Lifestyle
This Valentine’s Day, be grateful a man failed to meet your expectations
I’m so disheartened at the ability of men to work through their emotions. I’ve been chronically lovebombed and ghosted. I changed therapists, did nine months of celibacy, started dating slow and sober, chose more “stable” types and it still happens the same way every time — they ghost and get back with a less challenging ex who they feel more control over, because with them, they’re not required to grow or change. I have a Capricorn Sun, a Taurus Moon, and a Libra ascendant, with Venus in Pisces. Help.
I’m going to (very lovingly and gently) hold your hand when I say this — the fact that you are doing everything “right” and following what you (and even professionals) believe to be the most evolved and healthy way of doing things, does not guarantee that your ideal romantic relationship will materialize in your life at the time that you want it to. Or even in the way that you want it to.
Women are the most empowered they have ever been to be the sorceress of their own success — especially materially. As a Capricorn woman, no doubt you’ve made dedicated efforts toward optimizing your experience of life, and seen well-deserved results. Your frustration at not seeing the same outcome manifest in your dating life is understandable, particularly considering the often-infuriating tendency of men to be less emotionally evolved. (This, of course, is a direct result of how society has, for millenniums, not provided them with the incentive to be anything more than the equivalent of sentient pools of stagnant fleshwater). However, love and relationships constitute a completely different realm, where the rules of girlbossery do not apply. And thank God for that, because don’t us hardworking women deserve a break from having to control everything?
The point of optimism here is that women who have made the commitment to love themselves are providing the societal structure needed to incentivize men to do the same. Women do that with the power of choice. In refusing to engage men who do not meet our needs for partnership, we set a standard that, with time, they will be forced to meet if they indeed do desire the companionship of women. Which they should if they also love themselves. Statistically, men who are equipped to form meaningful long-term relationships with women enjoy better lifelong mental, emotional and physical health, with an increased quality of life as a whole.
The complexity of the situation lies here: The invisible yet palpable alchemy of two souls dancing with each other through life in harmony is just that — a dance. Yes, choreography can add much-needed order and structure to an artistic work. But what makes a dance truly inspiring is the intuitive improvisational style of the dancers themselves, one that can’t necessarily be mapped out and predicted. Humans are not financial milestones or career accolades. They are not an impeccably furnished apartment, or a satisfyingly executed Pilates sequence at the end of a long workweek. Humans are gorgeously asymmetrical, thrillingly undefinable, wonderfully unpredictable — a work of art authored by an infinitely inspired Creator.
The invisible yet palpable alchemy of two souls dancing with each other through life in harmony is just that — a dance.
Goth Shakira wears a Miss Claire Sullivan corset and skirt, Shushu/Tong shoes, Blumarine earring, Hirotaka earring, Pianegonda ring, Xeno underwear and stylist’s own collar.
The magic of encountering a lover who moves your soul involves realizing that while there exists a person who does encapsulate a smattering of critical non-negotiable traits on your list (the “choreography”), it would not be the magic of love without understanding that there are things you could have never predicted you would adore in the first place (the alchemy). It can be anything from a particular vernacular that they only employ when they’re deeply moved, or the way the light falls across a one-in-8-billion facial structure you could never have dreamed of. When we try to control all of the parameters of our attraction and devotion, we leave no room for the great Dancer to improvise the next move in our life. Creativity needs space. And love comes down to divine timing and fortune. That can feel like a threat to the girlboss part of your brain. But it can feel like a salve to the lover girl part of your soul, if you let it.
So what to do about your underwhelming past lovers, your Pisces Venusian yearning, your throbbing heart, your efforts to prepare yourself to love from the most whole place you possibly can? Reframe your mission. Instead of your ultimate goal being the acquisition of an ideal partnership, your task should be becoming the best lover you could possibly be. You’re already doing that.
There is a lot of discourse these days about decentering men, which is healthy. I would go so far as to say that we need to go one step further, by decentering partnership, and centering love. Being alive is an act of love. Let life itself romance you. Be courageous enough to ask it to, every day if you need to. Practice romance in every human connection you have in the exquisite life your sweet Taurus Moon has created for you. Invest, especially, in love of self. Because we can’t wait for men to catch up to us. They need to take responsibility for the quality of life they want in the same way we are. Let them flail. Let them be inadequate. Let them be disappointing. Let them show you if they can’t keep up. And thank the universe for that information, because that is a blessing that shows you when you need to move on to what actually serves you. Trust that your person, the one that is more of a reverie that even your own mind could conjure for itself, will arrive in your life not a moment too soon, nor a moment too late. Enjoy the agency you have over what you can always control, which is your approach to life, your reactions to whatever may occur within it and the degree to and depth at which you choose to love yourself. Know that true love feels peaceful and calm, and trust that you’ll be able to recognize that feeling when it arrives.
Blumarine jacket, vintage Jean Paul Gaultier top from Wild West Social House, Jane Wade bra, vintage Maison Margiela pants from Wild West Social House, Narcisz Made shoes, Pianegonda ring, Thirty1 Ring and Ariel Taub earrings.
Reality can hurt, but it presents the gift of sanity. If you know your husband wouldn’t treat you like that, great — that’s not your husband. With every impostor removed from your life, more space is created for your person to move in. Keep doing the things that make you feel powerful and whole. Practice love in all of its forms. Use the skills you’re developing along your journey to be the best friend, family member, colleague, neighbor and lover of self — and above all, lover of life — that you can be. Love yourself by letting go of what was, thankfully, never ours to control in the first place — the divine divination of love. If you position that as your true purpose, a man’s failure to live up to your expectations will cease to debilitate you. You might even end up feeling grateful for it.
In need of relationship advice? Our columnist holds court in a starry place to answer your heart’s questions about love. Submit your inquiries here.
Photography Eugene Kim
Styling Britton Litow
Hair and makeup Jaime Diaz
Visual direction Jess Aquino de Jesus
Production Cecilia Alvarez Blackwell
Photo assistant Joe Elgar
Styling assistant Wendy Gonzalez Vivaño
Lifestyle
We’re having a main character summer. Are you? : It’s Been a Minute
Lifestyle
Vintage-obsessed millennial parents are driving L.A.’s booming kids’ clothing resale market
Kids’ vintage clothing sales are experiencing a remarkable boom at in-person markets and online, where prices for clothes for little ones have shot up on websites including Depop and Poshmark. Millennial parents are looking to outfit their kids in the clothes and TV and film characters they loved (or coveted) when they were kids.
The result? There’s a new generation of kiddos hitting the playground looking incredibly cool. Take Amari Case, a SoCal toddler who spent a Sunday afternoon this spring ambling around a vintage market in a West Hollywood warehouse clad in baggy jeans and a ’90s-era tee emblazoned with the “Dragon Ball Z” character Son Goku.
When she wasn’t scribbling on a Lorax coloring sheet, she’d been cruising around the market with her dad, Aaron Munoz Case, snapping up new pieces destined to make her the flyest kid at the preschool playground.
Neil Wright, from left, Kristine Nite Scalzo and Brandon Rosenblatt, co-founders of Elemeno Kids Vintage Market.
Showing off Amari’s new vintage satin L.A. Raiders jacket and tiny teal Grant Hill Detroit Pistons jersey, Munoz Case, who was also impeccably dressed, noted that while Amari went through a phase at about 18 months where she wanted to dress herself, eventually she gave up and went back to letting her dripped-out dad dictate her wardrobe.
Munoz Case found Amari’s first vintage piece at the Rose Bowl Flea Market and got the bug, going back every month to pick up something to add to his little’s wardrobe.
Trendspotters and researchers say Munoz Case isn’t alone in his quest. The market for kids’ vintage clothing has heated up precipitously over the last few years, perhaps hitting a boiling point in January when an Eeyore romper from the ’90s sold for over $3,000 on EBay. (It was new with tags, but one without tags still went for almost a grand about a month later.)
The thirst for tiny throwbacks is so popular that first-ever, all-kids market Elemeno — named after the “L-M-N-O” bit of “The Alphabet Song” and where Amari was toddling and shopping — drew 17 vendors and over 2,000 attendees over a single weekend in March. (There are plans for another Elemeno Kids Vintage Market pop-up later this year in New York, as well as plans to bring the event back to L.A. sometime next year.)
1. Cameron Scalzo, wearing a vintage McDonald’s T-shirt from the ‘90s, and mom Kristine Nite Scalzo. 2. Cameron Scalzo rocks an Avirex jacket from the ‘90s.
Eye Speak Vintage’s Kristine Nite Scalzo, who co-organized the event and is opening an all-kids vintage store in Pasadena this month, says she fell under the kids vintage spell in 2020 when she was pregnant with her son. She’d always been a vintage shopper for herself, so she knew she wanted to pass the passion down to the next generation. She started filling up her son’s closet, and soon enough, she found herself selling her other finds out of a bodega in her garage.
She has a by-appointment space in Pasadena now, where she draws everyone from Rihanna’s stylist to out-of-town moms who make a point to stop by on their way to Disneyland. “The community around kids vintage has really skyrocketed on Instagram over the past six years,” Scalzo says. “We want to know who we’re buying from. We want to know that we’re doing good with buying secondhand. And it’s a hobby for people that can turn into a possible business on the side. Because knowing there’s a big group that’s interested in vintage kids clothes, you can always pass an item [your kid outgrows] to someone else or resell it.”
Scalzo says some parents are out digging through bins at the Goodwill Outlet looking for the perfect piece, while others are content to pay up for, say, a ’90s Simpsons T-shirt or a mini-size Harley-Davidson jacket. Scouring the racks at the Elemeno market, most pieces cost $15 to $40, though there were special pieces pulled to the side in some booths with price tags that could make a parent’s eyes pop. (Think $275 for a set of well-worn Spider-Man overalls from the ’00s or $150 for a pair of Cross Colours denim shorts from the ’90s.)
In kids and adult vintage alike, mint condition is highly valued. No matter the era in which they were raised, kids tend to be messy. They get strawberry juice on their shirts or scuff up the knees on their Bugle Boy jeans. Vintage kids clothes that look pristine are more expensive, and while plain kids clothes do sell, items with characters on them or cool prints tend to draw more attention and dollars.
Brandon Rosenblatt, another of the Elemeno organizers, says he’s had his eye on a specific kids “Back to the Future” shirt for some time, but notes that it typically sells for about $1,000. He’s partial to McKids clothes for his daughter, from McDonald’s short-lived kids clothing brand, noting that he’s even snagged her a vintage official McDonald’s-themed aloha shirt from Hawaii, something he says he’s never seen anywhere else.
1. Siblings Amora and Milo Castilo wear vintage cowboy hats, jackets and chaps. 2. Thalia Castilo and her kids Amora and Milo.
Other collectors, he says, might be a little less obscure, leaning into mainstream characters such as Strawberry Shortcake or from ’80s and ’90s properties including “The Land Before Time” and “Rugrats.”
“A lot of millennials are having kids — like everyone who’s in their 30s and 40s — and they all want to put their kids in the same IP they grew up in,” Rosenblatt says.
“It’s the thrill of the hunt that gets everyone so excited,” Scalzo says. “Once you find that perfect nostalgic piece, you’re like ‘Holy s—,’ and you just want to chase that feeling again and again.”
Mia De La Rosa, a reseller who was at the Elemeno market, says that like Scalzo, she started buying kids vintage clothes when she was pregnant with her daughter, Liv, who’s 6 now, very into everything on PBS Kids and has a closet full of thrifted vintage garb covered in characters such as D.W., the annoying little sister from the ’90s show “Arthur.”
Everything Liv wears is “completely her style,” De La Rosa says. “She dresses herself every day and she gets compliments on what she’s wearing at school all the time.”
Other vintage-wearing kids — and in particular younger ones — might simply be sporting what their parents like or might just like the look of the shirt even if they don’t know what it’s advertising. (An 8-year-old boy at the Elemeno market, for instance, chose to wear a pristine T-shirt highlighting the ’90s Jim Carrey movie “The Mask” because it featured his favorite color: green.)
Derrick Broaster, a vintage enthusiast turned full-time reseller, says that while he chooses to put himself in clothes from the ’60s and ’70s, he outfits his two sons in clothes from the 2000s. (“How Bow Wow used to dress when he was a kid,” he says.)
Although his younger son tends to rebel against Broaster’s vintage picks, opting for whatever Spider-Man shoes happen to be in his eyeline, his older son has leaned in, letting his dad advise him on what vintage pieces could work and what would be the most stylish.
1. Julian, left, and Javier Gutierrez show off their vintage clothing. Javier says his mom always tells him to keep his vintage outfits clean. 2. Mom Priscilla Guzman, clockwise, Dad Javier Gutierrez and sons Julian and Javier Gutierrez enjoy the vibe of vintage clothing. Guzman says she’s been buying and selling kids’ vintage since her oldest son was born eight years ago.
Rosenblatt says a good portion of what vintage finds he sees in the market now has returned to the U.S. from places in Central America and South America or Asia where those pieces were likely sent decades ago after they were donated or given away.
“There’s a real underbelly of this vintage game with rag houses getting access to bulk product overseas and letting people sort through it,” he says. “There are companies now that rip through 20, 30 or 40,000 pieces of vintage clothing a week. It’s a really interesting ecosystem.”
For many kids vintage sellers, finding their stock is just as fun and interesting as getting it back into consumers’ hands. “Anywhere we can find clothes, we’re there,” says Matthew Carlos, owner of Long Gone Youth. He started selling vintage clothes 11 years ago, when he was 15, switched to kids vintage at 20 and has spent the last six years scouring flea markets, websites and swap meets.
“The kids market is definitely growing,” he says, “but I still feel like we haven’t even gotten close to where we can go. It’s just getting popular now, but the more events [like Elemeno] we can do, the more it’ll go mainstream.” Even now, some major brands like Gap and OshKosh B’gosh have recognized the interest in some of their styles from the ’80s and ’90s, moving to re-release the looks in limited runs.
Jackie and Frank Oropeza with daughter Rumi Mae shop at Elemeno Kids Vintage Market.
Kids resale is also leaning into streetwear culture. Rosenblatt, who worked in the streetwear industry, says that he’s noticed that a good portion of those interested in kids vintage — particularly, male shoppers — tend to be fans of streetwear brands like Supreme, Fear of God Essentials and Bape. At Elemeno, for instance, a good portion of the parents we saw pushing strollers were well-dressed dads seemingly on solo missions, something you don’t always see at kid-centric events.
“I just want my son to feel like I did as a kid,” said Justin Nguyen, while watching his toddler, Jayden, play with bubbles. “I want him to be happy, carefree and joyful, and I want to be able to spend time with him. My mom and dad were always working, even on the weekends. Now that I’m a dad, taking my son out on weekends to do stuff like this just seems like a blessing.”
Lifestyle
‘Hellions’ author Julia Elliott wins $150K fiction prize
Author Julia Elliott won for her short story collection Hellions.
Forrest Clonts/Tin House
hide caption
toggle caption
Forrest Clonts/Tin House
Writer Julia Elliott has won this year’s Carol Shields Prize for Fiction for her short story collection Hellions. The award honors work by women and nonbinary authors in the U.S. and Canada.
Elliott, who also authored the novel The New and Improved Romie Futch and the short story collection The Wilds, is known for blending elements of Southern gothic horror, surrealism and fairy tale. Hellions, published in 2025, includes stories set against backdrops like a plague-stricken medieval convent, a feminist art colony, and small Southern towns.
“This eerie, eclectic, genre-leaping collection takes no half-measures; every sentence of Hellions crackles or crawls,” wrote the prize jury in a statement. “Here, human folly moves against a backdrop of horror and magic … But for all its wildness, there is tremendous control.”
The prize, named after a Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist, awards $150,000 to one winner each year. Novels, short story collections, and graphic novels by women and nonbinary authors are eligible.
This year’s finalists included Quiara Alegría Hudes (The White Hot), Lee Lai (Cannon), Megha Majumdar (A Guardian and a Thief), and Sonya Walger (Lion). They will each receive $12,500.
The Carol Shields Prize went to writer Canisia Lubrin in 2025.
You can listen to actor Donna Lynne Champlin read Elliott’s story “Hellion” on the Death, Sex & Money podcast here.
-
Indiana13 seconds agoIndiana extends gas tax suspension: ‘Cheapest gas in the country’
-
Iowa3 minutes agoTrump's primary endorsement winning streak just ended in Iowa
-
Kansas8 minutes agoWhere to watch Kansas City Royals vs Cincinnati Reds: TV channel, start time, streaming for June 3
-
Kentucky15 minutes agoFayette County school board chair, KEA sue to block Kentucky law that would oust current members
-
Louisiana18 minutes agoLouisiana insurance officials to announce retirement of Katrina, Rita bonds
-
Maine30 minutes agoMaine’s abrupt plan to cut $400M in construction projects roils the industry
-
Maryland33 minutes agoMan found dead in South Carolina after shooting ex-girlfriend in Maryland
-
Michigan38 minutes ago
Gotion wants Michigan township to pay the $23.7M it owes in incentives