Minneapolis, MN
Mom of 2: My husband supercommuted from Minneapolis to NYC for 10 years—how we made it work
“Your husband does what?!” I heard this question so many times over the 10 years my husband, Ian, flew weekly from our home in Minneapolis to his job in New York City.
It was 2010 when Ian was offered a dream job in NYC as the Head of Content at The Mill, a world-renowned visual effects company. The timing was terrible.
We’d just relocated from Los Angeles to Minneapolis and were settling into the house we’d bought there. Our kids were one and three. I was rebuilding my therapy private practice from scratch.
Not an ideal time to pick up and move to one of the most expensive cities in the country, especially with the economy in turmoil. We didn’t feel comfortable uprooting our lives.
When Ian asked to fly back and forth every week, his new employer agreed, and we joined the ranks of supercommuter couples around the world.
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Here’s how we made it work.
We became pros at flights and rentals
Because Ian chose to supercommute, we were responsible for flights and housing.
I became extremely savvy at finding the best deals on flights, using the right credit cards to book, maximizing airline status, and racking up and leveraging miles. Benefits included access to airport lounges — important when flight delays forced Ian to take meetings while he waited — and lots of free flights for our family vacations.
We decided it’d be more economical to rent small studios or rooms for Ian to stay in during the week instead of booking hotels. Over that 10-year span, he lived in seven different apartments in Brooklyn and Manhattan.
Ian posted photos and art on the walls of the New York City apartments he stayed in during the week when he supercommuted from Minneapolis.
Courtesy of Megan Bearce
I did the legwork to see how close they were to subway stops and whether there were late-night dining options for the days he worked until 9 pm. We balanced cost with safety and distance from work, and we were lucky to find places that were, as I remember it, about $1,500 per month or less.
Having more consistent spaces meant Ian didn’t have to live out of a suitcase and could decorate with memories of home.
We prioritized communication and quality time
When I interviewed people for my book “Super Commuter Couples: Staying Together When a Job Keeps You Apart,” many shared that others judged their relationships because they spend so much time apart.
But proximity is no guarantee of commitment. I learned from experience that time together is about quality rather than quantity — and time apart can work if you communicate openly and regularly.
Ian and I prioritized date nights and a yearly weekend away. When we were apart, we’d check in at the start of a call: “How are you doing? Is this a good time to talk?” Because our days were hectic, we started sending each other quick texts to say hello rather than always trying to have in-depth phone calls.
We leaned into little rituals and traditions with the kids
For a time, Ian would make himself a PB&J Sunday night for his Monday travels, and it became a tradition for the kids to help him, decorating the wrapping with stickers or notes.
We’d often have Friday pizza and movie nights to celebrate being back together again for the weekend.
“I learned from experience that time together is about quality rather than quantity,” says Megan, pictured here with Ian in 2012, just a couple of years into their time as a supercommuter couple.
Courtesy of Megan Bearce
When the kids were little, I’d print out calendars for them. I’d draw an airplane on days Ian flew home and mark other fun things we had going on while he was away, like a tree on a day we’d go to the park. The kids had a better concept of time when they crossed days off the calendar to count down to Ian’s return.
Ian also sent us postcards made from photos he took while he was away. The little things add up.
We made sure to take family vacations
Given the cold and snow of Minnesota, our winter escape was often a family cruise. There was all kinds of entertainment, no cooking or meal planning to think about, and a kids’ playroom if Ian and I wanted to have dinner alone.
Most importantly, onboard Wi-Fi was so expensive at the time that we didn’t buy it and Ian couldn’t work. These were real vacations for all of us — a chance to relax and have fun together.
The kids and I visited Ian in NYC once a year
We toured his office and met his co-workers, so that when he told us stories about them, we knew who these people were. Getting to see dad’s life during the week helped the kids understand where he was when he was away.
Plus, because of the nature of his job, they got to see a working commercial set, which has inspired our daughter to pursue the creative arts in college.
Visits to New York City helped the kids get a glimpse of Ian’s life during the week, Megan says.
Courtesy of Megan Bearce
We admitted we needed help
We were fortunate that my sister lived with us for the first five years and my parents were only two hours away. The extra support they offered me was huge, as was the quality time we all had with them.
Beyond family, our neighbors knew our situation and they were willing to help out if needed. When the kids were little, we hired someone to mow and shovel snow. I found an amazing handyman and a reliable plumber I knew I could call for any issues that needed fixing during the week.
I had a few babysitters I could reach out to if I wanted some time for myself — whether it was to take a Pilates class or go out to dinner with a friend during the week. Other times, I used the gym’s childcare center while I worked out.
We made sure solo parenting didn’t overwhelm me
We decided not to have our kids participate in a lot of activities when they were younger. The logistics of multiple activities felt too overwhelming for me to handle with Ian away during the week.
Even so, I needed breaks from all that solo parenting and I took them — including for a yearly girls’ weekend. (Time for dad to be the solo parent!)
The Bearce family on vacation in Cape Cod.
Courtesy of Megan Bearce
We appreciated the upsides
While we had a few challenges, we don’t regret our choice. Ian got to pursue a fulfilling career. I didn’t have to rebuild my therapy practice a third time or get licensed in a new state. We raised our family where there are good public schools, lots of green space and a reasonable cost of living.
Our kids learned early on about the importance of self-care and quality time with loved ones. They realized that the best choice might not be the easiest one, but that you have to do what works for you.
Megan Bearce is a licensed therapist, coach and author of the book “Super Commuter Couples: Staying Together When a Job Keeps You Apart.” She is a sought-after speaker and writer on workplace mental health, burnout, business travel wellness and perfectionism, and has been interviewed as an expert by SHRM, BBC, Forbes, MarketWatch, and CBS Evening News. She holds an MA in clinical psychology and is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT). Find her on her website as well as on LinkedIn and Facebook.
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Minneapolis, MN
Minneapolis, Hamel women accused of stealing millions in federal funds due in court Thursday
5 EYEWITNESS NEWS continues to track the latest fraud developments.
Two of the 15 defendants accused of stealing federal program money back in May are due in court on Thursday morning, and a deal with prosecutors could be taking shape.
Fahima Egeh Mahamud, 50, of Minneapolis, and Jillaine Mertens, 42, of Hamel have plea agreement hearings at the Minneapolis federal courthouse.
Prosecutors say Mertens collected more than $400,000 in fraudulent claims across three childcare centers in Ramsey, Rochester and Kasson.
Mahumud is accused of taking $5.5 million in taxpayer money through her daycare, Future Leaders.
Both cases are set for plea agreement hearings Thursday morning in federal court.
Top federal officials came to Minnesota in May to announce the charges against the 15 defendants.
PREVIOUS: DOJ charges 15 defendants accused of collectively defrauding $90 million
They are alleging that fraudsters exploited programs meant to help vulnerable populations — including the now-defunct Housing Stabilization Services program, which was designed to connect homeless Minnesotans with housing, and the Early Intensive Behavioral Development Intervention (EIDBI) program for children with autism.
This is a developing story. Download the KSTP app below to get the latest updates.
Minneapolis, MN
Minneapolis police drone debate sparks privacy concerns
Dozens of community members flooded Minneapolis City Hall Wednesday to express concerns about a proposed drone program for Minneapolis police.
Nearly 50 people signed up to speak at the City Council’s public health, safety and equity committee meeting. Residents filled all of the seats in the council chambers reserved for the public, and an overflow room next door.
“We just spent months enduring a brutal winter of military-equipped federal occupation and terrorization, and on the heels of that, you wish to provide military-grade drone tech to the cops in our already over-surveilled neighborhoods?” said north Minneapolis resident Will Reely, referring to federal immigration enforcement during Operation Metro Surge. “You can’t be serious.”
Speakers said they don’t trust how the police would use drones, and are concerned the technology could be used as surveillance and lead to invasion of privacy.
Several people also sat in the hallway outside of the council chambers and streamed the hearing. The 1:30 p.m. meeting began with Minneapolis police officials outlining a free, 75-day pilot program that would allow the police department to use drones as “first responders.”
The committee moved to put the pilot program for a vote before the full council on July 16, which will not feature an additional public comment period on the issue. Should the council approve the program, the trial period would begin as soon as July 20.
The project would be conducted in the police department’s Fourth Precinct on the city’s north side, and hopes to reduce 911 response times by using drones to livestream video of potential crime scenes before officers arrive. The drones, which would be equipped with parachutes, police markings and lights, would be provided by Skydio, a California company.
Several community members noted that Skydio is known to supply drones to the Israeli government, which has used the technology during their military campaign against Palestinian civilians in Gaza.
“We see them as weapons of war and mass surveillance, and do not want them to be used to kill or control people at home or abroad,” Minneapolis resident Meredith Aby said of Skydio drones. “The people of Minneapolis do not want Skydio’s blood on its hands.”
More speakers questioned whether Minneapolis police would use the drones for the intended purpose, and questioned whether their use would actually improve safety.
“What I don’t understand is why we would implement a drone program under the guise of public safety,” Avery Winters told council members. “We the people don’t trust the people or the system administering this.”
Before the public comment period, Minneapolis police officials presented the pilot program to the City Council committee, saying that it would improve officer and community safety and help with staffing challenges. Andy Skoogman, chief of staff for the city’s Office of Community Safety, said officers can use drones to determine whether they need to report to a scene, improving the department’s efficiency.
“Drones are not a replacement for police officers, for firefighters, for EMS [Emergency Medical Services] personnel or other first responders,” Skoogman, who is not a police officer, told council members. “They’re simply a tool that helps ensure the right resources are sent to the right call at the right time.”
Thomas Campbell, deputy chief of patrol in Minneapolis police’s special operations division, said the drones would be operated remotely, would only be activated at potential crime scenes, and that their cameras would be pointed away from private property. Footage that isn’t considered evidence would be deleted after seven days, he said.
Minneapolis police have been using drones for other purposes since 2022, and have a fleet of 29 drones. Officers currently launch drones from the trunks of their squad cars, and deploy them after they’ve been requested by officers who are already present at a scene. The proposed program would allow drones to scope out a scene before officers arrive.
Minnesota law allows local police departments to use drones without a search warrant in specific cases:
- during or in the aftermath of an emergency situation that involves the risk of death or bodily harm to a person;
- at a public event where there is heightened risk to the safety of attendees;
- to collect information from a public area if there is reasonable suspicion of criminal activity, among other situations;
- to document evidence that is at imminent risk of destruction;
- to search for a missing person;
- to counter the risk of a terrorist attack by a specific individual or organization if the agency determines that credible intelligence indicates a risk;
- to prevent the loss of life and property in natural or man-made disasters and to facilitate operational planning, rescue, and recovery operations in the aftermath of these disasters;
- over a private area with the written consent of the occupant or a public area, for officer training or public relations purposes;
- to collect information for crash reconstruction purposes after a serious or deadly collision occurring on a public road;
- to conduct a threat assessment in anticipation of a specific event;
- for purposes unrelated to law enforcement at the request of a government entity provided that the government entity makes the request in writing to the law enforcement agency and specifies the reason for the request and proposed period of use.
Ward 4 City Council Member LaTrisha Vetaw, who represents the area where the pilot program would occur, wrote a legislative directive this spring that prompted the program. At the end of Wednesday’s meeting, she reassured community members that the goal is to reduce response times and limit police interactions with the public.
“This is not surveillance,” Vetaw said. “Someone has to call in for the drone to be dispatched, and the dashboard will be set up where people can track how the drone was being used and what for during the service.”
Committee members asked a few technical questions during the hearing about how the drone program would work, but several of them said they were saving more discussion and personal views of the program for the full council vote next week.
Minneapolis, MN
Traffic shift starts Wednesday on I-394 in Minneapolis
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