‘Skyrocketing’ expectations weigh on Louisiana parents amid national mental health crisis

Elizabeth Fontenot, a Baton Rouge nurse-midwife and mother of four children ranging in age from six to 11, took her children to the park in order to have time for this interview with the newspaper. While discussing the stress of parenting, she was interrupted three times by her children with questions. She answered each query and returned to the conversation. 

When each of her children reached the ages of eight or nine, she and her husband noticed an increase in emotions when their children experienced disappointment. Not knowing how to respond to help them manage their emotions, Fontenot said, is a stressful part of parenting. 

Dr. Vivek Murthy, The U.S. Surgeon General, issued an advisory on the mental health of parents in August of 2024. 

Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents highlights the stressors that impact the mental health and well-being of parents and caregivers, the link between parental mental health and children’s long-term well-being, and the urgent need to better support parents, caregivers and families. 

The report shares that there are 63 million parents living with children under the age of 18 in the U.S. There are also millions of nonparent caregivers who are caring for children. 

According to 2023 data in the report, 33% of parents reported high levels of stress in the past month compared to 20% of other adults, and 48% of parents said that most days their stress is completely overwhelming compared to 26% among other adults — citing the significant mental labor involved with parenting as a negative impact on cognitive functioning and psychological well-being. 

When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a serious effect. For example, 41% of parents said that most days they are so stressed that they cannot function.

If unmanaged, the report says, the stress can become a more severe mental health challenge that can have profound impacts on the well-being of children, families and society. A mental health challenge refers to difficulties that individuals may face which affect their mental health without meeting the criteria of a diagnosable condition. 

Louisiana is listed as one of the 12 states with the highest rate of depression among adults, between 24% and 29% in the Public Affairs Research Council data snapshot from November of 2023, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.

Baton Rouge licensed therapist Allison Schoonmaker, of Crossroads Professional Counseling and mother to one son, sees the pressures on parents in her practice.

“The expectations in general for parenting have just skyrocketed, and that has really had a negative effect on parents’ mental health,” said Schoonmaker. “As expectations have skyrocketed, the availability and resources of parents haven’t really changed, so there is ultimately more stress.” 

Common stressors 

Amanda Ott, mom of two and ninth grade counselor at Denham Springs High School, said economic stressors and family crises impact her students. As a part of Mighty Moms, a Livingston parish group that provides snacks and food to students, Ott has observed an uptick in the need for food assistance among her students.

“In the past, it’s always been like a handful of kids who would come get food,” she said. “Now if I forget, or if I’m not at school, or the kid forgets, the parent will call and ask to come get that food. They rely on it because they just can’t afford the groceries that are needed.”

Financial pressure is one of the major stressors on parent and guardian mental health. Other common stressors mentioned in the report include: 

• Time demands
• Children’s health
• Children’s safety
• Parental isolation and loneliness
• Technology and social media
• Cultural pressures and children’s futures

Schoonmaker identified parents’ obsessive concerns for children’s safety, children’s social relationships and children’s social media use as the largest stressors for her clients. Parental isolation is also a common stressor, she adds.

“All our parenting decisions are under a greater microscope than ever before,” she said. “More information is not necessarily helpful information, and our awareness of negative things that are happening beyond our reach makes parents feel unsafe — increasing fear.”

Kirsten Bowers Raby, a single mom of three boys ages 6, 16 and 21, said carrying the emotional load on top of everything else contributes to her parental stress because she doesn’t have a partner’s opinion to help guide decisions for her kids. 

Ott cites time demands and cultural pressures “to always be available” as the two main stressors in her friend groups. 

“You have to be at everything for your kids, who are involved in so much, so you’re spread so thin between work and all the extracurricular stuff. It’s a different struggle with the expectations put on the kids and parents. I do it, too,” she said. “Like, keeping up with the Joneses and making sure your kid has every opportunity.”

Managing stressors 

The Surgeon General’s Advisory calls for a shift in culture, policies and programs to ensure all parents and caregivers can thrive. 

Schoonmaker said the human brain is not made to process the amount of information accessible daily, and she suggested that parents minimize their own social media use and news intake by “turning back the clock” to a less-internet focused lifestyle. 

Both Ott and Schoonmaker advise more in-person meetings with friends, family, work peers and groups to stave off the loneliness and isolation that parents feel. 

“We still need that personal interaction to actually sit down and talk to see that other people are also struggling with the same things,” said Ott. “You see that you’re not alone. Finding your village is so important in today’s world.”