Health
Should Your Partner Really Be Your Best Friend?
Stephanie Lopez is effusive about her husband’s good qualities. He is a man of character, kindness and integrity, she said. He is a loving father and treats her with respect.
But is he her best friend?
“No!” said Ms. Lopez, who is 43 and lives on Hawaii’s Big Island.
“I don’t have sex with my friends,” she explained. “I don’t pay bills with my friends. And I guarantee you, if I did, it would change the whole dynamic of the relationship.”
The belief that your partner should be your best friend pops up everywhere, whether on social media or in the greeting card aisle. It’s not unusual to seek a romantic partner who fulfills more than the role of spouse, co-parent or lover, said Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist and host of the “Reimagining Love” podcast.
“We want somebody who sees us and gets us,” Dr. Solomon said. “Well, that’s the same darn thing we want in our friendships. We really are craving that same sense of affinity and admiration.”
But is it unreasonable to expect your bedmate to be your best friend, or is it the highest form of intimacy?
A Spouse’s Ever-Changing Role
Jennifer Santiago, 42, and her husband are best friends.
The couple, who began dating in high school, have broken up briefly over the years, taking time apart to get to know themselves and what they want out of life. But their underlying friendship brought them back together every time, said Ms. Santiago, who lives in Orlando.
“There was always an empty void when we took a break,” she said. They realized: “Wow, we really, truly do everything together!”
Historically, that is a relatively new approach to romantic relationships, said Eli J. Finkel, a social psychologist and the author of “The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.”
Until the mid-1800s, marriage in the United States mostly revolved around ensuring partners had their basic needs (like food and shelter) met — what Dr. Finkel calls the “pragmatic era.” Between 1850 and 1965, marriage entered the “love-based era” — in which the primary relationship functions were about love and companionship, he said. Since then, we have been in the “self-expressive” era — in which marriage is about not only love, but also personal growth.
“The marital relationship has taken on more and more responsibility for our social and psychological needs,” Dr. Finkel said.
How to Set Realistic Expectations
Is it a good or bad thing that many people now expect their romantic relationships to fulfill so many roles in their lives? Ultimately, that depends on “whether your relationship can deliver,” said Dr. Finkel, who is also a co-host of the “Love Factually” podcast.
He feels “delighted” for people who say they want their romantic partners to also be their best friends. But he suggests they consider: Are there other expectations they can let go of? For instance, he said, it is a lot to expect your partner to be the co-chief executive of the household, to split child care, to be your exclusive sexual companion and to be your best friend.
“I don’t want to sound like a scold,” Dr. Finkel said. “I just want people to be aware that every additional expectation that you’re throwing on top of your relationship comes with opportunity for enhanced closeness — and it comes with additional risk that the relationship will buckle under the weight of those expectations.”
He suggested releasing some of that pressure. Can you lean on other friends for emotional support? Are you OK being emotionally close to your partner, but not necessarily having the spiciest intimate life together?
Dr. Solomon believes that friendship, particularly best friendship, is not a requisite for long-term intimacy. But it doesn’t hurt either, she said.
Liking your partner — which she described as admiring them, finding them funny, caring about their worldview, and having fun simply being together — can “cushion” the other relationship challenges a couple might face, she said.
But Dr. Solomon admitted that while she adores her husband of 26 years, he is not her best friend. “My best friend’s name is Ali, and she lives in Seattle,” she said. “She’s been in that spot since we were 10 years old.”
Ultimately, maintaining a tight romantic bond may come down to managing expectations and clearly discussing them, said Adam Fisher, president of the American Psychological Association’s division for couple and family psychology.
Dr. Fisher had a mentor who described marriage and relationships as best friendship plus sex. While he thinks that is one “very viable” approach to a relationship, he said, it is by no means the only one.
“Couples need some kind of ‘glue’ — commitment, shared values, sex, finances — something,” he said, but it doesn’t need to be friendship.
Ms. Lopez is opting out of the bedmate-as-BFF paradigm.
“I think we put so many expectations and responsibilities on our partners,” she said. “I’m not here to be everything and all things to you.”
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No sex for the win? This was the advice given to this year’s NBA champions.
New York Knicks owner James Dolan addressed the now-champs as they headed into the playoffs in April 2026, acknowledging their high potential to eventually win the championship.
“I don’t know if you understand what it would mean for you to win a championship this year … It would be life-changing,” he said. “It will stick with you the rest of your lives, and if you don’t win, you’ll be thinking about it the rest of your lives.”
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As Dolan’s inspirational speech to the team went on, he explained how the next 10 weeks would require each player to make sacrifices – watching their diets, getting proper sleep and perhaps even abstaining from sex.
“You need sacrifice and you need to eliminate all the distractions around you,” he said.
Jalen Brunson of the New York Knicks celebrates with the Bill Russell NBA Finals Most Valuable Player Award trophy and Knicks owner James Dolan after defeating the San Antonio Spurs in Game Five of the 2026 NBA Finals at Frost Bank Center in San Antonio, Texas, on June 13, 2026. (Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
“I had this idea that maybe you should give up sex for the next 10 weeks,” the owner said. “You don’t have to give up sex for the next 10 weeks – but, like the Spartans … They denied themselves, so that they can have an edge. Get the edge.”
This received a few snickers from the team, and Dolan responded, “Don’t tell [your wives and girlfriends] you’re not going to have sex and don’t tell them it was my idea. But let them know what this is going to be like … and how they’re going to have to sacrifice, too.”
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Dr. Anna Elton, licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist in Massachusetts, confirmed that this belief has been around for centuries, dating back to the ancients Spartans and early Olympic competitors.
Avoiding sex can preserve energy, increase aggression and sharpen focus, according to Elton.
The theory behind abstaining from sex for better athletic performance supports that it can preserve energy, increase aggression and sharpen focus. (iStock)
But modern research has found little evidence that consensual sexual activity negatively impacts strength, endurance, reaction time or athletic performance when it occurs at least 10 hours before competition, the doctor countered.
However, “activity very close to competition may affect recovery measures,” she added. What may be more important, according to Elton, is the psychological value of abstinence.
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“Choosing to abstain can reinforce discipline and total commitment to a larger goal,” she said. “In those cases, the advantage may come more from mindset and focus than from any physical effect.”
“Whether the sacrifice is alcohol, social activities, favorite foods or sex, the message is often the same: ‘We are all in.’”
New York Knicks guard Jalen Brunson celebrates with teammates after the Knicks defeated the San Antonio Spurs in game five of the 2026 NBA Finals at Frost Bank Center in San Antonio, Texas, on June 13, 2026. (Geoff Burke/Imagn Images)
The science of abstinence
This discussion has historically focused on men, which Elton said is often based on “misconceptions about testosterone and energy depletion.”
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“Research has not demonstrated that normal sexual activity causes a meaningful decline in athletic performance, and concerns about testosterone depletion have not been consistently supported by the evidence,” she said.
“For women, sexual activity may have additional benefits related to stress reduction, emotional regulation and relationship satisfaction.”
Abstaining from sex for athletic performance may create a sense of discipline, minimize distractions, maintain focus on training and reinforce a team culture centered on sacrifice and commitment, experts say. (iStock)
In a separate interview with Fox News Digital, Dr. Anthony Puopolo, a men’s health expert and lead medical provider for RexMD, echoed Elton’s assessment that research largely does not support abstinence as a performance enhancer.
This is despite a small amount of evidence that suggests engaging in sexual activity within two hours of competition could pose a risk to cardiovascular recovery.
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“Unfortunately, nearly all studies (99%) have been conducted in males aged 20 to 40, so there is virtually no data on female athletes, older athletes or diverse populations,” said the Puerto Rico-based expert. “We know what to tell the Knicks, but we are not sure what to recommend for the New York Liberty.”
Importance of connection
Elton said abstinence may still offer psychological benefits for some competitors. “For some athletes, it can become part of a pre-competition ritual that enhances confidence,” she told Fox News Digital.
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Some other potential benefits of sexual activity include stress reduction, improved sleep, mood enhancement, emotional connection with a partner and relief from performance-related tension.
“Strong, supportive relationships are associated with better psychological resilience, which can be valuable during high-pressure competitions,” Elton said.
“One of the most overlooked performance advantages may be having a supportive relationship waiting at home,” a doctor said. (iStock)
“Ultimately, there is no universal rule,” she went on. “What helps one athlete perform at their best may not help another.”
Elton stressed that sleep, recovery, nutrition, stress management and support from loved ones are universal performance boosters.
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“Athletes devote tremendous attention to training their bodies, while overlooking the importance of their personal relationships,” she cautioned. “A supportive partner can be one of the greatest assets during a demanding season.”
“If competition requires temporary sacrifices, make those decisions together and keep communication open.”
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Eliminating sugar from your diet may seem like the key to healthy eating, but research suggests it could have unintended effects on digestive health.
A study presented at ENDO 2026, the Endocrine Society’s annual meeting, suggests that a total lack of sucrose, or table sugar, may harm gut health and disrupt the body’s natural metabolism.
To explore how the total absence of dietary sugar impacts the body, researchers at the Dasman Diabetes Institute in Kuwait City conducted a 16-week study on two groups of mice. Both groups were placed on a low-fat diet, but with one critical difference.
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One group consumed a low-fat diet that included a standard amount of sucrose, while the other group ate a low-fat diet that was completely sugar-free, according to the study’s press release.
Throughout the trial, the scientists monitored a wide variety of physiological factors, including the animals’ weight, glucose tolerance, insulin sensitivity, hormone levels, internal inflammation and the specific composition of their gut bacteria.
A total lack of dietary sugar can cause imbalances in the gut bacteria and lead to signs of fatty liver disease, even without any weight gain, researchers said. (iStock)
The study outcome suggested that completely removing sugar caused several unexpected health problems.
“Completely removing sucrose from a low-fat diet may unexpectedly disrupt gut health and promote inflammation and metabolic dysfunction,” Rasheed Ahmad, principal scientist and head of the Immunology & Microbiology Department at the Dasman Diabetes Institute, said in the release.
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Even though the mice on the sugar-free diet did not gain any extra weight compared to the control group, their internal health indicators deteriorated.
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The animals that lacked sucrose developed an imbalance in their gut microbes and increased inflammation within the intestines and liver.
They also showed signs of poor glucose regulation, insulin resistance and cellular changes associated with fatty liver disease, according to the research.
Future dietary guidelines may shift away from strict, absolute sugar bans and instead focus on overall gut health through balanced nutrition. (iStock)
“The findings suggest that complete removal of sucrose from a low-fat diet may negatively affect gut microbiota and metabolic health,” Ahmad concluded.
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While the risks of high-sugar diets are well-established, the researchers noted that little attention has been given to the effects of completely eliminating sugar from low-fat meals.
Scientists say these new findings highlight that dietary carbohydrates play a valuable role in supporting balance between the immune system and the gut microbiome.
Completely cutting sucrose from a low-fat diet can unexpectedly trigger gut inflammation and disrupt the metabolism, experts say. (iStock)
Because this research was conducted on mice over a relatively short 16-week period, further clinical trials are necessary to determine whether a completely sugar-free diet causes the same gut and liver inflammation in humans.
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Additionally, the study focused specifically on removing sucrose from low-fat meals, meaning the results might not apply to people eliminating sugar while following higher-fat or ketogenic eating plans, the researchers noted.
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The team believes that future dietary guidelines may shift away from strict, absolute sugar restrictions and instead place a greater emphasis on maintaining a diverse, healthy population of gut bacteria through balanced nutrition.
“In the long term, these findings could help improve strategies for preventing and managing metabolic disorders, fatty liver disease and chronic inflammatory conditions,” Ahmad said.
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