Movie Reviews
The Beekeeper
Adam Clay (Jason Statham) lives a quiet life as a beekeeper. Secretly, he is a retired operative from a mysterious off-the-books government agency known as ‘Beekeepers’. When an elderly friend dies by suicide after being scammed, Clay vows revenge on the scammers — a bloody mission that takes him all the way to the top.
Bees have had a bad run of it on screen. For every Candyman, there is a Jupiter Ascending; for every film like the award-winning 2019 Macedonian documentary Honeyland, there is Nicolas Cage screaming, “Killing me won’t bring back your goddamn honey!” in The Wicker Man. David Ayer’s The Beekeeper, the latest action vehicle for Jason ‘The Stath’ Statham, doesn’t exactly give everyone’s favourite pollinating insects a glittering moment on the silver screen. But if nothing else, it certainly mentions them a lot.
Here, Statham plays a retired member of ‘Beekeepers’: one of those extrajudicial super-spy government agencies you often see in films like this, the kind that gets the job done when no-one else can (see also: Mission: Impossible’s IMF; Heart Of Stone’s The Heart; The A-Team). For some reason, his public life — a terrible cover! — is also as an _actual_beekeeper, just to ram the whole bee idea home.
The script, by Kurt Wimmer (also partly responsible for Statham’s last film, the risible Expend4bles), never misses an opportunity to remind us that bees are the key theme. “You’ve been a busy bee,” notes one character. “You kicked the beehive and now we have to reap the whirlwind,” says another. “Who the fuck are you, Winnie-The-Pooh?” is one of the better lines. A valiant attempt at an old-fashioned action-movie one-liner, meanwhile, is catastrophically inept: “To be or not to be” earns the comeback, “To bee!”, an exchange which makes zero sense even in a film that has over-strenuously dedicated itself to bees.
The action scenes are horribly inconsistent: fine in the hand-to-hand stuff, sloppy elsewhere.
The script, and Ayer’s direction, seem desperate to want to be in on the joke. The sad truth is, with bee analogies more tortuous than the Stath’s killing methods, you’re far more likely to be laughing at it than with it. Almost entirely witless, it’s as if they’ve decided on the title first, and then had to retrofit a cheapo action movie around the theme of bees. So much just doesn’t make sense: why is the former director of the CIA talking about honey? Why is an FBI special agent discussing pollination methods?
It is impressive and noteworthy that Statham can somehow make a beekeeping outfit look macho. But even he can’t elevate this stuff. Like his Hobbs & Shaw co-star Dwayne Johnson, there’s a kind of repetitive homogeneity to Statham’s roles: all seemingly interchangeable tough guys, all with the same strange mid-Atlantic snarl (“There’s some British Isles hiding in your accent,” notes one character kindly), the same carefully cultivated stubble, the same implacable grimace, the same impervious-to-bullets efficiency.
Statham is as gruffly convincing as he usually is (though it’s 20 minutes before he’s even allowed to kick any ass), but the action scenes are horribly inconsistent: fine in the hand-to-hand stuff, sloppy elsewhere. It’s all wildly over-edited and wildly over-lit, too, like the worst of Michael Bay’s vices, and it’s very hard to care about any of the fights, given we know so little about any of the characters: just The Stath, grimly dispatching faceless, endless bad guys with impunity, as is his wont. If that’s all you’re after, you should be satisfied — but you do have to put up with quite a lot of stuff about bees, too.
Just absolute bee-movie trash.
Pizza Movie (2026) Director: Nick Kocher and Brian McElhaney, Star: Gaten Matarazzo and Sean Giambrone
Somehow, I got through an hour of this movie. I was seconds away from turning off in the first fifteen minutes because of the juvenile humor. Pizza Movie is too silly, repetitive, and the characters are annoying. Stranger Things Gaten Matarazzo and Sean Giambrone star as college friends, Jack and Montgomery. College angles are rarely seen in films right now, and that’s the one saving grace of the film. Similar to high school, people are also trying to fit in. The story and visuals were too corny. You can only watch someone’s head exploding for so long without letting yours.
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026) Director: Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic, Stars: Chris Pratt, Charlie Day, Anya Taylor-Joy
I never saw the first Super Mario Brothers Movie when it was out, but I heard it got positive reviews. My brother always loved playing Super Mario video games as a kid, and I’d watch him. I tagged along with my friends to see Super Mario Galaxy Movie, and it’s a cute and fun film. I like it when movies explore the video game world. The animation creates unique worlds and characters. The characters are split into their own storylines, and for me, I felt like it worked. It adds more action, especially for kids who are seeing the films.
Emily in Paris Season 5 (2025) Creator: Darren Star, Stars: Lily Collins and Ashley Park
After a bright spot in season 4, I thought season 5 of Emily in Paris would continue its growth in the story and its protagonist, but no, it’s all drained out in the usual Emily (Lily Collins) mishaps. Ashley Park (Mindy) has become too good for this show. Emily and Mindy waste several opportunities because of their love lives. The whole relationship angle is ruining it. I don’t understand why Alfie (Lucien Laviscount) is still in the show. I thought writers learned their lesson, but by the last episode, they’re continuing to bring the past into an apparent season 6.
Sarah’s Oil (2025) Director: Cyrus Nowrasteh, Stars: Naya Desir-Johnson and Zachary Levi
There’s always history lurking right beneath our noses. Sarah’s Oil (2025) tells the true story of Sarah Rector, an Oklahoma-born African American girl who became the first black female millionaire in the U.S. Naya Desir-Johnson is fierce and driven as Sarah. Zachary Levi is also along for the ride as Bert, a man who helps Sarah. Kate (Bridget Regan) was another favorite character as an intelligent woman. Cyrus Nowrasteh was drawn to the subject for its story and its themes. Nowrasteh’s direction is compelling as he unearths a hidden story from history. The film is streaming on Amazon Prime.
Jack Goes Boating (2014) Director and Star: Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Ryan
Jack Goes Boating (2014) didn’t quite work for me, largely because of its slow pace and uneven storytelling. The film stars the late Seymour Hoffman as Jack, who also directed the film. This was Hoffman’s first and only time in the directing chair. Amy Ryan also stars in the film, giving a solid performance. This was also based on a play that Hoffman starred in. Jack wants to participate in a swim championship. That’s hardly what the film is about, tracking other characters’ stories. While the film aims for quiet intimacy, it ultimately drags, making it an underwhelming viewing experience.
You Kill Me (2016), Director: John Dahl, Stars: Ben Kingsley, Tea Leoni, Luke Wilson
Meet You Kill Me (2016), yet another film that I found in the museum of underrated gems. The concept revolves around Frank (Ben Kingsley), a hitman, who is sent to an A.A. meeting to get his mind focused again. A different story happens, where Frank falls in love with Laurel (Tea Leoni). Leoni is one of my favorite actresses. It also stars the funny Luke Wilson. I liked the trio’s dynamics. You Kill Me is a mental health movie. It’s okay to make changes if you’re not happy. I recommended that you keep an eye out for this movie.
Desert Warrior, 2026.
Directed by Rupert Wyatt.
Starring Anthony Mackie, Aiysha Hart, Ben Kingsley, Ghassan Massoud, Sharlto Copley, Sami Bouajila, Lamis Ammar, Géza Röhrig, Numan Acar, Nabil Elouahabi, Hakeem Jomah, Ramsey Faragallah, Saïd Boumazoughe, and Soheil Bostani.
SYNOPSIS:
An honorable and mysterious rogue, known as Hanzala, makes himself an enemy of the Emperor Kisra after he helps a fugitive king and princess in the desert.
With aspirations of being a historical epic harkening back to the sword and sandal blockbusters of yesteryear, Rupert Wyatt’s seventeenth-century Arabia tale is about as generic and epically dull as one would expect from a film plainly titled Desert Warrior. Yes, there appear to be real locations here, and there are some admittedly sweeping shots of various tribes storming into battle on horseback and camels, but it’s all in service of a mess that is both miscast and questionable as the work of a filmmaking team of mostly white creatives.
The story of Emperor Kisraa (Ben Kingsley, a distracting presence even with only one or two scenes) rounding up women from other tribes to be his concubines, which inevitably became the catalyst for a revolution led by Princess Hind (Aiysha Hart), uniting all the divided clans and strategizing battle plans for flanking and poisoning, is undeniably ripe for cinematic treatment. The problem is that what’s here from Rupert Wyatt (and screenwriters Erica Beeney, Gary Ross, and David Self) is less than nothing in the primary creative process; no one seems to have a connection to Arabic heritage or culture, but they have made a flat-out boring film that is often narratively incoherent.
Following the death of her father and escaping the clutches of oppression, the honorable Princess Hind joins forces with a troubled, nameless bandit played by Anthony Mackie (he totally belongs here…), who seems to be here solely to give the movie some star power boost without running the risk of white savior accusations. Whatever the case may be, it’s jarring, but not quite as disorienting as how little screen time he has despite being billed as the lead and how little characterization he has. It is, however, equally disorienting as some of the other names that show up along the way.
As for the other factions, Princess Hind talks to them one by one, giving the film an adventure feel that fails to capitalize on using beautiful scenery in striking or visually poignant ways at almost every turn; the leaders of these tribes also often have no character. There also isn’t much of an understanding of why these tribes are at odds with one another. This movie is filled with dialogue that consistently and shockingly amounts to vague nothingness. Nevertheless, each tribe doesn’t take much convincing to begin with, meaning that not only is the film repetitive, but it’s also lifeless when characters are in conversation.
That Desert Warrior does occasionally spring to life, and a bloated 2+ running time is a small miracle. This is typically accomplished through the occasional fight scene between factions that also serves to demonstrate Princess Hind coming into her own as a warrior. When the tribes are united in a massive-scale battle, and that plan is unfolding step by step, one certainly sees why someone would want to tell this story and pull it off with such spectacle. However, this film is as dry as the desert itself.
Flickering Myth Rating – Film: ★ ★ / Movie: ★ ★
Robert Kojder
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