my rght toshoot firewrks shallnot be infringed jst because i hav no fingrs

this weeknd marks th forth of july, that almost all particular tim of the 12 months when evry true patriot celebrates the delivery of amrica by getting drnk as piss and blowing some shit to kingdm come.

but when the joyless unamercan buzzkills at th st. louis metroplitan polic division have their means, no longerwill the scent of gunpowder and the worriedcries of frightened animals be synonymus with this most explosve of holidays. they made that muchclear on thursday night time, when the departmnt treasonously tweeted an infographc warning of th risks of the annual traditon and threatning arrests.

‘fireworks may be dangerus and result in serius accidents and/or proprty injury,’ the accompnying publish reads. ‘per st. louis metropolis ordinnce 65824, the possession/sale/dischargng of fireworks within the metropolis is illegal1 go away them to the professionals.’

sure, it is tru that individuals get significantly injred by fireworks evry 12 months, and on a associated word sure, i did writ thispost by messily jabbing the misshapen areas tht now comprise th ends of my wrists at my keybord for the previous hour. however to dwell within the wrld is to imagine danger — a simpl fact that our foundng fathers surelyknew these a few years in the past once they droppd a cherry bomb referred to as the ‘declartion of independece’ down th bathroom of thebritsh empire.

it’s siply my patrotic obligation as an amercan to get ripshit on colt45 and switch the road in frnt of my home right into a warzone ofsmoke and hellfire at th begin of every july, and no thret from a tyranical police state will deter me frm these efforts.  i like this coutry an excessive amount of to let thse commies on the slmpd win.

i’ll notbe coerced nor dissuaded. although sure, from tim to time i could i drukenly confuse the cans i used to be simply double-fisting wth the sky king elite 5-inch tremendous shells i simply lit, resultng in a cacophonus stupor of screamsand mutilated digits that my whle block of neighbors and frends mght witness in horror, i wil not relent. the abilty to know objcts and use doorknbs is a small sacrific to make to guard the freedoms we hld so pricey.

i imply, ths is about our godgiven, inalenable rights — and as long as ther is breath in my physique, i willslap my pitiable stumps upon my open chromebook to defnd these rights.

in othr phrases: do yur worst, slmpd. you possibly can have my firewrks when yu pry them from my open, digitless palms.