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L.A. Affairs: 40 and freshly sober, I wanted to experience love. But was she the one?

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L.A. Affairs: 40 and freshly sober, I wanted to experience love. But was she the one?

I was a worrier. An overthinker. A planner. But plans don’t always work out. So I shut my eyes and pointed at a map of Los Angeles. I lifted my finger to reveal Mt. Wilson, a 5,710-foot peak in the Angeles National Forest northeast of the city and home to a 120-year-old astronomical observatory. I had never heard of this place — I was a newcomer to L.A. — nor did I know it would later become an important destination for three future girlfriends. One used to work in the observatory cafe, one’s past boyfriend died in a motorbike accident on those perilous winding roads, and I helped one face her fear of heights on a ledge overlooking the vast canyon below.

I had hoped to celebrate my birthday over Taix’s steak frites au poivre with my fiancée. Instead, after a final breakup just three days before, I was spending it alone. Our apartment was once a theater of hopes and dreams, full of life and laughter. It had become a derelict shell, heartbreak echoing round its deserted stage.

But Mt. Wilson’s elevated white domes invited solitude and reflection, a halfway house between city and stars to help put one’s problems in perspective. It became my place of silent refuge, like it was for thousands of others who climbed its winding face year-round.

My ex and I met three weeks after I moved from Ireland to L.A. I went to Echo Park Lake to watch a Shakespeare in the Park reading performed by my new roommate’s acting class but ended up taking part. I amused them by wearing a flower crown and pitching my voice high to play Puck, a mischievous sprite. I amused her most of all.

Soon after I pulled off the 2 Freeway, the fog-tipped peaks of the Angeles National Forest opened up before me. Sunlight sparkled on the hood of my silver Mustang as I swung around perilous switchbacks and climbed ever higher. The rich scent of pine trees brought me back to a snow-covered log cabin we shared in Lake Arrowhead. Back to the chilly bliss of a white Christmas kiss. It would be some time before I learned to stop looking back with anger and regret, but right now the hairpin turns teetering over a hundred-foot ravine forced me to look straight ahead.

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The observatory’s outdoor cafe peered over canyons draped in thick fog. That spring Monday morning, there was no one else around. In searching for adventure, I had driven myself into further isolation. I munched on my sandwich and watched the fog roll in. Flapping wings broke the silence. Hummingbirds hovered around a feeder above me. I wouldn’t eat my birthday lunch alone after all.

The drifting fog took me back to her birthday when I rented a cabin on Big Sur’s towering cliffs. By night we gazed at the stars above through the bathhouse’s glass roof and by day we stood on the cliff edge and peered down at the clouds below. I wrote a story for her about that trip called “Above the Clouds.” That’s how I felt being with her. It was where I asked her to move in with me. A few weeks later, we moved into an apartment a few blocks from the park where we first met.

The dense fog turned me off exploring the miles of trails that cut the mountainside. So I explored the observatory museum instead. In 1904, founder George Ellery Hale’s team used dozens of mules to haul the observatory’s construction material and equipment 5,710 feet up winding dirt tracks. Later astronomer Edward Hubble made discoveries here that led to the Big Bang theory. Wild imaginations discover wild things.

She had the wildest imagination I had ever encountered. Her tough upbringing had forced her to escape into play and imagination to survive. For most of my life I exhaustively planned before taking informed action. But age 40 and freshly sober, I took a leap of faith by moving to L.A. without a visa, job or place to live. In that spirit I met her and dived headfirst into the wildest adventure of my life.

She encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone. She had unswerving confidence in me, and when I got stuck in a self-doubt spiral, she’d remind me of all I had overcome before and gently reassure me.

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“You’ll figure it out, my most handsome.”

At times her emotional ups and downs overwhelmed me, but soon I couldn’t imagine a life without her.

In this spirit I vowed that fog and wild creatures be damned. I’d explore those mountain trails come what may. As I wound down through the trees, their leaves lulled into sleep by the creeping fog, I imagined the hordes of snakes and mountain lions and bears lurking just beyond my view. There were corrugated aluminum shoots down the mountainside to channel water, and I joked that they were water slides for predators to let off steam between kills. But I descended deeper into the fog and let the unknown guide me.

The end for us had been coming for some time. But the final goodbye was fresh, still a baby only 3 days old. The full force of losing her would hit me in time. But today was my day. And it had led me into a blinding fog.

I had been making as much noise as possible to alert any slumbering wild creatures, but when I reached some fallen trees that blocked the trail, I laid down, closed my eyes and listened. I breathed in the crisp, damp air. I gave myself the freedom to release the dream I had of spending my life with her. Instead I spent my birthday with the birds and the trees. And I let go.

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On what could have been the loneliest birthday of my life, I instead found a place of refuge to rediscover my purpose and strength. And just like Hale and Hubble before me, if I kept faith in my vision, I trusted I’d someday uncover more new worlds I could never have dreamed of. From a pit of despair, I climbed a mountain and found hope above a sea of fog.

The author is a freelance writer for screen projects, publications and brands. He’s an Irishman living in Echo Park. He’s on Instagram: @kevin_lavelle_origins_copy

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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Hungarian filmmaker Béla Tarr — known for bleak, existential movies — has died

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Hungarian filmmaker Béla Tarr — known for bleak, existential movies — has died

Hungarian director Béla Tarr at the Berlin International Film Festival in 2011.

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Béla Tarr, the Hungarian arthouse director best known for his bleak, existential and challenging films, including Sátántangó and Werckmeister Harmonies, has died at the age of 70. The Hungarian Filmmakers’ Association shared a statement on Tuesday announcing Tarr’s passing after a serious illness, but did not specify further details.

Tarr was born in communist-era Hungary in 1955 and made his filmmaking debut in 1979 with Family Nest, the first of nine feature films that would culminate in his 2011 film The Turin Horse. Damnation, released in 1988 at the Berlin International Film Festival, was his first film to draw global acclaim, and launched Tarr from a little-known director of social dramas to a fixture on the international film festival circuit.

Tarr’s reputation for films tinged with misery and hard-heartedness, distinguished by black-and-white cinematography and unusually long sequences, only grew throughout the 1990s and 2000s, particularly after his 1994 film Sátántangó. The epic drama, following a Hungarian village facing the fallout of communism, is best known for its length, clocking in at seven-and-a-half hours.

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Based on the novel by Hungarian writer László Krasznahorkai, who won the Nobel Prize in Literature last year and frequently collaborated with Tarr, the film became a touchstone for the “slow cinema” movement, with Tarr joining the ranks of directors such as Andrei Tarkovsky, Chantal Akerman and Theo Angelopoulos. Writer and critic Susan Sontag hailed Sátántangó as “devastating, enthralling for every minute of its seven hours.”

Tarr’s next breakthrough came in 2000 with his film Werckmeister Harmonies, the first of three movies co-directed by his partner, the editor Ágnes Hranitzky. Another loose adaptation of a Krasznahorkai novel, the film depicts the strange arrival of a circus in a small town in Hungary. With only 39 shots making up the film’s two-and-a-half-hour runtime, Tarr’s penchant for long takes was on full display.

Like Sátántangó, it was a major success with both critics and the arthouse crowd. Both films popularized Tarr’s style and drew the admiration of independent directors such as Jim Jarmusch and Gus Van Sant, the latter of which cited Tarr as a direct influence on his films: “They get so much closer to the real rhythms of life that it is like seeing the birth of a new cinema. He is one of the few genuinely visionary filmmakers.”

The actress Tilda Swinton is another admirer of Tarr’s, and starred in the filmmaker’s 2007 film The Man from London. At the premiere, Tarr announced that his next film would be his last. That 2011 film, The Turin Horse, was typically bleak but with an apocalyptic twist, following a man and his daughter as they face the end of the world. The film won the Grand Jury Prize at the Berlin International Film Festival.

After the release of The Turin Horse, Tarr opened an international film program in 2013 called film.factory as part of the Sarajevo Film Academy. He led and taught in the school for four years, inviting various filmmakers and actors to teach workshops and mentor students, including Swinton, Van Sant, Jarmusch, Juliette Binoche and Gael García Bernal.

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In the last years of his life, he worked on a number of artistic projects, including an exhibition at a film museum in Amsterdam. He remained politically outspoken throughout his life, condemning the rise of nationalism and criticizing the government of Hungarian leader Viktor Orbán.

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Epic stretch of SoCal rainfall muddies roads, spurs beach advisories. When will it end?

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Epic stretch of SoCal rainfall muddies roads, spurs beach advisories. When will it end?

California’s wet winter continued Sunday, with the heaviest rain occurring into the evening, and more precipitation forecast for Monday before tapering off on Tuesday, according to the National Weather Service.

A flood advisory was in effect for most of Los Angeles County until 10 p.m.

Los Angeles and Ventura counties’ coastal and valley regions could receive roughly half an inch to an inch more rain, with mountain areas getting one to two additional inches Sunday, officials said. The next two days will be lighter, said Robbie Munroe, a meteorologist at the weather service office in Oxnard.

Rains in Southern California have broken records this season, with some areas approaching average rain totals for an entire season. As of Sunday morning, the region had seen nearly 14 inches of rain since Oct. 1, more than three times the average of 4 inches for this time of year. An average rain season, which goes from July 1 to June 30, is 14.25 inches, officials said.

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“There’s the potential that we’ll already meet our average rainfall for the entire 12-month period by later today if we end up getting half an inch or more of rain,” Munroe added.

The wet weather prompted multiple road closures over the weekend, including a 3.6-mile stretch of Topanga Canyon Boulevard between Pacific Coast Highway and Grand View Drive as well as State Route 33 between Fairview Road and Lockwood Valley Road in the Los Padres National Forest. The California Department of Transportation also closed all lanes along State Route 2 from 3.3 miles east of Newcomb’s Ranch to State Route 138 in Angeles National Forest.

Los Angeles County Department of Public Health officials say beachgoers should stay out of the water to avoid the higher bacteria levels brought on by rain.

After storms, especially near discharging storm drains, creeks and rivers, the water can be contaminated with E. coli, trash, chemicals and other public health hazards.

The advisory, which will be in effect until at least 4 p.m. Monday, could be extended if the rain continues.

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In Ventura County on Sunday, the 101 Freeway was reopened after lanes were closed due to flooding Saturday. But there was at least one spinout as well as a vehicle stuck in mud on the highway Sunday, according to the National Weather Service. The freeway was also closed Saturday in Santa Barbara County in both directions near Goleta due to debris flows but reopened Sunday, according to Caltrans.

Santa Barbara Airport reopened and all commercial flights and fixed-wing aircraft were cleared for normal operations Sunday morning. The airport had shut down and grounded all flights Saturday due to flooded runways.

In Orange County early Sunday afternoon, firefighters rescued a man clinging to a section of a tunnel in cold, fast-moving water in a storm channel at Bolsa Avenue and Goldenwest Street in Westminster, according to fire officials.

A swift-water rescue team deployed a helicopter, lowered inflated firehoses and positioned an aerial ladder to allow responders to secure the man and bring him to safety before transporting him to a hospital for evaluation.

Heavy rains continued to batter Southern California mountain areas. Wrightwood in San Bernardino County — slammed recently with mud and debris — was closed Sunday except to residents as heavy equipment was brought in to clear mud and debris from roadways, the news-gathering organization OnScene reported.

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After canceling live racing on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day due to heavy showers, Santa Anita Park also called off events Saturday and Sunday.

After several atmospheric river systems have come through, familiar conditions are set to return to the region later this week.

“We’ll get a good break from the rain and it’ll let things dry out a little bit, and we may even be looking at Santa Ana conditions as we head into next weekend,” Munroe said. The weather will likely be “mostly sunny” and breezy in the valleys and mountains.

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‘Stranger Things’ is over, but did they get the ending right? : Pop Culture Happy Hour

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‘Stranger Things’ is over, but did they get the ending right? : Pop Culture Happy Hour

Millie Bobby Brown in the final season of Stranger Things.

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After five seasons and almost ten years, the saga of Netflix’s Stranger Things has reached its end. In a two-hour finale, we found out what happened to our heroes (including Millie Bobby Brown and Finn Wolfhard) when they set out to battle the forces of evil. The final season had new faces and new revelations, along with moments of friendship and conflict among the folks we’ve known and loved since the night Will Byers (Noah Schnapp) first disappeared. But did it stick the landing?

To access bonus episodes and sponsor-free listening for Pop Culture Happy Hour, subscribe to Pop Culture Happy Hour+ at plus.npr.org/happy.

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