Lifestyle
Track your steps? Here’s a less obvious way to improve your health
As far as wellness trends go, small talk isn’t sexy. The same with participating in civic government or helping a neighbor carry their groceries. But connecting with others might be the ultimate form of self-care, according to psychiatrist Joanna Cheek.
Shelf Help is a wellness column where we interview researchers, thinkers and writers about their latest books — all with the aim of learning how to live a more complete life.
In her book, “It’s Not You, It’s the World: A Mental Health Survival Guide for Us All,” published in February, the University of British Columbia professor makes a case for the health benefits of collective care. For example, Cheek cites research that connects altruistic behavior and a sense of purpose with reduced inflammation, as opposed to hedonistic pursuits, which can worsen inflammation.
Perhaps most importantly, Cheek warns how individual solutions aren’t enough to protect and heal us. “Emotional alarms” such as fear, guilt, shame and anger are healthy signals that help us avoid obstacles and find rewards, she says. When it comes to poverty, discrimination, isolation and other systemic problems, a sense of “moral distress” warns us away from harm and toward a more just, equitable society. And taking small steps to connect with others — even as simple as engaging in idle chitchat with a stranger — can be an impetus for broader change.
Portrait of author Joanna Cheek.
(Tegan McMartin)
“I’m constantly trying to think about socializing in the same way I think about exercise or physical activity,” says Cheek. “In the same way I eat a certain amount of vegetables or have a certain amount of quiet time to meditate, I think, ‘Have I had enough social contact today?’”
People obsessively track their steps. They might want to count their social interactions, too, she says. Those moments can build confidence and trust, until the momentum transforms us and the communities we call home.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
In the book, you quote the renowned psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who wrote, “Happiness cannot be pursued. It must ensue.” Why should we focus on cultivating purpose instead of pursuing happiness?
There are a lot of studies that show that cultivating any emotional state — happiness in particular, but also calmness or lack of anxiety — actually backfires. The more we try to feel a certain way, we inevitably won’t, because we don’t have much control over how we feel and then we’ll compare it to some standard of how we should feel, which will only magnify our suffering.
Rather than chase an emotion, which is futile because our emotions are constantly shifting, we can chase purpose, which gives us a lasting sense of accomplishment, because we’re living in line with our values. That’s true wellness.
“It’s Not You. It’s The World” book cover bo Joanna Cheek, MD.
(Hachette Book Group)
How can people who feel isolated take steps toward cultivating purpose with others?
There was a large study that reviewed studies on loneliness. It showed it posed the same risk as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I was utterly shocked when I read that, and started a deep dive and met [author and professor of psychology at the University of Sussex] Gillian Sandstrom. Her research shows that connections don’t need to be with the love of our life, a tight-knit family or best friends. When we have contact with a barista at the coffee shop, someone delivering the mail or just say hello to a neighbor who’s walking their dog past you, these weak ties actually have similar benefits to having really deep, personal connections. She ran a study with students at her university and found even if they had no friends in class, if they talked to strangers, they felt better and had more wellness indicators.
When we’re separated from others, we haven’t really evolved that fast, so it sets off alarms in our bodies. When you talk to someone at the grocery store, it’s like, “Oh, I’m not alone, I’m OK, I belong to something.” It silences those alarms so they don’t keep going off.
So it’s beneficial for us to have social interactions. How does it help our communities?
The more that we’re connecting with each other, the more we’re talking across differences, the more that we speak with people of different lived experiences, different politics, different cultural backgrounds, different ages, different levels of health and abilities and needs, then we can have more empathy and really take care for each other and make decisions that are based on the truth that we’re all connected.
Building community can start with weak ties. It can be really scary to join a new group in person. When we talk about anxiety, we talk about graduated exposure, where we don’t expose ourselves to the scariest things right away. So sometimes baby steps can help us get comfortable with weak ties. Then, with time, we can move toward deeper contact.
I just had knee surgery this summer, and I ended up doing a lot of water walking in the pool for rehab, and I was amazed at this community pool. There were all these people who were either retired or injured there during the day and I would have so many conversations. And so often we think that these connections don’t matter because we’re not building a friendship that might continue on. What is the point? The point is that through each interaction, we’re building a sense of community for everybody. And it doesn’t have to be more than one interaction. It helps create a sense that we can trust each other and we can learn from each other. It feels good to be in connection and that makes us want to care for one another.
(Maggie Chiang / For The Times)
You mention the term McMindfulness in the book. Could you describe what that means and why it can be damaging?
Yeah, there are a lot of concerns about quick fixes for mental health. I speak a lot about how mental health is really about the health of our entire systems. When we sit with that, it can be overwhelming to recognize that we can’t be well until our systems are well. We can practice wellness, we can do the best we can, but feeling better in a sick world isn’t going to fix us. We need to fix the world. McMindfulness is taking people in a toxic workplace and giving them mindfulness classes and not changing the toxic structures of the workplace. We should ask, “Why are they having these symptoms? And how do we make this workplace healthy so that our workers aren’t constantly falling sick?”
People need a sense of agency to thrive. But examining big problems through a systemic lens can create the impression we don’t have control over our lives. How do you reconcile the two?
Every connection we have, every time we live in a way with care and kindness, when we’re offering mutual aid or caring for our neighbors, those little things become contagious. Day to day, we can choose if we’re going to share our resources, whether that be our time, our care, our inclusiveness. Every time we choose to care for others, it’s contagious. It creates a culture. And every little connection like that matters. So while stress and dysfunction can ripple outward, I think our kindness and our unity and our caring can also ripple outward.
TAKEAWAYS
From “It’s Not You, It’s the World: A Mental Health Survival Guide for Us All”
That sounds wonderfully optimistic.
I think a lot about hope and I think hope has to be active. I think we can’t just passively wish for a brighter future. And so I like to think about what agency I have today. It doesn’t have to be becoming the next world leader or finding a cure for cancer. What matters is every little decision I make to make the world a little bit brighter.
For her 6th birthday party in January, Amy Tzagournis’ daughter Hazel wanted special guests: the characters from “KPop Demon Hunters.” Six months prior, while Tzagournis was out of town, her daughter and 4-year-old son had become obsessed.
“I came back and all of a sudden they knew every word to the songs,” she says with disbelief. “I was like, ‘Where did this come from?’ It was literally out of nowhere.”
Parker Apel, 7, pretends to close the VIP entrance for entertainer Simon Mendoza, who is dressed in the style of a Saja Boy from “KPop Demon Hunters.”
So Tzagournis, of Redondo Beach, hired Funky Divas & Dudes, one of the many characters-for-hire companies in the Los Angeles area that had started to offer “KPop Demon Hunters”-inspired performers. At her birthday party, Hazel and her friends danced to songs from the movie, including “Golden” and “Soda Pop,” alongside the entertainers.
“We’ve pretty much been doing nothing but ‘KPop Demon Hunters’ parties,” Dana Marie Lazzareschi, one of the co-owners of Funky Divas & Dudes, says. “Every party we’re doing has been ‘KPop.’ It’s insane. We’ve had one party that was Broadway-themed and another that was tropical-themed, but other than that, it’s all been ‘KPop’ every single weekend. Sometimes we have five ‘KPop’ parties in one day.”
Released last June, “KPop Demon Hunters” is a bona fide global sensation, a status that not even Netflix, its distributor, anticipated. By August, when Tzagournis’ daughter first saw it at a friend’s house, the movie about three glamorous K-pop stars doubling as brave warriors to defeat nefarious demons had become Netflix’s most-watched movie ever. And in March, the musical picked up two Academy Awards, one for best animated feature and another for best original song for “Golden,” an empowering anthem turned chart-topping hit.
Nearly half of all of the birthday parties Tzagournis has taken her kids to in the last six months featured some “KPop Demon Hunters” element, whether just the theme or performers (for her daughter’s party, she hired all three demon hunters and a Saja Boy). The parties are so frequent that parents are even sharing decorations to reduce costs, she says.
The party included Saja Boys-themed party favor bags and “VIP” passes for guests.
“One of my daughter’s good friends had a party two weeks before hers and we basically recycled all the ‘KPop’ decorations for her,” Tzagournis says, laughing. “We used theirs and then I passed them off to another mom. These ‘KPop’ decorations for the birthday party got recycled at least two or three times.”
Operating since 2002, Funky Divas & Dudes, like most of these party businesses, offers princesses, superheroes and other pop culture-inspired characters. For a long time, Elsa, the Snow Queen from Disney’s “Frozen” franchise, ruled over little girls’ parties. “We joke that it’s a generational thing, every 10 years a girl with a braid shows up and takes over every kid’s birthday party playlist. There was Elsa back in the day, and now there’s Rumi,” Lazzareschi says, referring to the main heroine in “KPop Demon Hunters.”
The displacement of “Frozen” was also evident to Tzagournis. “The year before, when my daughter was almost 5, everyone was dressed up like Elsa. There were like five Elsas in her class at Halloween,” she recalls. “And this past year, more than 50% of the girls around her age were one of the ‘KPop’ characters.”
Aside from party entertainment, Funky Divas & Dudes also hosts extracurricular dance classes at L.A.-area schools, including the one Tzagournis’ daughter attends. Lazzareschi realized the popularity of the movie when children started requesting “Golden” and other songs from the soundtrack during dance classes. While “Frozen,” she thinks, was geared toward younger audiences, “KPop Demon Hunters” has a broader appeal. “It’s very attractive to all ages, not just the little kindergartners and first graders, but all the way up to third, fourth, fifth graders,” Lazzareschi says. “There are just so many different aspects, like the martial arts, and kids just love that stuff, boys and girls.”
Companies like Funky Dudes & Divas had to quickly meet the demand for the “KPop” characters at L.A. kids’ parties, sourcing costumes from Halloween stores or online retailers. On top of the three demon hunters (Rumi, Mira and Zoey), Lazzareschi also offers male performers resembling the Saja Boys (the rival group in the film) that teach kids breakdancing.
“The whole dance element made it even better than just hanging out with characters,” says Tzagournis.
Madelynn Wheater, 7, left, and Parker Apel, 7, center, show off their best moves in the dance circle.
The “KPop Demon Hunters” theme continued onto the plates and cake at Parker Apel’s party.
For Katherine Diaz of Torrance, the “KPop Demon Hunters” craze has been a welcome lifeboat. Diaz manages her 18-year-old daughter Kiara Asiel and several other teenage girls who perform at birthday parties. Diaz’s operation caters to Latino customers as Asiel (an aspiring dancer who plays Rumi) offers bilingual shows. In the wake of the immigration raids last summer, many of their potential patrons refrained from hosting celebrations, dampening their business. Over the last few months, though, demand for the “KPop” characters has generated new opportunities.
“It has been a boom. We have people in our area calling us saying they wanted our ‘KPop’ show because my daughter speaks Spanish,” Diaz says in Spanish.
In addition to birthday parties, Diaz’s team was recently hired to appear at several McDonald’s restaurants around Los Angeles, where hundreds of children and their parents lined up to take photos. In December, the city of Gardena invited them to perform for the community at a Christmas event.
“They specifically requested the ‘KPop’ girls. We said, ‘But it’s Christmas?!’ and they replied, ‘Yes, but kids are dying to see Huntrix [the phonetic name of the musical group in the movie].’ My girls went dressed in their ‘KPop’ outfits, but I made sure to put little Christmas hats on them.”
To avoid legal repercussions, some of these businesses might offer generic versions of popular characters. In 2017, Disney sued a New York company offering “Star Wars” and “Frozen” character knockoffs at birthday parties, but voluntarily dismissed the case a year later after a judge axed most of its trademark claims. The amount of these companies, not only in L.A. but around the world, might also present “practical difficulties” for copyright holders to take action, says Mark Lee, a partner at corporate law firm Rimon PC who has taught entertainment law at USC.
“To give you an example, I had a client who co-wrote a very famous song,” Lee says. “1.2 million people posted that song on YouTube without authorization. You can send what’s called a DMCA Takedown notice, which is like a cease-and-desist letter to YouTube, but you have to do it 1.2 million times.”
At the same time, these small businesses are helping keep the characters popular.
Eliana Fraser, dressed in a Rumi costume, paints 6-year-old Ariya Taylor’s face at a party for Parker Apel, right.
Both Lazzareschi and Diaz have more “KPop Demon Hunters”-inspired events coming up, but Tzagournis believes the peak of the fad has already passed — at least for now. “I feel like this might be very short-lived, which would differ from ‘Frozen’ and the Disney movies,” Tzagournis says. “The kids are kind of over the ‘KPop’ thing now, but the sequels are probably going to reel them back in.”
A new “KPop Demon Hunters” movie is already in the works.
Sometimes, when the mood strikes or the outfit is right, Michaela Jaé Rodriguez’s mother will offer to loan her a very special diamond-encrusted peace sign necklace.
Rodriguez, who stars in the new Broadway revival of “The Rocky Horror Show,” wore the necklace when she found out she was nominated for an Emmy in 2021 for her role in “Pose.” (Rodriguez was the first openly trans woman to be nominated for a lead acting category; in 2022, she became the first trans actress to win a Golden Globe.)
In an interview that has been edited and condensed, Rodriguez dives deeper into the hand-me-down-and-around peace sign and talks about her loved ones who have imbued it with their magic.
Tell me about your necklace.
It’s this peace sign that my mother lends to me. She always wants her pieces back, but she lets me wear them a good amount.
I’m not married yet, but you know that tradition of something old, something new? That’s what I feel when I get it. It just feels like she’s handing over, crazy enough, a legacy and a lineage. The people that gave it to her were people that were really monumental in her life. My Aunt Nita, she was this rambunctious, spirited energy. God bless her, she passed away from cancer, but she still kept her juice. And my uncle, I had such a close relationship with him. He was a Capricorn, which makes it all the better because we’re Capricorns together.
What kind of events might prompt your mom to loan you the necklace?
When I’m going out for a show, or when I’m going for a big event, or when we’re traveling. She usually gives it to me for monumental moments in my life.
Is the necklace always with you, even if you’re not wearing it?
I don’t leave it alone. Usually it’s with me, and I’m always just checking it. Touch, for me, is a big thing. It’s a very spiritual and magical thing for me. Feeling it makes me know that there is some strength there. But if it’s gone, I feel like there’s kind of a separation. The only way I feel better is if it’s in my mom’s hands or if it’s in her possession again, honestly, because I know that it’s in a safe space and that energy is being harnessed in the right way.
Are there other people it’s connected to in your life?
I think my grandmother, more than anything, because my grandmother passed away in Covid, and my mom always wore it in that time. My Aunt Kim because she had it in the time when we were doing “Pose,” and my Aunt Kim passed away. My Aunt Debbie, too, who passed away from cancer.
Those are the people who are imbued in it, latched onto it, or a piece of their spirit.
Do you think about passing the peace sign necklace down someday?
Well, one, I feel like it would have to be a coming-of-age gift. I’d have to watch them grow and say, “You’ve gotten your stripes of growth, you’ve done a great job, and this is a really important piece to a lot of us.” If I had a daughter or a son, I’d probably give it to one of them, and more likely my daughter because, you know: mama, daughter, little baby girl. Or one of my nieces, and I have one in my mind already. I would probably give it to her, and I would just let her know that this is a piece of jewelry that has been handed down by very powerful women, and women who have instilled a lot of strength in me.
Designers Jeanine Hattas Wilson and Julie Kennedy’s magical transformation of a 4-foot-by-4-foot storage closet at this year’s Pasadena Showcase House of Design almost feels like a metaphor for design showcases themselves: not quite real, but pure fantasy.
“It was inspired by our dad, who used to read to us in Woodstock, Ill.,” Wilson says of their immersive storybook escape, which features a delightful hand-painted mural on the walls and tiny lanterns that, when touched, offer a narrated fairy tale. “We wanted to create a special, intimate space for kids.”
61st Pasadena Showcase House of Design
Where: Baldwin Oaks Estate, Arcadia
When: Through May 17
Hours: 9:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday-Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday-Sunday; 9:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Friday
Tickets: $38-$75
Parking and shuttle location: Santa Anita Park, Huntington Gate 3, Lot C
Information, including shops and special events: pasadenashowcase.org
Showhouses are always extravagant, and this year’s event takes place inside the 8,000-square-foot former home of Clara Baldwin Stocker, daughter of land investor and racehorse breeder Elias J. “Lucky” Baldwin. Like her father, Stocker was known for her colorful personality and love of lavish things, including parties that lasted for days. (Baldwin Stocker’s 1929 obituary noted that out of her $10-million estate, about $1.5 million was jewelry, “the collection and wearing of which was her hobby.”)
Many of the 30 revamped interior and exterior spaces in the 1907 shingle-style home include details Baldwin Stocker would have loved. The Midnight Garden Dining Room by the House of Pontovi, for example, has an Italian Murano glass chandelier, feminine Art Deco-style swivel chairs with flapper-style fringe and a gold-leaf ceiling that has replaced Calico Corners fabric. The Entertainment Room by Studio Joshua features statement lighting by Los Angeles designer Jason Koharik, an 11 Ravens custom billiards table and a Champagne cooler built into the marble bar.
And the Bloom Lounge by the Art of Room Design is so large that it can accommodate several different seating areas, a game table and a hidden liquor cabinet — another nod to Baldwin Stocker, who was also known as “the Diamond Princess.”
It’s hard to decide what stands out more at the Baldwin Oaks Estate in Arcadia: the layered interiors that look ready for a shelter magazine, or the smaller spaces, like the closets, mudroom and hidden powder rooms that have been transformed into something special.
Here are a few examples of what to expect at the event, which supports youth music programs throughout Los Angeles County.
The Enchanted Room by Hattas Studios
Identical twins Hattas Wilson and Kennedy of Hattas Studios transformed a small 4-by-4-foot storage closet into a magical forest with their hand-painted mural depicting characters from stories like “Cinderella,” “The Little Mermaid” and “The Frog Prince.” A young Clara Baldwin appears with her dog, Lucky. You can touch the tiny lanterns to hear a story in each scene or simply curl up in the soft green fuzzy chair, close the velvet curtains and let your imagination wander.
Laundry and Craft Room by Arterberry Cooke Architecture
Architect Barrett Cooke turned laundry into a pleasure in this beautiful room, which doubles as a craft room outfitted with new rose-colored cabinets, playful circular Fireclay Tile, quartzite countertops and stunning views of the San Gabriel Mountains. “I straddled making it utilitarian with how beautiful it can be,” Cooke said of the local artists represented, including ceramics by Jen King, stained glass by Molly Miller, oil paintings by Lareina Holsopple and a print by local artist and Jungalow designer Justina Blakeney. “The art ties it all together.”
The vault in the Family Parlor Room by Jamie Loren Home
The family room is the only space with a television, but with a mah-jongg table, the TV hardly seems necessary. “We wanted to create a room where the family can congregate,” said designer Jamie Loren, describing the cozy parlor painted in the color Viridian Odyssey by Dunn-Edwards Paints. She also turned what used to be a gun closet into a “vault” filled with family heirlooms, including a typewriter, perfume, photos, jewelry and a flask. “This is an ode to Clara,” she said.
Powder Room by Rebecca J. Hansen Design Studio
Details make all the difference in the small powder room by Rebecca J. Hansen, who explains that both the room and the nearby vestibule are focused on mixing patterns while keeping a consistent color palette. Hansen chose patterned terra-cotta tile from Foothill Tile & Stone Co. in Pasadena for the walls, and just outside, she used wallpaper from House of Hackney with mythical animals. Brass hardware from Corston Architectural Detail, chalk pastels and bold wood trim painted a marigold color brought everything together. “It feels like I’m in a castle in England,” she said.
The second floor landing by Blue Brick Design
Designer Lara Hovanessian has transformed the foyer walls of both the first and second floors into a striking display for local artists Blakeney, Susanna Speirs Ali and Lareina Holsopple. The spaces feature the newly released Huntington Collection wall covering by Morris & Co. in the iconic Strawberry Thief motif, pink ceilings and Alberto Giacometti-style lighting from Visual Comfort.
The Mudroom by Gex Designs
Inspired by the shingles of the 1907 home, Noelle Gex Djokovich, known for last year’s playful flower-cutting room, has reimagined this space with custom cabinets, patterned floors and charming details such as a dog bed, a Lewis & Wood fabric skirt and a rag rug from Nickey Kehoe. “Adding layers to a small room makes you feel good when you come home,” she said.
The Magnolia Room by Cordrey Collection
Designer Steven Cordrey says the Magnolia wallpaper reflects his Southern roots and the Phillip Jeffries grasscloth on the walls is practical (“It’s easy to clean,” Cordrey says). He also likes to bring the outdoors in, pointing to the views of the estate’s grand oaks and pool from the second-floor bedroom. There’s a hidden touch too: Rock Zehler’s stylish dressing room, inspired by Art Deco and the 1970s, has a secret closet tucked behind a pocket door.
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