FOX Soccer analyst Kasper Schmeichel came prepared for this year’s World Cup on American soil.

The former Danish goalkeeper may not be from around these parts, but that didn’t stop him from dropping an eerily accurate comparison between two overconfident but long-suffering sports programs.

With England and Croatia warming up inside AT&T Stadium, the home of the Dallas Cowboys, Schmeichel decided he would roast two fanbases with one stone, comparing the Cowboys to the Three Lions with a hilarious one-liner.

Funny, but also painfully true if you’re a supporter of either team.

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I made a comparison last week between the English national team and Notre Dame, but Schmeichel got me thinking, who are the sports analogs to England from the four major North American leagues (NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA)?

Today, I will be doing exactly that, including giving a slightly better NFL comp than the Cowboys (shocking, I know).

Without further ado, let’s piss off our neighbors from across the pond.

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NFL – Chicago Bears

While the Dallas Cowboys are a fine comparison for the English national soccer team, I think I can do one better.

Schmeichel mentioned that England “won it once and have never stopped talking about it,” and although the second part of that statement applies to both, the Cowboys are five-time Super Bowl champions, having won it most recently in January 1996, a good three decades after England.

If you really want a team that more accurately mirrors the hard luck of the English, it would have to be the Chicago Bears.

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They have one Super Bowl win to their name, which came 40 years ago, and really don’t have much else to show for it.

Also, having lived in the DFW area for the better part of a decade, I can confidently say Cowboys fans are a little too arrogant and cocky to be compared to the English.

Sure, England will say things like “it’s coming home,” but they are far more self-deprecating and aware of their faults, even nihilistic in some cases.

The Bears hang onto their history because they know things will inevitably go bad for them on the biggest stage.

Speaking of which…

NHL – Toronto Maple Leafs

The Toronto Maple Leafs actually line up with England more closely than either fanbase would like to admit.

While the Leafs have a litany of Stanley Cups to their name, their most recent win was back in 1967, less than a full year after England won their first and only World Cup.

As far as expectations go, both constantly go into their respective tournaments with the weight of the world on their shoulders, only to come crashing down in the most horrific ways imaginable.

For the Leafs, it comes in the form of blowing big leads in the playoffs, while English fans and players alike can’t even hear the words “penalty kicks” without having a mental breakdown.

England and Toronto are both long-suffering cities, but their fans keep showing up expecting a different outcome.

Insanity? No, just sports fandom.

NBA – New York Knicks

This one would have been an even better comparison if the New York Knicks hadn’t gone and won the whole damn thing this year, but these two sports teams are still eerily similar.

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Think of the Knicks’ 2026 NBA Championship run as a window into what it would look like if England captured a World Cup (on American soil, no less).

Before this year, the Knicks famously had not won a Larry O’Brien trophy in over 50 years, yet they were still considered one of the “blue bloods” of the NBA.

Decades of heartache didn’t change that; it only made their fans more insufferable, but their triumph earlier this month in the NBA Finals exorcised all those demons.

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A win in the World Cup Finals would probably do the same for England fans, as you could probably feel that sigh of relief from the other side of the Atlantic.

MLB – New York Mets

Hello again, New York.

The Big Apple certainly has its fair share of winners, but it also has plenty of franchises that are aching to make a trip back down the Canyon of Heroes, none more so than the Mets.

Year after year, the Mets are near the top of MLB in terms of spending, with little to show for their efforts.

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They won a World Series back in 1986 and have been chasing that high ever since.

The common thread between England and the Mets (along with all the other teams on this list) is expectations relative to results, and it seems like the Mets are sort of a Schrödinger’s baseball franchise in that regard, expected to both compete for a World Series with their high-priced talent and flame out in spectacular fashion all the same.

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England always has flashy players heading into World Cup play, but the results haven’t been there, and they’ve often been sent home in brutal fashion, offering a great parallel to the Mets’ clockwork-like midsummer swoons and late-season meltdowns.

Guerrocastillo was taken into custody without incident and charged with Prohibited Weapon, a third-degree felony; Unlawful Carrying of a Weapon, a class A misdemeanor; Possession of Marijuana under two ounces, a class B misdemeanor; and Public Intoxication, a class C misdemeanor.

“Foot patrols are a foundational part of policing, and our Deep Ellum Task Force officers are making great arrests and providing increased security by walking a beat,” said Deputy Chief Devon Palk, who is commander of the Central Patrol Group. “Having our officers on foot, on horseback, and in our new Polaris utility vehicle puts officers exactly where we need them during peak hours in the area.”

Thousands of Croatia supporters turned downtown Dallas into a sea of red and white ahead of Croatia’s World Cup group-stage match against England. The parade featured cowgirls and groups in horse-drawn wagons and a 100-metre Croatian flag.