CONCORD — Maëlle Jacques was happy after she won the high jump in the New Hampshire high school Division III track and field championships on May 23. But it wasn’t because of the victory.

“It was my favorite thing ever, because I tied,” Jacques said. “It’s like, sharing the experience with the girl, we were both really happy. We got to share the first-place ribbon. That’s my favorite part of it, is just being happy with friends.”

But Jacques also dreaded news articles she expected would follow. Articles like one published by a conservative media outlet after the indoor track championships this winter with a headline that read, “Winner of NH Girls High Jump is Biological Male.”

While she was happy to share the first-place ribbon, Jacques said if her competitor had wanted to keep jumping, she would’ve stepped out. Because for Jacques, who is a transgender girl and a sophomore who competes on the soccer and track teams for Kearsarge Regional High School, sports aren’t about winning. Sports are where she can clear her head, where she can find acceptance, and where she has her closest friends.

“I don’t find a level of acceptance I find in sports anywhere else,” Jacques said. “I mean, I’m part of the team. There’s not really a second thought from my teammates.”

It’s the same for Parker Tirrell, who plays soccer at Plymouth Regional High School. Soccer is where she’s made most of her friendships.

“Soccer is one of the main parts of my life,” Tirrell said. “I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t play anymore.” 

But now in New Hampshire, transgender girls are being forced to consider life without sports. Over the past couple weeks, state lawmakers have passed several bills that would affect transgender people. House Bill 1205 would ban transgender girls from playing on girls’ sports teams from fifth to 12th grade. HB 396 would roll back nondiscrimination protections for transgender people, opening the door to bathroom bans. HB 619 would ban gender-affirming procedures for those under 18 years old, and HB 1312 would expand notice requirements to parents to materials related to gender identity.

All four bills are headed to the desk of Republican Gov. Chris Sununu, who has not indicated whether he will sign them. His office did not respond to a request for comment.

“I think it’s an emergency right now for trans rights in New Hampshire,” said Linds Jakows, a founder of 603 Equality, a LGBTQ+ advocacy organization in New Hampshire. “If any of these bills are passed, that would be the first time that New Hampshire actively took a step backwards for trans legal rights in the state.” 

Will transgender youth leave New Hampshire?

For Tirrell and Jacques, New Hampshire is their home. But they, and other transgender people in the state, have had to consider leaving.

The Tirrells have deep roots in their community. Parker’s father, Zach, is on the Plymouth selectboard, and her mother, Sara, does a lot of volunteer work. They said their community has been very supportive and they would rather stay in Plymouth, but if laws started passing that would prevent Parker from receiving gender-affirming care, they might be “forced” to leave. The care, like any medication, is not something Parker can just quit “cold turkey,” she said.

Jakows said she already knows some families who are making plans to move by next school year; in particular, another family whose daughter plays sports in New Hampshire.

“They don’t want to take their chances,” said Jakows. “I think that some people who are on the anti-trans side think that, ‘oh, it’s just a very slight rearrangement of your life,’ like ‘oh, you know, if you cannot play sports, you’ll find another hobby or some other activity.’ But there are people that are rearranging their entire lives and making major moves when they don’t want to otherwise based on these policies.”

More: Why are there so many bills about gender identity in New Hampshire? Experts weigh in

Rep. Alissandra Murray, D-Manchester, one of a few transgender legislators in New Hampshire, has friends who are leaving or thinking of leaving the state because of the legislation. Murray doesn’t want people to leave but understands the desire to move somewhere they will feel safer and more accepted.

“The sad thing is that some families that are here, have already moved here because they left Texas or like another place that they didn’t feel safe. And now they’re feeling like they might have to move again,” said Murray. “That’s really heartbreaking. I hate that we have made our state feel so unwelcoming to such a vulnerable population.”

Murray thinks this isn’t the “norm” for New Hampshire and has “full confidence” lawmakers will be able to repeal these bills within the next couple of years if Sununu signs them. The Tirrells have hope too: after all, New Hampshire is supposed to be the “Live Free or Die” state, they said.

“When I was grew up, they told me that this was a free state and we could do what we want, as long as it wasn’t illegal, and we could pursue our dreams and we could be what we want to be and for me that’s being a girls soccer player,” said Parker. “And they are now telling me that I can’t do that.”

Jacques wants to move, but with two years left of high school, her brother headed to college, and separated parents, she thinks it’s probably not a realistic possibility. Instead, she said her best option is to fight.

“Work with organizations, ACLU, GLAAD, whatever it takes to try and find some other means of getting around this bill,” Jacques said. “If not possible, I have family in Quebec. So I’ll go to college in Canada.”

‘We’re just kids’: Legislation targets a small community, opponents say

For Murray, this legislative session has been challenging. They’ve felt betrayed and hopeless when their colleagues continue to vote for these bills even after Murray has talked to them. While it has been mostly Republicans voting for these bills, 11 Democrats voted for HB 619 and two voted for HB 396 in the House. 

“I’m basically having to beg my colleagues to recognize our humanity and listen to the people, like the queer people here in New Hampshire, and not let these national headlines and culture wars impact what actually goes on in our state,” Murray said.

Murray said the bills feel “really targeted,” especially with such a small number of transgender girls playing in school sports in New Hampshire. Jacques only knows one other: Tirrell. On the Senate floor, Sen. Debra Altschiller, D-Stratham, said there were just five. 

“So these children that are being really intentionally picked on, essentially, by conservative media and conservative politicians and made to feel like they are a danger somehow to their friends and teammates, and made to feel like they’re wrong and that there isn’t a place for them in public schools, or in schools in general,” said Murray.

Arguments in support of these bills, especially to ban transgender athletes, include ones of fairness and safety. 

Jacques said she feels like people make her and other transgender athletes out to be “menaces to be defeated,” when in reality, she said on her team, she is “by far” the least muscular and not close to the tallest. Tirrell and her parents said that people often struggle to pick Parker out in pictures, proving that one has “no idea without having that context.” Their message: Transgender girls are not a monolith.

“I feel like a lot of those people have the perspective that all trans girl athletes are like, I don’t know, like, 6-foot-3-inch football linemen or something that are like a danger,” Jacques said. “Obviously, there are cases where it could be unfair and whatnot. But it’s not all cases and an outright ban is really extreme.”

LGBTQ community members rally outside State House

At 11 a.m. on Wednesday, what looked like over one hundred members of the LGBTQ community and allies gathered at the New Hampshire State House to call on Sununu to veto the legislation. They lined the halls of the state house, chanting and singing things like “Which side are you on?” and “We are fighting for our futures and together we are strong.” They entered the Governor’s office, and told their stories to a staffer one by one.

Tirrell joined the rally. Her mother has been writing letters by hand to Sununu every day. They are optimistic that he won’t “bow to some cultural pressures,” and instead make a decision aligning with the anti-discrimination protections for transgender people he signed into law in 2018.

“Back in 2018, Gov. Sununu chose to do the right thing and protect trans people in NH from discrimination,” said Grace Murray, political director at NH Youth Movement, in a press release. “Now that several horrifying, discriminatory pieces of legislation have come to his desk, it’s time for him to do the right thing again and veto these bills. NH is the ‘live free or die’ state and those values should apply to all people. Trans people should be allowed to live free in this state without the constant attacks to their rights. Gov. Sununu needs to uphold the freedoms we cherish in NH and veto these bills.”

Murray put it more bluntly.

“We’re at this point where Sununu is literally our last hope,” Murray said.