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My wife isn't interested in sex after menopause

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My wife isn't interested in sex after menopause


My wife isn’t interested in sex after menopause

Hey everybody, can you take this survey? Some questions might not apply to you – or maybe they all will. We’re trying to get a sense of things over here at LL – to bring you the most happiness, etc.

Q.

My wife and I were married almost 30 years ago. We’re both in our mid-to-late 50s. We have two children and a relationship that I believe is stronger than most. 

Now the hard part.

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My wife is post-menopausal and has zero interest in intimacy. Planning date nights, romantic dinners, sharing in household chores, and putting my recreational activities second to her needs … all of that did nothing. I’m not a 10 in the looks department, so I work hard to overcompensate. I try to talk to my wife about this and get the same tired “it’s not you, it’s me.”

Lately the thought of a sexual relationship with someone else seems almost justified. I know it’s wrong and would devastate my wife and children. I love my wife very much and do not want to hurt her. She does not see this an issue.

I acknowledge how this reads – that it’s all about me. My wife is so far unwilling to discuss the matter.

Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings. I welcome any and all advice and feedback.

– The Issue

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A.

A bit of validation: it doesn’t sound like you’re only thinking about yourself. You’re worried about everyone. Missing physical intimacy doesn’t make you a selfish, terrible husband.

The issue here seems to be that your wife is unwilling to discuss the matter. Would she be open to speaking to a doctor about how menopause has affected her marriage? Would she talk to a therapist about how a partnership can adapt to a shift in physical needs?

I’m not saying there’s a magic fix for this, but the fact that she won’t address it … it’s troubling.

Make that the big request. Ask her if she’ll join you in therapy. If she won’t, go by yourself and maybe she’ll come along at some point. With guidance in real time, the path might become clear.

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Also know that a physical relationship with someone else might not have to be a cheat. Couples have open arrangements. There are ways to do this with everyone’s consent. (The kids and their feelings don’t have to be part of it.)

But before you get to that step, tell her you need help. Explain that she can support you by showing up.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you talk about this? People who’ve lost (or found) their drive, any advice about what to say? How to approach? How you handled this?

I’d love to read your question. Send your own letter by using the anonymous form or email [email protected]. Let’s start a new season with a fresh look on everything.

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Boston, MA

Boston celebrates first goal in club history – Equalizer Soccer

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Boston celebrates first goal in club history – Equalizer Soccer





© Eric Canha-Imagn Images

This week’s Anatomy of a Goal is a historical one! We’re breaking down Boston Legacy FC’s first-ever goal. 

Before we get into that, though, let’s do a quick Legacy heat check. I won’t dice words here: this team is struggling. It’s taken them three games to score a single goal, and they’ve conceded six. Boston has also been averaging the second-lowest expected goals per game thus far (0.60 xG, American Soccer Analysis), though it’s worth mentioning that we’re only three games into the season.

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Arvidsson Posts Hat Trick In Boston’s 6-3 Win Over Dallas | Boston Bruins

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Arvidsson Posts Hat Trick In Boston’s 6-3 Win Over Dallas  | Boston Bruins


BOSTON –– Viktor Arvidsson’s oldest daughter, Navy, turned five on Tuesday.

The dad, and Boston Bruins forward, celebrated the occasion by posting his fifth career hat trick that night at TD Garden in a 6-3 win over the Dallas Stars.

“That was pretty cool, I got a hat trick on her birthday,” Arvidsson said. “She’ll be happy, for sure.”

Arvidsson’s three goals earned the Bruins their fourth consecutive win against top-ranked opponents and extended his point streak to four games; he has nine points (five goals, four assists) through that stretch.

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“I think we have fun together, and we put a lot of emphasis on being hard on each other, really pushing each other,” Arvidsson said. “I think in that regard, we’re really happy where we are.”

The Bruins got out to a 2-0 lead by the end of the first period. Marat Khusnutdinov opened the scoring with his 15th goal of the season. David Pastrnak got the puck down low and chipped it up to Henri Jokiharju, who blasted a shot from the point. Khusnutdinov was there to knock in the rebound at 9:58.​

Arvidsson doubled the advantage just as the B’s power play expired. Pavel Zacha threw the puck on net, Pastrnak collected the redirection and pushed it towards the crease where Arvidsson battled for positioning and tapped it in at 18:51 to make it 2-0. Zacha’s helper on the play extended his point streak to five games; he has five goals and four assists in that time.

“It always seems like we play better when we’re playing against better teams. For us, the playoffs already started a long time ago,” head coach Marco Sturm said. “I think that’s a good thing about our team right now – we want to get challenged right now.”

​Dallas got on the board in the middle frame with a wrist shot from Jamie Benn at 4:49. Matt Duchene found the 2-2 equalizer at 16:53.

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Need to Know: Bruins vs. Stars | Boston Bruins

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Need to Know: Bruins vs. Stars  | Boston Bruins


BOSTON –– The push continues for the Boston Bruins.

​The B’s will host the Dallas Stars on Tuesday at TD Garden for a 7 p.m. puck drop in the teams’ second and final meeting this regular season.

“We’re playing against a really good hockey team. I feel like it feels a little bit the same when we played Minnesota the other night – on paper, a very good team. Obviously, on points and standings, too. Just very high-end talent throughout the lineup,” head coach Marco Sturm said. “It will be a handful, and we have to make sure we’re ready to go. Hopefully, we learned from big, emotional games in the past.”

Boston is coming off a 4-3 shootout win against the Columbus Blue Jackets on Sunday; the group collected all four points available on its back–to–back weekend. Tanner Jeannot and Mark Kastelic’s fights in Columbus sparked the comeback for the Bruins.

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“We’re playing really good teams every single night,” Jeannot said. “It’s a really good build-up to the intensity of what’s to come, and we’re just going to continue to learn and grow from it, just like we’ve been doing all year. To have a come-from-behind win like that, it’s only going to help us.”

The Stars, who sit second in the NHL and the Central Division with 100 points, have clinched a playoff berth. The Bruins are in the first wild-card spot in the Eastern Conference with 92 points.

“I think every game right now – it’s felt like playoffs for the last month or so. You can just definitely feel the urgency with every game. It’s no different tonight,” Kastelic said. “I think it’s great for everybody to get a taste of that, myself included. It’s really fun hockey to be part of this time of the year. With eight games to go, to be in the position we are, it’s some of the most fun I’ve had playing hockey in a long time. Hopefully there’s more to come, and tonight’s just another step.”

Henri Jokiharju will remain in the lineup for the Bruins in place of Mason Lohrei, who is working through a day-to-day upper-body injury, Sturm said. Jokiharju will skate on the second pair with Hampus Lindholm. The defenseman has 11 assists through 38 games this season while averaging 17:51 of ice time per night. ​

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