My Son and My Husband Are Fighting. Help!

My son (29) and my husband (his stepfather of 20 years) had a tense and unproductive argument two months in the past, throughout which my husband refused to listen to my son’s aspect or let him reply. Afterward my son left the home abruptly and stated he wouldn’t return. My husband nonetheless focuses on the content material of their dialog, reasonably than his conduct. My son additionally stated that I by no means stood up for him together with his stepfather. Our communication has dwindled to a gradual trickle of texts. I’ve at all times been the peacemaker and have a tendency to imagine that issues work out finally. However my son says: Not this time! I’m harm and paralyzed with worry about methods to deal with this. Assist!

MOM

I do know it may be gut-wrenching to be estranged from individuals we love. Earlier than we speak about subsequent steps, although, let’s reframe this downside to see the chance it presents (and presumably cut back your worry): Your son loves you sufficient to be trustworthy about his emotions and lay out the battle as he sees it. That’s a promising begin for enhancing your relationship!

I’m certain you meant effectively whenever you took on the position of “peacekeeper.” However your son was only a boy whenever you married your husband (who sounds a bit of boastful and overbearing). To a baby, your fixed seek for compromise could have felt like abandonment. Get out from between these two males.

Apologize to your son for making him really feel unprotected and ask him that can assist you do higher. Invite him to speak about episodes that harm him and focus on how you would deal with them otherwise. This may in all probability require modifications in your husband’s conduct too — however you don’t have any management over that. So, attempt to restore your relationship along with your son first. Then recommend counseling for 3 of you to work on household dynamics.

Of Mice and Cash

My roommate and I found mice in our residence a number of months in the past. After two unsuccessful visits from an exterminator despatched by our landlord, my roommate moved out however stated she would proceed paying her share of the hire if the owner wouldn’t allow us to out of our lease. (Shocker: He refused.) I employed a reliable exterminator and haven’t seen a mouse since. Now, my roommate has requested me to discover a subletter for her. She appears unwilling or unable to take action herself. However I like dwelling alone. How a lot effort ought to I expend to assist her? It’s not my cash going to waste each month.

NYC ROOMMATE

There are a few methods to interpret your roommate’s conduct: She could also be attempting to foist her accountability for locating a subletter onto you. Or she could also be providing you the prospect to exchange her with a roommate you actually like. It isn’t laborious to provide a heat physique in our effervescent rental market.

Assuming her title is on the lease (and the rodents didn’t void it), it’s odd for her to count on you to rectify this example whenever you clearly profit from her absence. The honorable factor, although, is to be straight along with her: Inform her what you’re keen to do, if something, to assist her. And remind her that it’s her accountability to discover a subletter and to pay hire till she does.

Weedy Argument

I’m a 95-year-old girl sharing a home with my 35-year-old grandson. We get alongside very effectively, aside from one concern: marijuana. Its propagation and use are unlawful the place we stay. However he believes the legislation is improper and continues to develop and use it anyway. I’m not for or in opposition to marijuana. However I’m in opposition to breaking the legislation. He says it’s as a result of I’m outdated. Has time handed me by?

MARYALICIA

Your grandson talks ageist nonsense! There are good causes to legalize the leisure use of pot, together with the financial advantages of regulating and taxing its sale, and breaking the racist sample of selective enforcement (and punishment) of legal guidelines that prohibit its use.

Nonetheless, respecting the rule of legislation is a crucial social worth. Your grandson would do higher to take a position some vitality in legalizing marijuana than to foolishly declare that legal guidelines solely matter to outdated individuals. (Younger individuals in jail would in all probability disagree.)

Can’t I Simply Get You a Reward?

I’m vehemently against Fb associates asking for donations to charitable causes in honor of their birthdays. I get notifications from Fb about these fund-raisers, and I really feel compelled to make donations in order that my associates will assume effectively of me. What can I do about this?

ANONYMOUS

Your vehemence puzzles me. It may well actually be annoying to obtain a stream of fund-raising appeals — typically from individuals we barely know. However Fb notifications are weak tea as calls for go. (You’ll be able to even disable them.)

Charity is necessary. Nonetheless, I encourage you to respect your convictions and resist peer stress. Ignore these notifications. I doubt anybody is conserving rating. And even when they’re, affordable individuals perceive that the majority of us stay on budgets, together with for charitable presents. Solely donate if you wish to and may afford it.

For assist along with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Fb or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.