There was one reason that I spent all of summer doing laps around Victoria Park and spending every evening on a foam roller: my friends. Historically, I hated running. I hated the exhaustion in my chest, feeling my heartbeat in my skull and how every distance, even 5ks, felt like they’d never end.

But then my best friend signed up for a half marathon and my housemate and I decided to join her and, suddenly, I loved running. I loved that it felt freeing and natural, but mostly I loved that I got to do it while spending uninterrupted time with people I loved. It turns out, there’s nothing more connecting than aching hips and the dread – and celebration at completion – of a 10k.

And it wasn’t just my running buddies who I felt better connected to though. When I shared videos or commentary of my runs on Instagram, friends I’d not spoken to in years – and even strangers – would drop me comments about the same route or their particular experience with the sport. They’d also offer me words of support, like my very own virtual cheerleaders. I felt welcomed into a secret community I’d not known, or at least not wanted to see, before.

This is far from a unique experience: Strava’s Year In Sport 2023 report found, among users of the app, the number one reason for exercising with others is social connection. And in a country where just shy of half of adults report feeling lonely occasionally, sometimes, often or always, according to the Campaign To End Loneliness, finding healthy solutions like exercise matters.

Exercise as connection

Research shows that Strava’s users are onto something: a 2023 review found that group exercise programmes can be better for beating loneliness than other group activities, like singing clubs. But what exactly is it about movement that helps us feel more connected?

‘Exercise, in general, improves mental wellbeing and calmness while also enhancing mood and enjoyment. When we do it with others, we also receive support, encouragement, accountability and a sense of belonging,’ says Jodine Williams, chartered sports and exercise psychologist and founder of Mind Advantage. ‘And in exercise, as opposed to other activities, we aren’t just spending time with friends, but also a release of endorphins and increase dopamine production.’

Indeed, a 2023 study from Behavioural Brain Research – albeit performed in mice – found mice that were given eight weeks of swimming training became more sociable and more interested and pleasure in life. Researchers put this in part down to the fact that exercised rats also had raised levels of oxytocin, known as the ‘love hormone’, which might help them better connect with others. Similar research has also found that mice who exercised produced oxycontin and showed more empathy.

We know that humans also produce oxycontin during exercise, so perhaps the feel-good feelings bond us with others who are also feeling connected. But there may be other psychological reasons that we feel connected with movement: studies suggest that walk-and-talk groups, where therapeutic conversations happen while walking outside, improve burnout, mental health, concentration, work pleasure, self-esteem and mindfulness. Researchers put this down how good nature can be for boosting mental health, but other experts have claimed that moving side-by-side can help people better open up compared to sitting or looking at each other.

This was the case for Lucy* who, in her late 20s, experienced the colossal hit of grief and struggled to open up to people who hadn’t experienced the same. ‘I went to a group exercise class and started talking to the instructor – it turned out she had been through her own versions of grief too and I found talking to her incredibly helpful. She became my PT and took me through one-to-one boxing classes together.

‘I think finding people who have gone through similar experiences in life is always a good experience, but being able to connect while moving my body helped me connect more deeply. It gave me something to focus on while we were talking and as a result, I was able to not worry or think too much about sharing. Exercise allowed me to be more vulnerable – you are going through something in that moment together and connecting on an emotional level about your life experiences,’ she says.

The community affect

Offering up some inner truths and vulnerable information strengthens bonds between people, whether done moving or not. And those tight relationships can help us weather motivation dips: 41% of Strava athletes say they get out of an exercise rut by training with friends or family, while its data also runners are 83% more likely to hit a PB while exercising with two or more people versus alone. ‘As humans, we are wired for connection, and that can impact our health positively, for example when we exercise with others we are more likely to do it for longer,’ explains Williams.

Those bonds also defy the classic narrative women have received about exercise, which is that we should move despite other people, not because of them. This Girl Can research suggests that a fear of judgement is one of the main reasons women don’t exercise, with 32% of us worried about what other people think of us during sports and fitness. ‘Social comparison can play a huge role in gymtimidation. We’re often worried that everyone else in the class may be fitter, look stronger or be better than you, and seeing people who are already familiar in an environment might make us feel like we’re not welcome,’ says Victoria Anderson, clinical exercise physiologist and founder of Longevity Health and Fitness.

There’s no saying whether or not people are judging you. But the psychological theory of the spotlight effect means that we likely anticipate being the centre of everyone else’s attention much more so than we really are. And, unsurprisingly, the antidote to worrying about what others think of us in the gym is to be armed with friends, a fact you’ll know to be true if you’ve ever dragged a friend to a dance class you were too scared to attend alone.

It’s not just about other people, though. Strava’s report found that 84% of active people say even solo exercise helps them beat feelings of loneliness. “Although research is limited it can be understood that solo exercise allows us to feel connected to ourselves,” says Williams. “Exercising even when solo can increase mood, reducing feelings of stress, anxiety, satisfaction with oneself and improved confidence. Exercising solo can also give you time for self-reflection and clear our minds, allowing us to feel centred,” she says.

When I ran without my friends, I still felt connected to all of those runners I didn’t know but nodded at while looping the track. Plus, there were the online commentators – and these days, a virtual community can play just as much of a role in your social belonging. That was the case for Maya, who started exercising with online fitness community Ladies Who Crunch after being told she had to shield during the pandemic.

‘It became clear that my lockdown would be very different to my friends and family: I was facing a decent block of time inside my flat which didn’t have any outside space,’ she says. Maya had been training one-to-one with LWC’s founder, Nancy Best, before joining her group training programme.

‘I remember seeing the notifications pop up on my phone – the engagement and support people were giving each other was so amazing: there was this community of women – most of whom had never met each other – saying hi, cheering each other on through workouts and congratulating each other for using heavier weights or completing a new challenge.

‘It may seem counterintuitive to have a sense of community whilst also physically being alone at home but I think anyone who shielded through Covid experienced loneliness and the community and connection I got through LWC really got me through a difficult time. I felt like I was joining up with friends a few times a week and honestly couldn’t wait to join into a live workout,’ says Maya.

How to use exercise to beat loneliness

Nowadays, exercise is something that often becomes part of our identities. There are pros to that (you might move more regularly if you see yourself as a ‘fit’ person) and cons (having your identity and worth wrapped in your physical ability can cause a crisis when your body and fitness change) to that, but it’s apparent that how embedded we feel in our sport helps boost our attendance and health. A study published in January found a person’s sense of belonging to their fitness group was more important for their wellbeing and satisfaction than how often they attended.

Luckily, that social aspect is now becoming a selling point for many sports and exercise classes. Climbing companies in particular have embraced the social aspect, opening cafes, co-working spaces and nights out at the wall for members to foster community; London Climbing Walls host free socials for beginners and, in January, partnered with CALM to help people beat loneliness at their walls. Run clubs like the Say Yes Club and Friday Night Lights are also booming, with moving through the streets together (and hitting the pub afterwards) being the main attraction. The most important thing for reaping the benefits is to find an activity and community that you really feel like you belong to.

If you’re worried about not being able to keep up with group fitness or want to focus more on the loneliness aspect, Mental Health Mates – a walking group set up by journalist and mental health campaigner Bryony Gordon – is designed to get you walking and talking with meetups all over the country. Or try Run Talk Run, a gentle 5k route where participants are encouraged to talk about how they’re doing.

Alternatively, just ask a friend if your next meet-up could be active. Whether you go for your own stroll, go to the class you’ve been too embarrassed to take alone or lift weights side-by-side in the gym, you can soak in the connection you feel for exercising together. And you might even be moved to talk.