what was happening until she was standing in the hallway, where Mr. Nguyen stood recreating a key moment from the film “Love Actually,” in which one character silently professes his love for another in writing by flashing a series of cue cards. There, in the storied Chelsea Hotel hallway still festooned with Christmas decorations, Mr. Nguyen shared his last card that said, “Will you marry me?”
They wed on April 11 in front of 200 guests at the Pump House, a covered space on the banks of Philadelphia’s Schuylkill River. Mr. Nguyen’s sister, the Rev. Elizabeth Nguyen, who is ordained through the Unitarian Universalist Association, officiated.
Although formal attire was suggested, Ms. Lurio said that the ceremony was “pretty casual.” She and Jonathan got ready together, and their families served as their wedding parties.
“I said I wanted a five-minute wedding,” Ms. Lurio recalled, though the ceremony ended up lasting a little longer than that. During the ceremony, Ms. Nguyen read a homily and jokingly added that guests should not ask the bride and groom about their living arrangements, which will remain separate for the foreseeable future.
While watching Ms. Lurio walk down the aisle, flanked by her parents, Mr. Nguyen said he remembered feeling at once grounded in the moment and also a sense of dazed joy: “Like, is this real? I felt very lucky in that moment — and also just excited for the party to start!”
Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I loved someone who felt he couldn’t be fully seen with me
He always texted when he was outside. No call, no knock. It was just a message and then the soft sound of my door opening. He moved like someone practiced in disappearing.
His name meant “complete” in Arabic, which is what I felt when we were together.
I met him the way you meet most things that matter in Los Angeles — without intending to. In our senior year at a college in eastern L.A. County, we were introduced through mutual friends, then thrown together by the particular gravity of people who recognized something in each other. He was a Muslim medical student, conservative and careful and funny in the dry, precise way of someone who has always had to choose his words. I was loud where he was quiet, messy where he was disciplined. I was out. He was not.
I understood, or thought I did. I thought that I couldn’t get hurt if I was completely conscious throughout the endeavor. Los Angeles has a way of making you feel like the whole world shares your freedoms — until you realize the city is enormous, and not all of it belongs to you in the same way.
For months, our world was confined to my apartment. He would slip in after dark, and we’d stay up late talking about his family in Iran, classical music and the particular pressure of being the son someone sacrificed everything to bring here. He told me things he said he’d never told anyone, and I believed him.
The orange glow from my Nesso lamp lit his face while the indigo sky pressed against the window behind him. In our small little world, we were safe. Outside was another matter.
On our first real date, I took him to the L.A. Phil’s “An Evening of Film & Music: From Mexico to Hollywood” program. I told him they were cheap seats even though they were the first row on the terrace. He was thrilled in the way only someone who doesn’t expect to be delighted actually gets delighted — fully, without guarding it. I put my arm around his shoulders. At some point, I shifted and moved it, and he nudged it back. He was OK with PDA here.
I remember thinking that wealth is a great barrier to harm and then feeling silly for extrapolating my own experience once again. Inside Walt Disney Concert Hall, we were just two people in love with the same music.
Outside was still another matter.
In February, on Valentine’s Day, he took me to a Yemeni restaurant in Anaheim. We hovered over saffron tea surrounded by other young Southern Californians, and we looked like friends. Before we went in, we sat in the parking lot of the strip mall — signs in Arabic advertising bread, coffee, halal meats, the Little Arabia District — hand in hand. I leaned over to kiss him.
“Not here,” he said. His eyes shifted furtively. “Someone might see.”
I understood, or told myself I did, but I was saddened. Later, after the kind of reflection that only arrives in the wreckage, I would understand something harder: I had been unconsciously asking him to choose, over and over, between the people he loved and the person he loved. I had a long pattern of choosing unavailable men, telling myself it was because I could handle the complexity. The truth was more embarrassing. I thought that if someone like him chose me anyway — chose me over the weight of societal expectations — it would mean I was worth choosing. It took me a long time to see how unfair that was to him and to me.
We went to the Norton Simon Museum together in November, on the kind of gray Pasadena day when the 210 Freeway roars in the background like white noise. He studied for the MCAT while I wrote a paper on Persian rugs. In between practice problems, he translated ancient Arabic scripts for me. I thought, “We make a good team.” Afterward, we walked through the galleries and he didn’t let go of my arm.
That was the version of us I kept returning to — when the ending came during Ramadan. It arrived as a spiritual reflection of my own. I texted: “Does this end at graduation — whatever we are doing?”
He thought I meant Ramadan. I did not mean Ramadan.
“I care about you,” he wrote, “but I don’t want you to think this could work out to anything more than just dating. I mean, of course, I’ve fantasized about marrying you. If I could live my life the way I wanted, of course I would continue. I’m just sad it’s not in this lifetime.”
I was in Mexico City when these texts were exchanged. That night I flew to Oaxaca to clear my head and then, after less than 24 hours, flew back to L.A. No amount of vacation would allow me to process what had just happened, so I threw myself back into work.
My therapist told me to use the conjunction “and” instead of “but.” It happened, and I am changed. The harm I caused and the love I felt. The beauty of what we made and the impossibility of where it could go. She gave me a knowing smile when I asked if it would stay with me forever. She didn’t answer, which was the answer.
I think about the freeways now, the way Joan Didion called them our only secular communion. When you’re on the ground in Los Angeles, the world narrows to the few blocks around you. Get on the freeway and you understand the whole body of the city at once: the arteries, the pulse, the scale of the thing.
You understand that you are a single cell in something enormous and moving. It is all out of your control. I am in a lane. The lane shaped how I drive. He was simply in a different lane, and his lane shaped him, and those two facts can coexist without either of us being the villain of the sad story.
He came like a secret in the night, and he left the same way. What we made in between was real and complicated and mine to hold forever, hoping we find each other in the next life.
The author lives in Los Angeles.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
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