Recommendation is difficult. If it is unwelcome or poorly timed, it might probably really feel like an ill-fitting sweater — constricting, itchy and unflattering. Even when it is strong knowledge, perhaps it is simply not the proper match or type for the particular person on the receiving finish.

However recommendation that is desired — and imparted with empathy, expertise and humility? That is like a favourite pair of denims you come again to 12 months after 12 months as a result of they make you’re feeling like the very best model of your self.

At Life Equipment, we interview lots of people who give recommendation for a residing. We puzzled what pointers they carry on regular rotation. So we requested them: What’s the very best piece of recommendation you’ve got ever acquired?

Listed below are 10 items of well-worn recommendation from therapists, profession coaches, relationship specialists and writers. We hope you discover one thing that resonates.

Responses have been edited for size and readability

1. ‘There’s a couple of solution to do one thing’

I keep in mind scrubbing a pan once I was perhaps 8 or 9 years previous. There was one thing caught on the pan that would not come off, and I simply stored scrubbing it. My dad stopped me, grabbed a fork and simply scraped it off. And he checked out me and mentioned, “Jody, there’s a couple of solution to do one thing.” From that second on, I have been each downside in my life like how can I do that a special means? — Jody Adewale, scientific psychologist

2. ‘The hate will come on the similar price because the love’

The very best recommendation I ever acquired was that the hate will come on the similar price because the love. There’ll all the time be people who find themselves so dissatisfied with themselves that they must mission that onto different folks. And as a substitute of attempting to concentrate on the negativity, I are inclined to attempt to put extra power into the folks and the issues which might be exhibiting me love, help and good power. — Kiaundra Jackson, marriage and household therapist

3. ‘Do smaller a great deal of laundry’

I used to work at a small grocery retailer, and earlier than transferring away to varsity, I requested the shop supervisor, “What is the No. 1 factor that I have to learn about going away to varsity?” And he mentioned, “Do smaller a great deal of laundry. Your garments will come out cleaner.” — Shaun Galanos, a relationship coach and host of The Love Drive podcast

4. ‘Being weak means taking off our armor’

I used to be speaking with my therapist about how I did not thoughts being weak so long as I knew the opposite particular person could be heat, that they would not decide and all of that. And she or he mentioned, “that is not weak. Being weak means taking off our armor and stepping into not understanding how we’ll be acquired, however placing ourselves on the market a bit of bit anyway.” — Tania Israel, a professor of psychology on the College of California, Santa Barbara

5. ‘Go the place the power goes’

The very best piece of recommendation I ever acquired was “Go the place the power goes.” What has good vibes? What makes you be ok with your self? The place is that good power? Head in that path. — Betty Who, pop star and the host of the fact courting sequence, “The One That Acquired Away”

6. ‘It isn’t all about you’

The very best piece of recommendation I used to be given was, “Shanita, it isn’t all about you.” Once I’m in a state of affairs the place a tricky determination needs to be made and it feels private, I remind myself it isn’t all about me, and that I am one piece of a much bigger universe that is at play proper now. — Shanita Williams, profession coach and the writer of Suggestions Mentality

7. Count on your self to alter

All of us change each 5 years or so. Roughly, we have now to count on ourselves to alter, and we have now to count on folks in our lives to alter. That little piece of recommendation has given me numerous house for room and for progress. — Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, a monetary therapist and host of the Thoughts Cash Stability podcast

8. ‘When folks present you who they’re, consider them’

When folks present you who they’re, consider them. Far too typically, I’ve seen us attempt to recreate who we wish folks to be, solely to later discover out they’re precisely what they have been demonstrating. — Nedra Glover Tawwab, licensed therapist and the writer of Set Boundaries, Discover Peace

9. Tempo out your self-improvement

Do not be so overly concerned along with your self-improvement. Settle for the presents and talents that you’ve, and do not spend a lot time attempting to develop new ones that you simply sacrifice your presents. Be your self. — David Defoe, a psychotherapist who makes a speciality of despair, anxiousness and grief

10. It is OK to say ‘I do not know’

One thing I’ve benefited rather a lot from is telling your self, “I do not know. And that is precisely the place I must be once I take that first step.” I am as prepared as I ever will probably be. I will do it, and I will know extra after. — Becky Kennedy, scientific psychologist and writer of Good Inside: A Information to Turning into the Dad or mum You Need to Be

Your Flip: How do you present affection to your mates?

We might love to listen to the very best recommendation you’ve got ever acquired. Electronic mail your response to lifekit@npr.org with the topic line “greatest recommendation” by March 3, 2023 and embrace your title and site. We might characteristic it in a narrative on NPR.

This Life Equipment story was produced by our visuals editor Beck Harlan. Our digital editor is Danielle Nett.

The Expensive Life Equipment sequence is hosted by Andee Tagle and produced by Beck Harlan and Sylvie Douglis. Bronson Arcuri is the managing producer and Meghan Keane is the supervising editor.

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