Dear Wayne and Wanda,

Last spring, an old friend from the Lower 48 moved to Alaska. “Dave” and I go way back, to our high school days. We went to college together, and we’ve kept in close touch since I moved here. When Dave moved here, I offered to let him stay with me until he found a place. When I moved here, it took me a few weeks to get to know Anchorage and commit to an apartment. It helped, at the time, that I had a family friend to stay with while I searched and settled. I figured I was paying it forward by doing the same for Dave.

Since those days, I bought a small home, and I felt lucky to have the space to offer to my friend. The problem is, he’s still here in my house and quite comfortable in my spare room. While I never ask for money, he will leave a couple hundred bucks on the counter every now and then. He buys groceries, sometimes makes dinner or orders us takeout, and does other small things to show his gratitude.

Dave’s a good guy, but I feel too old for a roommate. I have a demanding day job and keep regimented bedtime hours, but he works for a restaurant and keeps all kinds of crazy hours. I have asked him several times how the house-hunting is going and he says stuff like, “Why would I want to leave you?” And he has also talked at length about how hard it is to find a good place and how expensive everything is.

What he says isn’t wrong. I know the market is tight. I’d hate to see him end up in a crummy apartment but I also need my space. Am I a bad friend for wanting him to move out?

Wanda says:

I appreciate Dave’s thoughtful gestures; no doubt he senses he’s imposing. He’s also probably hoping it will prolong what is surely a comforting and lower-stress situation than striking out on his own. And he’s accurate: it’s tough to find affordable and nice living space here.

That said, this one’s on you. You invited Dave to stay with no clear boundaries or expectations for the duration of that invitation. And still, you haven’t made a direct request for Dave’s departure. No wonder he’s leaving cash lying around and whipping up dinner. I’m sure he’s hoping this lasts forever — or at least for a lot while longer, as you’re no doubt saving him the time, money, and energy it takes to look for and commit to a place to live.

Safe to say, Dave won’t leave until you tell him he needs to go. You can do this kindly. Explain that you both know this situation was never meant to be permanent and while you’ve been glad to help, you want to shift your energy to helping him find a new place to live. It’s perfectly OK as a grown adult to want your own home and own space. You have worked toward this place of independence, and that vision didn’t include your childhood buddy hanging on the periphery.

Wayne says:

Come on now — we can’t assume that Dave’s a forever freeloading friend. But we can safely assume that Dave did not do his homework before moving to Anchorage. Everything is expensive. Housing availability is bleak. Crime is crazy. Our state and local leaders can’t agree on anything significant. Schools and grocery stores are closing, and the iconic Fourth Avenue Theatre is now a massive hole in the ground. Oh yeah, and people are leaving Alaska in droves, not moving here. Welcome to town, Dave — at least we still have some sweet mountains and trails to get some distance from it all!

But you, letter writer, are a homeowner and longtime resident. You should have known better — this wasn’t going to be “a couple of weeks to find a great apartment” situation. That just isn’t reality. Think you could afford or beat the highest bidder with a bag of cash for your little house in today’s market?

At least Dave lined up a job, and he’s hooking you up with cash and grub. He can surely stack up a deposit, first and last month’s rent, and find a new place, even if it’s a ridiculously pricey, crummy apartment with a back-of-house buddy/roommate. Because if he arrived this spring and snow is now once again blanketing the Chugach peaks, you’ve offered him above-and-beyond support, a sweet get-your-feet-on-the-ground grace period, and, yes, excellent friendship. It’s time for him to reciprocate and start his own Anchorage adventure. And as Wanda wisely noted, he likely needs to hear it from you, not in a nudge, but in an adult conversation that balances understanding and urgency.

[My home office co-worker is my roommate. Send help.]

[Wayne and Wanda: My girlfriend dropped a financial bombshell on me]

[Miss Manners: My friend’s cat litter boxes are gross. Is there a nice way to address the situation?]

President Donald Trump approved major disaster declarations for Alaska, Nebraska, North Dakota and the Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe late Wednesday, while denying requests from Vermont, Illinois and Maryland and leaving other states still waiting for answers.

The decisions fell mostly along party lines, with Trump touting on social media Wednesday that he had “won BIG” in Alaska in the last three presidential elections and that it was his “honor” to deliver for the “incredible Patriots” of Missouri, a state he also won three times.

The disaster declarations authorize the Federal Emergency Management Agency to support recipients with federal financial assistance to repair public infrastructure damaged by disasters and, in some cases, provide survivors money for repairs and temporary housing.

While Trump has approved more disaster declarations than he’s denied this year, he has also repeatedly floated the idea of “ phasing out ” FEMA, saying he wants states to take more responsibility for disaster response and recovery. States already take the lead in disasters, but depend on federal assistance when the needs exceed what they can manage alone.

Trump has also taken longer to approve disaster declaration requests than in any previous administration, including his first, according to an Associated Press analysis.

The states approved for disaster declarations include Alaska, which filed an expedited request after experiencing back-to-back storms this month that wrecked coastal villages, displaced 2,000 residents and killed at least one person. Trump approved a 100% cost share of disaster-related expenses for 90 days.

North Dakota and Nebraska will also receive public assistance for August severe weather, and the Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe in Minnesota was approved for both public and individual assistance for a June storm that felled thousands of trees across its tribal lands.

Trump denied four requests, including Maryland’s appeal for reconsideration after the state was denied a disaster declaration for May flooding that severely impacted the state’s two westernmost counties.

Gov. Wes Moore, a Democrat, denounced the decision in a statement Thursday, calling the final denial “deeply frustrating.”

“President Trump and his Administration have politicized disaster relief, and our communities are the ones who will pay the price,” said Moore. The state has been supporting impacted individuals itself, deploying over $450,000 for the first time from its State Disaster Recovery Fund.

Maryland met the conditions necessary to qualify for public assistance, according to a preliminary damage assessment, but Trump, who has the final decision on the declarations, denied the state’s July request. Maryland appealed in August with further data showing the counties experienced $33.7 million in damage, according to the state, more than three times its threshold for federal assistance.

Trump also denied Vermont a major disaster declaration for July 10 floods after the state waited over nine weeks for a decision. The damages far exceed what some of the small towns impacted can afford on their own, said Eric Forand, Vermont’s emergency management director.

“It’s well over the annual budget or two years’ budget (of some towns), to fix those roads,” Forand said.

The other denials included an application from Illinois for individual assistance for three counties impacted in July by severe storms and flooding, and one from Alaska to rebuild a public safety building that burned in a July electrical fire.

Asked why the states were denied, White House spokesperson Abigail Jackson said, “President Trump provides a more thorough review of disaster declaration requests than any Administration has before him.” She said Trump was “ensuring American tax dollars are used appropriately and efficiently by the states to supplement — not substitute, their obligation to respond to and recover from disasters.”

Several states and one tribe still await decisions on their requests.

Not knowing whether public assistance is coming can delay crucial projects, especially for small jurisdictions with tight budgets, and sometimes leaves survivors without any help to secure temporary housing or repair homes now too dangerous to live in.

Before its approval Wednesday, the Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe was straining to cover the costs of clearing thousands of trees felled across its reservation by a June thunderstorm. As a tribe, it is entitled to apply for assistance independently of the state where it is located.

The tribe had spent about $1.5 million of its own funds so far, said Duane Oothoudt, emergency operations manager for the Leech Lake Police Department.

The tribe was “doing a lot of juggling, using reserve funding to operate and continue paying our contractors,” Oothoudt said just hours before being notified of the disaster declaration, nine weeks after submitting the request.

With federal funding approved for both public and individual assistance, Oothoudt said Thursday his one-man emergency management department would focus on helping survivors first.

“There’s a lot of work to do,” he said. “People were hurt by the storm.”

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Associated Press writer Brian Witte in Annapolis, Maryland, contributed.