Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: I expected Prince Charming at dinner. But then he wouldn’t shut up
I’m walking home when a man, who’s graying and handsome, stops me. “Excuse me,” he says. “You’re gorgeous.” I’m not hallucinating. The fairy tale has come true; my prince has arrived.
It’s the giddy 12-year-old in me who says thank you. It’s also the current me, with all the weight of my 49 years, who gives him my number and tells him to text me by Wednesday so we can have dinner on Friday.
Then I tell everyone: my work buddies, the baker at La Monarca Bakery, the barista at the Starbucks on Occidental, the fruit vendor on the corner of Virgil and West 3rd, and even the Koreatown ahjussi who preps my lunchtime Brussels sprouts.
By Wednesday, as I’m waiting in line at Apollonia’s Pizzeria, I realize Friday dinner is unlikely.
But around 8 p.m. that night, I get a text. Does dinner at Sushi Gen sound good? Yes. Yes? Yes!
We sit atop the planters outside the restaurant while we wait for a table. The conversation is stilted, so I ask him to tell me about his life and I tell him about my job. I love my work, but I’m worried. My boss just left the company, and what is an executive assistant without an executive to assist? Prince Charming snorts and says I’m lucky. He’s looking for a full-time job. I’m too startled by his snort to respond.
He says that he’s sure I’m great at my job. His best friend’s wife does something similar. She’s a shrew. He can tell I’m not.
I think about what it is to be a shrew and what goes into making a woman shrewish. Our table is called before I have the chance to parse through the implications.
Prince Charming launches into his life story right after we’re seated. I don’t tell him anything about me because he never asks and because he never stops talking. I’ve read enough Jane Austen to know his speech is the context for “A Very Important Declaration I Need to Hear.” His grand announcement is this: He’s been working part-time as a driver and at a car dealership since the early aughts while waiting for his big break. Earlier this year, he realized show biz was not for him. It is now time to settle down.
Prince Charming speaks his truth with the same gravity that Kevin Costner used to muster when he rhapsodized over cowboy life on “Yellowstone,” a show Costner claimed he loved but not enough to stay. Prince Charming is sincere. It’s wrong that I struggle to keep a straight face.
I understand we all have aspirations. I once wanted to be a professor. When that fell through and after the end of my first marriage, I wanted to be happy and have a job with benefits that covered my ADHD meds and antidepressants. After my second marriage, I also wanted to feel safe, be unharmed and never again be subject to anyone’s blackout rages.
I don’t tell him this, and it doesn’t matter. Because given the opportunity, I’d rather discuss my current life anyway. My summer is spent at the Hollywood Bowl. Winter and fall is for the L.A. Philharmonic, the L.A. Opera and holiday dinners with friends. Many nights are spent just happily lounging around the house. If I could, I’d like to tell him (and any prospective person) that my life is as good as it has ever been. Would he like to join me?
But my date continues to dominate the conversation throughout dinner, and I never speak of my past or my current life. I don’t mind because the eel is delicious and the cucumber salad is on point.
I’m silently thinking about what my options are if I get fired when I notice he’s staring at me. I lost the conversation’s thread a while back, so I ask him, “Do you travel much?”
My question gives him the opportunity to discuss his last trip to Vietnam. It was difficult, he admits, to stand by silently as his uncle bossed people around because he had more money than they did. He had trouble keeping his mouth shut and showing the proper respect for his elders, mostly because he found their behavior abhorrent.
My interest is piqued. I too have had to negotiate cultural and familial expectations. I was once married to a man who sometimes hit me when he was in a foul mood. In the month after I left him, my sister, a person whom I considered my best friend, invited him for dinner daily even though she knew what he had done. Our relationship frayed permanently the day she kicked me out of her house when I went to pick up her child so we could go to Disneyland.
I understand how difficult it is to negotiate family relations and expectations. But I don’t tell him this either. When he pays for dinner, he tips the waitstaff generously. I’m impressed. I know, my bar is low.
There is a tea shop across the parking lot. As we drink some matcha, he says that right now, all he wants is a job that pays and to feel he’s good at what he does. I understand. The year after I left my marriage, I set down a list of things I needed to do to regain myself — to recoup my life. The primary goal, to feel good about myself again, took about 10 years. At the moment, I really want that for him.
Almost a month later, I got a follow-up text from him inviting me out. I tell him the truth: I can’t because I’m volunteering at StokerCon, the horror literary convention.
But I wish I had texted him something else. At 49, I’ve already made my fairy-tale life come true. With all my heart, I hope he too is able to create the life he wants for himself. He deserves to have his dream come true. Everyone does. I should have said this.
The author is looking for a job and taking allergy shots so that she can one day become a spinster with two cats. She lives in Pasadena. She’s on Instagram: @aledmattoni
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Dr. Ala Stanford’s new memoir is Take Care of Them Like My Own.
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Simon & Schuster
As a pediatric surgeon, Dr. Ala Stanford operated on children, infants and sometimes fragile premature babies. But when the pandemic hit in 2020, she left her job to found the Black Doctors COVID-19 Consortium, setting up shop in parking lots, churches and mosques where she provided tests and vaccines to underserved Philadelphia communities like the one she grew up in.
“I believe you go to the most vulnerable,” Stanford says of her outreach. “I’ve saved more lives in a parking lot than I ever did in an operating room.”
Early in the pandemic, Stanford realized that bureaucratic red tape was preventing vulnerable community members from getting access to COVID testing. She responded by contacting LabCorp, and ordering that the tests be billed directly to her.
“I wanted [testing] to be barrier free,” Stanford says. “I just said, ‘If you have been exposed and you need a COVID test, come to us.’ That’s it.”
After vaccines became widely available and COVID-19 became less deadly, the consortium expanded its services by establishing clinics in Black communities around the city. Stanford writes about her experiences with COVID and in community health in the new memoir, Take Care of Them Like My Own: Faith, Fortitude, and a Surgeon’s Fight for Health Justice.
The title of her book borrows from a guiding principle of her medical practice: “With every child I operate on, with every adult that I cared for during COVID and beyond, … I just try to treat them like I would pray someone would treat my children and my husband,” she says.
Interview highlights
Take Care of Them Like My Own
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On setting up COVID-19 testing sites for underserved communities
All of the data where people were having higher incidence of disease, the demographics, it was all on phila.gov. … Once I had those zip codes, I put them in order of sickest to least sick. And then I said, “OK, it’s Black people in the city of Philadelphia that are three times more likely to contract the disease and die.” So where do they trust? And for me, in my experience, it’s mosques. It’s churches, it’s community centers. And so I asked my pastor to help me identify a church or a mosque in each zip code where … the disease was the highest and that’s where we targeted. We went to where the need was the greatest. And we set up shop right there.
On how the 2020 pandemic “shelter in place” protocols impacted poor communities
When you’re saying to everyone, “Shelter in place,” and “Don’t go out into the public,” but you can’t afford to shelter in place because you have to go out into the public to support your family, when you’re saying, “Buy a bunch of food for a month and keep it stored,” and people don’t have the money to do that — it’s sort of like the adage of telling a bootless man to pull himself up from his own bootstraps. It’s like the recommendations were applicable for certain socioeconomic tiers in society and not for others. And so, in my mind, I hope we never have another pandemic again or a public health crisis. But those who have the greatest need are where you put the emphasis. And it’s not to say that you can’t take care of everybody at the same time, but there should be more emphasis on where you will see the greatest death and disease.
On the narrative that Black people wouldn’t get the COVID vaccine because of distrust in the government
Being [a] physician scientist, I said, “Why don’t we ask them?” So it was October of 2020 and it was flu season. And so in addition to doing COVID tests, we were also doing flu shots. And … when they came in, we did a survey … and we asked them if a vaccine were available today, what would make you take it? What would you be concerned about? … What I learned more than anything is that the majority of people said that they did trust the government to produce a vaccine, and yes, they would take it.
On why she got the COVID vaccine on camera
So when the vaccine came about, people had already started to develop a level of trust with us. But even that wasn’t enough for everyone. And so we led by example and we, on camera, went to get vaccinated. A lot of folks from the Black Doctors Consortium live on camera, we were vaccinated. And because people were saying, “Doc, when you say it’s OK, I’ll get it. When you roll up your sleeve, I will get it.” …
We listened to what people’s fears were and … some of it was, “I’m scared of needles.” … Or someone said, well, “I’m allergic to eggs, so I think I might be allergic to the vaccine.” You had to ask rather than assume you knew 1.), that they didn’t want it, and 2.), the reason why. And so I let the people educate me so that I knew best how to care for them.
“You go to the most vulnerable,” Dr. Ala Stanford says her work in parking lots during the pandemic.
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On middle- and upper-class people trying to get vaccines that were specifically for underserved communities
When I started seeing Teslas and Range Rovers in the parking lot in North Philly, I was like, “What is going on here?” Because most people take public transportation anyway. And these were some very expensive cars in my parking lot. And I would say it doesn’t help if you come to this community and take a vaccine and go back to your place in the suburbs or wherever, where you’re sheltering in place in your own bubble, and you’re not interfacing with the public, and then the people who are interfacing with the public — they’re going to work and they’re more exposed and they’re more likely to contract the disease — don’t have it. It doesn’t make the pandemic end any sooner if you do that. It’s not going to allow you to go on vacation any sooner if you take from those who are the ones who are most at risk. …
And what we started to do was oversample from the zip codes where the positivity rate was the highest, and people told me I was discriminating. Who was I? I didn’t have the right to do that. And I said, “This is a public health crisis and in a public health crisis you go to those who have the greatest disease, the greatest morbidity, mortality, and death, that’s where we went, right?” And later the city did the same thing. But for me, I got lots of sort of hate texts and direct messages and all those sorts of things, but I knew it was the right thing to do, so I just pressed on.
On the American Medical Association classifying racism as a public health issue in 2020
You have to acknowledge that bias exists in health care. So it’s great that the American Medical Association says it exists. But do you believe it? As someone in health care, do you believe that you play a role because of your own lived experience and bias that you bring into the exam room and into the operating room? And I think until the caregivers and educators acknowledge that we all have that bias, that we believe that we do, that we identify ways that we can change it and that we act on those things we identify, and then we share it with others. … Until we do that, that’s when you see real change.
Sam Briger and Thea Chaloner produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Meghan Sullivan adapted it for the web.
TOKYO (AP) — Japan’s benchmark Nikkei 225 share index soared as much as 10.7% early Tuesday, a day after it plunged the most in 37 years.
The index gave up some of those gains as it wavered throughout the day but closed 10.2% higher at 34,675.46. Other Asian markets also were higher after sharp losses on Wall Street that were dramatic but not on the same scale as Monday’s 12.4% nosedive in Tokyo.
Many shares rose by double-digit percentages similar to their losses a day before, with automaker Toyota Motor Corp. rocketed 12.8%.
Computer chip maker Tokyo Electron jumped 16.6%, Honda Motor Co. advanced 14.7% and Mitsubishi UFJ Financial Group was up 5.8%.
The losses of the past several sessions followed a move by the Bank of Japan last week to raise its main interest rate from nearly zero. Such a move helps boost the value of the Japanese yen, but it also led traders to scramble out of deals where they had borrowed money for virtually no cost in Japan and invested it elsewhere around the world.
Officials from Japan’s Finance Ministry, Financial Service Agency and the Bank of Japan met Tuesday to address the recent market gyrations.
Atsushi Mimura, a top ministry bureaucrat, declined to comment directly on the specifics of the market, as is government policy. But he noted that market experts were saying recent volatility reflects various global developments, and markets are going up and down elsewhere as well.
He cited geopolitical risks like rising tensions in the Middle East and recent economic data. He also pointed to increases in wages and investment in Japan.
“We maintain the view that the Japanese economy is gradually recovering, going forward,” he told reporters.
The government officials and the central bank reconfirmed their agreement to watch internal and external fiscal situation, and work together “as one,” said Mimura, vice finance minister for international affairs.
When asked, Mimura declined to comment on whether the recent BOJ rate hike had triggered the market’s movements. He said the government was closely watching the foreign exchange rates and aiming for stability as always.
Various factors combined to cause Monday’s carnage, according to Stephen Innes of SPI Asset Management, likening Tuesday’s bounce to a “lifeboat.”
“As always with the market, take this to heart: Yesterday’s misery often turns into today’s punchline. The swift twists and turns of trading can transform what seemed like a dire situation into a fleeting memory, one that’s often laughed about in trading rooms the next day,” he said.
The Nikkei is now up 7.7% from a year ago, but more than 9% below its level three months ago. Its biggest ever percentage gain was 14.2% in October 2008.
Simone Biles celebrates during the Women’s Gymnastics Team Final medal ceremony at the 2024 Paris Olympics.
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Simone Biles celebrates during the Women’s Gymnastics Team Final medal ceremony at the 2024 Paris Olympics.
Naomi Baker/Getty Images
There is nothing better for the summer doldrums than a blast of Olympic glory. For a couple of weeks this summer, athletes are showing us how they flip, run, swim, climb, and paddle and even breakdance to prove they are the best in the world. We’re checking in with the 2024 Olympics, including wins for gymnast Simone Biles, swimmer Katie Ledecky, and sprinter Noah Lyles.
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