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L.A. Affairs: Dim sum is meant to be shared. But I had no one

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L.A. Affairs: Dim sum is meant to be shared. But I had no one

Rising up, the very first thing that my mom would ask me — or my brothers and sisters — once we got here by way of the door was, “Ni chi le ma?” The Chinese language equal of “How are you?” Roughly translated in our family, it meant, “Have you ever eaten?”

There would all the time be one thing to munch on. It may be sweets from the bakery, a bowl of soup with Mother’s do-it-yourself noodles, a membership sandwich lower into triangles. Or, if we had been fortunate, a vibrant pink field full of dim sum that Mother introduced house on these particular days when she had lunch together with her sisters and their mom (my grandmother) at their favourite restaurant in Honolulu. “Treats from the guts,” my grandma would say as she smacked her lips and touched her coronary heart.

I particularly favored the smooth steamed buns full of candy roast pork, any dumpling — fried, boiled or steamed — and custard tarts.

On weekends, Mother orchestrated dim sum get-togethers with the aunts, uncles, cousins and anybody else who occurred to be visiting from the mainland, often prolonged household from California. I didn’t all the time benefit from the firm — as a child, I all the time thought grownup conversations had been so boring — however I certain beloved consuming the dim sum.

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After I graduated school and moved to Los Angeles to pursue a profession in instructing, my pursuit of dim sum was stalled. I couldn’t discover a place whose dim sum I beloved as a lot as what I’d gotten at house. And I used to be busy and broke. After getting my instructing credentials, I used to be employed to show elementary college in Pasadena. There was a lot {that a} younger, inexperienced trainer needed to study and do. I didn’t have time to consider dim sum. I gravitated towards cheap-and-easy takeout meals and cafeteria lunches.

I threw myself into my job. I needed to turn into the type of trainer that I wanted I’d had as a child. And I prefer to suppose I succeeded. I taught all completely different grades, however I specialised within the arts. I helped my college students write tales, paint and placed on performs. I grew to become very a lot concerned locally and have become pals with a lot of my college students’ mother and father. I used to be typically invited to their houses to share scrumptious meals. I used to be glad. However I didn’t neglect about dim sum. I might typically return to Honolulu for the summers and get my fill of dim sum from new eating places that Mother had found.

Again in L.A. after one such journey, I made a decision to take cost of my dim sum cravings. I realized learn how to make easy dumplings. I purchased a wok, steamer baskets and plenty of elements from the markets in Chinatown. My dumplings improved each time I made them. I didn’t grasp intricate folding strategies, however they tasted higher than the frozen enchiladas I often stored available. By my early 30s, I seemed round to take inventory of my private accomplishments. I may make dumplings and would quickly be tenured.

There was only one downside.

Dim sum is supposed to be shared.

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And that meant I wanted to take the subsequent step in turning into the true me.

I referred to as my mother for her birthday and simply stated it. “Completely happy birthday, Mother. I’m homosexual.” There was a momentary silence. I used to be about to hurry into that silence, to reassure her that she would nonetheless be getting her conventional reward cargo of pears from Harry & David — she actually beloved these pears — after I heard her clear her throat.

I half anticipated her to ask me, “Ni chi le ma?” As an alternative, she requested, “Have you ever met somebody?”

“No, not but.”

“I hope he likes dim sum,” she laughed.

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Clearly, she wasn’t shocked by my revelation.

I’d by no means felt the apprehension that often accompanies coming-out tales. There was by no means a time that I feared disappointing my mother and father. My anxiousness was about what all of it meant — it was time to satisfy somebody. All that target my work had made me complacent about every little thing else in my life.

Relationship, and assembly somebody, could be the subsequent step to turning into me. I simply had one choosy requirement. I completely didn’t need to date a trainer.

A couple of days later, my mother despatched me a standard Chinese language teapot with 4 matching teacups, tucked right into a woven basket. Inside a card, she wrote, “Should have tea once you serve your pals dumplings.”

This subsequent chapter in my life discovered me buying a fixer-upper in Silver Lake that had avocado inexperienced home equipment. If I taught summer time college for the remainder of my life, I would have the ability to afford to rework. The brand new home meant I used to be nearer to work.

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And I used to be nonetheless single, however not for lack of making an attempt.

After settling in, I unpacked the wok and the steamer baskets. I went purchasing for the elements. Floor pork, water chestnuts, cilantro, sesame oil and napa cabbage. It was time to make dumplings. I used each received ton pores and skin within the pack. I had sufficient dumplings for the week.

However on this evening, this comforting course of left me feeling lonelier than ever.

I made a decision to discover my new neighborhood and go to an area bar. Perhaps I’d meet somebody. Nonetheless, there was that apprehension. I made a take care of myself. If I may discover a place to park, I’d take it as an indication and head on inside.

The bar was darkish, smoky — sure, you would smoke again in these days — and crowded. I obtained a beer and stood round pretending to have a look at ease. I heard somebody say, “You need one other?” He had a pleasant smile, a pleasant face, and we obtained to speaking. And speaking. And speaking. We had tons in widespread.

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Yep. He was a trainer.

At one level, I remarked that I all the time get hungry after I drink, and wished the bar served some meals. Hen wings would hit the spot. Ron didn’t let that get previous him. “You hungry too? I didn’t have dinner. You need to get one thing to eat?”

After which I did one thing that shocked even me.

“You want dumplings?” I requested.

And all of a sudden, it was Saturday evening and I used to be making ready my do-it-yourself dim sum for a brand new acquaintance, whereas we continued to speak and get to know one another higher.

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I’m unsure Ron knew dumplings from doughnuts, however he will need to have favored them as a result of he stored coming again for extra.

Thirty years later, he’s nonetheless hanging round.

All my fears about relationship a trainer turned out to be unfounded, by the best way. I used to be nervous that there could be limitless speak about college politics and griping about work. I beloved my job, however I didn’t need my life to be consumed by schooling. That has by no means been an issue. As an alternative, we spend our time sharing our respective passions with one another — his is historical past, mine is artwork.

It’s superb how we will each take a look at the identical factor and but see various things.

We love going to museums collectively, and once we take a look at a bit of artwork, I break it down for him by way of coloration and type. He explains it to me by way of the painter, their influences and the way it all emerged at this specific second in time. Typically, we get so carried away that individuals suppose we’re docents. And our pals, bored, have left us to go hang around on the museum restaurant.

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Lately, Ron and I made a decision to make it official and obtained married within the backyard of the house we share. We solely invited two expensive pals to hitch us. They had been our “finest males.”

Realizing us effectively, they introduced us a two-tiered marriage ceremony cake and takeout dim sum for our marriage ceremony “banquet.”

I served tea from the pot Mother gave me. As we toasted our nuptials, I noticed that a very powerful phrases we spoke that afternoon weren’t “I do.”

Fairly, they had been the reply to my mom’s query. She died a few years in the past, and I needed to listen to these phrases as soon as extra, her method of letting us know that she cared and beloved us. “Ni chi le ma?”

In reply, we raised our cups of tea, and I answered, “Sure, now we have.”

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The creator and his husband have retired from instructing and stay in Silver Lake with their canine, Charlie.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the seek for romantic love in all its superb expressions within the L.A. space, and we need to hear your true story. We pay $300 for a printed essay. E mail LAAffairs@latimes.com. You’ll find submission pointers right here. You’ll find previous columns right here.

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Kroger and Albertsons grocery megamerger halted by two courts

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Kroger and Albertsons grocery megamerger halted by two courts

A shopper pushes a cart through a Kroger supermarket in Newport, Ky.

Al Behrman/AP/AP


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Al Behrman/AP/AP

Kroger and Albertsons saw their $24.6 billion merger blocked on Tuesday by judges in two separate cases, one brought by federal regulators and the other by the Washington state attorney general.

What would be the biggest grocery merger in U.S. history is now in legal peril after over two years of delays. The companies could choose to continue their legal appeals or abandon the deal. They await another ruling in a third lawsuit in Colorado.

Kroger runs many familiar grocery stores, including Ralphs, Harris Teeter, Fred Meyer and King Soopers. Albertsons owns Safeway and Vons. In statements on Tuesday, the companies argued the courts erred in their judgment and said they were evaluating their options.

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Tuesday’s first ruling is a big win for the Federal Trade Commission. It — together with several states — had asked a federal court in Oregon to stop the merger. The government argued that the resulting colossus would lead to higher food prices and fewer choices for shoppers and workers. In many markets, the two chains are each other’s biggest rival.

Kroger and Albertsons, in turn, have argued that together, they actually would have more power to lower prices, as well as to compete against other huge retailers that sell food, including Walmart, Costco and Amazon.

U.S. District Judge Adrienne Nelson on Tuesday ruled that the merger must halt while it undergoes the administrative review inside the FTC — a procedure that Kroger is separately challenging in court as unconstitutional. About an hour later, a Washington state court judge separately ruled that the merger violated that state’s consumer-protection law.

“Both defendants gestured toward a future in which they would not be able to compete against ever-growing Walmart, Amazon, or Costco,” Nelson wrote in her order. “The overarching goals of antitrust law are not met, however, by permitting an otherwise unlawful merger in order to permit firms to compete with an industry giant.”

Together, Kroger and Albertsons have nearly 5,000 stores and employ some 720,000 people across 48 states. They particularly overlap in western states.

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Cases hinge on how Americans buy groceries

During the three-week federal trial in a Portland courtroom, the FTC and the companies painted differing views of the grocery market.

Kroger and Albertsons described their merger as existential to survival. They argued the FTC’s view of competition — focused on options a shopper might have in their neighborhood — was outdated in the wake of big-box behemoths and the sprawl of dollar stores.

Kroger officials testified that they typically compared their prices to Walmart, rather than Albertsons, and struggled to keep up given Walmart’s ability to negotiate better deals with suppliers thanks to its scale. Walmart is the biggest seller of groceries in the U.S., followed by Kroger and Costco.

The FTC, however, argued that someone who shops at Walmart, Costco, CVS or even Trader Joe’s likely still relies on their neighborhood supermarket. Government lawyers said enough people were concerned about the merger that the agency received an unprecedented 100,000 public comments.

Federal officials also shared complaints raised by labor unions.

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Kroger and Albertsons are the rare unionized shops in retail. The companies argue that, in fact, serves as a reason why they should be allowed to unite to face up to bigger, non-unionized rivals. But the FTC says a merger would give the companies much more power over contract negotiations, leading to lower pay and worse benefits.

Questions about a plan to sell off some stores

The judge separately weighed the plan by Kroger and Albertsons to sell hundreds of their stores to a firm called C&S Wholesale Grocers as a condition of their merger, meant to appease regulators.

The idea is to create a new grocery rival in markets where Kroger and Albertsons currently overlap and, therefore, a merger would eliminate competition. C&S, a grocery supplier, had agreed to buy 579 stores in 18 states and in Washington, D.C.

But the FTC argued C&S would struggle to compete. The firm currently runs only 23 stores, mostly under the Piggly Wiggly brand, without much nationwide name recognition. Government lawyers shared internal notes, in which C&S executives raised concerns about the quality of stores they would acquire.

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Kroger and C&S executives presented C&S as an experienced grocery company that could hit the ground running. Judge Nelson remained skeptical.

“There are serious concerns about C&S’ ability to run a large-scale retail grocery business that can successfully compete against the proposed merged business, as would be required to offset the competitive harm of the merger,” she wrote in Tuesday’s order.

The last time the government approved a grocery merger that hinged on divesting stores, it was 2015. Albertsons bought Safeway. It sold off 168 stores, then repurchased 33 of them on the cheap because one of the buyers filed for bankruptcy protection within months of the deal.

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Justin Baldoni Says Fans Honored 'It Ends With Us' Message Amid Feud Rumors

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Justin Baldoni Says Fans Honored 'It Ends With Us' Message Amid Feud Rumors

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Maureen Corrigan picks her favorite books from an 'unprecedented' 2024

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Maureen Corrigan picks her favorite books from an 'unprecedented' 2024

“Unprecedented” surely was one of the most popular words of 2024 so it’s fitting that my best books list begins with an “unprecedented” occurrence: two novels by authors who happen to be married to each other.

James by Percival Everett

James by Percival Everett

James, by Percival Everett, reimagines Huckleberry Finn told from the point of view of Jim, Huck’s enslaved companion on that immortal raft ride. Admittedly, the strategy of thrusting a so-called supporting character into the spotlight of a reimagined classic has been done so often, it can feel a little tired. So, when is a literary gimmick, not a gimmick? When the reimagining is so inspired it becomes an essential companion piece to the original novel. Such is the power of James.

Alternating mordant humor with horror, Everett makes readers understand that for Jim — here, accorded the dignity of the name James — the Mississippi may offer a temporary haven, but, given the odds of him making it to freedom, the river will likely be “a vast highway to a scary nowhere.”

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Colored Television by Danzy Senna

Colored Television by Danzy Senna

Percival Everett is married to Danzy Senna, whose novel, Colored Television, is a revelatory satire on race and class. Senna’s main character, Jane, is a mixed-race writer and college teacher struggling to finish her second novel. Desperate for money, Jane cons her way into meeting a Hollywood producer who’s cooking up a bi-racial situation comedy. Senna’s writing is droll and fearless. Listen to Jane’s thoughts about teaching:

One of the worst parts of teaching was how, like a series of mini strokes, it ruined you as a writer. A brain could handle only so many undergraduate stories about date rape and eating disorders, dead grandmothers and mystical dogs.

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Long Island by Colm Toibin

Long Island by Colm Tóibín

Long Island is Colm Tóibín’s sequel to his 2009 bestseller, Brooklyn, whose main character, Eilis Lacey, is now trapped in a marriage and a neighborhood as stifling as the Irish town she fled. Abruptly, Eilis decides to visit her 80 year old mother back in Ireland, a place she hasn’t returned to in almost two decades, with good reason. There she’ll discover, much as another Long Islander named Jay Gatsby once did, that you can’t repeat the past. Tóibín floats with ease between time periods in the space of a sentence, but it’s his omissions and restraint, the words he doesn’t write, that make him such an astute chronicler of this working-class, Catholic, pre-therapeutic world where people never speak directly about anything, especially feelings.

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Tell Me Everything by Elizabeth Strout

Tell Me Everything by Elizabeth Strout

Tell Me Everything reunites readers with the by now familiar characters who populate Elizabeth Strout’s singular novels, among them: writer Lucy Barton, lawyer Bob Burgess and retired teacher Olive Kitteridge — all living in Maine. Nobody nails the soft melancholy of the human condition like Strout — and that’s a phrase she would never write because her style is so understated. Lucy and Olive like to get together to share stories of “unrecorded” lives. At the end of one of these sessions, Olive exclaims:

“I don’t know what the point is to this story!”
“People,” Lucy said quietly, leaning back. “People and the lives they lead. That’s the point.”
“Exactly.” Olive nodded.

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Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar

Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar

Martyr! is Iranian American poet Kaveh Akbar’s debut novel about a young man named Cyrus Shams struggling with depression and the death of his mother, who was a passenger on Iran Air Flight 655, an actual plane that was mistakenly shot down in 1988 by an actual Navy ship, the USS Vincennes. All 290 passengers on board that plane were killed. Early in the novel, Cyrus articulates his need to understand his mother’s death and those of other “martyrs” — accidental or deliberate — throughout history. Akbar’s tone here is unexpectedly comic, his story antic, and his vision utterly original.

Creation Lake by Rachel Kushner

Creation Lake by Rachel Kushner

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Rachel Kushner’s Creation Lake is a literary spy novel wrapped up tight in the soiled plastic wrap of noir. Kushner’s main character, a young woman who goes by the name of Sadie Smith, is a former FBI agent turned freelance spy who infiltrates a radical farming collective in France that’s suspected of sabotaging nearby agribusinesses. You don’t read Kushner for the “relatability” of her characters; instead, it’s her dead-on language and orange-threat-alert atmosphere that draw readers in.

Cahokia Jazz by Francis Spufford

Cahokia Jazz by Francis Spufford

In Cahokia Jazz, Francis Spufford summons up a femme fatale, crooked cops and politicians, and working-class resentment as bitter as bathtub gin. He weds these hardboiled elements to an eerie story about the actual vanished city of Cahokia, which, before the arrival of Columbus, was the largest urban center north of Mexico. Spufford’s novel is set in an alternative America of 1922 where the peace of Cahokia’s Indigenous, white, and African American populations is threatened by a grisly murder.

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The God of the Woods by Liz Moore

The God of the Woods by Liz Moore

There’s a touch of Gothic excess about Liz Moore’s suspense novel The God of the Woods, beginning with the plot premise that not one, but two children from the wealthy Van Laar family disappear from the same camp in the Adirondacks some 14 years apart. Moore’s previous book, Long Bright River, was a superb novel about the opioid crisis in Philadelphia; The God of the Woods is something stranger and unforgettable.

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A Wilder Shore by Camille Peri

A Wilder Shore by Camille Peri

I’ve thought about A Wilder ShoreCamille Peri’s biography of the “bohemian marriage” of Fanny and Robert Louis Stevensonever since reading it this summer. In her “Introduction” Peri says something that’s also haunted me. She describes her book as: “an intimate window into how [the Stevensons] lived and loved — a story that is at once a travel adventure, a journey into the literary creative process, and, I hope, an inspiration for anyone seeking a freer, more unconventional life.” That it is.

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The Letters of Emily Dickinson, edited by Cristanne Miller and Domhnall Mitchell

The Letters of Emily Dickinson edited by Cristanne Miller and Domhnall Mitchell

This list began with the word “unprecedented” and I’ll end it with an “unprecedented” voice — that of Emily Dickinson. A monumental collection of The Letters of Emily Dickinson was published this year. Edited by Dickinson scholars Cristanne Miller and Domhnall Mitchell, it’s the closest thing we’ll probably ever have to an autobiography by the poet. Here’s a thank-you note Dickinson wrote in the 1860s to her beloved sister-in-law:

Dear Sue, 
The Supper was delicate and strange. I ate it with compunction as I would eat a Vision.

1,304 letters are collected here and, still, they’re not enough.

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Happy Holidays; Happy Reading!

Books We Love includes 350+ recommended titles from 2024. Click here to check out this year’s titles, or browse nearly 4,000 books from the last 12 years.

Book covers from the 2024 installment of Books We Love

 

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