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L.A. Affairs: I swore off cats. Then I met my dream guy who had one

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L.A. Affairs: I swore off cats. Then I met my dream guy who had one

In a Burbank writers’ room, over deli sandwiches from down the street, someone asked, “What’s your one dating deal-breaker?” I didn’t hesitate. “He can’t have a cat.” A few eyebrows lifted. That’s the hill? I doubled down. I hate them. I’m scared of them. Instant swipe left.

Two years later, I met my Bumble date at a North Hollywood bar shaped like a whiskey barrel, and my heart dropped the moment I saw him. He was even more handsome than his profile suggested. Disarmingly real-life handsome. I scanned the room to make sure it wasn’t a prank, which had actually happened to a coworker, but the coast seemed clear.

We sipped Moscow mules and traded stories like we had known each other for longer than an hour. When a surprising burlesque performance erupted beside us, he didn’t so much as glance away. His eyes stayed on mine. The night felt magical.

I don’t usually romanticize first dates. Most of them make it easy. A quick drink, polite conversation, a mutual understanding that we tried. It’s simpler than confronting the parts of myself I’ve hidden for years, fearing no one would accept me. I perfected the art of staying just far enough away to never fully be seen.

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Until now. This one felt different.

As I headed home, the hum of Lankershim and the neon blur of bars couldn’t drown out the quiet, unmistakable voice inside me whispering, “I think I just met my future husband.”

My phone buzzed.

“Have I mentioned I have a little black void named Aneksi?”

A black cat with enormous green eyes stared back at me. Oh no … no, no, no! How could my dream guy, my supposed future husband, have my biggest deal-breaker?

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This couldn’t be happening.

Despite my cat trepidation, I saw him again, just to make sure my first-date magic wasn’t a fluke. But the second date was even better. Shoot.

Over the next few days, I did what any rational woman falling for a man with a cat she despised would do. I Googled how long cats live. Fifteen years. Sometimes 20. Could I outlast it? Could I ask my dream guy to give up his rescue cat, his pandemic buddy? No. That would be cruel. Or would it?

Cats weren’t something I could easily get used to. My whole life, they had been vilified by my mom’s side of the family. We half-joked that our family had a curse with cats. Maybe this alleged “curse” is why I fear cats, or maybe it’s because when I was 4 years old I was attacked by one.

It happened at a sleepover. My friend’s cat hid under the bed and wanted us to play with it, so I leaned over and uttered three words I’ll never, ever, say again: “Here, kitty kitty.”

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The cat lunged, claws digging into my arms. I ran for the door. Jammed. I tried barricading myself in the closet. The feisty cat was faster. My screams finally drew my friend’s mom to intervene. I limped home looking like a scene out of “Carrie.” The family curse was alive and well.

Now I was standing at the intersection of fear and desire. And I couldn’t stop liking him.

For most of our early relationship, Aneksi hid. I rarely stayed the night, secretly loving the eight-minute buffer between his Valley Village place and mine in Sherman Oaks. The perfect distance physically … and emotionally.

I hadn’t been in love in more than a decade. I carried shame about parts of my body that I preferred no one examine too closely. I had an MBA in becoming invisible. And yet, despite the moat around my heart, I couldn’t deny I wanted love again.

Aneksi, it turned out, had his own trust issues. Once he realized I wasn’t leaving, he cautiously emerged from his hiding spot, keeping an arm’s length between us. Fine by me. My dream guy occasionally nudged me to pet him or offer a treat. I did, briefly, because it mattered to him. What unsettled me more than the cat was this man’s patience. His steadiness. The way he cared without asking for anything back.

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And then he left town.

He asked if I could watch Aneksi. The first day, the cat stayed hidden. I fed him, cleaned the litter box and left. By day three, curiosity won. He poked his head out. I placed a treat on the cat tower. He accepted. I pet him for approximately 2½ seconds. He seemed to enjoy it. I seemed to enjoy it. Huh? By the end of the week, I was sending photo updates like a proud babysitter, documenting every cautious inch of progress.

Over the next year, Aneksi no longer bolted when I entered the room. Sometimes, though, I still wanted to. That was when my dream guy, known as Sergio, brought up living together. Every cell in my body screamed yes, but my mind spiraled. The litter box. The tuna. The early mornings. No more eight-minute buffer to retreat to.

Plus, the idea of one of us giving up our rent-controlled apartment felt like throwing a pot of gold into the Pacific. What if it didn’t work out? And yet, my growing love for him tipped the balance. OK, I thought, let’s give this a real try.

Cohabitation wasn’t seamless. The litter box was still disgusting. The tuna still smelled. We coexisted more than we bonded. I loved Sergio. I tolerated the cat.

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Then I hurt my knee at a dance audition in Pasadena I had no business attending.

When I started limping, Aneksi exuded a sympathy limp. The vet confirmed nothing was wrong with him. As I lay on the living room floor in pain, he flopped beside me and blinked slowly. I instinctively blinked back as happy tears streamed down my cheek. For the first time, his presence didn’t heighten my nervous system. He steadied it.

Something shifted after that. The safer he felt, the more open I became.

Sergio knew about my insecurities. What he didn’t always see was how carefully I managed myself around them. Like the angles I chose in photos, the way I shrunk myself to go unnoticed, the relief of a closed door. Living together made hiding harder.

One night, with Aneksi wedged between us on the couch, I let him see the parts of me that still wanted to hide. He didn’t flinch. He stayed.

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For someone who spent years outrunning love, I was surprised to learn that when I stopped spiraling in my mind, I could finally trust what my body already knew.

I’m now married to Sergio. The spare rent-controlled apartment is gone. The litter box remains. And Aneksi rarely leaves my side. I now have two loves of my life and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. Maybe the family curse was never about cats. Maybe it was about fear. And maybe, finally, it’s broken.

The author is a screenwriter whose upcoming Hallmark movie “A Season to Blossom” premieres April 4. Find her on Instagram: @itsjenwolf.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

Editor’s note: On April 3, L.A. Affairs Live, our new storytelling competition show, will feature real dating stories from people living in the Greater Los Angeles area. Tickets for our first event are on sale now at the Next Fun Thing.

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With ‘Big Mistakes,’ Dan Levy returns to TV with a crime comedy : Pop Culture Happy Hour

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With ‘Big Mistakes,’ Dan Levy returns to TV with a crime comedy : Pop Culture Happy Hour

Dan Levy in Big Mistakes.

Spencer Pazer/Netflix


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Spencer Pazer/Netflix

Dan Levy co-created and starred in the beloved Schitt’s Creek. And now he’s back with a new comedy on Netflix that’s got a very different vibe. In Big Mistakes, Levy and Taylor Ortega play dysfunctional siblings who get drawn deeper and deeper into the world of organized crime, even as their mom – the great Laurie Metcalf – runs for public office.

Subscribe to Pop Culture Happy Hour Plus at plus.npr.org/happyhour

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In a new monument for South-Central, Lauren Halsey cements her loved ones as landmarks

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In a new monument for South-Central, Lauren Halsey cements her loved ones as landmarks

Someone said heaven is on the corner of 76th and Western.

It’s nearly 90 degrees on a Saturday in South-Central and sister dreamer lauren halsey’s architectural ode to tha surge n splurge of south central los angeles” is gleaming and activated.

Thousands of people fill the streets that surround it in lit, ecstatic union. Parliament-Funkadelic is playing a live show onstage while we stomp the pavement in faithful entrancement. The line forming for fittingly swaggy merch becomes a site for sweet reunions unfolding one after another — some version of “this is crazy, this is amazing, this is L.A.” being thrown back and forth on a loop. On the sidewalk, generations play spades in the shade and the joyful screams of children emanate from a custom bouncy house adorned with an Egyptian pharaoh bust. Across the way, skateboarders do their thing on the Neighbors Skate Shop ramp, flipping and flexing, making sculptures out of their bodies in midair, while others double-dutch or Hula-Hoop in exacting harmony.

This block party — multigenerational, multivibrational — is in celebration of the sand-colored sanctuary and sculpture park that is “sister dreamer,” a direct expression of its spirit and purpose.

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From left to right: Andre “Sketch” Hampton, Emmanuel Carter, Lauren Halsey and Kenneth Blackmon.

From left to right: Andre “Sketch” Hampton, Emmanuel Carter, Lauren Halsey and Kenneth Blackmon.

Artist Lauren Halsey has been dreaming and scheming on this sculpture park for 17 years. (She has the Photobucket receipts to prove it.) The paper trail follows from her third semester studying architecture at El Camino College, when she used to take long bus rides down Western and project her ideas onto empty lots, cutting them together in Photoshop — part-planning, part-manifestation. Variations of these ideas have appeared at the Studio Museum in Harlem, the now-iconic Crenshaw District Hieroglyph Project at the Hammer, the rooftop at the Met and the Venice Biennale. But “sister dreamer” has always been the goal — a way to go beyond only representing or depicting her community and giving back to it in a tangible way.

The location of “sister dreamer” is specific and important — for one, it’s the former site of neighborhood ice cream staple Gwen’s Double Dip, a history honored at the block party through a pop-up parlor created by Halsey’s studio. But it’s also because Halsey grew up around the way and can trace her family history back more than 100 years to this place. She comes from a long line of people who have served their community and taught Halsey to do the same. “sister dreamer” is the culmination. Both a once-in-a-lifetime artwork and a free, public venue where every day, from dawn till dusk, people can live and imagine.

“From the beginning, the conceit was to summon all the types of experiences of Blackness in one place, the project being a vessel or container for all of that expression,” Halsey says. “If I could create spaces that democratize Blackness because they’re gorgeous, they’re inclusive, they pay homage to all of us, that’s just a cool type of unity I want to see. And if I could do that through funk as the language, it would also be fun and playful and attract the energies I’m looking for.”

Lauren Halsey stands inside of the oculus at "sister dreamer."

“From the beginning, the conceit was to summon all the types of experiences of Blackness in one place,” artist Lauren Halsey says about “sister dreamer.”

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To see L.A.’s newest architectural monument in effect is to experience people being celebrated. This public artwork and its function — as in, this party and the space’s purpose — feels like a mirror, a temple to self, a shrine to funk, a dedication and invitation to experience what is still so divine and aspirational about the present moment. Writer Douglas Kearney illuminates it strikingly in the curatorial statement etched into a back wall in “sister dreamer”: “… it’s the sacred phenomenon of luxe space that remembers without memorializing, celebrates without eulogizing. An anti-tomb.”

Life in its most beautiful forms — the poetic, artistic range of Black life in South-Central — is on display everywhere you look here.

Standing in the open-air cube that is the oculus of “sister dreamer,” most people have their gaze pointed up, seeing — what else? — themselves. The entire space is dripping in the dense Black L.A.-meets-Egyptology that has become Halsey’s signature. People run their fingers over carved reliefs telling the rich story of a neighborhood, culture and creed, reflecting the folk art that has existed in South-Central since forever. The hand-painted signage and hood graphics are familiar, the mantras and spiritual emblems — “Be Ye Who Ye Is,” a spiral of cornrows wreathed on the back of a head, the comma-curve of an XL nail — are personal. Known legends stare back at us — hi, Sika — and others are finally given agency, including the Black women who were killed at the hands of the Grim Sleeper in the 1980s, their faces framing the entrance of the oculus like guardian angels.

“Lauren Halsey in her work brilliantly represents the range of contributions, resistance and resilience by our communities including the collective work I have been part of demanding payment for all caregiving work, and working for justice, dignity and visibility for the scores of Black women who were victims of serial murders in South L.A. and who were marginalized dehumanized and treated as throwaway women,” says Margaret Prescod, founder of the Black Coalition Fighting Back Serial Murders.

These carved reliefs span dimensions of the Black L.A. experience — there’s so much joy, there’s this overdue reverence too; another, fuller frame. All of this is a result of Halsey’s obsession with the way her community speaks to each other through visual language. There are five infinity fountains, also clad in carvings, punctuating the space while fragrant native plants perfume the warm, dry L.A. air, identified by information cards written in Halsey’s recognizable script. L.A.-based Current Interests served as the project architect, while Phil Davis came in as the landscape designer.

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There are eight Hathoric columns and eight sphinxes in “sister dreamer” that honor local heroes, community workers and Halsey’s friends and family. “I love this sort of ceremonial procession as you walk through the sphinxes and columns — these figures who have created safe space for me, literally, conceptually, spiritually,” Halsey says. DaVinci, Bopbop, Barrington, Damien, Janine, Margaret, Susan and Rosie stand 22 feet tall, kissing the sky. While Dominic, Aujunae, Bobby, Monique, Glenda, Robin, Londyn and Antoinette ground us, warm expressions on long sphinx bodies, serving as ultimate anchors.

Image April 2026 Lauren Halsey
Michael Towler and Dominique Moody.

Michael Towler and Dominique Moody.

Barrington Darius.
Robin Daniels, co-founder of Sisters of Watts, looking up at the carved reliefs in "sister dreamer."

“Seeing it in person, yeah, that was different. Compared to the work you’re doing in community, boots on the ground, and then actually seeing your picture, or you know — your face — on something like that, it is something you’ll never imagine,” says Robin Daniels, co-founder of Sisters of Watts, who is depicted as one of the sphinxes in “sister dreamer.”

First debuted in “the eastside of south central los angeles hieroglyph prototype architecture (i)” as part of New York’s skyline, this marks a homecoming for the columns and sphinxes. L.A.’s sons and daughters, mothers and grandmothers, uncles and aunties, leaders and stewards, artists and musicians, holding court on native soil. These are people, Halsey says, “who have summoned a love and care that I’ve admired, both on a micro and macro level.” Those depicted include Halsey’s mother, whom she wanted to put on a physical pedestal for her family, for the neighborhood, for the public “to see her in the light that I experience her in every day,” she says. There’s her little brother, whom she describes as “my BFF … love incarnate,” and her now-teenage cousins, who were kids when Halsey was doing mock-ups in their grandmother’s backyard. “I’m [having] difficulty expressing the words because I’m overwhelmed with emotion. This is not easy work,” says another cousin Damien Goodmon, one of the columns and CEO of Downtown Crenshaw Rising/Liberty Ecosystem. “People see the glamour and all the awards, but it’s hard, and I can only imagine how difficult it is for her to carry this as a person who’s not necessarily always that public. She’s been trying to do this for years — lifting up that tremendous history.”

In creating a new monument for her city, Halsey has made her loved ones landmarks in L.A.’s architectural legacy — cementing them as giants in its rich universe. “When I saw my face I was shocked,” says Rosie Lee Hooks, director of the Watts Towers Arts Center Campus. “It was so personal and me! I am not used to seeing myself so clearly. Lauren is a carrier of the culture. She is a storyteller, a griot. A documentarian, an architect, a dream-catcher. Keeper of our community and world culture. She honors all those who came before her, are here now and those to come. Right on with the right on.”

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An opening block party like this one — “the block party of the year,” as one or 100 attendees put it — feels like the only appropriate way to mark the realization of a vision this singular and interconnected. And it’s a living, breathing reminder of a tenant that’s been a part of Halsey’s work from the jump: An architectural monument only becomes truly meaningful when people can see a space for themselves there. Architecture, at its best, is people. “Seeing yourself at that scale makes you feel many ways,” says Barrington Darius, an artist and one of Halsey’s collaborators depicted on a column. “Seen, respected and larger than life.” The party is also a slice of what “sister dreamer” will be home to every day: music, funk, fashion, art, games and space. (The three pillars of Halsey’s nonprofit Summaeverythang Community Center — art, education and wellness — will officially inform the space’s programming, including things like museum visits, film screenings, Kemetic yoga and more.)

From left to right: Cheryl Ward, Kenneth Blackmon, Monique McWilliams, Rosie Lee Hooks, Michael Towler, Dominique Moody

From left to right: Cheryl Ward, Kenneth Blackmon, Monique McWilliams, Rosie Lee Hooks, Michael Towler, Dominique Moody, Andre “Sketch” Hampton, Monique Hatter, Christopher Blunt, Robin Daniels, Margaret Prescod, Barrington Darius, Damien Goodmon, Londyn Garrison, Dyani Luckey, Autumn Luckey, Lauren Halsey, Emmanuel Carter.

From left to right: Cheryl Ward, Kenneth Blackmon, Monique McWilliams.

From left to right: Cheryl Ward, Kenneth Blackmon, Monique McWilliams.

“When I first saw myself as a sculpture in the work, I thought about representation — how it matters and what that image will sow into the fabric of our youth.”

— Monique McWilliams, partner

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Londyn Garrison.
Autumn Luckey, Emmanuel Carter, Christopher Blunt.

Autumn Luckey, Emmanuel Carter, Christopher Blunt.

It’s extra in all the best ways. Hosted by Watts Homie Quan, performers like Roc’co Tha Clown, and Divas and Drummers of Compton keep the energy high near the DJ booth. At one point the sound of a preschooler’s voice singing “This Little Light of Mine” belts through the streets. “Let it shine, let it shine, let it shiiiiiiine.” Throughout the day, people can’t seem to stop reaching for means of documentation — their camcorder, digicam, phone, at one point even a palm-size notebook where a young artist from the neighborhood was sketching one of the sphinxes. The desire, or compulsion, to document this moment seems to come from a shared understanding that the opening of “sister dreamer,” all of us here together, is a historic event.

Back in the park, I sit for a while and watch, thinking about how this couldn’t feel more different from a gallery opening. People breathe with the art, they touch it, they feel it, they laugh with it. Goddesses on roller skates glide in buttery figure eights across the glass-fiber-reinforced concrete. Wait, is that Usher dancing with Tiffany Haddish in front of the oculus? Of course it is. Jane Fonda too. Oh, and there’s Kamasi Washington, Maxine Waters, Charles Gaines and Erykah Badu.

An older Black woman saunters down Western, low and slow, holding a watermelon and mango cup in one hand and her cane in the other. She wears a matching Kelly green set and a bedazzled baseball hat that reads, “Relax, God is in control.” Fly, of course, and yet another example of the brilliance and style of Black people on display today, but it also conjures something Halsey said weeks before the “sister dreamer” opening. “People don’t talk about God a lot, but I’m just so grateful that God gave me the endurance to continue and push through despite whatever,” Halsey says. “It’s just a testimony to the power of prayer and ancestors and work ethic and alignment. So, I’m just so tired, but it’s so worth it.”

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In line for the merch booth, sweat drips down our backs. Even in the heat, multiple people walk by wearing the “sister dreamer” X Supervsn collab from head to toe or have already pulled on their “sister dreamer” X Come Tees longsleeves they picked up from the shop, its signage reading: “Treat yaself don’t cheat yaself!” An hour passes, but we’re all determined to take a piece of this day home — more than a memento, but proof that we were a part of it. It is that serious.

“I want to see the art last,” a musician standing behind me tells their companion.

“Is it the dessert?” the companion asks in response.

“It’s just the last thing I want to think about. The last thing I want to linger on.”

Lauren Halsey and her loved ones stand in the center of her monument in South-Central.
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Video: The New Aesthetic of ‘Euphoria’

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Video: The New Aesthetic of ‘Euphoria’

new video loaded: The New Aesthetic of ‘Euphoria’

“Euphoria,” the HBO Max show depicting Gen Z, has released its final season. Three of our Style reporters — Gina Cherelus, Jacob Gallagher and Callie Holtermann — discuss the show’s new western aesthetic.

By Gina Cherelus, Jacob Gallagher, Callie Holtermann, Léo Hamelin and Gabriel Blanco

April 13, 2026

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