I can’t remember the last decent vampire movie I saw, so thank the deities for Abigail (now streaming on Peacock, in addition to VOD services like Amazon Prime Video), which is one hell of a bloodletter with a convoluted backstory. The film originated as a remake of Dracula’s Daughter, and was slotted as an entry in Universal’s Dark Universe horror franchise; but once that ill-fated idea went kerplotz, the directorial team of Tyler Gillett and Matt Bettinelli-Olpin (Ready or Not and the two most recent Scream films) took the helm and made the movie under their Radio Silence banner. My expectations were low, as the Screams felt like rehash and the drowsiness from lame-ass Dracula flick The Last Voyage of the Demeter lingered, but if anything will make an old cynic enthusiastic about vampires again, it’s Abigail.   

ABIGAIL: STREAM IT OR SKIP IT?

The Gist: We open in what seems like a completely different movie. No, seriously. It’s a kidnapping thriller in which a cadre of misfit criminals bust into a rich man’s mansion and steal his 12-year-old daughter for a $50 million ransom. It’s one of those Reservoir Dogs-type jobs where none of the crooks know each other’s names so there’ll be no ratting on anyone, and they get nicknames, and all that. Our lead is Joey (Melissa Barrera), who seems a little out of place with this crew of freaks, probably because she’s the true protag with big, soft, sympathetic eyes that she uses to look at the photo of her estranged son on her phone. She’s also not thrilled to learn, moments before they bust in, that their target is a little girl. But there’s money to be made and a job to do, and her part of it is to knock the kid out with an injection.

The others are pretty much a bunch of mixed nuts: Frank (Dan Stevens) leads the crew and wears glasses that tell us he’s slick and shifty like the gearbox on a Ferrari. Peter (Kevin Durand) is a man mighty of muscle but slow of mind. Rickles (Will Catlett) is the poker-faced sniper. Sammy (Kathryn Newton) is the sassy hacker. Dean (Angus Cloud) is the getaway driver who’s got naught but a couple of chiclets rattling around where his brains should be. They snatch Abigail (Alisha Weir) and convene with plan mastermind Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito) in a dilapidated mansion with a giant elevator cage as a centerpiece – I wonder if it’ll come in handy at all should anyone need it – and decor ranging from cluster-o’-antlers light fixtures to gross taxidermy and crumbling old frescoes. No, really, frescoes! I’m sure nothing bad has ever happened in this place. It’s a bit of a fixer-upper but after several thousand hours of work and exorcisms, it’ll be so cozy!

Being the nice person around here, relatively speaking, Joey comforts poor little Abigail, who’s still wearing her tutu from ballet rehearsal. Being the shitbird around here, and the specific breed of shitbird played by Dan Stevens, Frank threatens poor little Abigail with his gun – and finds out she’s the daughter of a notorious gazillionaire who’s rumored to have a henchman capable of “tearing people apart like an animal.” That might, key word here being “might,” explain how one of them ends up with their head being detached from their body in a rather disgusting and hilarious fashion. And just when you thought this crew of crooks had exchanged enough prickly gettin’-to-know-ya banter, well, when people are fighting for their lives, they really get to know each other, especially their insides, and extra-especially when those insides become outsides.

What Movies Will It Remind You Of?: It’s no secret that Abigail is the vampire around these parts, and that she likes to plie and jete in between masticating her victims (it’s in the trailers and everything), so obviously the sequel needs to be ABIGAIL VS. M3GAN. ABIGAIL VS. M3GAN! Someone needs to make ABIGAIL VS. M3GAN! I mean, why couldn’t it exist in a world that gave us Freddy vs. Jason?

Performance Worth Watching: Barrera is a terrific Final Girl. And Weir throws herself whole-hog into the demonic role (it’s a lot of fun hearing this adorable kid spew obscenities like a sailor who accidentally dropped anchor on his toe). Stevens has his terrifically sleazy moments and Durand delivers some nicely modulated comedy. But I gotta go with Lisa Frankenstein herself, Newton, who slays a few one-liners and makes the absolute most out of the movie’s most demented sequence. 

Memorable Dialogue: You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Stevens quip, “Sammy, those are f—in’ onions” to the dimwit tasked with finding garlic to combat vampires. 

Sex and Skin: None.

Our Take: In retrospect, the best joke in Abigail is how it starts off a little slow and dry and a lot like many other bickering-bad-guys crime thrillers, then subtly becomes one of the year’s most uproarious comedies thanks to a collection of nutty performances and exquisitely timed bursts of pustulent gore. Horror movies are often populated with characters I like to call one-by-oners, because the monster or slasher or alien picks them off one at a time, thus drawing out the plot to feature-length. But they rarely feature one-by-oners with much personality. Abigail is unique in that you’re loath to see the one-by-oners die, because it means they no longer exist to say and do hilarious shit anymore. 

On the other hand, they die in a fashion that’s so gruesome and entertaining, you’re too slackjawed to mourn their passing. The film absolutely functions within the confines of formulaic horror – put jerks in a creepy house and slaughter away – but adorns the familiarities with a few visual eccentricities, some amusingly silly twists and a screenplay that sets up its talented, tonally on-point cast to succeed. Abigail is a case where it’s not the material but what you do with it that counts, and Gillett and Bettinelli-Olpin deliver the goods with wit, a little bit of suspense and some gloriously gross buckets of blood, just like Grandma likes it.

Our Call: There are times when Abigail doesn’t make sense and is not a perfect movie but I had too much fun watching it and refuse to nitpick it so STREAM IT. Thank you.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Lady Gaga is reportedly engaged to tech investor Michael Polansky — and, according to one report, has been for months.

While in Paris for the 2024 Summer Olympics, where she performed during the opening ceremony on Friday, the music superstar is said to have introduced Polansky as her fiancé to French Prime Minister Gabriel Attal.

Representatives for the “Born This Way” singer did not immediately respond Monday to The Times’ requests for comment.

People reported Monday that the couple got engaged “several months” ago, but chose to share the news only within their inner circle at the time. Polansky — chief executive of the Parker Group, which oversees the business and charitable interests of Napster founder and Facebook investor Sean Parker — is said to have popped the question ahead of Gaga’s 38th birthday party in March.

However, the Oscar and Grammy winner reportedly chose not to wear her engagement ring in the immediate aftermath to avoid being photographed with it on. But that only last a short while, as she sparked engagement rumors when she was spotted wearing the sparkler in April.

“They’re great together. He’s excited and supportive of her career. He can’t stand being in the spotlight, but lets her shine. He has his own business priorities that she’s supportive of,” a source told People on Monday.

The engagement rumors reignited Sunday when the French PM posted a TikTok video featuring the singer and her groom-to-be at the Olympic Games. In it, Gaga can be heard introducing Polansky as “my fiancé” while they watched a swimming event at the Paris Aquatic Centre.

“Thank you Lady Gaga for your stunning performance at the opening ceremony. It was breathtaking,” Attal captioned the clip, which has been liked more than 70,000 times.

Gaga, real name Stefani Germanotta, and Polansky were first linked in December 2019 after they were spotted kissing at a New Year’s Eve bash in Las Vegas. They took their PDA-filled romance public a few weeks later after Super Bowl LIV in Miami.

Gaga was previously engaged to “Chicago Fire” actor Taylor Kinney, but the two ended their five-year relationship in 2016.

Aside from her engagement, Gaga made headlines this weekend for her performance along the Seine River, paying tribute to French ballerina and singer Zizi Jeanmaire with her rendition of “Mon Truc en Plumes.”

Ahead of the Olympics opening ceremony, the “A Star Is Born” actor was rumored to be performing, even though she was not listed on a program provided to the media in advance, the Associated Press reported. AP also first reported the news that she had prerecorded her number, which was then played during the live broadcast, due to the inclement weather in the French capital.

Her surprise showing during the ceremony was the only performance that “for safety reasons, we had to pre-record late in the afternoon,” Olympic and Paralympic opening ceremony choreographer Maud le Pladec told Variety. “[O]nce we knew for sure that it was going to rain — we had minute-by-minute updates, we had never watched the weather forecast so closely in our lives.

“We assessed that it was going to be too dangerous for performers, even with a few drops of rain. [Gaga] wanted to do it absolutely so we preferred to pre-record it rather than cancel it,” Le Pladec said. “The soil would have been slippery. She was wearing heels, very near the water, there were stairs… We had to be extremely cautious.”

Accompanied by a troupe of eight dancers carrying pink-feather fans and clad in custom Dior costumes, Gaga sang in French and danced, ascending and descending a riverside flight of stairs during the upbeat, cabaret-inspired performance. She briefly played piano too.

“I feel so completely grateful to have been asked to open the Paris @Olympics 2024 this year. I am also humbled to be asked by the Olympics organizing committee to sing such a special French song — a song to honor the French people and their tremendous history of art, music, and theatre,” she wrote on Instagram after the show.

“Although I am not a French artist, I have always felt a very special connection with French people and singing French music — I wanted nothing more than to create a performance that would warm the heart of France, celebrate French art and music, and on such a momentous occasion remind everyone of one of the most magical cities on earth — Paris,” she added, listing all the ways in which she drew from French culture to “put a modern twist on a French classic.”

“I rehearsed tirelessly to study a joyful French dance, brushing up on some old skills — I bet you didn’t know I used to dance at a 60’s French party on the lower east side when I was first starting out! I hope you love this performance as much as I do,” the “Joker: Folie à Deux” star wrote.

“And to everyone in France, thank you so much for welcoming me to your country to sing in honor of you — it’s a gift I’ll never forget! Congratulations to all the athletes who are competing in this year’s Olympic Games! It is my supreme honor to sing for you and cheer you on!! Watching the Olympic Games always makes me cry! Your talent is unimaginable. Let the games begin!”

If nothing else, “Deadpool & Wolverine” is Disney taking a victory lap for acquiring 20th Century Fox and the Marvel properties it controlled. We got a taste of this last year in “Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness” when the advertising bragged about bringing in Patrick Stewart’s Professor X from the X-Men and then the movie threw in John Krasinski as Reed “Mr. Fantastic” Richards from the Fantastic Four just because it could. This time, two former Fox characters are front and center for a Disney release, and they’re bringing some very un-Disneylike mannerisms with them.

Wade “Deadpool” Wilson has fallen into a funk since we last saw him. He was turned down for a job with The Avengers, broke up with his girlfriend Vanessa (Morena Baccarin), and now does a lousy job selling cars. It’s hard to believe that a highly-skilled assassin with regenerative superpowers wouldn’t be able to get a better job even without The Avengers, but whatever, he’s in need of a comeback. He’s sought out by Mr. Paradox (Matthew Macfadyen), who runs a clandestine organization dedicated to preserving timelines. Wade’s timeline is about to end because of the death of Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) in 2017’s “Logan.” In fact, Paradox is just a few days away from deleting the timeline himself with a device that will erase the world painlessly.

Wade isn’t giving up on preserving his universe, so he kidnaps a Wolverine from another timeline to replace the one that his world is missing. Paradox finds the replacement insufficient and banishes both Deadpool and the new Wolverine to The Void, a desert world reserved for entities that Paradox and his organization want to sweep under the rug. The Void is ruled by Nova (Emma Corrin), the heretofore unknown twin sister of Professor X. She wants to kill the heroes, and they ironically need her help to return to Wade’s timeline to stop Paradox.

The bad news is that neither Deadpool nor Wolverine can hope to succeed on their own, or even together for that matter. It doesn’t help that the two don’t like each other, with this version of Wolverine wanting nothing more than to wallow in self-pity and Deadpool insisting that he put aside his failures and help save a timeline that isn’t his own. The good news is that there’s help out there in The Void. Remember, multiple-timeline and multiverse rules are in effect here. I will say that there are other versions of Deadpool played by Reynolds and other versions of Wolverine played by Jackman. Are there versions of these characters not played by Reynolds and Jackman? Will anyone else from the “X-Men” universe show up? Maybe some even stranger bedfellows?

The appeal of “Deadpool & Wolverine” lies in its ability to elicit laughter and gasps. The kind of gasps I can talk about here relate to crude humor and creative violence, which tie into the laughter anyway, so really the appeal of this film is its humor. Obviously this movie isn’t going to appeal to audiences that want their Marvel movies at the PG-13 level or tamer. But it also isn’t going to appeal to people that don’t like Deadpool or are sick of Deadpool. It’s hard to imagine anybody not falling for the charm that Reynolds and Jackman bring to their characters. It’s easier to imagine that people are tired of this schtick after eight years, with all the “shock” and meta-humor and excitement over silly things like ill-fitting pop songs. For me, there was just enough juice left in the tank for me to give this movie a recommendation, but I suggest seeing this movie early while the screenings are still a party, because I don’t think this movie is going to age well once the novelty wears off.

Grade: B-

“Deadpool & Wolverine” is rated R for strong bloody violence and language throughout, gore and sexual references. Its running time is 128 minutes.

Robert R. Garver is a graduate of the Cinema Studies program at New York University. His weekly movie reviews have been published since 2006.