Lifestyle
L.A. Affairs: After getting dumped at 46 by a cheater, could I ever find love again?
Editor’s note: A version of this story, performed by the author, won the L.A. Affairs Live storytelling event on April 3.
I am engaged. Which I didn’t think would ever happen.
In my 40s, I was in love with someone. We lived together and had been together for seven years. I thought that would be my last relationship. Then he broke up with me, and I was suddenly dumped at 46. I was terrified that would be my last relationship.
I don’t know if you’ve ever had the experience of being single in L.A. in your late 40s, but I don’t recommend it. None out of 10. All the thumbs down. It felt like missing the last helicopter out of ’Nam, as if I were running after couplehood as bombs went off around me and yelling, “Nnnnnooooooooooo!!” And I could add, “I know it’s not working out but don’t gggggooooooooo!!!” as I reached with all I had to not be left behind.
I felt I had to concede: “Well, die alone it is, then.”
I know a relationship isn’t the answer to everything. But I felt so abandoned. It was scary, and I fell apart. My fall was cushioned by lots of Dominos and DoorDash. But still, I fell, and it hurt.
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Laura House performs at the first L.A. Affairs Live, a Los Angeles Times storytelling competition.
Eventually, I put myself back together and tried again. I got on the apps. We all know the dating apps. That’s where you go on a website and make up a lot of lies to trick someone into loving you.
I had used them off and on for years and I always lied. Not even to misrepresent myself. I just didn’t know what to say. What did guys want to hear? What would catch their eye in a sexy little headline? I figured guys liked “Star Wars.” So for a long time, my sexy little headline was: “Han shot first.” I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant, but I have a cute, nerdy guy friend who says it. It seemed meaningful to him, so I gave it a shot. I might as well have written “Just love me!!!” I tried to cast a wide net.
But this time when I started dating, I decided to be honest and not out of any kind of virtue. Frankly, I felt too old and tired to find a game to play, and I recommend this for dating profiles. Before you sign up, give up. So, this time for my sexy little headline, I wrote: “Wordy, nerdy and kind of sturdy.” I put it all out there. Full disclosure. I will not walk on a beach with you, but I will play Scrabble. This is who I am. If I’m lying, I’m dying.
Not a lot of people responded, but one did.
We started messaging, had some calls and felt we might like each other. So we agreed to have dinner. It’s a seemingly simple thing to set up, but when I asked him where he wanted to eat, he was flummoxed. He said, “You pick the place. I don’t know where to go. I’m not good at plans. You make the plan. I can follow through with the plan, but I’m not a good planner!” Which is a weird red flag, right? I considered canceling. Then I considered the fact that my ex was great at making plans … to see other women while we were together.
I thought maybe it was time for a non-planner.
We decided to meet at the Smoke House in Burbank. Brian is a jazz trumpet player and a little bit old-timey. So I figured he’d love this place. Plus, those cheesy garlic breadsticks are heaven.
I got really dressed up for our date. Normally, I dress like a drunk art teacher, but I didn’t know how many more first dates I had in me. (I know I said don’t try too hard on the profile and I stand by that.) To meet IRL, I had to make it count. Dating can be exhausting. I’m not much of a dresser-upper. I had friends help me and I did the whole thing: cute boots, skirt, cleavage, hair curl, face paint. All of it.
When I got to the restaurant, he was waiting at the host stand. We saw each other for the first time. The moment of truth. No one looks exactly like their pic. It’s always a bit better or worse. We gazed across the lobby at each other and shared smiles that suggested, “Sure. Why not?” Which is all you need. You don’t need fireworks or an angelic choir singing at first glance. You just want that gate arm to go up.
What happened next changed my life.
We were shown to our table. Brian walked in front of me. A waiter, balancing a giant tray above his head, got between us. Then the waiter gets distracted. As I looked up, I saw the tray starting to tip toward me, and I thought, “Well, it’s not gonna fall. He’s a professional waiter. Nope! Here it comes!” The waiter’s tray fell, hit my chest, bounced off and crashed to the floor. Down came plates and cups and half-eaten shrimp scampi. Whoosh.
I stood there. Mortified. Everyone in the restaurant looked. Waiters rushed over asking if I was OK. I was stunned. I thought, “How did this happen? And why now and on my big date? And who doesn’t finish eating their shrimp scampi? There’s only four or five of them. And it’s delicious, and it costs $25.”
I mentally checked in with myself. I was a middle-aged lady on a date. That’s what we do. I thought, “Do you need a rain check or to reschedule? You were just attacked by appetizers.” I felt a little stunned, but nothing had gotten on me. I decided to stay and I made my way to the table where Brian was seated.
He looked across the table at me very sweetly, with kind eye contact, before asking, “Are you OK?” Just like on the dating profile, I wanted to be honest. I said, “Yes, that was very embarrassing and a weird shot of adrenaline. But yes, I’m OK.”
After a beat, he looked across the table at me. And very sweetly and with kind eye contact, he asked, “Can I laugh now?”
Frankly, in all my years of dating, I never knew exactly what I had been looking for, but I knew in that moment I had found it. My Prince Smartass. A year later, he proposed to me at the dinner table on a family vacation. And we’ve been together ever since.
The author is a comedian, TV writer, storytelling teacher and the winner of the first L.A. Affairs Live storytelling competition, where she performed a version of this story on stage. She, Brian and their Chihuahua named Mouse live in Lake Balboa. She’s on Instagram: @imlaurahouse.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.
Lifestyle
‘Wait Wait’ for April 18. 2026: With Not My Job guest Phil Pritchard
Phil Pritchard of the Hockey Hall of Fame works the 2019 NHL Awards at the Mandalay Bay Events Center on June 19, 2019 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
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This week’s show was recorded in Chicago with host Peter Sagal, judge and guest scorekeeper Alzo Slade, Not My Job guest Phil Pritchard and panelists Alonzo Bodden, Adam Burke, and Dulcé Sloan. Click the audio link above to hear the whole show.
Who’s Alzo This Time
The Don Vs The Poppa; World’s Worst Doctor; Should We Eat That?
Panel Questions
Big Cheese News!
Bluff The Listener
Our panelists tell three stories about someone missing a huge opportunity in the news, only one of which is true.
Not My Job: Phil Pritchard, the NHL’s Keeper of the Stanley Cup, answers three questions about the other NHL, National Historic Landmarks
Peter talks to Phil Pritchard, the NHL’s Keeper of the Stanley Cup. Phil plays our game called, “Let’s Go Visit The NHL” Three questions about National Historic Landmarks.
Panel Questions
The Trump Dump and Air Traffic Control Becomes Animal Control
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Alzo Slade reads three news-related limericks: Spice Up Your Spring Cleaning; A Fizzy Meaty Drink; The Right Way to Eat Peeps.
Lightning Fill In The Blank
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Our panelists predict the next big AirBnB story in the news
Lifestyle
How to have the best Sunday in L.A., according to Paul W. Downs
Paul W. Downs can’t help it that even on the weekends, his life intersects with “Hacks,” the HBO comedy he co-created and co-showruns with his wife, Lucia Aniello, and their friend Jen Statsky. (He also appears on the show as Jimmy LuSaque Jr., the besieged manager of its two stars, played by Emmy winners Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder.) The fifth and final season of “Hacks” premiered last week, but on Downs’ days off, he often finds himself at its previous filming locations or hanging out with cast members who have become like family.
In Sunday Funday, L.A. people give us a play-by-play of their ideal Sunday around town. Find ideas and inspiration on where to go, what to eat and how to enjoy life on the weekends.
Downs moved to Los Angeles in 2011, but soon after, he and Aniello were hired to write (and for him to act) on the über-New York show “Broad City,” keeping them away from the West Coast for years. Now the couple live in Los Feliz, which they enjoy with their young son.
“I love Los Feliz because it’s a real neighborhood with restaurants and bars, but also feels close to nature with Griffith Park,” Downs says. “Also it’s very central to my Eastside friends and Westside agents.”
And if he had to live at a local mall, like the character Ava Daniels did in the third season of “Hacks,” which would he choose?
“It would be the Americana, obviously.”
Here’s how he’d spend a perfect day in L.A.
10 a.m.: A late rise and a li’l barista
I’m sleeping in if I can, which I can’t because I have a toddler, but let’s say I can sleep ’til 10. That would be insane.
Then I’m making coffee at home. I’m making it with my 4-year-old because he likes to make my coffee now. He always wanted to help, now he really wants to do it on his own. I’m still there to supervise, but he does do a lot of it.
I do batch brew. I’m doing Verve Coffee that I’m grinding there, and then I’m brewing four cups because I need my coffee. I had a Moccamaster for a long time, but I recently got a Simply Good Coffee. There’s no plastic — it’s all glass and metal.
11 a.m.: Chocolate croissants for everyone
We’re driving to Pasadena and we’re going to [Artisanal Goods by] CAR, which is the place to get the best chocolate croissant, I think, in the world. I don’t just think in L.A., I think they’re better than Paris. I’m going there with my wife and my kid and I’m having another coffee and some pastry. We’re ordering three [chocolate croissants]. We’re not doubling up.
11:45 a.m.: The family business
We’re driving to Fair Oaks in Pasadena. There’s a place called T.L. Gurley. We shot “Hacks” there, actually. Not only in Season 1, but also full circle in Season 5. We’re going to shmay around and look at antiques. My kid is going to want to play a vintage pinball machine. We’re going to find a little piece of art for the house or what have you. It’s not necessarily that I’m on the hunt. It’s to pass the time and to have some fun. If I could do anything and have a leisurely day and take my mind off work, that’s what I’m doing.
People love to interact with my kid when he’s there. We’re really training him to appraise things at a young age. My parents are part-time dealers of antiques. My grandmother bought and sold antiques. It’s kind of a family business.
1:30 pm.: Baguettes and books
We’re driving to Larchmont and we’re getting a sandwich at Larchmont Village Wine, Spirits & Cheese. I’m doing prosciutto-mozzarella-basil on a baguette.
Then we’re going to Chevalier’s Books. What’s sad is that I’m often not looking for leisure material. I’m looking for something that I’m interested in learning more about or writing about, or that they’re turning into a show I want to audition for. But we’re also doing Little Golden Books for my son. He’s obsessed. We’re not huge on screen time, so we really encourage the book-buying.
2:30 p.m.: Cast pool party
We’re having some family fun in the pool and we’re doing that until evening. We invite people over all the time. My sister-in-law is a New Yorker, but she actually wrote last season on “The Rooster” and she’s often writing on shows in L.A., so she’s often here and she’ll have a couple friends come over. I know this sounds like a piece of PR or something, but we’ll really literally have Hannah [Einbinder] and maybe Mark Indelicato from “Hacks” come over to swim. Jen, our co-creator of “Hacks,” will come over.
6:00 p.m.: Family dinner
Sometimes we’ll order Grá to the house, which is a pizza place in Echo Park — excellent sourdough crust pizza. But if we don’t do that, an ideal evening is an early dinner at All Time on Hillhurst in Los Feliz. We’re ordering the ceviche and my son is having all of it and not sharing with anybody at the table.
8:45 p.m.: A thrilling ending to the day
After putting my kid to bed, my wife and I, in an ideal world (full disclosure: we haven’t done this in two years), we’ll watch something together that we’ve been meaning to watch. We have a long list of movies and we either want to revisit or that we haven’t seen that we need to watch.
We don’t watch a lot of comedies. It’s a dream to watch a “Black Bag” or a little espionage thriller. We really like that because it’s so different than the stuff that we’re working on in the day.
Often the things we watch are things that we admire. We like deconstructing it as fans of film and television. We do like talking about the making of it, but it’s less of a critique and more of a listing of the things we appreciated about it.
10:30 p.m.: No work tomorrow
And then it’s lovemaking ’til morning on a perfect Sunday. If it’s a perfect Sunday, there’s also a Monday that’s off.
Lifestyle
Sitting in a jail cell, alone and hopeless, a man’s life is suddenly changed
Jay (not pictured) found himself alone and hopeless in a jail cell when a fellow inmate’s unexpected words of comfort changed his life.
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When Jay was 22 years old, he was a self-described loner. In this story, he is being identified by his nickname to allow himself to speak candidly about the following experience and his mental health. He says the few people he did hang out with at the time had questionable morals.
”I chose my friends poorly, and your friends have a tendency to rub off on you. And so I started making poor decisions,” Jay said.
One evening, when he and his friends were out drinking, someone suggested they should try to break into the chemistry building on his college campus. Most of the group shrugged the suggestion off, deeming it impossible, but Jay was convinced he could pull it off.
“The next night I made a plan of how to do it, and I did it,” Jay remembered. “And I didn’t get caught doing it, [but] I got caught afterwards.”
At around 1 that morning, Jay was placed in the county detention center. Sitting alone in his cell, reality began to sink in.

“I pretty much thought that my life as I knew it was going to be over, and I had decided that the world would be better off without me in it.”
Jay made a plan to end his life. As he prepared himself, he began to cry.
“But just in that moment when I was ready to do it, I heard a voice coming from the top left corner of my cell, from a little vent. And someone called out to me and said, ‘Hey, is this your first time?’”
The man who called out was an inmate in the cell next door.
“I collected myself a little bit, and I said, ‘Yeah.’ And he said, ‘Can I pray for you?’”
Jay had grown up religious, but had stopped going to church years before. In that moment, though, he knew he needed support. He said yes, and listened as the man began to pray.

“I wish I could tell you that I remember the [exact] words that he said to me, but what I remember is that his words landed with me, and instead of wanting my life to be over, suddenly I saw hope,” Jay said.
The interaction happened nearly ten years ago, but it was a pivotal moment in Jay’s life, and one he thinks about all the time.
“[Now], I have a good job. I have a girlfriend who loves me. I have a life. But I have a life because somebody who was in the same situation I was in had the courage to talk to a fellow inmate and be kind.”
Jay says that he wishes he could meet that man again and express his appreciation.
“[I would] shake that guy’s hand, give him a hug, and tell him what his small gesture meant for me, how he changed the course of my life.”
My Unsung Hero is also a podcast — new episodes are released every Tuesday. To share the story of your unsung hero with the Hidden Brain team, record a voice memo on your phone and send it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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