In 2023, five North Dakotans died in domestic violence-related incidents.

Even just one life lost to domestic violence is too many. Five lives lost is a tragedy. Five victims were killed by someone who was supposed to love and care for them. Five families had a loved one taken from them and are having to move forward through an unimaginable loss. Five communities are left grieving and wondering what they could have done differently to prevent the crime.

Parents lost a daughter. A sister lost a brother. Children lost their mother.

And that’s just in the last year. According to the North Dakota Attorney General’s 2023 Homicide Report, for the period of 2004-2023 in North Dakota, 40% of deaths due to homicide involved domestic violence.

Too often, we don’t think about domestic violence until these tragedies happen, until we find out someone we know is experiencing domestic violence. But domestic violence happens in every community. Every year, thousands of North Dakotans seek help in navigating violent relationships. Data from the North Dakota Domestic & Sexual Violence Coalition shows that in 2023 alone, 6,131 new victims of domestic violence were served by 19 domestic violence victim advocacy centers across North Dakota. Nationally, about 1 in 4 women have experienced some form of sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.

With these rates of violence, everyone knows someone who has experienced domestic violence, even if that person hasn’t shared their story with you.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time dedicated to uplifting the voices and experiences of survivors. I hope North Dakotans will join me in supporting Domestic Violence Awareness Month and starting conversations about how we can make our homes and communities safer.

Learning how to identify domestic violence is a good place to start. Look for warning signs in your loved ones’ relationships; does your loved one have frequent injuries they can’t fully explain? Is your loved one’s partner isolating them by preventing them from seeing friends and family? Is their partner constantly putting them down, calling them names, or playing mind games? Is their partner preventing them from getting a job or controlling their finances?

These are all signs that domestic violence may be occurring in that relationship, and your loved one could be at risk for serious harm.

If you’re concerned about a loved one’s relationship, reach out to them and tell them that you’re worried about them. Listen to them, believe them, and remind them that the abuse is not their fault. Get to know your local domestic violence/sexual assault victim advocacy center and the services they provide, such as help with safety planning, finding shelter, and obtaining a protection order. Tell your loved ones they can find help at advocacy centers if they’re ever looking for support.

There are so many other ways to support survivors and prevent future violence. Get involved in whatever way feels right to you.

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the five North Dakotans lost to domestic violence in 2023, I want everyone to remember that we have the power to lend a helping hand. Domestic violence affects all of us, and because of this, it can feel like an oversized problem that is impossible to fix. But because every single one of us is affected by domestic violence, we all also have the power to stand up against violence and reach out to someone who is experiencing abuse.

If you or someone you know has experienced domestic or sexual violence, free and confidential help is available 24/7. Visit the North Dakota Domestic & Sexual Violence Coalition (NDDSVC) website to view a directory of domestic and sexual violence victim advocacy centers and find support near you.