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L.A. Affairs: After getting dumped at 46 by a cheater, could I ever find love again?

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L.A. Affairs: After getting dumped at 46 by a cheater, could I ever find love again?

Editor’s note: A version of this story, performed by the author, won the L.A. Affairs Live storytelling event on April 3.

I am engaged. Which I didn’t think would ever happen.

In my 40s, I was in love with someone. We lived together and had been together for seven years. I thought that would be my last relationship. Then he broke up with me, and I was suddenly dumped at 46. I was terrified that would be my last relationship.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the experience of being single in L.A. in your late 40s, but I don’t recommend it. None out of 10. All the thumbs down. It felt like missing the last helicopter out of ’Nam, as if I were running after couplehood as bombs went off around me and yelling, “Nnnnnooooooooooo!!” And I could add, “I know it’s not working out but don’t gggggooooooooo!!!” as I reached with all I had to not be left behind.

I felt I had to concede: “Well, die alone it is, then.”

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I know a relationship isn’t the answer to everything. But I felt so abandoned. It was scary, and I fell apart. My fall was cushioned by lots of Dominos and DoorDash. But still, I fell, and it hurt.

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Laura House performs at the first L.A. Affairs Live, a Los Angeles Times storytelling competition.

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Eventually, I put myself back together and tried again. I got on the apps. We all know the dating apps. That’s where you go on a website and make up a lot of lies to trick someone into loving you.

I had used them off and on for years and I always lied. Not even to misrepresent myself. I just didn’t know what to say. What did guys want to hear? What would catch their eye in a sexy little headline? I figured guys liked “Star Wars.” So for a long time, my sexy little headline was: “Han shot first.” I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant, but I have a cute, nerdy guy friend who says it. It seemed meaningful to him, so I gave it a shot. I might as well have written “Just love me!!!” I tried to cast a wide net.

But this time when I started dating, I decided to be honest and not out of any kind of virtue. Frankly, I felt too old and tired to find a game to play, and I recommend this for dating profiles. Before you sign up, give up. So, this time for my sexy little headline, I wrote: “Wordy, nerdy and kind of sturdy.” I put it all out there. Full disclosure. I will not walk on a beach with you, but I will play Scrabble. This is who I am. If I’m lying, I’m dying.

Not a lot of people responded, but one did.

We started messaging, had some calls and felt we might like each other. So we agreed to have dinner. It’s a seemingly simple thing to set up, but when I asked him where he wanted to eat, he was flummoxed. He said, “You pick the place. I don’t know where to go. I’m not good at plans. You make the plan. I can follow through with the plan, but I’m not a good planner!” Which is a weird red flag, right? I considered canceling. Then I considered the fact that my ex was great at making plans … to see other women while we were together.

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I thought maybe it was time for a non-planner.

We decided to meet at the Smoke House in Burbank. Brian is a jazz trumpet player and a little bit old-timey. So I figured he’d love this place. Plus, those cheesy garlic breadsticks are heaven.

I got really dressed up for our date. Normally, I dress like a drunk art teacher, but I didn’t know how many more first dates I had in me. (I know I said don’t try too hard on the profile and I stand by that.) To meet IRL, I had to make it count. Dating can be exhausting. I’m not much of a dresser-upper. I had friends help me and I did the whole thing: cute boots, skirt, cleavage, hair curl, face paint. All of it.

When I got to the restaurant, he was waiting at the host stand. We saw each other for the first time. The moment of truth. No one looks exactly like their pic. It’s always a bit better or worse. We gazed across the lobby at each other and shared smiles that suggested, “Sure. Why not?” Which is all you need. You don’t need fireworks or an angelic choir singing at first glance. You just want that gate arm to go up.

What happened next changed my life.

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We were shown to our table. Brian walked in front of me. A waiter, balancing a giant tray above his head, got between us. Then the waiter gets distracted. As I looked up, I saw the tray starting to tip toward me, and I thought, “Well, it’s not gonna fall. He’s a professional waiter. Nope! Here it comes!” The waiter’s tray fell, hit my chest, bounced off and crashed to the floor. Down came plates and cups and half-eaten shrimp scampi. Whoosh.

I stood there. Mortified. Everyone in the restaurant looked. Waiters rushed over asking if I was OK. I was stunned. I thought, “How did this happen? And why now and on my big date? And who doesn’t finish eating their shrimp scampi? There’s only four or five of them. And it’s delicious, and it costs $25.”

I mentally checked in with myself. I was a middle-aged lady on a date. That’s what we do. I thought, “Do you need a rain check or to reschedule? You were just attacked by appetizers.” I felt a little stunned, but nothing had gotten on me. I decided to stay and I made my way to the table where Brian was seated.

He looked across the table at me very sweetly, with kind eye contact, before asking, “Are you OK?” Just like on the dating profile, I wanted to be honest. I said, “Yes, that was very embarrassing and a weird shot of adrenaline. But yes, I’m OK.”

After a beat, he looked across the table at me. And very sweetly and with kind eye contact, he asked, “Can I laugh now?”

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Frankly, in all my years of dating, I never knew exactly what I had been looking for, but I knew in that moment I had found it. My Prince Smartass. A year later, he proposed to me at the dinner table on a family vacation. And we’ve been together ever since.

The author is a comedian, TV writer, storytelling teacher and the winner of the first L.A. Affairs Live storytelling competition, where she performed a version of this story on stage. She, Brian and their Chihuahua named Mouse live in Lake Balboa. She’s on Instagram: @imlaurahouse.

L.A. Affairs chronicles the search for romantic love in all its glorious expressions in the L.A. area, and we want to hear your true story. We pay $400 for a published essay. Email LAAffairs@latimes.com. You can find submission guidelines here. You can find past columns here.

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Are psychedelics getting a tech rebrand? : It’s Been a Minute

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Are psychedelics getting a tech rebrand? : It’s Been a Minute

Are psychedelics the next big thing?

Psychedelics include the drugs LSD, magic mushrooms, peyote, and often ketamine and MDMA too, among others. And some of these drugs have a history of spiritual practice spanning millennia. Then many of these drugs became synonymous with hippies and 60s and 70s counterculture.  But now, psychedelics have new cheerleaders: tech bros and CEOs. So why the rebrand?

To get into it all, Brittany is joined by Maxim Tvorun-Dunn, PhD candidate at the University of Tokyo, and Emma Goldberg, business reporter at the New York Times, to discuss what it means that these drugs are getting championed – and sometimes financially backed – by the tech elite, and how might that affect our culture’s relationship with psychedelics.

This episode originally aired on March 24, 2025.

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Interested in hearing more of Brittany’s series “Losing My Religion?” Check out these episodes:

Goodbye, church… Hello, Wellness Industrial Complex!
Am I a god?! Why “manifesting” your reality is easier than ever 

Support Public Media. Join NPR Plus.

Follow Brittany on Instagram: @bmluse
For handpicked podcast recommendations every week, subscribe to NPR’s Pod Club newsletter at npr.org/podclub.

This episode was produced by Liam McBain. It was edited by Neena Pathak. Our Supervising Producer is Cher Vincent. Our Executive Producer is Barton Girdwood. Our VP of Programming is Yolanda Sangweni.

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10 minutes backstage with Bilal at Blue Note

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10 minutes backstage with Bilal at Blue Note

Twenty-five years ago, Grammy-winning singer Bilal released his debut album, “1st Born Second,” a seminal body of work that fearlessly weaves together the worlds of jazz, hip-hop and neo-soul for a sound that was fresh at the time and still holds up today. With the leading single “Soul Sista,” the album featured vocals from the likes of Common and Yasiin Bey along with production from Dr. Dre, Raphael Saadiq, the Soulquarians and the late J. Dilla.

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Earlier this month, Bilal celebrated the anniversary of the album at the Blue Note in Hollywood with four sold-out shows. I caught up with him backstage before the first show on Night 1.

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A couple months ago you popped out during Talib Kweli’s show at the Blue Note Los Angeles, but this is your first solo show here. How are you feeling?

It’s been nostalgic because I’m doing the 25th anniversary show here, so we’re doing music from my very first album. [As I’ve been] putting this show together, I’ve [been] listening back to that music so it just takes me back 25 years ago so it’s a funny feeling, but it’s cool. [Laughs]

You were 21 when you released your debut album, “1st Born Second.” What was going on in your world at that time?

When I released that album I was just a wild young kid who wanted to change music or bring my approach to the music. I had a lot of concepts coming from jazz school. I was like a college rebel kid. I hated everything. I was like a musical snob. I wouldn’t say a musical snob, but yeah, I was. [Laughs]

And that’s OK.

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I was just very ambitious back then. I knew what I wanted to do as a musician and I was just very happy to be doing it.

I read that you used to challenge your teachers a lot in high school and college.

Oh yeah, man. I come from Philadelphia and I’ve been in front of people singing since I was 4 years old, so by the time my album came out, I was already like “I want to do this. I know how I want to do that. I want to be a producer. I want to get this done.” I already had music, materials and songs. So coming from a jazz standpoint, I had some strong opinions of who I wanted to be and music school was just my stepping stone — my way out of the house.

When you reflect on the impact of “1st Born Second,” how does it make you feel?

That it was an honest expression and it’s exactly what I wanted to do. I set out to make timeless music. One of my favorite musicians, especially around that time, was Miles Davis. I would read his autobiography all the time and his whole thing was affecting the music, affecting the listener, really approaching it to challenge the listener as well as challenging yourself. To make an affect in the world. So when I can hear it and everybody says, “I’m still checking this s— out now,” I’m just like wow. That’s what I wanted to do, make something that outlived me — really.

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In 2024, you released two bodies of work: “Live at Glasshaus” and “Adjust Brightness,” which was your first album of new music in eight years. Why was this the right time and how did they each come together?

Everything came together naturally even from the live album. I was set to do something and when we were putting everything together, I started making phone calls that week. I knew Common would be in town because he was doing Broadway at the time. Then I called Rob [Glasper] and he was in town and we all were like ‘Let’s call Ahmir,’ [Questlove] and I was like [Crosses fingers] ‘cause I knew he was doing a show too over at the Fallon show. So we set up a time where everybody was free and made it happen. It was a natural, magical kind of a vibe.

In February, you were a part of a powerful tribute for late singer D’Angelo at the Grammys. How did it feel to be a part of that moment and to celebrate the legacy of someone you came up with?

It was surreal. I was outside of my body. As a kid I was always able to do that, so in those situations, I just jump out my body.

You seem like the type of artist who is always creating. Are you working on anything right now that we’ll be able to hear soon?

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I kind of move naturally. I don’t try to force it, but I have been in a creative space so hopefully the creative gods pour into me sooner. But I don’t beg. Everything has to be natural.

I know you’ve taken up painting recently. Outside of music, what are some things that have been keeping you grounded and excited lately?

I’m a lover of mad stuff. I love books. I like history. I like philosophy and I’ve been getting into a lot of Zen meditations. Concepts about clearing the mind and being present. I also love kung fu. The concepts of everything, you know. I’m a Virgo.

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15 books our critics can’t wait for this summer

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15 books our critics can’t wait for this summer

After a long winter, readers look to summer for a respite — an opportunity to sink into stories that are magical, mysterious and memorable. If some downtime is in your plans, we have some reading to suggest.

Our book critics have previewed what’s coming to the library and bookstores this summer. Here’s what they are most looking forward to reading — and seeing you read too.

Water in the Desert: A Pilgrimage by Gary Paul Nabhan

Water in the Desert: A Pilgrimage by Gary Paul Nabhan

I love books that explore nature through a sociocultural lens. Lebanese American Gary Paul Nabhan’s new book traces the story of his unusual life. Nabhan grew up along Lake Michigan’s southern dunes and was negatively singled out as a student with “disabilities.” He found his path through ecology, poetry, travel, studying Indigenous Mexican communities, becoming an Ecumenical Franciscan brother and exploring his own ancestry — all of which shape his view that Earth is “the original scripture.” An ethnobotanist, Nabhan was awarded a MacArthur “genius grant” for “insights into the relationship between culture and land.” I can’t wait to read this book. (June 2) — Martha Anne Toll

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Muñeca by Cynthia Gómez

Muñeca by Cynthia Gómez

Natalia Fuentes has a plan. Violeta, the only child of the Miramontes family and the last in a long line descended from Spanish settlers and Mexican rancho owners, is magically trapped in her own body, and Nati is going to break her out. For a fee, of course. With the help of a doll, she finds a way to communicate with her client, and an unexpected romance sparks between them. But she also attracts the attention of the person who cursed Violeta, and they would do anything to stop Nati from interfering. This gothic horror tale touches on colonialism and colorism, queerness and feminism, generational trauma and familial curses. It’s at once romantic and frightening. We may be only just heading into summer, but this one is already in my top 10 for the year. (June 2) — Alex Brown

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The Book of Birds: A Field Guide to Wonder and Loss	by Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris

The Book of Birds: A Field Guide to Wonder and Loss by Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris

Whenever I encounter a belted kingfisher here in coastal Virginia, my spirits rise as I gaze at a bird with a spiky mohawk and an attitude to match. My summer nonfiction reading will kick off with The Book of Birds: A Field Guide to Wonder and Loss by nature writer Robert Macfarlane and illustrator Jackie Morris, which celebrates the lives of declining or endangered birds from kingfishers to avocets, nightingales and yellowhammers. Though British species remain the book’s focus, the joys of bird-watching span the globe, as does this pair’s invitation to revel in and protect the multispecies worlds of which we humans are one part. (June 9) — Barbara J. King

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Earth 7 by Deb Olin Unferth

Earth 7 by Deb Olin Unferth

I discovered Deb Olin Unferth’s work years ago via her flash-fiction piece “Likable,” which became a staple on my syllabi. Years later, and now firmly a fan, I was thrilled to learn about her forthcoming novel, Earth 7. A story about a decimated future Earth and those working to collect DNA samples from its past in order to rebuild it, the novel is also about love — between two people, yes, but also the broader, more universal love their work entails. After all, preservation of what was and hope for what will be are both acts of immense care for the world. (June 9) — Ilana Masad

Twenty Minutes of Silence by Hélène Bessette, translated by Kate Briggs

Twenty Minutes of Silence by Hélène Bessette, translated by Kate Briggs

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This riveting translation at once slays and reinvents the mystery genre. Set in an affluent villa in Manche, France, this 1955 “poetic novel” reconstructs the clashing narratives around the 20-minute interval between a patricide and the arrival of the police. The titular concept of silence, purportedly about the accomplices’ erasure of evidence, in fact represents a linguistic and structural red herring. The articulate, seemingly uncounseled testimonies of the deceased’s adulterous wife and abused son, along with biased speculations by the chief inspector, his deputy, the journalists and the bookseller, are replete with operatic revelations. (July 14) — Thúy Đinh

Charity and Sylvia by Tillie Walden

Charity and Sylvia by Tillie Walden

Tillie Walden’s long-anticipated Charity & Sylvia is a graphic biography in five parts, tracking the love story of two women who openly lived together for 44 years in Weybridge, Vt., in the 1800s. Walden builds on an archive of letters, journal entries and various biographical material to offer this moving portrait told in vignettes, most captured as delicately drawn, copper-tinted, nine-panel comics. Family affairs, religious musings and intimate scenes between the two women are set against the backdrop of a young country, and state, moving through constant, and colossal, transformation. The effect is a slow, dense, contemplative read — a rare gem of a book. (June 16) — Tahneer Oksman

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Names Have Been Changed by Yu-Mei Balasingamchow

Names Have Been Changed by Yu-Mei Balasingamchow

There have been a slew of entertaining novels in the past few years about average people stumbling into criminality — think Kirstin Chen’s Counterfeit and Nina McConigley’s How to Commit a Postcolonial Murder, to name just two. But I’m especially looking forward to Names Have Been Changed. Ophir, the Singaporean protagonist, is on the run from the law for her involvement in a money-laundering scheme, and she podcasts about it from an undisclosed location. This picaresque is off to a rocking start, the first-person narration is charmingly self-effacing, and the story promises depth as well, exploring the emotional toll of being a fugitive. (June 23) — Leland Cheuk

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Dead But Dreaming of Electric Sheep by Paul Tremblay

Dead But Dreaming of Electric Sheep by Paul Tremblay

Paul Tremblay has made a career out of reinventing himself as an author with every novel, and in his upcoming Dead but Dreaming of Electric Sheep, he does it yet again. The book is a creepy and unexpectedly humorous science-fiction romp about a young woman who takes a job using a cellphone/remote control to pilot a man in a vegetative state from California to the East Coast while the man goes through a surreal nightmare. A master storyteller, Tremblay’s b(l)ending of genres here truly is a perfect beach read. (June 30) — Gabino Iglesias

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Country People by Daniel Mason

Country People by Daniel Mason

I so loved Daniel Mason’s North Woods, which spans four centuries in the life of a Massachusetts house, that I’m eager to read whatever he writes. Country People is quite different. His first contemporary novel spans just one year — the length of a visiting professorship that brings Kate and her family from California to Vermont. The hope is that her husband will finally finish his long-overdue dissertation on Russian folktales, but instead he gets pulled in by some colorful locals and a bizarre, fantastical legend. It’s apparent from a quick peek that Mason has fun exploring marriage, friendship, parenthood and the beguiling allure of storytelling and fantasy in this upbeat romp. (July 7) — Heller McAlpin

An Infinite Love Story by Chanel Cleeton

An Infinite Love Story by Chanel Cleeton

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An Infinite Love Story is a sweeping romantic drama with a touch of magical realism from the bestselling author of The Lost Story of Eva Fuentes. Chanel Cleeton is one of my auto-buy authors — and I was hooked on this new book immediately. Cleeton’s ability to pull readers in quickly and deeply through her storytelling makes her a go-to author for an immersive reading experience. Set during the Space Race of the 1960s, this story follows the wife of an astronaut who is lost in space, who refuses to believe her husband is gone forever. Vivian and Joe’s love is unforgettable, and so is Cleeton’s writing. She had me from the dedication. (July 7) — Denny S. Bryce

The Great Wherever by Shannon Sanders

The Great Wherever by Shannon Sanders

After winning the LA Times Book Prize for her story collection Company, expectations were running high for Shannon Sanders’ first novel. A playful and poignant intergenerational saga about a haunted farm in which ancestors watch over and critique the living for posterity and entertainment, The Great Wherever leaps over that bar. The story pays tribute to the lasting legacy of Sanders’ ancestors (land that’s been in the family for a century), while creating something inventive and new. From an undead perspective, haunting is believably bittersweet; it’s “better than the best reality TV,” but “lesser, of course, than the thrill of both seeing and being seen.” I was hooked from the first sentence. (July 7) — Carole V. Bell

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Data Empire: The Power of Information to Organize, Control, and Dominate by Roopika Risam

Data Empire: The Power of Information to Organize, Control, and Dominate by Roopika Risam

Data centers have been making me anxious for a while, largely because of the environmental impacts — the massive draw on the electrical grid, the millions of gallons of clean water they require for cooling, the massive carbon footprint. The harm caused by data center infrastructure is only part of the problem, though. Roopika Risam’s newest book, Data Empire: The Power of Information to Organize, Control, and Dominate, explores “how data has always been the seed of power,” tracing its centrality from Mesopotamia to today. A book that promises not to just show how empires have collected and weaponized data over the ages, but also how we can resist, is an easy must-read for me. (July 14) — Ericka Taylor

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Catch the Devil: A True Story of Murder, Deception, and Injustice on the Gulf Coast

Catch the Devil: A True Story of Murder, Deception, and Injustice on the Gulf Coast by Pamela Colloff

I have been a fan of Pamela Colloff’s investigative journalism since 2018, when ProPublica and The New York Times Magazine published a narrative feature on junk forensic science. Her first book builds on her 2019 feature about a con artist who became one of America’s most prolific jailhouse informants. Despite his reputation as a liar and grifter, prosecutors were all too willing to believe the “useful” stories he spun — including about defendants who were ultimately sentenced to death. Unfolding in cinematic detail, Catch the Devil offers a riveting and disturbing account of the potentially fatal consequences of a criminal legal system that is more concerned with securing convictions than determining the truth and delivering justice. (July 14) — Kristen Martin

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Yellow Pine by Claire Vaye Watkins

Yellow Pine by Claire Vaye Watkins

I’ve been an admirer of Claire Vaye Watkins since her debut book, the story collection Battleborn, was published in 2012. As good as that book was, I was blown away by her novels, Gold Fame Citrus and I Love You but I’ve Chosen Darkness, both of which brought the American West to life with Watkins’ formidable wit and audacity. I can’t wait for her new novel, which follows a single mother living in an intentional community in the Mojave Desert. Watkins is known for taking risks, and she never repeats herself — I’m betting that her latest book will showcase her genius at storytelling and her love for the rugged landscape of the West. (July 21) — Michael Schaub

Dèy	by Edwidge Danticat

Dèy by Edwidge Danticat

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Edwidge Danticat is an author whose work truly captures the Haitian American immigrant experience with prose that is so languid and all-consuming that one never wants to be released from its grasp. In her first novel in over a decade, she offers a beautiful exploration of migration, gentrification and political instability. The title — Dèy, the Haitian Creole word for “mourning” — immediately caught my attention, as many Americans are in this state today, for their own country. The novel introduces us to Magnolia, a successful real estate agent in Miami whose outlook on life changes after she is caught in a mall shooting. A story that allows us to reassess love and grief, Dèy is a novel of now. (Aug. 25) — Keishel Williams

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