My summer vacation in ‘polite,’ ‘friendly,’ ‘inexpensive’ Maine

Welcome to Vacationland

Questioning the place this column was final week? Sorry. I forgot to say I’m taking two days off. My pc’s exhausted.

I went to Maine. Why? I’m a world traveler. Executed Cambodia, Indonesia, most of South America, Fiji, Kabul, Kathmandu, Beirut, Siberia, India, Outback, Galapagos, Iran, Iraq, Laos, the entire Caribbean, all Europe, Fiji, Samoa, New Guinea, China, Japan, Taipei, Alaska, Hawaii, Himalayas, Sri Lanka, Thailand, Guam, and so forth — however Maine? Not.

I’ve additionally not seen Oklahoma — however who cares?

Longtime mates whose ancestors based the state of Maine within the 1800s and are in its museums and histories invited me.

It’s north. Eight hours because the crow and a BMW flies. Borders Canada, so it’s cool. Clear. Ethereal. Contemporary. Ocean. Shoreline. Seashores. Open sky. Inexperienced. Bushes. Lighthouses. Boats. Harbors. Coastlines. No litter. No trash. It’s well mannered. Pleasant. Cheap. Seafood. Lobsters the dimensions of Radio Metropolis. Locals whose behinds overlap the state of Texas all stuffed into shorts. Realtors may set up a complete campsite on the typical ass.

In Kennebunkport, Bar Harbor, Portland, Ogunquit, Freeport, Eastport the idea of dressing is just for salad. Overlook purchasing. Skirts, necklaces, socks, ties, footwear, knife-pressed longpants went out with the primary settlers. L.L. Bean denims, drawers, plaid shirts, crappy sweaters, sweats, sneakers and backpacks are thought-about black tie.

New England’s largest state, it’s sparsely populated and 90% forest however regarded like no bushes went to construct elegant shops. Additionally overlook consignment retailers as a result of what they’re carrying is already consignment stuff.

Water, water in all places

Fishing? Nice. Trend? Overlook it. There’s not sufficient material on NYC’s Seventh Avenue to cowl any native behind. Mainers contemplate flannel formal.

Need shore, water, sand? It’s received Outdated Orchard Seashore, Ferry Seashore, Goose Rocks Seashore, Wells Seashore, Kennebunk Seashore, Cape Elizabeth, Pine Level, Biddeford Pool, Southport, Boothbay Harbor, New Harbor, Christmas Cove, Bailey Island, Orrs Island, York’s Lengthy Sands. Venice in a hurricane has much less water.

Beers and bushes

There’s yachts, boat eating places, nice meals. The Storage was as soon as an precise storage. Now inside the place previously they repaired vehicles and motors they serve ribs with cornbread, coleslaw, tubs of beer. Everyone does beer. They most likely bathe with it. Choose French furnishings with gilt legs and arms, white linen tablecloths, waiters in tuxes — overlook it.

Portland’s nineteenth century Observatory which indicators ships is tens of millions of steps. This I didn’t do. Once they add an escalator I’ll do it. There’s additionally climbing the clear Lengthy Sands. Schlep alongside a Frisbee, surfboard, sizzling canine and actual canine.

“Downcoast” regionally means “far north.” “Upcoast” is northeast. “The town” equals Portland. Visitors’s zero. Congestion is 2 autos in reverse instructions making an attempt to keep away from a moose. Stephen King, Anna Kendrick and George Bush are from right here however they’re not right here. Mainers, possibly ecstatic simply to see anybody, are pleasant. Something you need, apart from bushes, it’s important to get in your automobile to get.

I climbed into mine to get again to civilization and New York.