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Ask Amy: Exiting with some well-worn wisdom

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Ask Amy: Exiting with some well-worn wisdom


Dear Readers: Since announcing my departure from writing this syndicated column, I have heard from scores of people across various platforms, thanking me for more than two decades of offering advice and wishing me well in my “retirement.” I am very touched and grateful for this outpouring of support.

The thing is — I don’t think of myself as retiring.

I have led a constant, reliable life. I will read even the worst book to the last page. I have never voluntarily left a relationship, an obligation, or any employment.

(I can barely stand to leave a room!)

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But I’m leaving this seven-day-a-week commitment — because I want to, and because it’s time.

My intention is to move on and to do other meaningful work.

Writing this column has given me a glimpse into thousands of lives.

The insight I have gained has inspired and empowered me to listen to my own counsel, to be authentic in my actions, and to — basically — be in charge of my own life, as much as possible.

Showing myself the door at this moment reflects the privilege of good health, strong relationships, years of steady employment, and some prudent financial choices. I’m very aware of how lucky I am.

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My favorite way to envision this work is to picture families reading these columns together at the breakfast table and weighing in with their own points of view before reading mine.

And yes, there are still parents and grandparents out there who clip the newspaper and send pertinent columns to kids in college or summer camp, or tape it to refrigerators and bathroom mirrors.

I’ve heard from healthcare workers, police officers, firefighters and office workers who say they discuss the issues raised in the column in the break room.

I love knowing that, and I’ll miss having coffee with you.

The questions raised in this space have been used as teaching tools in middle schools, memory care units, ESL classes and prisons. These are perfect venues to discuss ethical, human-sized dilemmas.

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On my last day communicating with you in this way, I feel compelled to try to sum up my experience by offering some lasting wisdom, but I’ve got no fresh insight. Everything I know has been distilled from wisdom gathered elsewhere.

Boxer Mike Tyson famously said, “Everybody has a plan, until they get punched ….” Punches are inevitable. But I do believe I’ve learned some universal truths that might soften the blows.

They are:

Show up for people.

Be gentle with yourself — and with others.

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Lead with kindness, and recognize kindness when you receive it.

Reserve your harshest judgment. Sit on your worst thoughts about other people and consider the consequences before expressing them.

Be of service by finding something, or someone, to take care of.

Find creative ways to express your feelings.

Admit to your faults and failings, and resolve to do better.

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Ask for forgiveness.

Work hard not to be defined by the worst things that have happened to you.

Recognize even the smallest blessings and express gratitude.

Be kind to receptionists, restaurant servers, dental hygienists, and anyone who needs to physically touch or serve you in order to do their job.

Understand that there are times when it is necessary to give up.

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Spend time in nature.

Identify, develop, or explore your core ethical and/or spiritual beliefs.

Recognize and detach from your own need to control someone else.

Respect boundaries — yours and others’.

Seek the counsel of people who are wiser than you are. Ask their advice, and listen.

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I sometimes supply “scripts” for people who have asked me for the right words to say, and so I thought I would boil these down to some of the most important statements I believe anyone can make.

They are:

I need help.

I’m sorry.

I forgive you.

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I love you, just as you are.

I’m on your side.

You’re safe.

You are not alone.

Now that I’m near the end of my movie, I hope you’ll pay attention to the end credits.

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Many thanks to Chicago friends and colleagues, including Jim Warren, who found me, Ann Marie Lipinski, who hired me, Steve Mandell, who represented me, and editors Mary Elson, Bill O’Connell and Carrie Williams. Thank you to “Gentleman Jack” Barry, who softened my exit.

And especially to Tracy Clark, a talented novelist who has helped to correct my faulty thinking and grammar for many years.

Finally, much gratitude to faithful readers, who can find me on social media and through my regular newsletter.

Onward!

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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Denver, CO

Police searching for information after fatal assault in Denver

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Police searching for information after fatal assault in Denver


Denver police are looking for information that could help them identify the suspect in a fatal assault overnight.

Officers were called to the scene in the 9700 block of E. Hampden Avenue around 2:08 a.m. They said an injured man at the scene was taken to a hospital for treatment, but he has been pronounced deceased.

DPD says they’re investigating the case as a homicide. They did not provide the identity of the man who was killed or further details on the case.

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Police encouraged anyone with information about the attack or the possible suspect(s) involved to contact Metro Denver Crime Stoppers.



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Denver, CO

Richard Jackson Obituary | The Denver Post

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Richard Jackson Obituary |  The Denver Post



Richard Jackson


OBITUARY

Richard E. Jackson, affectionately called “Jackson”, was beloved by his family, friends and colleagues. He passed peacefully surrounded by his wife and children. He was receiving exceptional medical care at City Park Healthcare and Rehabilitation Center at the time of his death. A devout Catholic, he received his Last Rights from Fr. John Ludanha of Blessed Sacrament Church and School.

He earned a Bachelor’s degree in Economics from Gannon University and a Master’s degree in Education from the George Washington University. For over 30 years, he was employed by the federal government, mostly as an analyst for the Social Security Administration (SSA). Other positions he held were: Beneficiary Services Specialist, Division of Medicare, Health Care Financing Administration; Public Affairs Specialist for SSA; and Management Analyst SSA Office of Management and Budget. After he retired, he was a consultant to the State of Colorado Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

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Jackson was a devoted father, step-father and foster father. He would take over the kitchen and cook spaghetti and meatballs, a family favorite, and then transport children to gymnastics practice and friends’ houses. He had a remarkable sense of humor, bringing joy and laughter to his home. He adored his wife and would leave her weekly love notes in drawers around the house. Exercising at the Denver Athletic Club, taking walks with his wife, and reading the New York Times were three of his favorite activities. He was born in Westfield, New York. His parents were Canadian immigrants. He was the youngest of eight children.

He is survived by his wife, Joycee Kennedy; his children – Kimberly Jackson (Mike Estes), Dawn Jennings (Ed Jennings) and Kevin Jackson; his stepchildren – Cary Kennedy (Saurabh Mangalik) and Jody Kennedy (Christopher Thompson); his grandchildren – Elizabeth, Chase and Drew; his step grandchildren – Kadin, Kyra, Bryce and Sena; and his first wife Madonna Smyth.

Services will be held at Blessed Sacrament Church – the time and day to be announced.



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Students push for statewide

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Students push for statewide


Students from across the Denver metro are heading to the state Capitol to push for free after-school opportunities statewide.

The proposal would create a “My Colorado Card” program, giving students in sixth through 12th grades access to cultural, arts, recreational and extracurricular activities throughout the state.

For students like Itzael Garcia, Denver’s existing “My Denver Card” made a life-changing difference. He said having access to his local recreation center helped keep him safe.

Itzael Garcia explains how the My Denver Card program has helped him.

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“We had a couple stray bullets go through our living room window, we had people get shot in front of our house, different things like that,” Garcia said. “Over the summer, being able to go to the public pool, it provided a space for us to all come together. In a way, it acted as a protective factor.”

The My Denver Card provides youth ages 5 to 18 with free access to the zoo, museums and recreation centers. For some, like Garcia, it has served as a safe haven.

That impact is why students involved with the nonprofit FaithBridge helped craft legislation to expand a similar pilot program to communities outside Denver.

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“We really just thought that inequity and really distinct opportunity deserts for students was really important for us to correct,” said Mai Travi a junior at Thomas Jefferson High School. Another student echoed that sentiment.

“We have a lot of students in the program that come from Aurora Public Schools, and they don’t have access to the same cultural facilities that we have living here; opportunities that really define our childhood experiences,” said Jack Baker, also a junior at Thomas Jefferson High School.

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Vernon Jones (right) speaks with students in My Denver Card program.

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Vernon Jones, director of the nonprofit FaithBridge, said organizers are still working out logistics but hope to partner with counties across Colorado.

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“This is a strategy to work for all of Colorado,” he said.

Denver school board member Marlene De La Rosa said the My Denver Card program has been impactful since its launch in 2013.

“For students that are on free and reduced lunch, the ‘My Denver Card’ can help scholarship some of their fees to participate in the youth sports at the recreation centers,” De La Rosa said.

Last year, 45,000 Denver youth had a card, accounting for 450,000 visits to recreation centers, outdoor pools and cultural facilities, she said.

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“I think it is very beneficial,” De La Rosa said.

The Denver program is funded by city tax dollars approved by voters in 2012. The proposed statewide pilot would instead rely on donations and grants.

The bill has cleared its first committee but still needs approval from the full House and Senate.

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