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Trump disqualification case from Colorado faces headwinds of Supreme Court doubt – Rhode Island Current

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Trump disqualification case from Colorado faces headwinds of Supreme Court doubt – Rhode Island Current


Trump disqualification

Read more from our reporting on the Trump 14th Amendment case here.

An “unmanageable situation.” A “pretty daunting consequence.” A “troubling potential disuniformity.”

Although the justices of the U.S. Supreme Court differed in the words they chose to describe it, they were largely united in using their questions during oral arguments Thursday to fret over the potential repercussions of upholding the Colorado Supreme Court’s historic decision to bar former President Donald Trump from the state’s primary ballot under a Civil War-era insurrection clause.

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The case began last year as a lawsuit filed by six Republican and unaffiliated voters against Trump and Colorado Secretary of State Jena Griswold. Backed by the liberal nonprofit Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington and armed with a legal theory endorsed by a handful of prominent legal scholars, the plaintiffs argued that Trump’s actions in relation to the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol disqualify him from office under the 14th Amendment to the Constitution. Section 3 of the amendment prohibits someone who took an oath to support the Constitution and then “engaged in insurrection” from holding office again.

Though the clause has been invoked in only a small number of cases in the last 150 years, a challenge brought by CREW successfully led to the 2022 removal of a county commissioner in New Mexico who had participated in the events of Jan. 6. Colorado was singled out by CREW as a “good venue” for a challenge against Trump’s candidacy because of provisions in its election code that explicitly bar candidates who are ineligible to assume office from appearing on the ballot.

How a Colorado lawsuit against Trump’s eligibility went from ‘long shot’ to the Supreme Court

A 4-3 majority of the Colorado Supreme Court, writing that it was “cognizant that we travel in uncharted territory,” ruled on Dec. 19 that Trump was ineligible, though it stayed its decision pending a highly anticipated U.S. Supreme Court appeal.

“We are here because, for the first time since the War of 1812, our nation’s Capitol came under violent assault,” Jason Murray, an attorney representing the plaintiffs, told the court during Thursday’s oral arguments. “For the first time in history, the attack was incited by a sitting president of the United States to disrupt the peaceful transfer of presidential power.”

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Very little of Thursday’s two-hour hearing, however, was devoted to the specifics of what transpired on Jan. 6, 2021. Justices instead focused at length on two key legal issues raised by Trump in his defense: the question of whether Section 3 can be enforced by a state in the absence of legislation from Congress, as well as a theory holding that the clause’s reference to “officer(s) of the United States” doesn’t include the president.

Griswold, a Democrat and outspoken Trump critic, took no position on Trump’s eligibility during trial proceedings last year, but has since said the Colorado Supreme Court “got it right,” and formally urged the U.S. Supreme Court to affirm the decision.

“We’ll follow the Supreme Court’s decision. What their decision will be, we can’t say at this point,” Griswold said in an interview following the hearing. “I think it would be a dangerous and sad day for the United States if Trump’s arguments were upheld.”

‘Pervasive national interest’

Echoing the views expressed by many commentators and Republican state officials in the weeks since the Colorado decision, members of the court — where Republican-appointed justices hold a 6-3 majority — raised the specter of a series of retaliatory disqualifications and a chaotic patchwork of standards at the state level if the ruling is affirmed.

“If Colorado’s position is upheld, surely there will be disqualification proceedings on the other side, and some of those will succeed,” Chief Justice John Roberts said. “I would expect that, you know, a goodly number of states will say, whoever the Democratic candidate is, you’re off the ballot. And others, for the Republican candidate, you’re off the ballot. It’ll come down to just a handful of states that are going to decide the presidential election.”

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Justice Elena Kagan, a member of the court’s liberal minority, appeared to agree, referring to the court’s previous recognition of a “pervasive national interest in the selection of candidates for national office.”

“It’s a broader principle about who has power over certain things in our federal system,” Kagan said. “There are certain national questions where states are not the repository of authority. … What’s a state doing deciding who other (states’) citizens get to vote for for president?”

Trump himself addressed the ballot case in a brief appearance Thursday morning outside his Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Florida.

“It’s unfortunate that we have to go through a thing like that,” Trump said.  “I consider it to be more election interference by the Democrats.”

Colorado in the spotlight

Alongside oral arguments by Murray and Trump attorney Jonathan Mitchell, Colorado Solicitor General Shannon Stevenson briefly answered questions on Griswold’s behalf during Thursday’s hearing, telling the court that Colorado’s election laws had worked as intended.

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The evidentiary record used by the Colorado Supreme Court to determine that Trump had engaged in insurrection — including hundreds of pages of testimony and video footage collected by the select U.S. House committee that investigated the Jan. 6 attack — was produced during a five-day trial in Denver District Court beginning Oct. 30.

“Nothing in the Constitution strips the states of their power to direct presidential elections in this way,” Stevenson said. “This case was handled capably and efficiently by the Colorado courts under a process that we have used to decide ballot challenges for more than a century.”

This case was handled capably and efficiently by the Colorado courts under a process that we have used to decide ballot challenges for more than a century.

– Shannon Stevenson, Colorado solicitor general

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Although the Colorado Supreme Court’s decision thrust the Centennial State into the national spotlight, few prominent Colorado Democrats have eagerly embraced the ruling.

“I think we have to beat Donald Trump, if he’s the Republican nominee, in an election,” Gov. Jared Polis said in response to questions about the case in a Fox Business interview last month.

In a statement Thursday, Colorado Attorney General Phil Weiser did not refer directly to Trump or the insurrection clause but called on the court to “uphold Colorado’s election laws and our state’s right to exclude from the ballot any candidate who is ineligible for the office.”

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Norma Anderson, the 91-year-old lead plaintiff in the Colorado case, is a former Republican Colorado House speaker. She was present along with other plaintiffs in the Supreme Court chambers on Thursday, and said afterwards that the justices were “hard to read.”

“I think it’s 50-50,” Anderson said. “They were very inquisitive. I think what they were trying to figure out is, ‘Is this really my job to do?’”

Among the hundreds of people present in the court’s crowded chambers Thursday were Carlos Samour, a Colorado Supreme Court justice who wrote a withering dissent from the majority’s ruling; Gerard Magliocca, a scholar of 19th-century constitutional law who provided expert testimony on Section 3 during the Denver trial; Seth Barrett Tillman, a conservative scholar who helped popularize the theory that the president is not an “officer of the United States”; and Dave Williams, the chair of the Colorado Republican Party.

Williams, a Trump loyalist who denies the legitimacy of the 2020 election, said in an interview that he was confident the court would rule in Trump’s favor, regardless of the grounds on which it bases its decision.

“I guess I don’t have a specific way for them to resolve it,” Williams said. “Ultimately my interest is in ensuring people can vote for Donald Trump. However they get there makes no difference to me.”

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Griffin’s case

The nation’s highest court has never directly weighed in on the application of Section 3, and the long dormancy of the clause has given the justices little recent case law from which to draw.

Much of the technical legal analysis in Thursday’s oral arguments concerned an 1869 ruling known simply as Griffin’s case, which arose when a Virginia man challenged his criminal conviction on the grounds that the judge who oversaw his trial should have been removed from office under the 14th Amendment, ratified the previous year.

Supreme Court Chief Justice Salmon P. Chase, acting as a lower-court judge while “riding circuit,” sided against the petitioner, ruling that disqualified officeholders weren’t removed “by the direct and immediate effect” of Section 3, but that “legislation by congress is necessary to give effect to the prohibition, by providing for such removal.” A year later, Congress passed the Enforcement Act of 1870 to do just that, including a so-called quo warranto measure authorizing civil actions to remove disqualified officeholders.

“The holding of Griffin’s case (says) that a state is not allowed to implement or enforce Section 3 of the 14th Amendment unless and until Congress enacts implementing legislation allowing it to do so,” Mitchell said.

Supporters of Trump’s disqualification say that Griffin’s case was wrongly decided. In an influential 2023 paper on Section 3, conservative legal scholars William Baude and Michael Stokes Paulsen called Chase’s opinion “full of sleight of hand, motivated reasoning and self-defeating maneuvers.” The Griffin decision also directly conflicts with a separate circuit-court opinion authored by Chase regarding the treason prosecution of former Confederate president Jefferson Davis, in which he reached the opposite conclusion.

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“Griffin was not a precedential Supreme Court decision,” noted Justice Sonia Sotomayor. “It was a circuit-court decision by a justice who, when he becomes a justice, writes in the Davis case, he assumed that Jefferson Davis would be ineligible to hold any office, particularly the presidency, and treated … Section 3 as executing itself, needing no legislation on the part of Congress to give it effect.”

Norma Anderson, a former Republican Colorado House Speaker and one of the plaintiffs in a lawsuit against former President Donald Trump’s 2024 ballot eligibility, speaks to reporters outside the U.S. Supreme Court following oral arguments on Feb. 8, 2024. (Chase Woodruff/Colorado Newsline)

But many of the justices expressed concerns about the implications of ruling that Section 3 is “self-executing,” allowing states to enforce it without congressional action. Responding to questions from Justice Samuel Alito, Stevenson said the country has “institutions in place” to prevent a tit-for-tat series of legal battles over candidate disqualifications.

“I think we have to have faith in our system, that people will follow their election processes appropriately, that they will take realistic views of what insurrection is under the 14th Amendment,” Stevenson said. “Courts will review those decisions. This court may review some of them. But I don’t think that this court should take those threats too seriously in its resolution of this case.”

“You don’t think that’s a serious threat?” asked Alito. “We should proceed on the assumption that it’s not a serious threat?”

In visible contrast to other justices, Alito, a hardline conservative appointed to the bench by former President George W. Bush in 2006, maintained a relaxed posture throughout much of Thursday’s hearing, and could frequently be seen reclined and rocking in his chair during questioning.

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At one point, Alito probed Murray with pointed questions about whether Section 3’s disqualification for officeholders who have “given aid or comfort to the enemies” of the United States could be used to disqualify a president who acted to “release funds” to “a country that proclaims again and again and again that the United States is its biggest enemy” — a reference to a far-right talking point positing that President Joe Biden could be disqualified for issuing certain economic sanctions waivers in the course of diplomatic negotiations with Iran.

“You’re really not answering my question,” Alito told Murray when he tried to respond. “It’s not helpful if you don’t do that.”

Though Trump was impeached by the Democratic-led U.S. House of Representatives shortly after the events of Jan. 6 for “incitement of insurrection,” he was acquitted after leaving office when all but a handful of Republican senators voted against his conviction. Last year, he was indicted by federal prosecutors who allege that his “pervasive and destabilizing lies” about the 2020 election “targeted a bedrock function of the United States federal government.”

That case is still pending, and Trump’s attorneys have asked courts to dismiss it on the grounds that he is immune from prosecution for actions he took in his official capacity as president. After the U.S. Court of Appeals turned down that argument this week, Trump could soon appeal the presidential immunity claims to the Supreme Court.

Federal statute has lacked a clear civil enforcement mechanism for Section 3 disqualification since the relevant portions of the Enforcement Act of 1870 were repealed in 1948. A criminal penalty exists under a law known as Section 2383, and anyone convicted under that statute faces a prison term of up to 10 years and disqualification from “holding any office under the United States.”

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Justice Brett Kavanaugh, one of three members of the Supreme Court appointed by Trump himself, also appeared to be satisfied with the Griffin’s case precedent during Thursday’s arguments, and said that Congress could enact Section 3 enforcement legislation similar to the criminal penalty under Section 2383 if it wanted.

“Just to be clear, under (Section) 2383, you agree that someone could be prosecuted for insurrection by federal prosecutors and, if convicted, could be or shall be disqualified then from office?” Kavanaugh asked Mitchell.

Mitchell’s answer sent a ripple of murmurs through the crowded court chambers.

“Yes. But the only caveat that I would add is that our client is arguing that he has presidential immunity,” he said. “So we would not concede that he can be prosecuted for what he did on Jan. 6 under (Section) 2383.”

Colorado Newsline is part of States Newsroom, a network of news bureaus supported by grants and a coalition of donors as a 501c(3) public charity. Colorado Newsline maintains editorial independence. Contact Editor Quentin Young for questions: [email protected]. Follow Colorado Newsline on Facebook and Twitter.

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Nothing Bundt Cakes opens first RI bakery

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Nothing Bundt Cakes opens first RI bakery


EAST GREENWICH, R.I. (WPRI) — If you’re looking to satisfy you’re sweet tooth, look no further than Division Street.

Nothing Bundt Cakes opened its first Rhode Island bakery in East Greenwich earlier this month. The new bakery is situated within East Greenwich Square, which is also home to the Ocean State’s first Crumbl.

The bakery is known for its handcrafted specialty Bundt cakes, as well as smaller “Bundtlets,” and bite-sized “Bundtinis,” that come in a variety of flavors.

“There’s a strong sense of local pride, creativity, and community here that aligns perfectly with our values,” said Jake Williams, who owns the East Greenwich bakery. “We were drawn to the area’s vibrant small business culture and the opportunity to contribute something special.”

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Nothing Bundt Cakes is also expected to open another bakery at Chapel View in Cranston later this year.

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Watch 12 News Now on WPRI.com or with the free WPRI 12+ TV app.

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Gather Round at These Unique, Seemingly Unrelated Rhody Businesses – Rhode Island Monthly

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Gather Round at These Unique, Seemingly Unrelated Rhody Businesses – Rhode Island Monthly


Ice cream class attendees look next door at the glassblowing studio. Courtesy of Gather 

It all started with a glassblowing studio. Benny Giguere had just moved from Vermont to Providence when he and high school friend, Matt Stone, decided to turn their passions into a brick-and-mortar endeavor. Giguere had been a glassblower for twelve years and felt Rhode Island was the perfect place to bring his talents.

That was around 2010. Now, in addition to a Providence glassblowing studio, Gather has two other businesses under its belt: an adjoining ice cream shop and a farm in Johnston. The goal for all three? To bring people together.

“One of the reasons we named it Gather was because the goal is to bring in more of the public and offer experiences,” Giguere says. “Gathering is the first thing you need to do in order to make something. We couldn’t do any of this without gathering.”

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Fire and Ice

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Benny Giguere uses his breath to expand glass during a live demonstration. Photo courtesy of Gather

Located at the tail end of Atwells Avenue, Gather Glass and Gather Cafe & Ice Cream Bar offer an experience called Fire and Ice, where participants make their own glass (the fire) and then craft a batch of ice cream (the ice). I set out to try the experience that blends the two businesses, starting with glassblowing.

The glassblowing space is split into two parts, a retail side and a studio side. We step into the studio and Giguere shows me the color options for my soon-to-be wine glass. Brightly colored glass pieces rep Rhode Island-friendly names like RIDOT, bright orange with white glass, and Blizzard of ’78, blue with white glass. I choose one called Grinch (a bright green).

Giguere takes me through the motions of the glassblowing process. Once prepped, I put on my safety goggles to do it for real. Giguere stays by me the whole time, mirroring what I need to do next while jumping in when I need assistance. With his laid-back but assertive cadence, he is obviously the man in charge.

“Once you choose a career like glassblowing, you either work for somebody else’s dream or you forge your own path,” he says.

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Giguere helps a student shape their glass. Photo courtesy of Gather

Since opening, Gather Glass has partnered with multiple local businesses. WaterFire was one of the first to work with Gather and that relationship still stands today, with Gather Glass glassblowing at almost every WaterFire lighting. Other local partners include Bellini and the Industrious Spirit Company. The shop also works with the Rhode Island Community Food Bank and donates to Crossroads Rhode Island.

“While the goal is to bring people in our doors, we also go out of our doors to help better things in the community,” Giguere says.

My glass needs to stay overnight to properly harden and cool, but not before Giguere helps me with the finishing touches.

In its first year, Gather Glass welcomed around 350 people to its studio. In 2025, that number climbed to more than 9,000.

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Ice Cream Madness

After finishing my wine glass, I switch gears and walk next door to the ice cream making class. The ice cream shop shares a glass wall with the studio so customers can watch the classes while enjoying their ice cream. A fully stocked bar with local brews and spirits from local distilleries offers visitors a stronger alternative to milkshakes.

I make my way over to the ice cream making station, complete with a scale, a stovetop and other ice cream making tools. Leading our class is Andrea LaFazia, a chef who helped open Troop.

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Liquid nitrogen floats out of an ice cream churn as attendees look on in awe. Photo courtesy of Gather

The ice cream shop was born in large part due to the Johnston farm, which had an apiary and lots of lavender growing. They used the ingredients in a honey lavender ice cream, which they sold on the farm and at events. After positive feedback, they used the farm’s basil in a lemon basil ice cream, and an idea was born.

“The thing that makes Gather special is everything we do is an experience that we can share,” LaFazia says. “So, we decided that it wasn’t enough to just make our own ice cream — we had to teach people how to make ice cream.”

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Gather began renovating the space next to the glassblowing studio two years ago and opened the ice cream shop last July. The shop is open for ice cream making classes and premade ice cream purchases.

After hearing the shop’s backstory, it’s time to decide our flavor base. Options include vanilla, chocolate and coffee made from New Harvest coffee beans.

I decide on my flavor: chocolate-strawberry. After mixing some cracked eggs, milk and other ingredients on the stovetop, the base goes inside a freezer to harden while we decide on our mix-ins. Some, like marshmallows and peanut brittle, are made in-house. I go for the cookie dough globs and waffle cone bits.

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Andrea LaFazia adds the showstopping liquid nitrogen to her ice cream creations. Photo courtesy of Gather

LaFazia starts churning the ice cream using liquid nitrogen.

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“When we dump the liquid nitrogen into the cream, the air pockets shut down,” she says. “This makes it so you don’t have that crunch and thinness you get with other ice cream.”

The liquid nitrogen’s foggy contents waft out of the churner as I add my mix-ins, watching them fold into the ice cream’s base. LaFazia gives me two scoops of my creation to sample and puts the rest into the freezer to harden. It’s some of the best ice cream I’ve ever tried, and the view of glassblowing next door provides entertainment while I scarf it down.

“Sometimes people get confused about how a glass studio, an ice cream shop and a farm are all tied together,” LaFazia says. “But we’re really just trying to create an environment where people can get together, have a great time and not be scared.”

Go for the Goats

A fifteen-minute drive from Atwells Avenue brings me to my final stop, Gather Farm in Johnston. The farm uses a community supported agriculture model, where consumers purchase shares of the farm’s harvest. Once a week during the season, the farm brings produce to the ice cream shop for CSA members to pick up.

All the produce is grown using organic and regenerative practices. CSA members have access to weekly yoga sessions in the summer and fall and pick-your-own opportunities during peak season. Spring sees produce like lettuce, carrots and rosemary harvested while summer is for cucumbers, sweet corn and blueberries.

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The farm also offers various classes and works closely with the African Alliance of Rhode Island, which runs the six-acre Bami Farm in Johnston.

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Gather Farm goats Salty and Fawn seemingly pose for a photo in the goat greenhouse. Photo courtesy of Gather

Aidan Simmons, the farm’s goat caretaker, waves at me as I park. She’s a twelfth-generation dairy farmer and second-generation goat farmer. In 2024, after learning her family could not continue operating Simmons Farm in Middletown, Simmons found a new home at Gather. Since then, she’s worked to perfect the farm’s goat hikes and goat cuddling sessions.

She leads me through the greenhouse, which doubles as the property’s event space. Here, Simmons and Gather farmer Elisabeth Stone tell me about their efforts to make the goat hikes more accessible for all.

“It’s important we make the hikes doable for all people,” says Simmons. “The hiking trail is mostly flat, so even if you aren’t completely mobile you can participate.”

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We finally reach the stars of the afternoon: the goats. Twenty-three goats waddle by as I step into their space, with Simmons greeting each one by name.

A few goats congregate toward the front corner of the goat greenhouse, and I walk over. Behind the blocked off area, three pairs of bright eyes stare up at me, each pair belonging to a floppy-eared baby goat. Their names are Jude, Willow and Ivy. Each is small enough to pick up and carry around. Simmons hands me Willow as we settle in for goat cuddles.

The cuddles are a new offering at the farm. During each session, guests can sit and snuggle with the goats for thirty-five minutes.

While I’m holding Willow, Simmons tells me more about the farm. Weekends are for the farm’s goat hikes, one-hour strolls through the property where attendees learn about goat history and fun facts from Simmons. The hike gives the goats time to forage around the property, which helps with the enrichment they require. Simmons also has plans to start offering goat yoga.

Simmons’ world revolves around the goat’s happiness. During our cold snap in January, Simmons brought the babies inside to the guest room of her home, which is on the Gather Farm property only a few feet from the goat greenhouse.

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Aidan Simmons leads hikers and her goats through the hiking trails on the Gather Farm property. Photo courtesy of Gather

“Some of them have never met their mom, but I’m their mom,” she says. “I kind of had to stop everything I had going on in my life to take care of them, but it’s worth it.”

I put down Willow, who’s been gnawing at my hair for the past few minutes. I stand up next to Simmons and ask what her dream is for the farm.

“The dream is to have a fully functioning farm,” she says. “I really want to prove that you don’t have to be the worst person in the world to be a dairy farmer.”

I give each of the baby goats one last squeeze before I head back to grab my things. I tell Simmons she has a pretty great thing going and she laughs, nodding.

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While I gave them goats, they gave me and my goats a home and hope when I didn’t know what was coming next,” she says. “This place really is like a family. All of the people I get to work with, they’re everything to me. I just feel like the luckiest person every day.”

I say my final goodbyes and walk to my car. My drive home is filled with thoughts of Gather and the people who make it all happen. From the heat of the glassblowing studio to the chill of the ice cream class and the warmth of the goat cuddles, Gather makes people feel like they belong. And in these chaotic times, couldn’t we all use a little sense of togetherness?

Gather Glass, 521 Atwells Ave., Providence, gatherglass.com; Gather Cafe & Ice Cream Bar, 519 Atwells Ave., Providence, gathercafe.com; Gather Farm, 380 Greenville Ave., Johnston, gatherfarm.com. 

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Learning Experiences

Interested in more hands-on experiences that blend education and fun? Check out these three spots below.

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Thames Glass

Located in the City by the Sea, Thames Glass offers various make-your-own classes. Guests can make ornaments, paperweights and vases, among other items, with the help of a professional glassblower. 688 Thames St., Newport, 846-0576, thamesglass.com

The 1661 Animal Farm

Part of the 1661 Block Island Resort, this farm houses goats and pigs and more exotic animals like kangaroos and camels. Visitors can purchase vegetables to feed the animals at a farm store on the property. 1 Spring St.,
New Shoreham, 466-2421, blockislandresorts.com

CHOP

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The Culinary Hub of Providence offers sit-down dining and engaging culinary classes. Through educational workshops, visitors can learn skills from CHOP’s culinary professionals and expert guest chefs. CHOP’s open kitchen also allows diners to peek into their meals’ creation process while the Chef Demo Bar offers quick kitchen demos and tastings. 211 Washington St., Providence, 429-2450, culinaryhubpvd.com





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The Real Housewives of Rhode Island Recap: Wrong Side of the Tracks

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The Real Housewives of Rhode Island Recap: Wrong Side of the Tracks


As if the aftermath of her explosion at the Studio 54 party wasn’t enough to deal with, Liz also now has to figure out what to do with the six bunches of bananas that Gary accidentally ordered when he meant to order six individual bananas. But until they’re ripe enough to make banana bread, she’ll focus on the other issue. “I came across as a bitter, drunken, witch,” she tells Dolores — three words that I have to imagine also appear on the show’s casting notice.

Meanwhile, Ashley takes some of the other women to her favorite beach, and Alicia, who is used to her country club, is terrified. “This is not my vibe, I’m freaking out,” she whispers as she’s forced to carry her chair, bag, and snacks. The snacks in question are something called “pizza chips,” which appears to just be bread with sauce on it? Alicia, being the brain behind Pizza Mamma, tries to break down the science to us, saying that cheese can’t sit out in the sun, but she need not explain. She had me at pizza chips.

She also had me when she revealed that Rulla apparently met Brian while he was married to Alicia’s high school Spanish teacher. “I don’t know if this is true, Brian cheated on his first wife, my Spanish teacher,” she says with her hands over her heart, “with Rulla. I hope that’s not true because I really did like my Spanish teacher.” Yet again, I’m obsessed with how deep the ties between these women go. A game of six degrees of separation hates to see them coming. I also love Alicia starting a declarative sentence with, “I don’t know if this is true,” but she should say it in Spanish next time.

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And speaking of those deep ties, we already know that there was some connection between Jo-Ellen’s sister and Jo-Ellen’s husband while they were in high school, before Jo-Ellen swooped in. But now we’re finally getting to meet Jen, who is basically subbing for Jo-Ellen at the house while she’s on a work trip. “She perpetuates this fun little game of flirting with my husband,” Jo-Ellen explains, but assures us that nothing is going on. That being said, Jen does joke that they’re like an old married couple and Jo-Ellen tells us that Jen wants his sperm to have a baby…but apart from that I guess everything is totally normal! I’m putting together a list of side characters who should be in the running to hold clams in future seasons, and so far Jen and Alicia’s Spanish teacher are leading the pack.

But when it comes to side characters, the real stars are of course Alicia’s aunts, who are thankfully back on our screens for a backyard barbecue with some of the ladies. And what better group to speak frankly to Rulla about her situation with Brian? The second Rulla alludes to bumps in the road, this beautiful coven of scorned divorcées pounce, encouraging Rulla to leave him. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder?” one of them asks her, and later in her confessional Rulla even admits that those words stayed with her. I feel like we’re seeing something real with Rulla and she’s finally letting the glossy veneer slip. But the best commentary comes from Alicia’s mother, who says, “I just hope and pray that you somehow hurt him…I’m gonna pray you get him back.” Forget the usual Bravo aftershows, I want a show that’s just all of Alicia’s aunts watching and commentating on each week’s episode. The ratings will be higher than the MASH finale.

As for Liz and Kelsey’s simmering conflict, the pair finally meet up to clear the air by the water where Liz’s boat is docked. I’ve seen similar meetings play out just like this on The Sopranos, so I had to keep reminding myself that Kelsey was safe because surely Bravo would never broadcast a woman being murdered. Then again, this would be the show to break that glass ceiling. As it turns out, I had no reason to fear because the sit-down goes incredibly smoothly. Liz explains that it felt like Kelsey was co-signing the rumors by bringing them up, and Kelsey says her instinct for Liz to keep her distance from Dino actually had more to do with her own history. She explains that ten years ago she and Dino hooked up but it didn’t go well, and now his presence is a reminder of a time in her life that she’s trying to forget. She even says she has PTSD over it and now avoids him like the plague, but respects that Liz has a meaningful friendship with him. I still have a lot of questions about this, but ultimately Liz and Kelsey clear the air and reconcile.

And thank god, because then they’re able to go rail biking in peace. All of the women split up into groups to cycle their way three miles down an old railroad track, with drinks in hand of course. “Rullala, how you doing back there?” Alicia asks as they ride, which made me scream out in delight upon once again getting to hear my new favorite word: “Rullala.” It’s my mantra. I say it no fewer than 50 times a day. It’s a greeting, it’s a prayer, it’s a way of life. Better yet, when the camera cuts to Rulla, she finally wins me over. Mid-cycle she’s shaking a cocktail shaker and pouring her tequila into a wine glass. Leave Brian and his bullshit at home, this is the woman that I want to see on my screen.

I’m even more enamored with her once they get to their location and she’s horrified to discover Alicia’s financial situation. She’s telling the ladies about not feeling valued given that her husband won’t put her name on the house or business, and Rulla, being a financial planner, springs into action. Seeing this smart, powerful side of her, especially as she’s trying to empower Alicia, is a great look and is far more compelling than watching her meekly defend her cheating husband. It gives a glimpse at what an independent Rulla might look like on this show in a couple of seasons.

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But she’s not the only one supporting Alicia — Kelsey steps up to play Billy in a role-play so Alicia can practice airing her grievances. Sidebar: everyone talks about these women looking alike, but the real problem is that all of their partners have such similar names. Alicia’s is Billy, Kelsey’s boyfriend’s is Bill, Rulla’s is Brian, Jo-Ellen’s is Gary, Liz’s is Gerry, Ashley’s is Jared, and thankfully Rosie’s is just Rich. But oh my god, how am I supposed to keep that all straight? Anyway, the little role-play Alicia does ends up being heartbreaking, as she gets emotional saying that he makes her feel worthless in their relationship. But the fact that we’re talking about this so much feels promising, and I hope we get to see Alicia ultimately bring all of these feelings to Billy. And if he doesn’t listen, I hope her aunts attack him.

The conversation then turns to how Liz has been gelling with newbie Ashley, and they joke about how Ashley is a little scared of her. When the Studio 54 party comes up, Liz says that that wasn’t her finest moment and wasn’t a good representation of what she’s really like. “Alicia, you said she’s always like that,” Rosie says, throwing Alicia right under the bus. “Don’t flip that shit, don’t do that to me, don’t put shit in my mouth,” Alicia fires back, as Dolores looks on like a proud mother. “She twisted my words, you’re a fucking troll,” Alicia yells, saying that Rosie fucked her. It’s a line-o-rama of iconic outbursts, one after another: “Welcome to Rhode Island, bitch, this is how we roll,” then, “Fucking thirsty bitch, so thirsty its scary,” and finally, “I need to get out of here cause I’m gonna end up killing her.” Our first death threat!

But the craziest part of this comes when Alicia and Rosie step away from the group for a moment. It’s allegedly to sidebar, but I was convinced it was so Alicia could murder her with fewer witnesses. Alicia tells her that if she apologizes everything will be good, Rosie apologies, and then things are good. “Did she just hug her?” someone asks from the circle, shocked. The series has had a lot of incredible moments thus far, but this one is what is most promising about its longevity as a Housewives show. The secret sauce of these shows is resilience — the ability to be as angry at someone as humanly possible, and move on like nothing happened so they can do it all over again. Long, drawn-out grudges make for bad television (as RHOBH proves), so this cast’s ability to reconcile and move on will be the thing that makes it great.



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