Lifestyle
Want to help a friend after a breakup? Your first instinct is wrong
It’s hard to know what to do or say when a loved one is in the throes of a devastating breakup. No matter what you try — talking about it, not talking about it, vilifying the ex, coming up with fun distractions — they remain consumed with grief. Is there a right way to ease the pain?
There is, according to experts. Although every heartbreak is different, a few basic strategies can help us avoid well-meaning pitfalls and provide thoughtful support to a loved one grieving the gut-wrenching loss of a partner. The key, therapists and academics say, is remembering you can’t make the heartache disappear. What you can offer instead is empathy, validation and a place for your friend to share their feelings without judgment.
“If you can create a space to sit with their pain and let them know you are not going to try to fix it or change it, you are doing quite a lot right there,” said Tamala Black, a psychologist based in Culver City who specializes in trauma. “Everyone has their own pace for when they are ready to release that heartache and let go.”
Understanding heartbreak
Someone in the midst of a painful breakup is experiencing a number of losses all at once. Even if the relationship was toxic, even if your friend initiated the split, they may still be mourning the loss of their identity as part of a couple, the loss of a close friend and companion and the loss of an imagined future. They may also be cycling through regret, internalized shame and self-blame for the relationship ending.
“Love is a fundamental human need, and being in a long-term relationship can shape our reality by altering how we see ourselves and the world,” said Ron Rogge, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Rochester in New York. “When that relationship falls apart, it’s life shattering. Your identity is fractured.”
A breakup can also lead to chemical changes in the body. Sex and heightened skin-to-skin contact cause us to release oxytocin, a hormone that is associated with feelings of calmness, security and joy. The experience of falling and being in love releases high levels of dopamine, a hormone that activates a reward circuit in the brain that leads to feelings of euphoria. When a person suddenly finds themselves broken up from a beloved partner, a steady stream of feel-good chemicals is abruptly cut off.
“It’s kind of like a withdrawal,” Black said. “It’s as if all this love, all this care, the physical touch, the outings — it doesn’t have a place to exist anymore.”
Avoiding pitfalls
Seeing a friend in this altered state can cause your own heart to break, but trying to immediately fix the problem won’t help. “You can’t heal someone’s pain by trying to reduce it,” Black said.
With that in mind, when a friend is reeling from a recent breakup, Rogge suggests refraining from giving advice unless that person specifically asks for it. “Remember that they’re in the midst of a hurricane of emotions and they don’t need to learn any lessons or make any decisions right now,” Rogge said.
If your friend does ask for advice, you can offer your perspective. But choose your words carefully. “You want to share your thoughts and feelings in a gentle way,” he said.
You may also feel tempted to share stories of your own past breakups and how you got over them, but that can be counterproductive. “That’s really, really not helpful,” Black said. “It often causes the person to close up emotionally.”
And crucially, you should try to resist bashing the ex-partner in question. For those who feel protective of friends’ well-being, this can be incredibly difficult (especially if we never liked the ex in the first place). But Rogge says it’s worth the effort to hold back.
“It’s a dangerous thing to do,” Rogge said. “They often still love that person and see that person as a part of themselves they are grieving. And there’s always the risk that they will get back together.”
If they do get back together after you’ve trashed their ex, your friend may feel they can no longer trust you, he said.
Bad-mouthing a friend’s former partner usually won’t have the effect you hoped for, anyway. Many people romanticize their ex at the end of a relationship and long to reconnect with their fantasy of that person, Black said. Disparaging a friend’s ex might paradoxically cause your friend to feel defensive of them, making it harder for them to let go.
Showing up
So what can a caring friend do to support a loved one in the midst of a heartbreak? The answer is deceptively simple: Show up and leave your expectations at the door.
“A good friend will reach out and let the person know you are not afraid of their sadness,” said Becky White, founder and chief executive of Root to Rise Therapy in L.A. “It’s letting them know, ‘I don’t need you to be happy or positive. I’m here for you and I’m not going to hide or be scared off.’”
Rogge suggests letting your friend talk as long as they like, listening with an open heart and validating their emotions. ”Letting them know it makes sense to hurt like this is very helpful,” he said. “It validates their feelings and gives them permission to accept those feelings, experience them and allow them to begin to pass.”
As far as activities that might provide that kind of comfort, there’s plenty you can do beyond watching rom-coms on the couch with Häagen-Dazs in hand. You might also offer to accompany them on outings they used to share with their partner, like grocery shopping or grabbing breakfast on a Saturday morning, Rogge said. “That can mean a lot as they are putting their life back together — just knowing they don’t have to do this all by themselves.”
Be aware of situations that might be triggering — the smell of a certain perfume or cologne, a favorite song or seeing a TV show they watched with their ex can cause someone to spiral. If your friend has to go to a place where they might run into their ex — a child’s school concert or a religious service — you can offer to go with them as support. It’s OK for them to avoid those places for a few weeks after a breakup, but they shouldn’t abandon them all together. “Be careful of too much change all at once,” Black said. “You don’t want them to detach from their normal ways of navigating life.”
Anticipating the moments that they might feel especially lonesome can go a long way. For example: reaching out on Valentine’s Day or Christmas — holidays they used to spend with their partner.
“Asking them to call us and letting us know what they need puts another burden on them,” Black said. “What we want to do is recognize what they need.”
Though no one recovers from grief overnight, pay attention to the amount of time a friend is in a dark place. If it’s been more than six months, or if you notice they are withdrawing, neglecting responsibilities or abusing substances you might suggest they find a mental health professional to talk to, and offer them help in finding one.
“We never want to diagnose our friends, but grieving or sadness that results in isolation, withdrawing — if they aren’t eating or stop answering phone calls for a long duration of time — that’s more than sadness, that’s depression,” Black said.
And finally, remember that judgment only adds salt to the wound.
“Whether the relationship was healthy, whether they were ready to separate or not, that person is really trying to grapple with what does it feel like to be an individual again,” Black said. “No heartbreak is greater than another.”
Lifestyle
‘No lines and big, wide-open runs’: This woodsy ski town is like Mammoth without the crowds
You are a beginning or intermediate skier, allergic to long lift lines, more interested in peace and quiet than après-ski action. Or you have young kids, ripe for introduction to skiing or snowboarding. Or you simply want a rustic mountain getaway, one where you can amble through a woodsy little village with zero Starbucks.
These traits make you a good candidate for June Lake, the eastern Sierra town that lives most of its life in the shadow of bigger, busier Mammoth Lakes.
“It’s way family-friendlier than Mammoth,” said Daniel Jones after a day of June Lake snowboarding with Lorena Alvarado and children Gabriela Gonzales, 7, and Amirah Jones, 2. They had come from Riverside, a first-time visit for the kids.
After a day of snowboarding at June Mountain, Daniel Jones and Lorena Alvarado of Riverside head for the parking lot with children Gabriela Gonzalez, 7, and Amirah Jones, 2.
(Christopher Reynolds / Los Angeles Times)
Like me, they’d arrived in time to savor the sight of the Sierra under all the snow that fell in late December. That storm knocked out power for several days, but led to the opening of all the trails on June Mountain, the town’s ski resort.
The main road to June Lake is the 14-mile June Lake Loop, a.k.a. State Route 158, which branches off from U.S. 395 about 10 miles north of the exit for Mammoth, roughly 320 miles north of Los Angeles.
Once you leave 395, things get rustic quickly. The two-lane loop threads its way among forests and A-frames and cabins, skirting the waters of June Lake and the lake’s village, which is only a few blocks long. Check out the three-foot icicles dripping from the eaves and keep an eye out for the big boulder by the fire station on the right.
After the village, you pass Gull Lake (the tiniest of the four lakes along the loop) and the June Mountain ski area. Then, if you’re driving in summer, the road loops back to 395 by way of Silver Lake and Grant Lake.
The June Lake area in the eastern Sierra includes several bodies of water. Rush Creek, seen here, feeds into Silver Lake a few miles from the village of June Lake.
(Christopher Reynolds / Los Angeles Times)
But in winter, the northern part of that loop is closed to cars, Maybe this is why the village, mountain and environs so often feel like a snowbound secret.
As for the June Mountain ski area, its 1,500 accessible acres make it much smaller than Mammoth Mountain (with whom it shares a corporate parent). And it has a larger share of beginner and intermediate runs — a drag for hotshots, maybe, but a boon for families.
By management’s estimate, June Mountain’s 41 named trails are 15% beginner level and 40% intermediate. (At Mammoth, 59% of 180 named trails are rated difficult, very difficult or extremely difficult.) Leaning into this difference, June Mountain offers free lift tickets to children 12 and under. (Adult lift tickets are typically $119-$179 per day.)
From the chairlifts at June Mountain ski resort, visitors get broad views.
(Christopher Reynolds / Los Angeles Times)
The ski area is served by six chairlifts, and just about everyone begins by riding chair J1 up to the June Meadows Chalet (8,695 feet above sea level). That’s where the cafeteria, rental equipment, lockers and shop are found and lessons begin.
That’s also where you begin to notice the view, especially the 10,908-foot Carson Peak.
“Usually, me and my family go to Big Bear every year, but we wanted to try something different. Less people. And a lot of snow,” said Valeriia Ivanchenko, a 20-year-old snowboarder who was taking a breather outside the chalet.
“No lines and lots of big, wide-open runs,” said Brian Roehl, who had come from Sacramento with his wife.
“The lake views are nice, too,” said Roxie Roehl.
June Lake is a 30-minute drive from Mammoth. Because both operations are owned by Denver-based Alterra Mountain Co., Mammoth lift tickets are generally applicable at June. So it’s easy to combine destinations.
Or you could just focus on June Lake, an unincorporated community with about 600 people, one K-8 public school and one gas station (the Shell station where 158 meets 395).
In summer, when it’s busiest, fishers and boaters head for the lakes and you can reach Yosemite National‘s eastern entrance with a 25-mile drive via the seasonal Tioga Road.
The Tiger Bar has anchored June Lake’s downtown since 1932.
(Christopher Reynolds / Los Angeles Times)
In winter and summer alike, the heart of June Lake‘s village is dominated by the 94-year-old Tiger Bar & Café (which was due to be taken over by new owners in January); Ernie’s Tackle & Ski Shop (which goes back to 1932 and has lower rental prices than those at June Mountain); the June Lake General Store and June Lake Brewing.
At the brewery — JLB to locals — I found Natalie and Chris Garcia of Santa Barbara and their daughter Winnie, 18 months old and eager to chase down a duck on the patio.
“This is her first snow,” Natalie Garcia said, adding that June Lake “just feels more down-home … less of a party scene.”
“We built a snowman,” said Chris Garcia.
Natalie and Chris Garcia of Santa Barbara play with their daughter, Winnie, and a duck at June Lake Brewing.
(Christopher Reynolds / Los Angeles Times)
It’s fun to imagine that rustic, semi-remote places like this never change, but of course they do, for better and worse. The Carson Peak Inn steakhouse, a longtime landmark, is closed indefinitely. Meanwhile, Pino Pies, which offers New Zealand-style meat pies, opened in the village last spring. (I recommend the $13 potato-top pie.)
Pino Pies, open since 2025 in June Lake, offers New Zealand-style meat pies.
(Christopher Reynolds / Los Angeles Times)
Next time I’m in town I hope to try the June Deli (which took over the former Epic Cafe space in the village last year) and the June Pie Pizza Co. (New York-style thin crusts) or the Balanced Rock Grill & Cantina. And I might make a day trip to Mono Lake (about 15 miles north).
I might also repeat the two hikes I did in the snow.
For one, I put crampons on my boots and headed about 3 miles south on U.S. 395 to the Obsidian Dome Trail, a mostly flat route of just under a mile — great for snowshoes or walking dogs.
For the other hike, I headed to the closed portion of June Lake Loop and parked just short of the barricade. Beyond it, a hiker or snowshoer finds several miles of carless, unplowed path, with mountains rising to your left and half-frozen Rush Creek and Silver Lake to the right.
When part of Highway 158 closes to auto traffic in winter, hikers and snowshoers inherit a broad, mostly flat path with views of Silver Lake.
(Christopher Reynolds / Los Angeles Times)
“You get up to the lake and you hear the ice cracking. It’s wonderful,” said Mike Webb, 73, whom I met on the trail with his son, Randy, 46, and Randy’s 10-year-old and 12-year-old.
“This is serenity up here,” said Webb. “If you’re looking for a $102 pizza, go to Mammoth.”
Philadelphia (1993)
Library of Congress
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Library of Congress
Two actors received double recognition when the Library of Congress announced its most recent additions to the National Film Registry, a collection of classic films intended to highlight film preservation efforts and the depth and breadth of American film.
Bing Crosby, the popular midcentury crooner, starred in White Christmas (1954) and High Society (1956). And Denzel Washington starred in Glory (1989) and Philadelphia (1993), all now part of the registry’s roundup of the country’s most culturally significant films.
Created in 1988, the National Film Registry adds 25 films every year. New additions are usually announced in December of each calendar year. The Library of Congress did not explain why its 2025 films were announced in 2026.
Half a dozen silent films were added to the registry, more than usual. Many of them were recently discovered or restored. The oldest, The Tramp and the Dog (1896), is an early example of “pants humor,” which comes from the fun of watching people lose theirs. It is likely the first commercial film made in Chicago. The Oath of the Sword (1914) is the earliest known Asian American film, about a Japanese student in California yearning for his beloved back home.
Other newly added silent films include the first student film on record, made in 1916 at Washington University in St Louis, Mo. and Ten Nights in a Barroom (1926), a melodrama with an all-Black cast, one of only two surviving films made by the Colored Player Film Corporation of Philadelphia.
Four documentaries were added to the collection, including Ken Burns’ first major documentary, The Brooklyn Bridge (1981).
Widely familiar additions include one Boomer classic – The Big Chill (1983) – and several Gen X ones: Before Sunrise (1995), Clueless (1995) and The Karate Kid (1984.)
The Karate Kid (1984).
Library of Congress
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Library of Congress
“I’m amazingly proud,” star Ralph Macchio told the Library of Congress in an interview. “The National Film Registry and film preservation are so important because it keeps the integrity of cinema alive for multiple generations.”
Other contemporary movies added to the registry include The Truman Show (1998), Frida (2002), The Incredibles (2004) and The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014), set in an Alpine resort in the 1930s. Director Wes Anderson credited the Library of Congress for inspiring the movie’s distinct visual style.
The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
Library of Congress
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Library of Congress
“When we were first starting to try to figure out, how do we tell this story… the architecture and the landscapes… they don’t exist anymore,” Andserson said in a statement, explaining that he started his research in the Library of Congress “We just went through the entire photocrom collection, which is a lot of images. And …we made our own versions of things, but much of what is in our film comes directly – with our little twist on it – from that collection, from the library, the Library of Congress.”
The entire list of movies added to the National Film Registry for 2025 follows in chronological order.
• The Tramp and the Dog (1896)
• The Oath of the Sword (1914)
• The Maid of McMillan (1916)
• The Lady (1925)
• Sparrows (1926)
• Ten Nights in a Barroom (1926)
• White Christmas (1954)
• High Society (1956)
• Brooklyn Bridge (1981)
• Say Amen, Somebody (1982)
• The Thing (1982)
• The Big Chill (1983)
• The Karate Kid (1984)
• Glory (1989)
• Philadelphia (1993)
• Before Sunrise (1995)
• Clueless (1995)
• The Truman Show (1998)
• Frida (2002)
• The Hours (2002)
• The Incredibles (2004)
Ray J
I’m On 8 Different Meds For Heart Issues
Published
Ray J says doctors are giving him every drug under the sun in an attempt to prolong his life … prescribing eight different kinds of medications despite their grim prognosis.
The rapper tells TMZ … he went to doctors who gave him the bad news, telling him they’re not sure how long he has to live … and they recommend he stay in bed and take his medication.
ICYMI … Ray J says doctors gave him just months to live — telling his followers he doesn’t think he’s going to make it to 2027. He says half of his heart has turned black and it’s only beating at 60 percent, which is not a good sign.
Ray J says doctors prescribed him several different meds, including the cholesterol medication Lipitor, Jardiance and Entresto — medications for people at high risk of heart failure — among others.
Ray J reveals his heart is only operating at 25%, with doctors giving him a short time to live. He says his heart is mostly black: ‘I f***ed my shit up.’ pic.twitter.com/frWDoDQEyu
— Rain Drops Media (@Raindropsmedia1) January 28, 2026
@Raindropsmedia1
Doctors told him to prepare for the possibility of getting a pacemaker or defibrillator … though he won’t get an update until he goes back to the doctor for a check-up in 14 days.
Ray J says doctors have warned him not to drink or smoke — which is hard for him — but he’s doing his best to stay on the straight and narrow. He says not being able to see his kids “took me down” — and “made me realize I need to change my ways of living.” Ray is currently under a criminal protective order preventing him from seeing his kids.
As for his proposed trip to Haiti to find a cure for his disease … Ray J says he does know the island nation is in complete chaos, but he says his research so far has led him to believe Haiti has cures for diseases, including heart diseases so he’s willing to risk it and go there for treatment.
Wrapping it up, Ray J adds, “If I come out of this, I’ll be stronger and a better person.”
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