North Dakota’s fun, little, hazing ritual

Ok, Mother Nature … hahaha … I get it … very funny.

So, as we were on the glidepath towards this past weekend, I had a few people come to me with the, “Say, buddy, you’re getting ready to see a REAL North Dakota blast of arctic cold,” and, “Just wait’ll you see THIS,” type of deal. I reminded them that I actually got here in early February of last year, but, to-no-avail. The “wintercast warnings” were ON!

So, having gotten out of the shower and insufficiently dried my beard before traipsing outside on Saturday, Florida-Man was not prepared for the immediate freezing sensation and the brittleness of my facial hair in-light of the minus-29 degree temperatures between The Studio and my garage.

Sometimes, “WOW!” just doesn’t quite cover it.

In any event, I weathered the weekend and am better for it, but it made me realize just how tough people up here are (again) and — in so many ways — now I’m better-prepared for the next one. Y’all warned me, and I didn’t necessarily listen (otherwise I would have dried my beard better), so yes the joke’s on me.

Down home, we just stay inside when it’s miserably hot and I suppose everybody does the same thing here but in reverse; it’s literally the “polar opposite.” The difference is that being outside during inclement weather up here actually HURTS, and even though the little freezing-cold-emoji guy on my phone has made numerous appearances the last 72 hours from friends down South it’s not necessarily that comical when you’re in the middle of it.

Truth-be-told, I was impressed. I think last February it got down into the negative-teens, but negative-50s with the wind-chill factor was a special kind of breeze and a different breed of cat. What’s also funny is how it seems to help y’all bond with one-another and you don’t understand or appreciate it (as an outsider) until you go through it. Don’t get me wrong, we do the same things down home and until a northerner experiences their first 95/95 day (95 degrees, 95% humidity), they don’t truly understand, either.

I was reminded of a joke they told back in the late-1980s down in Miami after we got My Beloved Marlins franchise and they were trying to decide on a name. One radio station had this bit where they said the team should be called “The Humidity,” because then — in June — people could say, “Yeah it’s not the (Miami) Heat that’s so bad …” you get the rest.

So, this weekend was just another event that is bringing me closer into compliance with my new neighbors, and I’m happy to have gone through it. There will certainly be many more where that came from, and I look forward to the future challenge(s).

It also got me to thinking: It really just briefly slows you people down, doesn’t it? I must have heard the word “hunker” about 15 times between last Thursday and yesterday, so everybody kinda gets into that mindset. I have to admit it threw a spanner into the sports-works for me — and I never appreciate that — and my sports-world stopped turning for a bit. But, hey, we’re back at it now and there’s a ton of stuff that has to be accomplished as a result.

Keep your heads on swivels, folks, because the next month is gonna be busy and we’re doing our best to touch all the bases on the way through it. Also, I wanna thank the athletic directors, players, coaches and fans who have been sending us photos of the scorebooks from games over the last few weeks; it really helps us and ensures the athletes get their names in the paper and they receive the credit they deserve for all their hard work and efforts. Teamwork is dreamwork, as far as I’m concerned, and y’all are great teammates.

With a slight hiccup over the weekend, we will have even more to get caught up on so bear with us and we will get it all done as best we can.

In any event, it was an interesting experience and North Dakota’s little hazing ritual was enlightening to say the least. If you saw my calendar on the fridge you’d understand just how many events we’re looking at for the next month and a half, so I would appreciate it if Mother Nature would give it a rest for a little while. Scheduling is half the battle for us in sports and (driving) distance does NOT make the heart grow fonder, I can assure you that.

Gaylon is a sportswriter originally from Florida, and his columns generally appear on Mondays. He can be reached at

gparker@thedickinsonpress.com

and/or 701-456-1213.

Gaylon is a sportswriter from Jensen Beach, Fla., but has lived all over the world. Growing up with an athletic background gave him a love of sports that led to a journalism career in such places as Enid, Okla., Alamogordo, N.M., Pascagoula, Miss. and Viera, Fla. since 1998. His main passion is small-town community sports, particularly baseball and soccer.