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Astros 13, Twins 12: Rally? Bye, in ashes

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Astros 13, Twins 12: Rally? Bye, in ashes


Good morning/evening, ladies & gents & non-binary folks.

I wrote most of the parody below when the score was 13-5, only for the Twins to put up seven runs in the bottom of the ninth — including a Carlos Correa grand slam off Josh Hader to put the Twins to within one — before Manuel Margot whiffed to end it.

But as I took my sleep meds (which for some reason take an hour or more to kick in) around 45 minutes ago, I’m not rewriting this.

So note that the downer sentiments expressed below are somewhat mitigated by the exciting ending, even if the conclusion was a letdown.)

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This was a cruddy ending,
At last they call game;
No use in us pretending:
One crappy ballgame.

Come into the ballpark, Pablo’s on the mound;
Still at the start where our hope is found.
But everything that happened, it naturally went wrong,
Mmm, the innings pass before us, and we have to chug along.

We matched their three in second by the end of third;
But further anguish beckoned; soon this game would prove a massive turd.

Iiiiiiiii… don’t know what I’m watching;
Each guyyyyyyyyyy… botching every play.

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This Houston rout unending,
They whooped us all game.
Their score will keep ascending
This crappy ballgame.

Ten o’clock in the evening, still we’re in the ninth;
We’ve answered twice, they clock us around.
At least Miranda got his streak up to ten;
Hope he gets up tomorrow to bat and can do it again.

In terms of STUDS, it’s just he, and Brooks and Kepler too;
The rest were wholly rusty; DUDS, our pitching; all was rancid poo.

Iiiiiiiii… feel like I could vomit,
But fiiiiiiiiiiind… Comment of the Game.
Oh Iiiiiiiii’m… (What’s in my brain is blending, it’s done so all game)
giving it to Lincoln. (These dragging hours we’re spending, mean crappy ballgame.)
‘Cause Iiiiiiiii’m… (Whatever else is pending? No mind, we’ll call game.)
…thinkin’ this is best. (This lengthy time’s extending this crappy ballgame.)

[NOTE: This is the entire “Little bit of love” section and final chorus, repeated with a crescendo of a choir. For reasons elaborated in the preamble, I’m skipping it and going right to the finish:]

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But still this team’s contending;
They battled all game.
Let’s hope tomorrow’s pending
No crappy ballgame.



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NEXT Weather: 10 p.m. report for Minnesota on Nov. 4, 2024

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NEXT Weather: 10 p.m. report for Minnesota on Nov. 4, 2024


NEXT Weather: 10 p.m. report for Minnesota on Nov. 4, 2024 – CBS Minnesota

Watch CBS News


WCCO meteorologist Chris Shaffer says it will be cooler tomorrow with highs in the upper 40s.

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What to do in Minnesota: Things to do this weekend (Nov. 8-10)

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What to do in Minnesota: Things to do this weekend (Nov. 8-10)


Split Rock Lighthouse, as seen from Split Rock Lighthouse State Park, located on the North Shore of Lake Superior in Minnesota. (Melissa Turtinen/FOX 9 / FOX 9)

This weekend is packed with events like shopping for gifts from local artists, attending the Twin Cities Con in Minneapolis, or seeing the Split Rock Lighthouse lit up in northern Minnesota.

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Twin Cities Con 

  • Minneapolis Convention Center
  • Nov. 8-10
  • Day tickets start at $40, weekend passes are $70

The 2024 Twin Cities Con is back at the Minneapolis Convention Center and features several celebrity guests, including “Star Wars” actors Hayden Christensen and Ian McDiarmid, the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants, Tom Kenny, in addition to professional wrestlers, authors and more. 

The event takes place from Friday to Sunday, with day tickets starting at $40, and weekend passes starting at $70. 

Visit Twin Cities Con website for more information on guest appearances, schedules, and other events happening this weekend.  

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Art Attack 

  • The Northrup King Building, Minneapolis
  • Nov. 8-10
  • Free

Art Attack at the Northrup King Building in Minneapolis showcases four floors of locally made art and gifts from artists. The event features artist talks, food trucks, interactive art projects, live demonstrations and more. 

The event takes place on Friday from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m., Saturday from noon to 8 p.m., and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m. To learn more about the event, visit Northrup King Building’s website here.

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Minnesota Black Authors Expo 

  • Minneapolis Central Library, Minneapolis
  • Saturday, Nov. 9, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.
  • Free to attend

The Minnesota Black Authors organization is hosting its eight annual expo on Saturday from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. This year’s theme is “Bringing Back Books to Life” and will feature 30+ authors, a writer’s boot camp workshop, live entertainment, business vendors, a kid’s corner and more. 

The event takes place at the Minneapolis Central Library and is free to attend, but the writers’ boot camp is an additional cost. For more information, visit the Minnesota Black Author’s Expo website here.

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Nocturnal Animals in the Park 

  • Cottage Grove Ravine Regional Park
  • Friday, Nov. 8, from 6-8 p.m.
  • A parking permit is $7, tickets are $3 per person and children ages 6 and under are free

Curious about nocturnal animals? Join Washington County Parks and Carpenter Nature Center for a live presentation on creatures of the night featuring nocturnal animals. After the presentation is over, you can keep warm and end the evening around a bonfire.  

The event takes place on Friday, Nov. 8, from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m at the Cottage Grove Ravine Regional Park. A parking permit is required and costs $7. Tickets for the event cost $3 per person, but children ages 6 and younger are free. Registration is required in advance and can be done online here.  

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Edmund Fitzgerald Memorial Beacon Lighting

  • Split Rock Lighthouse, Two Harbors
  • Sunday, Nov. 10, at 4:15 p.m.
  • Tickets cost $15 for adults, $8 for children ages 5 to 17, and children under 5 are free

The Split Rock Lighthouse, located about 47 miles northeast of Duluth, is hosting its annual beacon lighting in honor of the 29 people killed when the Edmund Fitzgerald sank in Lake Superior during a storm on Nov. 10, 1975. 

Split Rock Lighthouse will temporarily close at 4:15 p.m. while the names of the ship’s crew are called out. The beacon will be lit after the ceremony, and the tower will then re-open.

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Tickets cost $15 for an adult and $8 for children ages 5 to 17. A discount is offered for college students, military, and seniors 65 and older, while children under 5 years old are free. If you can’t attend the event, it will be streamed online. For more information, click here.



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Wild Superstar a Lock for Massive Payday

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Wild Superstar a Lock for Massive Payday


Before the start of the 2024-25 season, things got interesting between the Minnesota Wild and their superstar forward Kirill Kaprizov. The Wild wanted more from their star player, while speculation began to rise that Kaprizov might find interest in one day leaving the North Star State.

The Wild made it clear they would do everything in their power to keep Kaprizov in Minnesota, but he still had to bring his best. With 21 points (7G-14A) in 11 games, it’s safe to say Kaprizov is at the top of his game.

Eligible for a contract extension at the end of the season, the Wild won’t have much choice but to give Kaprizov whatever dollar amount he desires. According to Elliotte Friedman on the 32 Thoughts Podcast, it’s going to be a huge number.

“When I say I think he’s going to be in the [Auston] Matthews, [Leon] Draisaitl range, I believe that,” Friedman said. “I think this guy is going to be one of the top-paid players in the league.”

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At $13.25 million, Matthews is currently the highest-paid player in the NHL by average annual value. Come 2025-26, Draisaitl will take over with a $14 million salary.

Draisaitl’s teammate, Connor McDavid, is also eligible for a contract extension after the 2024-25 season, and he will no doubt become the highest-paid player in the NHL. That doesn’t mean Kaprizov won’t be in the conversation, though.

At 27 years old, Kaprizov already makes $9 million annually, the Wild have stated no one will be able to pay more than them, and he’s playing like a player worthy of a top three contract in the NHL.

 The Wild also can’t let Kaprizov hit the open market. They’ll need to step up and sign the extension a year in advance to save themselves a bidding war.

“The Wild know,” Friedman said. “A, if he hits the market, everyone is going to be chasing after him. And B, he’s that important to their franchise.”

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In 289 career games with the Wild, Kaprizov has put up 167 goals and 184 assists for 351 total points. Even after a slow start to the 2023-24 season, he still managed 46 goals and 96 total points.

Kaprizov is tied for the league lead in scoring with his 21 points, and just recently saw a seven-game streak of multiple points come to an end. His production this year is already through the roof and the Wild are hoping it leads to great success.

The Wild might not have the greatest chance of winning the Stanley Cup, but Kaprizov sure keeps them hovering around the conversation, especially as they build the team around him.

Make sure you bookmark Breakaway OnSI for the latest news, exclusive interviews, recruiting coverage, and more! 



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