Lifestyle
Constantly anxious? Ease your mind by asking yourself this one question
Bestselling author Martha Beck has tried many things over her 62 years of life to quell the anxiety that’s been her constant companion since childhood.
The Harvard-trained sociologist experimented with therapy, medication, self-compassion practices and many, many hours of meditation.
Then, as collective worry spiked during the COVID-19 pandemic, Beck dug into scientific research on anxiety as she was teaching an online course on creativity, and it led to a thrilling discovery: anxiety and creativity have an inverse relationship. Turn one on and the other turns off.
“It was really one of those aha moments,” Beck, who is also Oprah Winfrey’s go-to life coach, said in an interview. “And I just walked around my room going, ‘I don’t have to be anxious anymore. I know how to shut it down.’”
Shelf Help is a wellness column where we interview researchers, thinkers and writers about their latest books — all with the aim of learning how to live a more complete life.
Even people who don’t consider themselves creative can tap into this inherent capacity of the human brain to step away from worry and live with more connection and joy, Beck says in her new book, “Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose” (Penguin Random House).
Beck spoke to The Times about how to identify anxiety’s lies, engage the creative side of our brain and why our worries are linked to the structure of our economy.
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.
How did you come to realize the relationship between creativity and anxiety?
I started using a technique that’s in the book that I call KIST (kind internal self-talk). It’s a form of Tibetan loving-kindness meditation for the self. I started to silently repeat to myself, “May you be happy. May you be well. May you feel safe. May you be protected.” And like a drought condition with a little trickle of water coming in, I focused on that trickle of water where there was no anxiety.
Martha Beck, author of “Beyond Anxiety”
(Photo by Rowan Mangan)
Then I found out that just by using kind self-talk, I could get a client to feel calm in five minutes if they learn to focus their minds on wishing themselves well. Then I added the creativity piece. You start with kindness. Be kind to yourself, as kind as you know how to be to anyone. Come back to kindness and your anxiety will come down to calm. But then, because we live in a world that is basically an externalized structure of the anxiety inside our brains, the moment we’re in touch with the world we get spun into anxiety again, unless we have a really hard anchor into something else. The something else is creativity.
So, kindness gets us to peace, and then instead of saying, “What can I do now?” ask yourself, “What can I make now?” That shift takes you into curiosity and into the part of the brain that connects things together and solves mystery — you’re in creativity. And that opens you up, where anxiety closes you down and crunches you.
“Instead of saying, ‘What can I do now?’ ask yourself, ‘What can I make now?’ That shift takes you into curiosity and into the part of the brain that connects things together and solves mystery — you’re in creativity.”
— Martha Beck, author of “Beyond Anxiety.”
You say that “anxiety always lies.” How can we know it’s anxiety lying?
Fear is a natural response to something threatening in the environment. If you see something scary — someone pulls a gun on you or there’s a bear — you’ll have a jolt of very, very clear, high energy that will say, “Do this.” It’s a very dramatic thing, and we don’t need it very often.
But we’re anxious all the time, because anxiety is not about what’s here. It’s about what we think could be somewhere, someday, maybe. So there’s no limit to it. There’s no rest from it, because it’s not real. Anything that we’re afraid of that isn’t happening now is a self-deception. It’s an innocent lie, but it’s still saying, “You should be afraid.” And if there’s nothing to be afraid of and you’re telling yourself, “I should be afraid,” it’s not the truth of your circumstance. It’s not real. That’s why anxiety always lies.
Your insights in this book were informed by the work of neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor, who says the brain’s right hemisphere is home to creativity, compassion and peace, while the analytical, linear left hemisphere is where anxiety lives. The right hemisphere sounds way better, so why wouldn’t we be there all the time?
One of the problems is that the right hemisphere doesn’t track time. We live in a world that requires scheduling and the measurement of time, where people are anxious, where everything is monetary eventually. We’re all engaged in this monetary pursuit, which is the core of our society, and that’s fundamentally anxiety-driven.
Book cover for “Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose,” by Martha Beck
(Penguin Random House)
Is this why you say we need a new economic system to support more right-brained living? What might that look like?
We’re looking at an economy where familiar structures are collapsing. Our model is a rigid pyramid of wealth and power, with the very rich at the top, all the way down to the poor at the bottom. That is culture. Culture is very left brain. An alternative to that is nature. Everything in nature exists in ecosystems. All living things require space; energy, like sunlight; and water, which is the basis of all life on this planet; and ecosystems will emerge. If you doubt it, don’t clean your fridge for a month and then look inside there and see what’s evolved.
People can create economic ecosystems around themselves. The energy is actually desire: you have a natural desire to fulfill your destiny. The water is your creativity: this is what is needed to give shape to your destiny, to take the next step forward, so you start to make things. And then the space is our time. The idea is to give enough time to identify your real desires and to create whatever happens, and I believe it’s like not cleaning your fridge for a few weeks: a system of value begins to emerge in your life and then it starts to spread.
There’s never been a more important time than now to stop anchoring yourself in structures that are collapsing and start investigating your inherent curiosity. If you can give yourself that space and the kindness to be quiet and start to think, “What can I make?” it gets very interesting.
TAKEAWAYS
from “Beyond Anxiety”
What about people who insist they’re not creative?
When NASA tested adults to see how many creative geniuses they could find to hire, they found that 2% of adults rate as creative geniuses. Someone then thought to test 4- and 5-year-olds and found that 98% of them were creative geniuses. So somewhere along the way, our creative genius gets throttled. If you can be creative the way a 4- or 5-year-old is, it’s pure fun. There’s no judgment.
So you have to bring the kindness factor in over and over. I have a friend who puts together jigsaw puzzles and it calms her and soothes her. That’s her way of doing art. If you cook, by taste especially, you’re doing art. If you plant a garden, you’re doing art. If you throw a dinner party, you’re creating something. You make a sandwich, you’re creating. Every one of us human beings is unbelievably constantly creative.
A lot of people don’t feel creative because they’re physically and emotionally exhausted. The recipe for your life should be this: rest until you feel like playing, then play until you feel like resting, and then repeat.
In the book, you write, “choose to focus on what makes life enjoyable and meaningful.” Sounds like a no-brainer, but why is this so hard to do?
Because the anxious brain says you’ll be safer if you’re always afraid. There’s nothing wrong now, but there will be, so you better stay scared. If you stay scared, you’ll be more productive. But every test they do on creative problem-solving shows that when you’re scared, you can’t do it. It’s just the lie of anxiety speaking through the whole society, and we all agree, “Yes, we should be very worried.” In a society where everything has to be monetized and attention is at a premium, scaring someone will get their attention.
So many people are anxious because their lives are full of demands: work, relationships, family. How do we foster a right-brained approach in that atmosphere?
When you’re in a lot of anxiety, it becomes unbearable. That’s how I found my way through all that meditation to the epiphany. And in situations of turmoil and distress and chaos, there’s more motivation to seek that.
The thing I love about kind internal self-talk is that as you start to bring a little kindness into the equation, you then start to become like one of my favorite Persian poets, Hafiz. Part of this poem he wrote goes: “Troubled? Then stay with me for I am not.” Immediately, the kindness that you give yourself begins to go out to other people. And that makes every interpersonal interaction calmer, more mutually affirming. It takes you into the creativity spiral. It doesn’t just make it calm. It makes it creative. It makes it generative. And if there’s a practical problem to be solved, you don’t want to be in a panic. Any practical problem, any interpersonal problem, any personal problem is made better when we abandon our anxiety, find our kindness and move into what we can make. And then we get so involved with living that way that we transcend anxiety altogether, and we don’t have to go back.
Shelf Help is a wellness column where we interview researchers, thinkers and writers about their latest books — all with the aim of learning how to live a more complete life. Want to pitch us? Email alyssa.bereznak@latimes.com.
Lifestyle
Pretty hurts (and then some) in Ryan Murphy’s body-horror ‘The Beauty’ : Pop Culture Happy Hour
Ashton Kutcher as The Corporation in The Beauty.
Eric Liebowitz/FX
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Eric Liebowitz/FX
The Beauty stars familiar faces from the Ryan Murphy universe, including Evan Peters, as well as new collaborators like Ashton Kutcher. In the show, a genetic biotech serum has been engineered to transform people into ridiculously good-looking supermodels. But there’s at least one problem: Eventually, those supermodels are dying suddenly, horrifically and spectacularly. Is it astute commentary, crass exploitation, or maybe a bit of both? Well, it’s definitely a Ryan Murphy production, through and through.
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Lifestyle
Team USA’s Laila Edwards Thanks Kelce Bros. for Helping Family Go To Olympics
Team USA’s Laila Edwards
Kelce Bros Are Super Cool
Thanks For Huge Donation!
Published
TMZ.com
Laila Edwards‘ family will get to watch her in the Olympics thanks to a huge donation from Travis and Jason Kelce — and the hockey star tells TMZ Sports she can’t thank the brothers enough for the assist.
The University of Wisconsin standout was named to Team USA’s roster for the 2026 Winter Olympics earlier this month … and a GoFundMe was launched to help some of her family get to Italy to see her compete.
The Kelce brothers pitched in $10K, which got her way over her goal — something she said was unbelievable.
“They didn’t have to do that,” Edwards said at LAX this week. “Travis did a kind donation that’s gonna help my family get over there.”
“A lot more of my family can come now.”
Edwards — the first black woman to play for the U.S. women’s senior national team — said she messaged Travis to thank him personally and described him as a “super nice” guy, adding she hopes he and Jason can come watch her compete.
“I know Jason and Kylie will be there for sure,” Edwards said, “Travis is working on it.”
Lifestyle
Julian Barnes’ playful new book is also his ‘official departure’
In Departure(s), Julian Barnes’ playful new novel about several of his lifelong obsessions — mortality, memory, and time — the author announces that after publishing 27 books over the past 44 years, “this will definitely be my last book — my official departure, my final conversation with you.”
Surely, he jests? Barnes, who describes himself as a “cheerful pessimist,” turned 80 this month. He also has a longstanding interest in endgames — both endings and games. Writing, he says, is still “one of the times I feel most alive and original,” but he worries about repeating himself, or going stale, or “lapsing into the easy garrulity of autobiography.” Self-determined retirement has the advantage of assuring against being cut off mid-project — and worse, of having someone else clumsily complete his orphaned book. Still, he backslided rather quickly after swearing off interviews some 10 years ago — lasting only until the publication of his very next book.
Departure(s) is billed as a novel. It is narrated by a writer named Julian (“Jules”), a self-declared agnostic/atheist who prepared for COVID lockdown by ordering a 30-DVD boxed set of Ingmar Bergman films. This narrator, like the author, was devastated by the sudden death of his wife (literary agent Pat Kavanagh) to brain cancer in 2008, and has since lost many friends, including fellow writers Christopher Hitchens and Martin Amis, to other forms of the disease. He relays his own medical saga, including his diagnosis in early 2020 with an incurable but manageable form of leukemia, which is kept in check with daily chemotherapy pills. He comments wryly: “‘Incurable yet manageable,’ that sounds like…life, doesn’t it?”

It takes Barnes a while to get to the story at the core of this book, which involves college classmates he introduced to each other while they were at Oxford University with him in the 1960s. Barnes calls this couple, whom he promised never to write about, Jean and Stephen. They all parted ways after graduation, and mostly fell out of touch until 40 years later, when they were in their 60s. Stephen, long-divorced, contacts Barnes and asks him to help reconnect with Jean. Barnes happily obliges, glad to have another go as matchmaker. Both Stephen and Jean confide separately that they consider their rekindled relationship their “last shot at happiness.”
As a novelist, Barnes is used to playing god, manipulating his characters’ lives and feelings. He notes that he has written about love frequently, though “few of my characters have ever been granted a happy ending.” Jean argues that novelists really don’t get love. Could this be true, Barnes wonders. Surely not the great novelists, who he feels “understand love, and most aspects of human behaviour, better than, say, psychiatrists or scientists or philosophers or priests or lonely-hearts columnists.”
Barnes’ central concern here is not so much with how Jean and Stephen’s relationship plays out, but with endings in general, both literary and otherwise, and with stories and memories “with a missing middle,” like the 40 year gap in his friends’ love story. Fiction, he notes, “requires the slow composting of life before it becomes usable material.” It also has the advantage over nonfiction of enabling writers to fill in blanks where facts remain elusive.
Like much of Barnes’ work, Departure(s) attempts to synthesize multiple strands in a wily (and sometimes unruly) hybrid of autobiography, essay, fiction and autofiction that is thick with musings about Proust and other French writers, involuntary memory, and aging. (“You should do one thing or the other,” sharp-tongued Jean admonishes him about his discursive approach to narrative.)
As always, Barnes underscores his thoughts with trenchant quotes from his inner Bartlett’s, including this wonderful parenthetical remark: “What did T.S. Eliot say about memory? That no matter how you wrap it in camphor, the moths will get in.”
Even if Departure(s) does not turn out to be Barnes’ capstone, it is a welcome addition to his bibliography, exhibiting more in common with his greatest hits — including his breakthrough third novel, Flaubert’s Parrot and his 2011 Booker Prize-winner, The Sense of An Ending — than his most recent novel, the disappointingly flat Elizabeth Finch.
Departure(s) is slim but weighty, digressive yet incisive. The plot is pretty much beside the point. Although the book features a somewhat tricky, not entirely reliable narrator, it gives us unprecedented access to the thoughts and feelings of this extraordinarily interesting, erudite writer who professes to view life as, “at best, a light comedy with a sad ending.” A light comedy with a sad ending — that pretty much sums up Departure(s).
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