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In L.A., sometimes waiting in line is the whole event

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In L.A., sometimes waiting in line is the whole event

As a child, I hated nothing more than waiting in line at school. I remember not being able to go back to class from the school yard unless we were in a perfectly straight, unnaturally silent line. “Why?” I found the courage to ask my seventh grade math teacher once. She smirked with 30 years of knowledge on me and said, “Trust me. You will always have to wait in line.” Of course, Mrs. Willis was right, and at the time I thought she put a curse on me. But I’ve come to accept lines, especially in L.A., where they’ve become a part of the city’s social architecture.

From Mindless Behavior concerts at The Novo to Maru Coffee to Born X Raised Sadie Hawkins, I’ve found myself reeling in ridiculously long lines, planning my days and outfits around them, gawking at them when I couldn’t be bothered.

In the words of Virginia Woolf, “Time, unfortunately, though it makes animals and vegetables bloom and fade with amazing punctuality, has no such simple effect on the mind of man.”

People reveal the best and worst parts of themselves while waiting in a queue. For sample sales, for example, I get a little competitive. Surely, no one likes this brand like I like the brand. Except, of course they do. Why else would we make ourselves a part of a spectacle to passersby on a sunny Sunday afternoon on Fairfax?

Once that fact settles after hours, a sense of community is formed. We’re all eavesdropping on our line neighbors. We all hope that the coveted item from five drops ago is 70% off. We all need our spot saved to refill the parking meter. We’re marveling at how folks have assembled pieces we were either too broke or unsure to buy. It’s inspiring, even comforting.

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In L.A., lines wield a transcendent power to reveal who we are, our desire to be seen and what we’re willing to do for them.

The line outside Courage Bagels on a weekend morning.

Courage Bagels, 10:06 a.m.

You can smell everything from down the block. The everything, that is — salt, onions, garlic, poppyseeds — all on a hot, freshly baked bagel.

I’d driven by Courage Bagels numerous times — on my way to afternoon open mics at the Lyric Hyperion or to a group show at Guerrero Gallery. And I used to roll my eyes and ask myself, what could possibly draw someone to want to wait in line first thing in the morning?

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Contrary to the stereotypes, the city’s pace can be chill, but it’s not languorous by any means. So for many Angelenos, waiting in line for breakfast on a Saturday morning is a chosen moment of pause. It can be as much a retreat from the churn of the week as a weekend trip to San Diego.

Over the course of an hour, a Courage line stander is almost in a meditative state. Here, there’s an understanding that experiencing every second is what grants access to the next and eventually the ultimate boon: staring down that handwritten menu in the window. And folks have come ready for battle: securing allyships (couples and friend groups yap the hour away), wearing a suit of armor (Gymshark set, Moncler cap and New Balance sneakers on) and expecting the unexpected (a light removable layer in case of inclement weather).

Woman in a white skirt stands outside a line.

Even Shen wears Acne Studios jacket, Brandy Melville skirt, Bode T-shirt, the Row shoes, the Row purse.

Even Shen, fashion data analyst

Position in line: Seventh.

Time spent in line: 1 hour.

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How often do you find yourself waiting in line in L.A.?

A lot, actually. We just came from this cafe in the Melrose area called Community Goods. I think we were probably 20-30 minutes for a cup of drink there. Every popular spot, you need to wait in line. We even got those portable stools.

At what point do you feel like you’ve had enough of a line?

On the weekends, I don’t have any events to go to anyway, so it’s fine to just chat with friends in line because the food is actually good. I feel like it’s worth it.

Man in brown shirt and black pants stands outside a line.

Michael Manos wears Maui Jim sunglasses, SeaWorld T-shirt, Arc’teryx pants, Salomon shoes.

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Michael Manos, graphic designer

Position in line: 14th.

Time spent in line: 40 minutes.

I overheard your friend say that he’s not a “line guy.”

Yeah, my friend said, ‘Oh, I’m not a line guy.’ And I said, ‘Who is a line guy?’ I don’t think anyone’s dying to go wait in the line. I think it’s worth it, what’s at the end of the line. I’m a bagel guy. I’ll wait in an absurd line for a good bagel. I also think I’m an idiot.

Besides the destination, what’s the best part about waiting in line?

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The line here is famously long, but I think anyone who comes to Courage knows what they’re getting themselves into. It’s almost part of the order. To get your bagel, you get a long line. If you come here alone and wait in line alone, it’s not gonna be that fun. But if you come here with your friends, it’s not a bad experience. It’s part of the experience.

The Courage line is misunderstood, kind of slept on. I’ve had some good memories in the Courage line. There was one time this guy came [down the line] just high-fiv[ing] everybody. True story. I think there’s some camaraderie to it, sitting in some insane line for a bagel.

Man in a green jacket stands with his dog on the sidewalk.

Jeff Forrest wears a Buck Mason T-shirt, Bleu de Paname button-up, Universal Works pants, Industry of all Nations underwear, Adidas Stan Smith shoes, Luum Jewelry necklace and ring. Charles wears a Marfa, Texas, Gift Shop bandana.

Jeff Forrest, designer

Position in line: 24th.

Time spent in line: 45 minutes.

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What’s been your experience waiting in line in L.A.?

We’re happy to wait in line. We meet really interesting people in line. Because of the dog, we get a lot of attention, and chat with other [dog] owners and talk about the city.

L.A. is a really closed-off city. I come from Toronto, and a lot of my work is in New York, too, so I’m used to the hustle and bustle of being around people. When I’m here in L.A., I don’t get that a lot. We live in Studio City. Silver Lake is a little bit of a different story. But we don’t have random run-ins a lot of times, like we would in a walking city. So when we come to Silver Lake, we like it because it reminds us of back home, and the line is kind of the epicenter of it, in a way.

The line outside the Gustaf Westman pop-up.

The line outside the Gustaf Westman pop-up.

Gustaf Westman pop-up shop, 1:22 p.m.

Past the brunch rush, the sunlight starts melting the clouds away. Ceramics enthusiasts file in for the Gustaf Westman pop-up shop in Echo Park, pressing themselves against the store to hide away from a nosy sun.

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The Swedish designer’s first solo pop-up shop graces Sunset Boulevard, beckoning hundreds of local fans to score the TikTok-famous cups, plates, mirrors and seats found in the homes of Yung Lean, Emma Chamberlain, Reign Judge, Matilda Djerf and Tyler, the Creator.

“If you know, you know, and we definitely know” is definitely the vibe here.

“What’s the line for?” a Patagonia-vested tourist asks, and a Miu Miu bag-touting baddie completely ignores him.

Within the first two hours of the shop opening, the sunk-cost fallacy is in full effect. “Dude, let’s just go,” mutters a guy to his friend. Excitement grows into restlessness. There’s only so much satisfaction you can glean from watching people pose with their pink paper bags in triumph.

Sometimes, it’s not just about the journey. It’s what you have to show for it.

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Rico Nasty stands line.

Rico Nasty wears AKILA x Bricks and Wood sunglasses, Maison Margiela top, Maison Margiela pants, Maison Margiela Bag, Louis Vuitton boots and Apple Airpods Max Headphones.

Rico Nasty, rapper

Position in line: 12th.

Time spent in line: 1 hour, 40 minutes.

Are you a patient person?

No. I was complaining the entire time. [Her friends] were like ‘Oh, this is what your fans do for you.’ And I was like, ‘Wow.’ I don’t know how they love me so much, but I definitely see them in a different light. My legs hurt.

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You are Rico Nasty. Why are you in line?

I don’t know [Gustaf Westman]. I just feel like it shows respect. Like, I respect him. I just feel like you can wait in line for s— sometimes. Everything doesn’t have to be, ‘Hey, I’m a celebrity. Let me in.’”

A family waits in line.

Nicole Duque wears Celine sunglasses, the Frankie Shop dress, Nike x Bode Sneakers and Porter-Yoshida and Co. bag. Matthew Yuguchi wears a Nike Supreme hat, Nike x ACG shirt, Moscot glasses, Goros and Miansai necklace pendants, Vintage pants, Tom Sachs x Nike shoes. Theo Yuguchi wears Adidas soccer jersey, shorts, socks and shoes.

Nicole Duque, fashion merchandising buyer, Matthew Yuguchi, executive creative director, and Theo Yuguchi, aspiring soccer star

Position in line: First.

Time spent in line: A little under 2 hours.

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How does it feel to be at the front of the line?

Nicole Duque: Ready to go. We’re really excited to head in.

How often do you find yourself waiting in line?

ND: I grew up here and so it’s not something that I love to do. Rarely do I actually have the patience to do it. But there’s a really cool vase in there, also maybe a little book stand. There’s also a table stand. Those are definitely some of the items that piqued our interest.

How’d you guys pass the time?

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ND: Well, they went to eat. I stayed here [Laughs].

Two people pose beside a line.

Amelia Moore wears Tigran Avetisyan dress, Urban Outfitters hat. Quartz sunglasses. Dr. Martens shoes, Simon Miller purse, Acne Studios and Flea Market rings. Ti’lien Dallas wears a Vintage shirt. Vintage pants. Asics shoes, Flea Market rings.

Ti’lien Dallas, administrative assistant, and Amelia Moore, musician

Position in line: On the other side.

Time spent in line: 2.5 hours.

What was your line strategy?

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Amelia Moore: I got here 15 minutes before it opened, and the line was down the street already. I was planning initially to get here earlier, but I just got lazy and got a coffee to make myself not hate myself in line. But we waited. We committed.

What did you guys get?

Ti’lien Dallas: I didn’t really come to buy something today. I just came with her. If we have small tasks to do we usually just meet up, grab food and run all errands, chitchat. I just think there’s no better feeling than having to do nothing with friends.

Outside the Firmé Atelier show.

Outside the Firmé Atelier show.

Firmé Atelier’s “Til Death Do Us Part” show, 7:27 p.m.

“Oh there’s a line?” I hear on three separate occasions at the door of the Firmé Atelier show at John Doe Gallery. Inside, the atelier is showcasing a meticulous couture bridal collection in a museum-style exhibition. The line isn’t exactly inconspicuous. It casually flows under scaffolding. 11th Street is lined with sleek lowriders and old friends have reunited as the DJ spins ‘90s and 2000s R&B. It feels like a really well dressed block party. Whether asked in oblivion or in jest, once they step back to notice the queue of people behind the bouncer what follows is one of three outcomes.

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Outcome 1. Look for your homie to get you in. While curious passersby and fans of the brand wait, friends of the atelier met with the line are escorted to skip it.

Outcome 2. Cut someone: Alfonso Gonzalez Jr., who did not have to wait in line, commented, “You can cut, but there’s a respectful way to cut.” You have to have the audacity. Be stealth and steadfast. Commit. Go for it.

Outcome 3. Just go to the end of the line. A few folks who come straight to the door are turned away and asked to wait. In actuality, getting sent to the back of a quickly moving line isn’t as bad a condemnation as it seems. But I would be lying if I said we didn’t enjoy seeing people getting turned away and doing a kind of walk of shame to the end of the line.

Two people pose at twilight beside a line.

NoNo wears a Lilith Paris top, MSBHV bottoms, Moschino jacket, Frye boots, and Luar bag. Isaías Cabrera wears a Common Market top, Louis Vuitton bag, Levi’s jeans and Maison Margiela shoes.

Isaías Cabrera, a.k.a Blondchyna, president of Somos Loud LA, and NoNo, addiction and mental health professional

Position in line: Second.

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Time spent in line: About 3 minutes.

So you just cut the line. I’m assuming you’re not ones for waiting.

Isaías Cabrera: To be honest, not to be conceited, but no.

NoNo: I mean, if these people behind us trip, I’ll just get out of line.

IC: I think it’s gonna be OK.

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What are the rules or best practices for cutting the line?

IC: Go to the front of the line, and live in opulence. You own everything.

What if someone cuts you?

IC: I let them. Because I do the same.

Is there anything worth waiting in line for?

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IC: I was just in line for a Heaven bag. I love Heaven. I love Marc Jacobs. I think it’s worth it.

Which bag was it?

It was the Blumarine collaboration.

Any other thoughts about waiting in line?

IC: We work hard. What are we doing lines for?

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Two young men pose in all black outfits at night.

Alex Palma wears a Selfdestrct shirt, Selfdestrct pants and The Last Conspiracy shoes. Juan Carlos Palma wears Selfdestrct pants, Zam Barrett hoodie, Yeezy 950 boots.

Juan Carlos Palma, designer, and Alex Palma

Position in line: Fifth.

Time spent in line: 20 minutes.

What brings you out tonight?

Juan Carlos Palma: I follow the page @firmeatelier. I’m from New York/New Jersey and my brother lives out here in California and I came here because he graduated. I said, “Let me see some fashion events out here. Let me pop out.” I’m tired of streetwear to be honest, and this is really haute couture level.

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How has your experience been waiting in line?

JCP: It’s cool. Because you see people with different styles. It’s interesting seeing L.A. fashion because I’m usually in New York. I just observe. What else can you do?

Alex Palma: I think the most interesting [thing] is how people style themselves to fit their personalities and say, “Let me show it through the outfits.”

Robert Aubert wears Sinners Saints hat, jacket, Sinners Saints pants, Christian Louboutin shoes, Nouvintage sunglasses.

Robert Aubert wears Sinners Saints hat, Sinners Saints jacket, Sinners Saints pants, Christian Louboutin shoes, Nouvintage sunglasses.

Robert Aubert, designer

Position in line: Fourth.

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Time spent in line: “Too long.” (Couldn’t have been longer than 15 minutes.)

I saw you get turned away from the front. How does that feel?

I didn’t know there was a line. I was here earlier, then they told me I had to get in line. I helped with the production on the shirts, so I should be inside. I’m just kidding. But no, I’m here to support the show. I’m out here as a rider. It doesn’t matter how long I wait.

Would you consider yourself a patient person?

Absolutely not. It’s killing me to stand in line.

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Astrid Kayembe is a writer from South-Central Los Angeles covering style, food, art and L.A. culture. She was a 2022-23 reporting fellow at the Los Angeles Times. Her work has appeared in USA Today, ABC7, L.A. TACO, The Memphis Commercial Appeal and Refinery29.

Lifestyle

Baz Luhrmann will make you fall in love with Elvis Presley

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Baz Luhrmann will make you fall in love with Elvis Presley

Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.

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“You are my favorite customer,” Baz Luhrmann tells me on a recent Zoom call from the sunny Chateau Marmont in Hollywood. The director is on a worldwide blitz to promote his new film, EPiC: Elvis Presley in Concert — which opens wide this week — and he says this, not to flatter me, but because I’ve just called his film a miracle.

See, I’ve never cared a lick about Elvis Presley, who would have turned 91 in January, had he not died in 1977 at the age of 42. Never had an inkling to listen to his music, never seen any of his films, never been interested in researching his life or work. For this millennial, Presley was a fossilized, mummified relic from prehistory — like a woolly mammoth stuck in the La Brea Tar Pits — and I was mostly indifferent about seeing 1970s concert footage when I sat down for an early IMAX screening of EPiC.

By the end of its rollicking, exhilarating 90 minutes, I turned to my wife and said, “I think I’m in love with Elvis Presley.”

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“I’m not trying to sell Elvis,” Luhrmann clarifies. “But I do think that the most gratifying thing is when someone like you has the experience you’ve had.”

Elvis made much more of an imprint on a young Luhrmann; he watched the King’s movies while growing up in New South Wales, Australia in the 1960s, and he stepped to 1972’s “Burning Love” as a young ballroom dancer. But then, like so many others, he left Elvis behind. As a teenager, “I was more Bowie and, you know, new wave and Elton and all those kinds of musical icons,” he says. “I became a big opera buff.”

Luhrmann only returned to the King when he decided to make a movie that would take a sweeping look at America in the 1950s, ’60s, and ’70s — which became his 2022 dramatized feature, Elvis, starring Austin Butler. That film, told in the bedazzled, kaleidoscopic style that Luhrmann is famous for, cast Presley as a tragic figure; it was framed and narrated by Presley’s notorious manager, Colonel Tom Parker, portrayed by a conniving and heavily made-up Tom Hanks. The dark clouds of business exploitation, the perils of fame, and an early demise hang over the singer’s heady rise and fall.

It was a divisive movie. Some praised Butler’s transformative performance and the director’s ravishing style; others experienced it as a nauseating 2.5-hour trailer. Reviewing it for Fresh Air, Justin Chang said that “Luhrmann’s flair for spectacle tends to overwhelm his basic story sense,” and found the framing device around Col. Parker (and Hanks’ “uncharacteristically grating” acting) to be a fatal flaw.

Personally, I thought it was the greatest thing Luhrmann had ever made, a perfect match between subject and filmmaker. It reminded me of Oliver Stone’s breathless, Shakespearean tragedy about Richard Nixon (1995’s Nixon), itself an underrated masterpiece. Yet somehow, even for me, it failed to light a fire of interest in Presley himself — and by design, I now realize after seeing EPiC, it omitted at least one major aspect of Elvis’ appeal: the man was charmingly, endearingly funny.

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As seen in Luhrmann’s new documentary, on stage, in the midst of a serious song, Elvis will pull a face, or ad lib a line about his suit being too tight to get on his knees, or sing for a while with a bra (which has been flung from the audience) draped over his head. He’s constantly laughing and ribbing and keeping his musicians, and himself, entertained. If Elvis was a tragedy, EPiC is a romantic comedy — and Presley’s seduction of us, the audience, is utterly irresistible.

Unearthing old concert footage 

It was in the process of making Elvis that Luhrmann discovered dozens of long-rumored concert footage tapes in a Kansas salt mine, where Warner Bros. stores some of their film archives. Working with Peter Jackson’s team at the post-production facility Park Road Post, who did the miraculous restoration of Beatles rehearsal footage for Jackson’s 2021 Disney+ series, Get Back, they burnished 50-plus hours of 55-year-old celluloid into an eye-popping sheen with enough visual fidelity to fill an IMAX screen. In doing so, they resurrected a woolly mammoth. The film — which is a creative amalgamation of takes from rehearsals and concerts that span from 1970 to 1972 — places the viewer so close to the action that we can viscerally feel the thumping of the bass and almost sense that we’ll get flecked with the sweat dripping off Presley’s face.

This footage was originally shot for the 1970 concert film Elvis: That’s The Way It Is, and its 1972 sequel, Elvis on Tour, which explains why these concerts were shot like a Hollywood feature: wide shots on anamorphic 35mm and with giant, ultra-bright Klieg lights — which, Luhrmann explains, “are really disturbing. So [Elvis] was very apologetic to the audience, because the audience felt a bit more self conscious than they would have been at a normal show. They were actually making a movie, they weren’t just shooting a concert.”

Luhrmann chose to leave in many shots where camera operators can be seen running around with their 16mm cameras for close-ups, “like they’re in the Vietnam War trying to get the best angles,” because we live in an era where we’re used to seeing cameras everywhere and Luhrmann felt none of the original directors’ concern about breaking the illusion. Those extreme close-ups, which were achieved by operators doing math and manually pulling focus, allow us to see even the pores on Presley’s skin — now projected onto a screen the size of two buildings.

The sweat that comes out of those pores is practically a character in the film. Luhrmann marvels at how much Presley gave in every single rehearsal and every single concert performance. Beyond the fact that “he must have superhuman strength,” Luhrmann says, “He becomes the music. He doesn’t mark stuff. He just becomes the music, and then no one knows what he’s going to do. The band do not know what he’s going to do, so they have to keep their eyes on him all the time. They don’t know how many rounds he’s going to do in ‘Suspicious Minds.’ You know, he conducts them with his entire being — and that’s what makes him unique.”

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Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.

Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.

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It’s not the only thing. The revivified concerts in EPiC are a potent argument that Elvis wasn’t just a superior live performer to the Beatles (who supplanted him as the kings of pop culture in the 1960s), but possibly the greatest live performer of all time. His sensual, magmatic charisma on stage, the way he conducts the large band and choir, the control he has over that godlike gospel voice, and the sorcerer’s power he has to hold an entire audience in the palm of his hands (and often to kiss many of its women on the lips) all come across with stunning, electrifying urgency.

Shaking off the rust and building a “dreamscape” 

The fact that, on top of it all, he is effortlessly funny and goofy is, in Luhrmann’s mind, essential to the magic of Elvis. While researching for Elvis, he came to appreciate how insecure Presley was as a kid — growing up as the only white boy in a poor Black neighborhood, and seeing his father thrown into jail for passing a bad check. “Inside, he felt very less-than,” says Luhrmann, “but he grows up into a physical Greek god. I mean, we’ve forgotten how beautiful he was. You see it in the movie; he is a beautiful looking human being. And then he moves. And he doesn’t learn dance steps — he just manifests that movement. And then he’s got the voice of Orpheus, and he can take a song like ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ and make it into a gospel power ballad.

“So he’s like a spiritual being. And I think he’s imposing. So the goofiness, the humor is about disarming people, making them get past the image — like he says — and see the man. That’s my own theory.”

Elvis has often been second-classed in the annals of American music because he didn’t write his own songs, but Luhrmann insists that interpretation is its own invaluable art form. “Orpheus interpreted the music as well,” the director says.

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In this way — as in their shared maximalist, cape-and-rhinestones style — Luhrmann and Elvis are a match made in Graceland. Whether he’s remixing Shakespeare as a ’90s punk music video in Romeo + Juliet or adding hip-hop beats to The Great Gatsby, Luhrmann is an artist who loves to take what was vibrantly, shockingly new in another century and make it so again.

Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.

Elvis Presley in Las Vegas in Aug. 1970.

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Luhrmann says he likes to take classic work and “shake off the rust and go, Well, when it was written, it wasn’t classical. When it was created, it was pop, it was modern, it was in the moment. That’s what I try and do.”

To that end, he conceived EPiC as “an imagined concert,” liberally building sequences from various nights, sometimes inserting rehearsal takes into a stage performance (ecstatically so in the song “Polk Salad Annie”), and adding new musical layers to some of the songs. Working with his music producer, Jamieson Shaw, he backed the King’s vocals on “Oh Happy Day” with a new recording of a Black gospel choir in Nashville. “So that’s an imaginative leap,” says Luhrmann. “It’s kind of a dreamscape.”

On some tracks, like “Burning Love,” new string arrangements give the live performances extra verve and cinematic depth. Luhrmann and his music team also radically remixed multiple Elvis songs into a new number, “A Change of Reality,” which has the King repeatedly asking “Do you miss me?” over a buzzing bass line and a syncopated beat.

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I didn’t miss Elvis before I saw EPiC — but after seeing the film twice now, I truly do.

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L.A. Affairs: Sick of swiping, I tried speed dating. The results surprised me

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L.A. Affairs: Sick of swiping, I tried speed dating. The results surprised me

“You kinda have this Wednesday Addams vibe going on.”

I shrieked.

I was wearing my best armor: a black dress that accentuated my curves, a striped bolero to cover the arms I’ve resented for years and black platform sandals displaying ruby toes. My dark hair was in wild, voluminous curls and my sultry makeup was finished with an inviting Chanel rouge lip.

I would’ve preferred the gentleman at the speed dating event had likened my efforts to, at least, Morticia, a grown woman. But in this crowd of men and women ages ranging from roughly 21 to 40, I suppose my baby face gave me away.

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My mind flitted back to a conversation I had with my physical therapist about modern love: Dating in L.A. has become monotonous.

The apps were oversaturated and underwhelming. And it seemed more difficult than ever to naturally meet someone in person.

She told me about her recent endeavor in speed dating: events sponsoring timed one-on-one “dates” with multiple candidates. I applauded her bravery, but the conversation had mostly slipped my mind.

Two years later, I had reached my boiling point with Jesse, a guy I met online (naturally) a few months prior who was good on paper but bad in practice.

Knowing my best friend was in a similar situationship, I found myself suggesting a curious social alternative.

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Much of my knowledge of speed dating came from cinema. It usually involved a down-on-her-luck hopeless romantic or a mature workaholic attempting to be more spontaneous in her dating life, sitting across from a montage of caricatures: the socially-challenged geek stumbling through his special interests; the arrogant businessman diverting most of his attention to his Blackberry; the pseudo-suave ladies’ man whose every word comes across rehearsed and saccharine.

Nevertheless, I was desperate for a good distraction. So we purchased tickets to an event for straight singles happening a few hours later.

Walking into Oldfield’s Liquor Room, I noticed that it looked like a normal bar, all dark wood and dim lighting. Except its patrons flanked the perimeter of the space, speaking in hushed tones, sizing up the opposite sex.

Suddenly in need of some liquid courage, we rushed back to the car to indulge in the shooters we bought on our way to the venue — three for $6. I had already surrendered $30 for my ticket and I was not paying for Los Angeles-priced cocktails. Ten minutes later, we were ready to mingle.

The bar’s back patio was decked out with tea lights and potted palm plants. House-pop music put me in a groove as I perused the picnic tables covered with conversation starters like “What’s your favorite sexual position?” Half-amused and half-horrified, I decided to use my own material.

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We found our seats as the host began introductions. Each date would last two minutes — a chime would alert the men when it was time to move clockwise to the next seat. I exchanged hopeful glances with the women around me.

The bell rang, and I felt my buzz subside in spades as my first date sat down. This was really happening.

Soft brown eyes greeted me. He was polite and responsive, giving adequate answers to my questions but rarely returning the inquiry. I sensed he was looking through me and not at me, as if he had decided I wasn’t his type and was biding his time until the bell rang. I didn’t take it personally.

Bachelor No. 2 stood well over six feet with caramel-brown hair and emerald eyes. He oozed confidence and warmth when he spoke about how healing from an accident a few years prior inspired him to become a physical therapist.

I tried not to focus on how his story was nearly word-perfect to the one I heard him give the woman before me. He offered to show me a large surgery scar, rolling up his right sleeve to reveal the pale pink flesh — and a well-trained bicep. Despite his obvious good looks and small-town charm, something suspicious gnawed at me. I would later learn he had left the same effect on most of the women.

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My nose received Bachelor No. 3 before my eyes. His spiced cologne quickly engulfing my senses. He had a larger-than-life presence, seeming to be a character himself, so I asked for his favorite current watch.

“I love ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty,’” he actually said.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, it’s my favorite. Oh, and ‘Wednesday.’ You kinda have this Wednesday Addams vibe going on.”

I was completely thrown to hear this 40-something man’s favorite programs centered around teenage girls, and by his standards, I resembled one of them. Where was the host with the damn bell?

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Although a few conversations clearly left impressions, most of the dates morphed into remnants of information like fintech, middle sibling, allergic to cats, etc. Perhaps two minutes was too short to spark genuine chemistry.

After a quick lap around the post-date mingling, we practically raced to the car. A millisecond after the doors closed, my friend said, “I think I’m going to call him.” I knew she wasn’t referring to any of the men we met tonight. The last few hours were all in vain. “And you should call Jesse.”

I scoffed at her audacity.

When I arrived home and called him, it only rang once.

The following three hours of witty banter and cheeky innuendos were bliss until the call ended on a low note, and I remembered why I tried speed dating in the first place.

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Jesse and I had great chemistry but were ultimately incompatible. He preferred living life within his comfort zone while I craved adventure and variety. He couldn’t see past right now, and I was too busy planning the future to live in the moment.

Still, in a three-hour call, long before the topic of commitment soured things, we laughed at the mundanity of our day, traded wildest dreams for embarrassing anecdotes, and voiced amorous intentions that would make Aphrodite’s cheeks heat.

Why couldn’t I have had a conversation like that with someone at the event?

It’s possible I was hoping to find the perfect replica of my relationship with Jesse. But when I had the opportunity to meet someone new, I reserved my humor and my empathy.

Also, despite knowing Jesse and I weren’t a good match, I thought we had a “chance connection” that I needed to protect. In reality, if I had shown up to speed dating as my complete self, that would have been more than enough to stir sparks with a new flame.

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It would be several more weeks before I was ready to release my attachment to Jesse. But when I did, I had a better appreciation for myself and my capacity for love.

The author is a multidisciplinary writer and mother based in Encino.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

Editor’s note: On April 3, L.A. Affairs Live, our new storytelling competition show, will feature real dating stories from people living in the Greater Los Angeles area. Tickets for our first event will be on sale starting Tuesday.

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In reversal, Warner Bros. jilts Netflix for Paramount

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In reversal, Warner Bros. jilts Netflix for Paramount

Warner Bros. Discovery said Thursday that it prefers the latest offer from rival Hollywood studio Paramount over a bid it accepted from Netflix.

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Bloomberg/Bloomberg via Getty Images/Bloomberg

The Warner Bros. Discovery board announced late Thursday afternoon that Paramount’s sweetened bid to buy the entire company is “superior” to an $83 billion deal it had struck with Netflix for the purchase of its streaming services, studios, and intellectual property.

Netflix says it is pulling out of the contest rather than try to top Paramount’s offer.

“We’ve always been disciplined, and at the price required to match Paramount Skydance’s latest offer, the deal is no longer financially attractive, so we are declining to match the Paramount Skydance bid,” the streaming giant said in a statement.

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Warner had rejected so many offers from Paramount that it seemed as though it would be a fruitless endeavor. Speaking on the red carpet for the BAFTA film awards last weekend, Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos dared Paramount to stop making its case publicly and start ponying up cash.

‘If you wanna try and outbid our deal … just make a better deal. Just put a better deal on the table,” Sarandos told the trade publication Deadline Hollywood.

Netflix promised that Warner Bros. would operate as an independent studio and keep showing its movies in theaters.

But the political realities, combined with Paramount’s owners’ relentless drive to expand their entertainment holdings, seem to have prevailed.

Paramount previously bid for all of Warner — including its cable channels such as CNN, TBS, and Discovery — in a deal valued at $108 billion. Earlier this week, Paramount unveiled a fresh proposal increasing its bid by a dollar a share.

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On Thursday, hours before the Warner announcement, Sarandos headed to the White House to meet Trump administration officials to make his case for the deal.

The meetings, leaked Wednesday to political and entertainment media outlets, were confirmed by a White House official who spoke on condition he not be named, as he was not authorized to speak about them publicly.

President Trump was not among those who met with Sarandos, the official said.

While Netflix’s courtship of Warner stirred antitrust concerns, the Paramount deal is likely to face a significant antitrust review from the U.S. Justice Department, given the combination of major entertainment assets. Paramount owns CBS and the streamer Paramount Plus, in addition to Comedy Central, Nickelodeon and other cable channels.

The offer from Paramount CEO David Ellison relies on the fortune of his father, Oracle co-founder Larry Ellison. And David Ellison has argued to shareholders that his company would have a smoother path to regulatory approval.

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Not unnoticed: the Ellisons’ warm ties to Trump world.

Larry Ellison is a financial backer of the president.

David Ellison was photographed offering a MAGA-friendly thumbs-up before the State of the Union address with one of the president’s key Congressional allies: U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, a Republican.

Trump has praised changes to CBS News made under David Ellison’s pick for editor in chief, Bari Weiss.

The chair of the Federal Communications Commission, Brendan Carr, told Semafor Wednesday that he was pleased by the news division’s direction under Weiss. She has criticized much of the mainstream media as being too reflexively liberal and anti-Trump.

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“I think they’re doing a great job,” Carr said at a Semafor conference on trust and the media Wednesday. As Semafor noted, Carr previously lauded CBS by saying it “agreed to return to more fact-based, unbiased reporting.”

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