Here’s a quiz. Read the following sentences and decide if they’re a headline from satirical news site the Onion or my summaries of comments from the unironic mind of conspiracy theorist Alex Jones and his disinformation network, Infowars.

Cloaked Hillary Clinton beckons Harris to follow her into woods.

Majority of frogs in the United States are now gay.

Dolphin spends amazing vacation swimming with stockbroker.

Deadly floods in Texas generated by Air Force’s weather machine.

Hard to tell, but from here on out, you may not need to because the two entities are poised to live under the same umbrella.

The Onion bought Infowars. And no, this is not a jokey Onion headline. (Quiz answers appear below.)

Thursday it was revealed that the Onion won an auction to acquire Infowars, Alex Jones’ vile repository of harmful lies that was sold as part of a defamation settlement after he falsely claimed that the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Connecticut was a hoax. Jones was found guilty of defamation in 2022 by juries in Texas and Connecticut.

“Our goal in a couple of years is for people to think of Infowars as the funniest and dumbest website that exists,” said Ben Collins, the Onion’s CEO. “It was previously the dumbest website that exists.”

The Onion’s bid was backed by the families of eight victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook massacre and a first responder. A federal judge in Texas ordered a hearing into how the Onion won the bidding after Jones and his lawyers raised questions about how the auction was conducted, but not before the Onion shut down Infowars in preparation for its grand transformation from a hateful fake news empire to a parody of a hateful fake news empire.

Should the deal go through, the Onion will have an exclusive advertising agreement with the gun control group Everytown for Gun Safety.

“We thought it would be a very funny joke if we bought this thing, probably one of the better jokes we’ve ever told,” Collins told the Associated Press. “The [Sandy Hook] families decided they would effectively join our bid, back our bid, to try to get us over the finish line. Because by the end of the day, it was us or Alex Jones, who could either continue this website unabated, basically unpunished, for what he’s done to these families over the years, or we could make a dumb, stupid website, and we decided to do the second thing.”

Jones is renowned for “reexamining” American tragedies and decrying them as a hoax. According to him, 9/11 was an inside job, the Boston Marathon bombing was staged by the FBI and the shooting of former Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was part of a clandestine mind-control operation.

Alongside the lies and conspiracy theories, Jones used Infowars to sell millions of dollars’ worth of merchandise such as DVDs and T-shirts, building a media empire that spanned the web, radio and subscription video. But his major source of revenue was a collection of dietary supplements catering to the specific needs and paranoias of his fan base: Infowars Life Silver Bullet Colloidal Silver. Infowars Life Super Male Vitality. Infowars Life Liver Shield.

Now add humor to the mix, and drop the rest of that other stuff.

One need to look no further than the Onion’s leading editorial Friday to see why Infowars has a bright future in the comedic fictional news zone. The Onion’s make-believe owner, Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO, penned the explainer about why he chose to buy Jones’ reprehensible site.

“Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic ‘panic’ and growing steadily ever since, Infowars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses,” he wrote. “With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the moon.”

Tetraeder’s X account describes him as “Global Tetrahedron CEO, chairman, media proprietor, entrepreneur, human trafficker, thought leader, and venture capitalist.”

But what is he really? Let’s ask Jones. He’s a corporate tendrils, deep-state expert. Or was.

In a video posted on Thursday, Jones railed about the sale, calling it unconstitutional. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to be here until they come in there and turn the lights off,” he said.

Write your own “Disgraced CEO found in dark closet of old office” headline here.

As for the quiz,”Cloaked Hillary” and the vacationing dolphin were from the Onion.

The gay frogs and Air Force weather machine were from Jones.

But they’re no more outlandish than recent headlines about a Fox News co-host and combat veteran running the Department of Defense, or an anti-vaxxer picked to lead the Department of Health and Human Services. If only those were fake.

As the contested Pennsylvania Senate race barrels towards a $1 million recount, Democratic officials in a few blue counties are openly admitting to counting disqualified ballots in defiance of state law and court orders. 

The Associated Press has called the race for Republican Sen.-elect Dave McCormick, who currently holds a 26,000 vote lead over incumbent Democratic Sen. Bob Casey. But Casey has refused to concede and insisted that every vote be counted. The close margin – within one percentage point – triggered an automatic recount under Pennsylvania law. 

Yet the critical question is which votes should be counted? The Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled before the election that mail ballots lacking formally required signatures or dates should not be included in official results. However, Democratic officials in Philadelphia and surrounding Bucks, Centre and Montgomery counties are ignoring that court order. 

“I think we all know that precedent by a court doesn’t matter anymore in this country,” Bucks County Commissioner Diane Ellis-Marseglia, a Democrat, said Thursday as she and other Democrats voted to reject a GOP-led challenge to ballots that should be disqualified. 

MCCORMICK-CASEY RECOUNT COST TO TOP $1M; GOP SLAMS BLUE COUNTIES DEFYING HIGH COURT

“People violate laws anytime they want. So, for me, if I violate this law, it’s because I want a court to pay attention. There’s nothing more important than counting votes.”

Officials estimate there are fewer than 80,000 provisional ballots left to be counted across the Keystone State, less than two percent of the vote, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported. While the chance that Casey could make up his deficit is small, his attorneys and McCormick’s have repeatedly clashed at county commissioner meetings this week as local officials have debated over whether to count small handfuls of ballots. 

Democrats insist they are acting in good faith in believing that rejecting someone’s vote because of a clerical error violates their constitutional rights. 

In Montgomery County, for example, officials deliberated for 30 minutes over whether about 180 provisional ballots without secrecy envelopes should be counted. The Inquirer reported that several of these votes came from the same precincts, suggesting an error made by poll workers. 

Democratic board chair Neil Makhija voted to accept the ballots so that voters would not be disenfranchised. But other members of the board, including one Democrat and a Republican, voted to reject the ballots on the advice of county attorneys who determined the law clearly states they should not be counted. 

“We’re talking about constitutional rights and I cannot take an action to throw out someone’s ballot that is validly cast, otherwise, over an issue that we know … is immaterial,” Makhija said during Thursday’s meeting. The board ultimately voted to count a total of 501 contested ballots. 

Similar disputes over hundreds of votes have played out in Bucks, Chester and Delaware Counties. 

HOCHUL SPURS BIPARTISAN OUTRAGE AMID TOLL REBOOT BEFORE TRUMP CAN BLOCK IT

Trump (L) listens as David McCormick, candidate for United States Senator, speaks during a campaign rally in Reading, Pennsylvania, on November 4, 2024.  (ED JONES/AFP via Getty Images)

Separately, there is ongoing litigation over undated mail ballots or those submitted with an incorrect date on the outer envelope. Several local Democratic officials have said an incorrect date should not be grounds to disqualify a person’s vote. Lower courts have agreed with that reasoning, but Pennsylvania’s high court has determined the law requires correct dates for mail ballots to be counted. 

The McCormick campaign and Republican National Committee have asked the Pennsylvania Supreme Court to reaffirm its Nov. 1 decision to stop Democrats from including undated mail ballots in their final tallies. The Casey campaign and the Pennsylvania Department of State have countered with legal motions arguing that the counties should be left alone and that the high court need not intervene as the challenges work their way through the appellate process.

The open defiance of court precedent has prompted Republicans to cry foul.

“Let’s be clear about what’s happening here: Democrats in Pennsylvania are brazenly trying to break the law by attempting to count illegal ballots. They are doing this because they want to steal a senate seat,” Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Whatley wrote on X. 

He said the RNC has filed four lawsuits contesting county decisions on undated ballots and vowed to “fight for as long as necessary” to ensure that McCormick’s victory is upheld.

“This is the exact kind of left-wing election interference that undermines voter confidence,” Whatley said.

FETTERMAN DEFENDS CASEY-MCCORMICK RECOUNT; DINGS KARI LAKE

Pennsylvania Sen. Bob Casey addresses supporters before former President Barack Obama speaks during a campaign rally for statewide Democratic candidates in 2018 in Philadelphia. (Mark Makela/Getty Images)

Democrats have defended their actions and pointed out that McCormick himself had argued to count contested ballots when he trailed celebrity heart surgeon Dr. Mehmet Oz in the 2022 Republican primary for U.S. Senate. 

In that case, McCormick’s lawyer told a state judge that the object of Pennsylvania’s election law is to let people vote, “not to play games of ‘gotcha’ with them.”

There are potentially thousands of mail-in ballots with wrong or missing dates on the return envelope across the state, though most counties have not moved to count them. 

A state-mandated recount must be finished by noon on Nov. 26. Officials have said they do not expect the process to change the outcome of the race by more than a few hundred votes. 

Both McCormick and Casey were in Washington, D.C., this week. Casey participated in official Senate business and cast votes on the floor while McCormick attended new member orientation and met with other members of the new Republican majority to vote for conference leadership. 

Fox News Digital’s Charles Creitz and The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Rep. Adam B. Schiff is a darling of the Democrats, a fighter and political veteran accustomed to the limelight on Sunday talk shows and on the House floor.

In the Senate, the Burbank Democrat will carry a new title: freshman.

Schiff easily won California’s U.S. Senate race on Nov. 5, and will be sworn in next month to serve out the remainder of the late Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s term. He will start a six-year Senate term in January, the same month that his most powerful antagonist, President-elect Donald Trump, will move back into the White House.

Trump’s election puts Schiff in a unique position for a freshman senator. Trump has vowed to spend his second term pursuing his political enemies, including Schiff, whom he has variously described as a “liar,” “traitor,” “shifty,” “evil,” “pencil neck” and one of the country’s “enemies from within.”

Schiff will be navigating a new workplace for the first time since 2001, contending with nuts-and-bolts issues like committee assignments and office space, and trying to build relationships to pass laws that benefit California. He will have to do so while contending with the expectations that come with his national profile as a vociferous Trump critic.

“When he walks onto the Senate floor for the first time, Republican senators are going to look around and say, ‘So there he is,’ ” said Jim Manley, a former senior advisor to the late Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid. “They’re going to try to size him up, because all they’ve read, all they’ve heard for the last few years, is the soon-to-be president demonizing the guy.”

Schiff declined to be interviewed for this story, but recently told Times columnist Mark Z. Barabak that he plans to focus on bringing down the cost of living for working- and middle-class families. He wants to rein in the rising costs of food, housing and child care and build more housing to address the state’s twin crises of high housing costs and homelessness.

“They’re the same issues, in part, that Republicans campaigned on and Trump campaigned on,” Schiff said. “Where they’re serious … they’ll find a willing ally.”

Despite that conciliatory tone, Schiff also has promised to stand firm against the incoming president if he threatens Californians. In a victory speech on election night, the senator-elect said that he was “committed to taking on the big fights to protect our freedoms and to protect our democracy.”

With Schiff’s election, California will have two male senators for the first time since the early 1990s, neither with much seniority. He’ll be the junior senator to Alex Padilla, who was appointed to the Senate in 2021 and elected to a full term in 2022.

Republicans will have a majority in the Senate next year, but Schiff will still wield a significant amount of power, said former California Sen. Barbara Boxer.

Republicans controlled the Senate for most of Boxer’s 24 years in the chamber, including several terms when they held 55 of 100 seats. Speaking from experience, she said, Democrats shouldn’t expect to control the discussion around bills, but there are other ways to make their points, including “taking to the floor, all night, overnight,” holding news conferences, and inviting expert speakers to their caucus meetings.

She said personal relationships and bipartisanship matter more in the Senate than in the House. She cited an old adage: The House of Representatives is the hot tea, and the Senate is the saucer where things cool down.

“I’m sure there are die-hard MAGA senators who aren’t going to be happy that Adam Schiff is showing up, but he’s a smart, thoughtful and reasonable person,” Boxer said. “The Senate is such a personal body. There’s more working across the aisle than it appears. That’s all built on relationships and trust and credibility.”

That atmosphere will help Schiff get beyond being pigeonholed as a Trump adversary, even if he continues to be on Trump’s list of enemies, said Democratic Sen. Benjamin L. Cardin of Maryland, who is retiring after 18 years in the Senate.

“The president-elect has a long list, and that list changes every day and it changes by the moment,” Cardin said. “It will not at all prevent senators from working with Adam Schiff.”

Schiff also worked to bolster his relationships with Senate Democrats before his election. He contributed $1 million from his campaign account to help Senate candidates across the country. He also campaigned alongside eight Democratic Senate candidates, including incumbent Sens. Jacky Rosen of Nevada and Tammy Baldwin of Wisconsin and Sens.-elect Elissa Slotkin of Michigan and Ruben Gallego of Arizona, all of whom won in close swing-state races.

How Schiff uses his voice will depend in part on his committee assignments. Freshmen senators typically get last pick, although Schiff could have a slight leg up considering his decades of experience, national stature and dedication to the party, and because serving out the last bit of Feinstein’s term gives him a sliver of seniority over his fellow freshmen, whose terms start in January.

Leaders from both major parties still have to negotiate how many senators from their caucuses will serve on each committee, and decide leadership roles for senior senators. Only then will open seats go to freshmen.

Senate Democratic leader Charles E. Schumer of New York declined to answer questions about what roles Schiff might play in the Senate, but said he will be a “great addition” to the caucus.

The Senate can confirm or block high-level appointments by the president with a simple majority vote, meaning Trump’s Cabinet picks could be appointed without any support from Democrats.

But Trump has already signaled that he will try to bypass the Senate. On Sunday, he wrote on his social media platform Truth Social that the Senate’s next Republican majority leader “must agree” to empower him to make critical appointments unilaterally while the chamber is in recess. Without that power, Trump wrote, “we will not be able to get people confirmed in a timely manner.”

Schiff has challenged that idea — writing on X that Trump’s nominee for attorney general, MAGA devotee and former Rep. Matt Gaetz, “must be rejected” by the Senate.

Beyond committees, the minority party often looks to the court of public opinion to get its message out.

When Republicans held all three branches of government in the early 2000s, Boxer began holding weekly news conferences to talk about President George W. Bush’s actions that posed environmental risks, recalled Rose Kapolczynski, who ran all four of Boxer’s Senate campaigns.

Boxer’s staff began taping together the papers listing the administration’s problematic moves on the environment. By the end, Kapolczynski said, Boxer was unfurling a 32-foot scroll for the cameras, and Democrats were armed with a to-do list on environmental issues when they retook the Senate in 2008.

Boxer said that Schiff will learn that he still has significant power, even in the minority party.

A UC Berkeley poll co-sponsored by the L.A. Times in September indicated that if Trump were elected again, nearly 6 in 10 likely California voters would want Schiff to prioritize “protecting California’s interests and opposing federal legislation that would undercut existing state laws and policies.”

Half of likely California voters surveyed said Schiff should focus on passing bipartisan legislation. Just under half said he should prioritize “standing up to the president and challenging his executive orders.”

Schiff’s contentious relationship with Trump — and Trump’s disdain for him — stem directly from Schiff’s work in the House to hold the Republican accountable before and during his first term in office.

Schiff, a former federal prosecutor, helped lead the House investigation into the Trump campaign’s dealings with Russia in the lead-up to and aftermath of the 2016 election. During that time, top Trump campaign officials met with a Russian asset in Trump Tower, Trump’s campaign manager shared internal polling data with another Russian asset, and Trump himself called on Russia to hack Democratic presidential rival Hillary Clinton’s emails.

House Republicans ultimately censured Schiff for saying publicly that there was “significant” and “compelling” evidence of collusion between Trump’s campaign and the Kremlin. Special counsel Robert S. Mueller III found that Russia had intervened on the Trump campaign’s behalf, and that the campaign had welcomed the help, but did not recommend that the Justice Department charge any Americans. Schiff has maintained that there was evidence of collusion, even if it did not lead to criminal charges.

Schiff was the lead manager of the trial in which the House voted to impeach Trump for asking Ukrainian officials to investigate Joe Biden, his expected 2020 Democratic presidential rival, while withholding military aid to the country.

The Burbank Democrat also helped investigate Trump’s role in inciting the U.S. Capitol insurrection that tried to block Congress’ certification of Biden’s election on Jan. 6, 2021, leading to Trump’s second impeachment.

The Senate acquitted Trump after both House impeachments, but he hasn’t forgotten the investigations, calling them “witch hunts” and painting Schiff as an immoral Democratic operator who was obsessed with toppling him from the White House.

In September, when Schiff was still hoping Vice President Kamala Harris would win the presidential election, he told The Times that Trump being returned to power would “elevate the personal risk” to himself.

He said Trump would be “more unshackled than ever, more threatening than ever, of his political enemies” since the recent Supreme Court ruling that sitting presidents have sweeping criminal immunity for actions taken in their official capacity.

“But I’m determined to do my job,” Schiff said.

Times staff writer Noah Bierman contributed to this report.