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Advice | Miss Manners: I keep stumbling into proposals

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Advice | Miss Manners: I keep stumbling into proposals


Dear Miss Manners: Twice, now, I have become an accidental intruder on a couple’s proposal during my regular walking excursions (after work and on weekends).

The first occurred on the campus of the university where I am employed, near a pad-mounted transformer and busy roundabout. I was willing to chalk my unfortunate presence up to his poor choice of venue. The second, however, occurred in a public park near an admittedly picturesque waterfall. On both occasions, I elected to politely avert my eyes and move along as hurriedly as possible without becoming a distraction, and to minimize any chances of accidental photobombing.

As this happenstance teeters dangerously on the edge of becoming a pattern, though, I thought it prudent to request a professional opinion: When such an intimate moment is made a public spectacle, what is the mannerly course of action for passersby? Was I correct in my choice to look away and swiftly move on? Should I instead stop and wait for them to finish before proceeding, or return in the direction from which I came?

Or, God forbid, am I obligated to offer my congratulations (or, I suppose, condolences, as the case may be) to these total strangers? Any thoughts are appreciated.

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Some thoughts might be: Why are they making a public spectacle of themselves? Wouldn’t such an important intimate moment be best savored in private between the two of them? Doesn’t photographing the moment inspire them to perform roles instead of reacting naturally? Do they believe that video will not provoke ridicule in any future children they might have?

Oh, well. Miss Manners realizes how difficult it would be nowadays to convince people that real life is more rewarding than a dramatized version.

So, yes — as much as you can, keep out of the way and out of photo range. And while a cheery “Congratulations!” would be fine if you feel so inclined, it is not obligatory. You have not been hired as an extra in these public dramas.

Dear Miss Manners: My husband is an excellent cook and usually prepares and serves most, or all, of the meal when we invite people over for dinner. I participate in a variety of ways, including finding recipes, making suggestions about the menu, and doing some chopping or stirring, depending on what we are making. I also tidy up the house beforehand and set the table.

Surprisingly (to me), when guests leave, they often thank my husband for the dinner but not me, as though I am not one of the hosts. I think that it would be more appropriate for guests to thank both of us. Also, I wonder if it would make a difference if the genders were reversed.

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While you presumably do not want to hear your guests saying, “Thank you so much for tidying up,” Miss Manners agrees that they are remiss. Whatever you do or do not do, you are the hostess. But while there may be a gender factor here, there is also, nowadays, an unfortunate preoccupation with food as the most important element of a social event. So your guests may be thinking of this as a meal out, rather than a convivial evening.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.



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Vance to meet Danish and Greenlandic officials in Washington on Wednesday

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Vance to meet Danish and Greenlandic officials in Washington on Wednesday


People walk along a street in downtown of Nuuk, Greenland, on Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2026.

Evgeniy Maloletka/AP


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Evgeniy Maloletka/AP

NUUK, Greenland — Along the narrow, snow-covered main street in Greenland’s capital, international journalists and camera crews stop passersby every few meters (feet) asking them for their thoughts on a crisis which Denmark’s prime minister has warned could potentially trigger the end of NATO.

Greenland is at the center of a geopolitical storm as U.S. President Donald Trump is insisting he wants to own the island — and the residents of its capital Nuuk say it is not for sale. Trump said he wants to control Greenland at any cost and the White House has not ruled out taking the island by force.

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U.S. Vice President JD Vance will meet Denmark’s foreign minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen and his Greenlandic counterpart Vivian Motzfeldt in Washington on Wednesday to discuss the Arctic island, which is a semiautonomous territory of the United States’ NATO ally Denmark.

Tuuta Mikaelsen, a 22-year-old student, told The Associated Press in Nuuk that she hoped American officials would get the message to “back off.”

Greenland’s Prime Minister Jens-Frederik Nielsen told a news conference in the Danish capital Copenhagen on Tuesday that, “if we have to choose between the United States and Denmark here and now, we choose Denmark. We choose NATO. We choose the Kingdom of Denmark. We choose the EU.”

Greenland is strategically important because as climate change causes the ice to melt, it opens up the possibility of shorter trade routes to Asia. That also could make it easier to extract and transport untapped deposits of critical minerals which are needed for computers and phones.

Trump also said he wants the island to expand America’s security and has cited what he says is the threat from Russian and Chinese ships as a reason to control it.

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But both experts and Greenlanders question that claim.

“The only Chinese I see is when I go to the fast food market,” Lars Vintner, a heating engineer told AP. He said he frequently goes sailing and hunting and has never seen Russian or Chinese ships.

His friend, Hans Nørgaard, agreed, adding “what has come out of the mouth of Donald Trump about all these ships is just fantasy.”

Denmark has said the U.S. — which already has a military presence — can boost its bases on Greenland. For that reason, “security is just a cover,” Vintner said, suggesting Trump actually wants to own the island to make money from its untapped natural resources.

Nørgaard told AP he filed a police complaint in Nuuk against Trump’s “aggressive” behavior because, he said, American officials are threatening the people of Greenland and NATO. He suggested Trump was using the ships as a pretext to further American expansion.

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“Donald Trump would like to have Greenland, (Russian President Vladimir) Putin would like Ukraine and (Chinese President) Xi Jinping would like to have Taiwan,” Nørgaard said.

Mikaelsen, the student, said Greenlanders benefit from being part of Denmark which provides free health care, education and payments during study.

“I don’t want the U.S. to take that away from us,” she said.

Ahead of Wednesday’s meeting, Naaja Nathanielsen, Greenland’s minister for business and mineral resources said it’s “unfathomable” that the United States is discussing taking over a NATO ally and urged the Trump administration to listen to voices from the Arctic island’s people.



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HIGHLIGHT | Lawrence Dots a Pass to Washington for a 6-Yard TD

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HIGHLIGHT | Lawrence Dots a Pass to Washington for a 6-Yard TD


DE Dawuane Smoot, LB Foyesade Oluokun, TE Brenton Strange, S Eric Murray, and S Antonio Johnson  speak with the media after practice on Thursday ahead of the Wild Card Matchup vs. Bills.

0:00 – 2:28 – DE Dawuane Smoot

2:29 – 6:24 – LB Foyesade Oluokun

6:25 – 9:25 – TE Brenton Strange

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9:26 – 11:32 – S Eric Murray

11:33 – 13:46 – S Antonio Johnson



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Iran warns Washington it will retaliate against any attack

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Iran warns Washington it will retaliate against any attack


DUBAI, Jan 11 (Reuters) – Iran warned President Donald Trump on Sunday that any U.S. attack would lead to Tehran striking back against Israel and regional U.S. military bases as “legitimate targets”, Parliament Speaker Mohammad Baqer Qalibaf told parliament.

Israel is on high alert for the possibility of a U.S. intervention to support a nationwide protest movement in Iran, sources said.

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Reporting by Dubai Newsroom; Editing by William Mallard

Our Standards: The Thomson Reuters Trust Principles., opens new tab

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