There are love stories all around us, so this playwright wrote one based on the love she’s always seen at home

It’s probably fair to say that Coza Joy was a theater kid. She always signed up for theater classes in middle school and high school, she joined a documentary filmmaking program after high school, and was working as a stage manager for a local production during an arts festival last year when one of her cousins, who stopped by to support her, also had a question.

“During a night out with my cousin, he played me this voice message about how my auntie and uncle met, and how their love story happened in the Philippines. That just gave me more motivation to really start writing it and really dig deeper about my family and all of these generations of love and what it looked like in my family,” she says of her debut play, “How We Love,” a series of vignettes about Maria (played by Joy), a young Filipina-American woman documenting the love stories of her family and friends, across different generations, and learning about what love means through this process. “I started writing it at the beginning of last year, in January. Then, I was stage managing a local production called ‘Nighttime Julianne’ by Lani Gobaleza, which was a one-woman show featured at the (San Diego International) Fringe Festival. The cousin who played me the voice note about my auntie and uncle, came to support me at the show and he was like, ‘When’s your turn?’ So, I think that was kind of the motivation to start really looking into the writing of it.” “How We Love” is being performed at 7 p.m. March 27 and 28, and 2 p.m. March 29, at Partnership in Advancement of the New Americans (PANA) in City Heights.

Joy, 22, grew up in Paradise Hills and National City, and continues to work as a creator and community organizer. She currently works as an outreach and organizing intern at the nonprofit Youth Will, and has previously worked with Asian Solidarity Collective and was part of the 2022 cohort of Pacific Arts Movement’s Reel Voices documentary filmmaking program. She talks about her upcoming play and how all kinds of love has shown up for her throughout her life.

Q: What inspired “How We Love” and what did some of your creative process for this story look like?

A: Being at family parties and really observing my family as they sang karaoke, as they told stories, especially my aunties and uncles telling their stories about being in the Philippines, and then their transition to coming here.

It was mostly just structural writing around May (of 2025); I had my first table read in August; and from there, it was originally six love stories, and now it’s down to three main ones. Starting in December, we had rehearsals. The creative process was definitely slowing a lot of things down, getting a lot of insight from other folks on how they interpreted the characters and the story, what kind of depth did they want. There were a lot of tests and trials because it is based on real people and real stories, so I was really trying to see what I could make digestible and what I could make universal.

A lot of the feedback I got was that people wished there was a bit of struggle or some conflicts. The first table read was very lighthearted and a lot of people just wished there was some conflict or depth to really pull them in for the whole ride. From there, I did include details. Like, the overall theme of a conflict in the actual voice note, and on stage, my grandma tells my auntie that she’s too young, she doesn’t know what love is, and stuff like that. So, that’s one of many forms of feedback that I got that has manifested into the script and into rehearsals.

What I love about National City…

I loved growing up in National City, there’s a lot of color here and I get to see its progress since I was a child. What I also love about National City is the heavy Filipino population. I mean, we have Seafood City (Supermarket), we have a lot of Filipino small businesses starting up. It’s a hot spot for great food, for sharing, for family gatherings. Growing up, we’d go to Golden Chopsticks, that is the go-to for family dinners. There’s a bakery, as well, that has fresh pandesal that my family grew up dipping in coffee or putting ice cream in. Growing up in National City, it was always the food, the community, and the family gatherings. 

Q: How would you describe the kind of love you saw around you, growing up? And, the kind of love you experienced?

A: I’ve definitely seen love through a lot of community care. Showing up to community events was the biggest thing: a lot of people would turn out, and just being able to observe who knew each other, who didn’t know each other, and who was just meeting for the first time. I saw that love, the community love, for sure. Also, with the family parties and gatherings, it’s always shown through people just showing up as they are and really meeting them where they are, at both family parties and community events.

For me, love has always had different patterns, especially since I often switched from spending time with my dad’s side to my mom’s side growing up, and seeing love in different ways. On my mom’s side, it was shown through a lot of quality time and presence and just being there; on my dad’s side, they’re a little bit more expressive and they love singing, and singing love songs. That’s what influenced me a lot about love, as well as action, acts of service, and a lot of words of affirmation. So, on my dad’s side it’s very expressive, but on my mom’s side, it’s a little bit shy and reserved, but it’s also calm.

Q: You’ve mentioned wanting your play “to be about that loving and warm feeling from karaoke sessions at my family parties” and wanting to extend that feeling to your community and the audiences who watch “How We Love.” Can you talk about these family parties? What typically took place and whether they reflect any cultural significance, like with the karaoke sessions?

A: The family parties on my dad’s side were always at a chosen house. Maria, my character in the play, talks a bit about how that house came to be and how it’s flooded with greenery and plants and all of that. It all comes from the care of my auntie, so we always gather there, most of the time. That’s actually where I also had my last two table reads, to really give the cast and crew more of an understanding of that feeling, for sure.

At our family parties, we would have tons of karaoke sessions. They’ll always find a way to do it, whether that’s putting up a YouTube video of the karaoke version of a song, or even just playing the acoustic version. Sometimes, whenever there was a piano or a guitar, there would be a jam session where someone would start singing, and then it turned into a whole singalong. There is a bit of cultural significance in a part of traditional Filipino courtship, called harana. Back in the days in the Philippines, the way that a masculine person would court a feminine person would be to go to the feminine person’s window, with a live band behind them, and sing their declaration of love. And, we do see those elements in this project.

Q: What are some of your favorite romantic songs, or other romantic works of art? Who were they created by and what do you love about them?

A: When I was writing “How We Love,” I played so much Thee Sacred Souls. I think they definitely hit on love, but it’s not only romantic love, but self-love. I just also love their vocals. I would also say Rayvn Lenae, she also sings a lot of romantic songs and it feels so whimsical and good. There’s a specific song in the play that everyone gets a chance to sing at the end, which is pretty exciting—it’s “How Deep is Your Love?” That was always the go-to song for us at the karaoke party, so that one just has such significance to me because we sing it a lot of the time. Sometimes it’ll pop up, especially when I’m going through something like an emotional time, and when I hear it, I’m like, ‘Oh, it’s most likely a sign from my past loved ones to remind me to keep going.’

Q: What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

A: There was a queer love aspect in the play, but the cast members for that story had to drop out, but I still wanted it to be about queer love and queer experiences of coming out. So, the actor who’s playing my dad, he and I re-enact the scene of me coming out to my dad in real life. The advice my dad told me was that I should love whoever I want as long as they respect me. And I think that’s the greatest advice I’ve probably received because now I’m surrounded by a lot of people who love me as a supporter and they really support my work, and that’s its own form of love and respect. My dad saying that has always been the greatest advice, that I should love whoever I want. That also goes into my motivation to motivate other people that they can do what they want and we can make it happen. On my dad’s side, we always say the sky’s the limit and the limit is infinite, so that’s also a piece of advice that’s carried me throughout a lot of my processes and both creative and advocacy.

Q: What is one thing people would be surprised to find out about you?

A: I am really not afraid to speak out. I don’t think it’s surprising, considering I’m putting on this play, but I think that I really am all about action. With that also comes accountability; I really try and hold both myself accountable and also others accountable, but it’s all coming from a place of care because I care a lot for someone to not be ignorant or anything like that.

Q: Please describe your ideal San Diego weekend.

A: I definitely would take a walk at Mountain Hawk Park in Chula Vista, that’s a great place with a beautiful view. I would probably also go to one of my comfort food spots, which is Chiroy’s Cafe in National City. After that, I’d probably walk around Market on 8th, and then I’d probably head to whatever community event is around in southeast San Diego. I’d probably just galivant and people watch and look at different things.