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Her mother murdered her father in an infamous case. Now, she’s telling her own story

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Her mother murdered her father in an infamous case. Now, she’s telling her own story

The first essay in Joan Didion’s famous collection Slouching Towards Bethlehem is an odd bit of true crime writing titled “Some Dreamers of the Golden Dream.” It covers the case of Lucille Miller, a “housewife” who was accused of killing her husband in 1964 and convicted in 1965 — and includes Didion’s signature blend of smart, beautiful prose and deadpan disdain.

Didion describes San Bernadino County, Calif., where the murder took place as, among other things, “the country of the teased hair and the Capris and the girls for whom all life’s promise comes down to a waltz-length white wedding dress and the birth of a Kimberly or a Sherry or a Debbi and a Tijuana divorce and a return to hairdressers’ school. ‘We were just crazy kids,’ they say without regret, and look to the future. The future always looks good in the golden land, because no one remembers the past.”

One of these ambitionless girls, Didion implies, is Lucille Miller, who named her eldest daughter Debra (Debbie for short). In 1964, Debbie was a 14-year-old facing the death of her father and the imminent loss of her mother. Debra Miller has now published her own book The Most Wonderful Terrible Person: A Memoir of Murder in the Golden State with She Writes Press, a hybrid publisher.

Miller opens her memoir with a reflection on her unsolicited relationship with Didion. Miller found it offensive and unsympathetic, writing: “She taught her children to be offended, too, and I hated the essay until I had enough hindsight to see it through new eyes many years later.” Indeed, it is likely this distinction — Miller being related to the subject of one of the most famous literary essayists’ essays — that will prompt many people to pick up the book, although those looking for a Didionesque narrative will be disappointed, as there is not an ounce of cynicism in it.

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Instead, The Most Wonderful Terrible Person is a deeply sincere, if sometimes jumbled, reckoning with a life gone off its already rickety rails. Miller’s home life before her father’s death and her mother’s imprisonment was far from picture perfect. Born in Guam where her father, then a military dentist, was stationed, Miller’s parents first relocated to Japan and then to Oregon before finally moving to Southern California. One disturbing anecdote from those early years involves a crying 5-year-old Miller telling her father that her beloved dog, Shep, was too enthusiastic and knocked her down; “Out of ‘love for me,’” Miller writes, “my father gets his shotgun, takes Shep out back, and shoots him… I understood that something awful happened to Shep and it was my fault.”

Both of Miller’s parents were physically abusive — and their parents, she learns, were too — but where her father was largely emotionally distant, her mother was more unpredictable with her affections. Lucille ran hot and cold, sometimes telling her daughter that she preferred raising her younger siblings because they were boys, and other times taking her out on shopping sprees and lavishing her with affection.

The defining event of Miller’s youth, though, is her father’s death and her mother’s trial and imprisonment. The kids weren’t allowed to see their mother for a while after she first went to jail, and when they finally did and asked her when they’d all be able to go home, she told them: “As soon as this is all over.”

“‘This,’” Miller writes, “came to mean a lot of things, the unspoken things. That day, ‘this’ meant legal proceedings. Later, it meant the allegation of murder, and later still, a trial. Those abstractions didn’t mean anything to us yet. Each ‘this’ was a component unto itself. ‘This’ went on and on. It was easier not to call anything by its name, which made it too real, too unbearable. This was momentary, doable. Anybody could do this for a while.”

Not talking about what was really going on became, or perhaps already had been, a pattern in the family. Miller writes about the events that followed: how she and her brothers helped smuggle drugs, alcohol, and makeup into the prison Lucille was sent to; how they moved around a lot between different family members and friends, often separated from one another and from their baby sister who was born shortly after Lucille was convicted; how they the siblings all began using drugs and alcohol to cope and struggled with substance use disorders for years. But even though she details these and other troubles both during and after Lucille’s imprisonment, the memoir rarely digs deep into any real analysis of what was going on.

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Still, Miller’s book is moving in its rawness, in its ability to lay out how trauma can derail a person’s life without them ever really recognizing it. An especially astute moment is when, following Lucille’s death in 1986, Miller realizes that her mother owed money to each and every one of the people attending her memorial. And still, Miller writes, “They had loved her, been caught in her spell, believed she was innocent of murdering my father, and now that she was gone, they missed her. She had made each one of them believe they were her best friend and that they were the most fascinating, fabulous person in the world. And now here they all were. Who was going to make them feel better than they were now?”

Even someone terrible, Miller recognizes, can be wonderful in some circumstances, to some people; she herself behaved terribly to many, and her regret and grief over her own behavior is palpable. Miller spent the second half of her life teaching English at a girls’ high school in Los Angeles, and although she is now retired, one very much gets the sense that she’s attempted, in paying attention to her students, to atone for some of her own sins. The Most Wonderful Terrible Person is not a confession, exactly, but it is a reckoning.

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Street Style Look of the Week: A Work Wear Staple in Gentle Pastels

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Street Style Look of the Week: A Work Wear Staple in Gentle Pastels

“I love one-piece dressing — this is my jam,” April Dinwoodie said of her chiffon jumpsuit. “I’m not great with making things happen, with tucking in shirts and all the things.”

She was in spring pastels when our paths crossed in Harlem on a recent Saturday in April. As she excitedly showed off her new engagement ring to a friend on the stoop of a brownstone, I recognized her from a photo assignment back in 2020. A light blue jacket draped over her arm and a brightly colored scarf rounded out her look. She said that a couple of pieces she was wearing had been acquired at sample sales. “I know what things cost at retail because I’ve worked in the business a little bit,” she said.

Dinwoodie, 54, a marketing and communications specialist who focuses on diversity and inclusion in her career, said that her work largely informs the way she dresses. “Understanding who I am and what I’m about has been this lifelong journey,” she said.


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The ‘baby of the group’ is 83: How a Pacific Palisades book club remains unbreakable

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The ‘baby of the group’ is 83: How a Pacific Palisades book club remains unbreakable

The members of Becky’s Book Club in Pacific Palisades couldn’t stand “Play It as It Lays.” Snakes, freeways, difficult men and Didion’s quiet brutality hang in the air like the oppressive heat of this unusually warm spring day. At their feet, a regal Airedale terrier named Phoebe lounges, looking as though she belongs in an oil painting.

“If I had read this book before coming to Los Angeles, I would have never come,” says Raymee Olin Weiman, one of the members of the book club. She’s a spirited talker who eventually concedes a compliment to Didion. “I did not like it, but I was compelled to read it, because the writing is so brilliant.”

Becky Nedelman, an 85-year-old who organizes the book club, agrees. “To me, Maria is when you drive by an accident, and you don’t want to look, but you do,” she says of Didion’s aimless and troubled protagonist.

Amy Silverberg, the book club facilitator (who is also a Times contributor and friend of this reporter) had warned the group the month prior that they might shudder at the unnerving novel. When she walked in the door, they confirmed Silverberg’s fears, immediately airing their displeasure. “You are to blame,” she tells them with a smile. “I want to reiterate that.”

For all their grievances with Didion’s fiction, the women’s lives bear a striking resemblance to Didion’s own. Some of the women in the book club are older than the late author Joan Didion, who would have been 91. A few of them are in their 90s, save for Gail Heltzer — “the baby of the group,” as she’s called — who is 83.

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The book club comprises old friends who have been meeting to discuss literature for over 25 years. Long-standing book clubs in Los Angeles are a rarity — many flame out due to dwindling interest, scheduling conflicts and waning enthusiasm. That hasn’t been the case for Becky’s Book Club, which still sparks lively debate at every meeting.

The gathering, which takes place in the women’s homes, has endured through each phase of their lives — marriages, motherhood, even illness.

Nancy de Brier and Barbara Smith share a laugh during their book club meeting.

(Ariana Drehsler / For The Times)

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“The only way we’ve lost members, unfortunately, has been by passing away or moving away,” says Becky Nedelman.

Today, they meet at Emily Lawrence’s home, where she has prepared peanut butter cookies and an elaborate cheese board for the occasion.

With each passing year, the sentimental value only swells.

“The longer it goes on, the more important we become to one another. We’re the age where we occasionally lose friends; we lose husbands — lots of us have. So, this is very important,” says Nancy deBrier, one of the members. The group credits the book club’s enduring success to its organizer, Becky Nedelman.

Nedelman has assembled the book club over the decades, inviting women from different parts of her life, including investment clubs and Planned Parenthood organizing along with high school classmates. In the end, she chose members who were serious about books.

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Host Emily Lawrence with her copy of Joan Didion's "Play It as It Lays."

Host Emily Lawrence with her copy of Joan Didion’s “Play It as It Lays.”

(Ariana Drehsler / For The Times)

“We wanted to be with a group of women who were really readers. We didn’t come to talk about recipes or kids and grandkids, but we really wanted to focus on the book,” says Nedelman.

Since June 2001, the group has read 252 books together, maintaining a detailed record of every book. The group mostly reads contemporary literature, but once a year, they tackle a classic — or “a downer,” as they’ve come to call them.

“Apeirogon” by Colum McCann and “The Correspondent” by Virginia Evans stand out to them as particularly engaging. They read “Anna Karenina” and “Crime and Punishment,” an experience they agree was challenging but rewarding. Their commentary is astute and heartfelt, even when it’s critical. “Are any of the classics fun?” asks Harriet Eilber.

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What makes a book club run so smoothly for over two decades? Gail Heltzer attributes it to the group’s open-mindedness and inherent chemistry. “Everybody is willing to read a wide variety of books on different subjects. We don’t reject any ideas,” says Heltzer. “Everybody has opinions and is extremely respectful, and everyone leaves smarter.”

The book club has encouraged the women to reconnect with reading later in life. DeBrier, who has a master’s degree and practiced law, explains that reading has been a gift throughout her life. “My reading life post-college was so much more interesting in many ways,” she says. “You’ll find that that’s the good thing about life, right? It’s very enriching to keep reading.”

“Their open-mindedness at their age is really inspiring to me,” says Silverberg. “I hope to have that open-mindedness in my 80s and 90s. What is a better path for open-mindedness than to read?”

To ensure the book club runs efficiently with riveting discussions, the women have enlisted the help of Literary Affairs — an L.A.-based company that offers facilitators at over 50 book clubs in L.A. The facilitators often have exceptional literary resumes; many are novelists and hold PhDs in literature. Silverberg, the facilitator of Becky’s Book Club, is also a novelist and comedian and has worked for Literary Affairs for five years. Last year, her debut novel, “First Time, Long Time,” was released — and the book club attended her book launch at Skylight Books in Los Feliz to offer support.

“Whether they like the book or not, they’re always willing to turn the page,” says Silverberg of the group. She enjoys the hour and a half she spends discussing literature with them. “They make me think about a book differently, and I appreciate that. They let me argue with them. I’m always on the side of the book.”

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The book club has been meeting together for over 25 years and has read more than 250 books.

The book club has been meeting together for over 25 years and has read more than 250 books.

(Ariana Drehsler / For The Times)

During today’s discussion, Silverberg bravely makes a case for “Play It as It Lays.” The women stare back at her with sullen but intrigued faces. Silverberg reads a passage of the novel to the group. Her voice is light but insistent. “She’s so at the mercy of the men in her life,” says Silverberg.

“That was the ‘60s,” retorts Weiman. In spite of their initial resistance, Didion’s writing pulls buried recollections to the surface. At times, the novels stir up memories from the women’s lives, prompting poignant, often vulnerable discussions. DeBrier reflects on her own experience of motherhood in the 1960s. “I was having a baby — I didn’t know what existential meant,” she remarks.

Later, the women share memories on the 1960s sociopolitical issues of birth control, homosexuality and the Vietnam War. They maintain that they had a hopefulness that contrasts with Didion’s protagonist.

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“Despite how bad things were in the middle of the war, I did not consider everything bleak,” says Heltzer. “I knew that we were going to keep trying and the people were going to help move the nation.”

The conversation shifts into a broader reflection on womanhood.

“I always had a free mindset about what I wanted to do. Until my 20s, when I got married, I didn’t realize I had choices in my marriage,” reflects Weiman. She feels Didion’s novel urges women to reconnect with themselves, using protagonist Maria as a cautionary tale. “What she did then was a gift to all women — in writing this novel.”

At the end of the book club, the women break into convivial chatter. They hover around the cheeseboard and cookies. Emily Lawrence showcases her collection of first-edition William Carlos Williams poetry. She has a growing collection of books that she would like to donate to the Palisades branch library, which was destroyed in the 2025 fires. With Lawrence’s donations, her aim is for the Palisades to begin to enjoy new stories, new characters and new beginnings in the wake of disaster. Perhaps evoking an oft-quoted Didion quote: “We tell ourselves stories in order to live. We live entirely by the impression of a narrative line upon disparate images, the shifting phantasmagoria, which is our actual experience.”

Connors is a writer living in Los Angeles. She hosts the literary reading event Unreliable Narrators at Nico’s Wines in Atwater Village every month.

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At the ‘Euphoria’ Wedding, All Eyes Were on the Guests

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At the ‘Euphoria’ Wedding, All Eyes Were on the Guests

During Sunday night’s season 3 episode of HBO’s Gen Z drama “Euphoria,” viewers found themselves watching yet another messy, disastrous and unhinged wedding unfold onscreen — which was probably inevitable considering that it centered on the wedding of the delusional Cassie (Sydney Sweeney) and the toxic Nate (Jacob Elordi).

Before the ceremony, Nate experiences a panic attack. His ex-girlfriend, Maddy (Alexa Demie), tries to pull a power move by showing up to the event. The wedding dance is tacky and strange, and the night ends in an absolute nightmare. (Details will be spared to avoid spoilers.)

But perhaps what had the internet talking the most were the fashion choices of the wedding guests, particularly Cassie and Nate’s former high school classmates.

There was Maddy, Cassie’s former best friend, in a striking, revealing green dress with a beaded back, paired with a fur shawl. “We see a lot of power dynamics between Maddy and Cassie this season,” Natasha Newman-Thomas, the show’s costume designer, said in an interview. “And it had to be something equally powerful to Cassie’s dress if Maddy is going to show up to this thing.”

There was Jules (Hunter Schafer), who wore another revealing look — a dusty blue Acne Studios runway gown, which Newman-Thomas described as “a representation of her newfound status,” pointing to the character’s shift to a more elevated style since she began dating an older, wealthy man. Jules had her own reasons to show off at this wedding, where she was seeing many of her former high school classmates for the first time in over four years.

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Jules was color coordinated with Rue (Zendaya), who picked a vintage men’s suit paired with, yes, dirty Converse. Her signature Chuck Taylors were a must at the request of Sam Levinson, the showrunner, who “really wanted Rue to be in her Converse throughout the entire third season to represent her lack of emotional development between the Season 2 and Season 3 jump,” Newman-Thomas said.

And there was BB (Sophia Rose Wilson), who arrived in a red minidress with a slit in the midsection that revealed her pregnant belly. It looked like a club outfit from 2019, when Season 1 aired. That, too, is reflective of her character: “She kind of just shows up in something maybe akin to what she would have worn in high school, in this kind of garish full stomach out, no-class outfit,” Newman-Thomas said.

Each fashion choice reflects both the character’s personal style and emotional state. And while some viewers have discussed how untraditional their ceremony outfits were, that’s exactly the point.

“These aren’t very buttoned-up characters,” Newman-Thomas said. “We’ve met them in the past, and we’ve lived with them.”

“It’s not a traditional wedding in the sense that it’s ‘Euphoria,’” she said, adding that “it should feel a bit surreal and exciting.” After all, the girls showed up to high school in previous seasons in mini skirts, crop tops, iridescent eye makeup and tiny purses (not backpacks).

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But “Euphoria” also possesses a keen sense for capturing the mood and style of Gen Z, a demographic now entering its wedding era. And the characters’ fashion choices reflect more of an openness to veering away from traditional wedding dress codes.

There are plenty of real-life examples. Earlier this year, Amber Rose wore a deep plunge halter dress to the wedding of the Republican strategist Alex Bruesewitz. Kendall Jenner wore a very little black dress at her friend Lauren Perez’s wedding in 2021. On social media, some guests have even shared that they have attended weddings with a dress code to “upstage the bride,” where guests wear their most flashy and outrageous outfits. (Think hot pink suit with ruffles and lantern-like fringe headpieces that cover the face.)

“Couples are encouraging their guests to express more of their individual style,” said Corinne Pierre-Louis, a bridal stylist and fashion editor, of contemporary dress codes. “In the past, it used to be: black tie, formal, or semiformal.” But in recent years, she has worked with couples who have had dress codes like “seaside elegance,” “Mediterranean chic,” and “come as you are,” which was perhaps the code for Cassie and Nate’s wedding, she said, jokingly.

While the show’s fashion choices are naturally a bit inflated, they are aligned with the wedding culture of a younger generation, for which personal style and self-expression might take precedence over etiquette.

“It’s kind of poking fun at the fact that the wedding guest fashion is changing, and let’s see how far we can stretch it with this exaggerated cast,” Pierre-Louis said. “Gen Z, they’ve seen their parents and older generations get married and they see photos, and they think it’s stuffy and they want something unique and trendy.”

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But, Pierre-Louis said she probably wouldn’t advise a client to wear a dress like the one that Jules or Maddy wore: “You don’t want to give the grandmother a heart attack.”

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