Culture
Glennon Doyle and the ‘We Can Do Hard Things’ on the Inspiration Behind Their New Book
Susan Hagen, 48, was practically vibrating with excitement. She would soon be in the same room with three women who had helped her through some of the shakiest, most vulnerable moments in her life, even though they didn’t know it.
Hagen, a New Jersey resident, had braved the pouring rain and Times Square crowds to attend a sold-out talk by the best-selling memoirist Glennon Doyle; her soccer Hall of Famer wife, Abby Wambach; and Amanda Doyle, Glennon’s sister and co-founder of the women’s media company — hosts of the podcast “We Can Do Hard Things.”
“The podcast has gotten me through so many things,” Hagen said, noting that she had read Glennon’s 2020 memoir, “Untamed,” no less than four times. Much like the author, Hagen got divorced and came out as gay in her 40s. The books, the podcast, all of it helps her feel as if she is not alone, she said.
It’s a sentiment I heard again and again when speaking to fans (mostly women) who filled the Town Hall theater in Manhattan on Monday — the woman in her 70s who, like Glennon, has been in eating disorder recovery for years; the queer woman in her 40s who, like Wambach, is navigating the ups and downs of stepparenting; the lawyers who give “Untamed” to clients reeling from the messiness of divorce.
“We can do hard things” has long been gospel for Glennon stans — it’s the title of the trio’s new book, out this week. The project was born, the women say, out of concurrent personal crises that walloped them as hard as anything had so far in their lives. They started writing it as a survival guide for themselves as much as anyone else.
Over the course of a year, Wambach’s oldest brother, Peter, died unexpectedly; Glennon, who had struggled with disordered eating throughout her life, was diagnosed with anorexia; and Amanda was treated for breast cancer.
“For the first time,” Glennon wrote, “we were all drowning at the same time.”
At roughly 500 pages long, the new book is a compilation of snippets from conversations the women have had with 118 podcast guests they call “wayfinders” (in a metaphorical sense) — including Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson and their celebrity pals, like Elizabeth Gilbert and Brandi Carlile. The quotes are themed around what the authors believe to be the 20 life questions people tend to ruminate over. Among them: Why am I like this? How do I figure out what I want? Why can’t I be happy?
Though the “We Can Do Hard Things” crew are superstars in the self-help world, they are collectively confronting a kind of midlife existential ache and throwing up their hands as if to say: We don’t have any answers!
“I have these glimpses where life makes sense for, like, a millisecond at a time,” Amanda, 47, a lawyer who is known as “Sister” on the show, told me during an hourlong Zoom call with the threesome shortly before they were to head out on tour. But soon enough, she admitted, “I am back in a place where I am angry at everyone in my life, and I don’t know why I feel like crap, and suddenly that elusive peace is gone.”
Aiming for ‘51 Percent’
When I spoke to the women, the mood was friendly but subdued. They listened to one another attentively, occasionally chiming in with a “yes,” or “that’s good!” Glennon, who in “Untamed” exhorted women to tap into their inner, wild cheetahs, seemed especially reflective.
“It’s very funny because all of my work before this was like, ‘Look inside yourself, there are the answers,’” Glennon, 49, said. “Now at 50 I’m like, hmm. Sometimes I look inside myself, and myself is very confused.”
Though the women regularly field listener questions on the podcast — and quote themselves throughout the book — they bristled when I asked whether they were surprised that people would come to them for advice. Even the word feels “icky,” Amanda said. The women simply tell the truth about their life experiences, she insisted, without shame. And they are unafraid to ask hard, ugly questions.
“We backed into these questions, because over 400 conversations with the wisest people we know, it was obvious they were dealing with the same questions,” Amanda said. “If Brandi Carlile and Michelle Obama and Ina Garten and Roxane Gay are all struggling with these same things, it makes me feel like: ‘Oh, it’s just the human condition. It’s not that I’m failing to figure out life. It’s that this is the way life is.’”
These days, Glennon lives by the axiom that life is 49 percent “brutal,” she said, “just nonsensical mess.” But it is also 51 percent beautiful, and that 51 percent is what keeps her going. (The authors dedicated the book to their children with the inscription: 51 percent.)
Her wife has embraced the Glennon-ism as well. “I’ve won gold medals,” Wambach, 44, said. “I’ve won world championships. Many people would say, ‘OK, you were living at 100 percent there!’ But my internal life didn’t experience that 100 percent.” Wambach struggled with depression and abused alcohol and prescription pain medications. She got sober after a very public D.U.I. arrest in 2016.
Now, on any given day, if she experiences 51 percent “enough-ness” and “contentedness,” Wambach said, “that was a banger of a day.”
The Pod Squad
Glennon admitted that sometimes when she shares ideas that she finds inspirational — like the 51 percent concept — with people in her life, they tell her, “That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard,” she laughed. But the “We Can Do Hard Things” audience, the highly engaged Pod Squad, doesn’t seem to mind. Every week, several million listeners tune into episodes on topics like friendship, sex, loss, parenting and politics.
The crowd on Monday was rapturous — murmuring appreciatively when Amanda confessed to feeling emotionally stuck after her cancer diagnosis and erupting into laughter as Glennon told a story about a recent foray into microdosing mushrooms. They cheered when the women, who are outspoken critics of President Trump, joked about the political might of menopausal women, and belted along earnestly as Tish Melton, Glennon’s 19-year-old daughter, closed out the show with her original song “We Can Do Hard Things.” (It is the podcast’s theme song.)
But the women inspire equally fervent dislike as well, with some observers accusing them of navel-gazing and narcissism. Glennon recently quit social media — a change she said was as good for her heart and nervous system as quitting drinking was — and began a paywalled newsletter on Substack to avoid trolls, she said. She abruptly left the platform amid accusations she was siphoning off readers from less-established writers. “I thought it might feel different than social media,” she wrote in an email after the New York show. “It didn’t.”
A side effect of being very public people — who talk about very personal stuff — is that the women seldom make it through the grocery store without someone confiding in them, or asking a difficult question.
Glennon, an avowed introvert, tries to see those interactions as a two-way street: If she has built a following based on being raw and vulnerable, she expects fans to roll with it if she is candid with them about catching her on a bad day.
“I actually don’t have to put on a fake smile, entertain, be a fake version of myself in that moment,” Glennon said, seemingly to herself as much as to me. “That’s what I tried to do for 10 years, to constantly make the other person comfortable, because I felt like I owed the moment something. And that made me very tired and confused and stressed out.”
But the Pod Squad seems to find comfort in the women’s commitment to honesty and in their aversion to the idea that anyone — least of all them — has the answers.
“There’s a difference between saying to people, ‘Here’s a map,’” Glennon told me, “and saying to people, ‘Here are some snapshots from the trip I took when I walked that road.’”
Culture
I Think This Poem Is Kind of Into You
A famous poet once observed that it is difficult to get the news from poems. The weather is a different story. April showers, summer sunshine and — maybe especially — the chill of winter provide an endless supply of moods and metaphors. Poets like to practice a double meteorology, looking out at the water and up at the sky for evidence of interior conditions of feeling.
The inner and outer forecasts don’t always match up. This short poem by Louise Glück starts out cold and stays that way for most of its 11 lines.
And then it bursts into flame.
“Early December in Croton-on-Hudson” comes from Glück’s debut collection, “Firstborn,” which was published in 1968. She wrote the poems in it between the ages of 18 and 23, but they bear many of the hallmarks of her mature style, including an approach to personal matters — sex, love, illness, family life — that is at once uncompromising and elusive. She doesn’t flinch. She also doesn’t explain.
Here, for example, Glück assembles fragments of experience that imply — but also obscure — a larger narrative. It’s almost as if a short story, or even a novel, had been smashed like a glass Christmas ornament, leaving the reader to infer the sphere from the shards.
We know there was a couple with a flat tire, and that a year later at least one of them still has feelings for the other. It’s hard not to wonder if they’re still together, or where they were going with those Christmas presents.
To some extent, those questions can be addressed with the help of biographical clues. The version of “Early December in Croton-on-Hudson” that appeared in The Atlantic in 1967 was dedicated to Charles Hertz, a Columbia University graduate student who was Glück’s first husband. They divorced a few years later. Glück, who died in 2023, was never shy about putting her life into her work.
But the poem we are reading now is not just the record of a passion that has long since cooled. More than 50 years after “Firstborn,” on the occasion of receiving the Nobel Prize for literature, Glück celebrated the “intimate, seductive, often furtive or clandestine” relations between poets and their readers. Recalling her childhood discovery of William Blake and Emily Dickinson, she declared her lifelong ardor for “poems to which the listener or reader makes an essential contribution, as recipient of a confidence or an outcry, sometimes as co-conspirator.”
That’s the kind of poem she wrote.
“Confidence” can have two meanings, both of which apply to “Early December in Croton-on-Hudson.” Reading it, you are privy to a secret, something meant for your ears only. You are also in the presence of an assertive, self-possessed voice.
Where there is power, there’s also risk. To give voice to desire — to whisper or cry “I want you” — is to issue a challenge and admit vulnerability. It’s a declaration of conquest and a promise of surrender.
What happens next? That’s up to you.
Culture
Can You Identify Where the Winter Scenes in These Novels Took Place?
Cold weather can serve as a plot point or emphasize the mood of a scene, and this week’s literary geography quiz highlights the locations of recent novels that work winter conditions right into the story. Even if you aren’t familiar with the book, the questions offer an additional hint about the setting. To play, just make your selection in the multiple-choice list and the correct answer will be revealed. At the end of the quiz, you’ll find links to the books if you’d like to do further reading.
Culture
From NYT’s 10 Best Books of 2025: A.O. Scott on Kiran Desai’s New Novel
When a writer is praised for having a sense of place, it usually means one specific place — a postage stamp of familiar ground rendered in loving, knowing detail. But Kiran Desai, in her latest novel, “The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny,” has a sense of places.
This 670-page book, about the star-crossed lovers of the title and several dozen of their friends, relatives, exes and servants (there’s a chart in the front to help you keep track), does anything but stay put. If “The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny” were an old-fashioned steamer trunk, it would be papered with shipping labels: from Allahabad (now known as Prayagraj), Goa and Delhi; from Queens, Kansas and Vermont; from Mexico City and, perhaps most delightfully, from Venice.
There, in Marco Polo’s hometown, the titular travelers alight for two chapters, enduring one of several crises in their passionate, complicated, on-again, off-again relationship. One of Venice’s nicknames is La Serenissima — “the most serene” — but in Desai’s hands it’s the opposite: a gloriously hectic backdrop for Sonia and Sunny’s romantic confusion.
Their first impressions fill a nearly page-long paragraph. Here’s how it begins.
Sonia is a (struggling) fiction writer. Sunny is a (struggling) journalist. It’s notable that, of the two of them, it is she who is better able to perceive the immediate reality of things, while he tends to read facts through screens of theory and ideology, finding sociological meaning in everyday occurrences. He isn’t exactly wrong, and Desai is hardly oblivious to the larger narratives that shape the fates of Sunny, Sonia and their families — including the economic and political changes affecting young Indians of their generation.
But “The Loneliness of Sonia and Sunny” is about more than that. It’s a defense of the very idea of more, and thus a rebuke to the austerity that defines so much recent literary fiction. Many of Desai’s peers favor careful, restricted third-person narration, or else a measured, low-affect “I.” The bookstores are full of skinny novels about the emotional and psychological thinness of contemporary life. This book is an antidote: thick, sloppy, fleshy, all over the place.
It also takes exception to the postmodern dogma that we only know reality through representations of it, through pre-existing concepts of the kind to which intellectuals like Sunny are attached. The point of fiction is to assert that the world is true, and to remind us that it is vast, strange and astonishing.
See the full list of the 10 Best Books of 2025 here.
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