McFeely: Go for it, Doug, because … just because

FARGO —

I’ve been advised against doing so

, but I’m betting against Doug Burgum.

Being elected as a Republican governor in North Dakota is not the sign of a political genius ready to take America by storm. A fence post can be elected in North Dakota if it has an “R” behind it, the proof being the state legislature.

“I hereby propose we ban the transgenders.”

“But if we ban the transgenders, how can Captain Kirk get back to the ship?”

“I think you’re thinking of transporters.”

“I’m not even sure what that is. But let’s keep them out of bathrooms.”

“Now you’re back to transgenders?”

“You callin’ me a transgender?”

“No, we’re talking about banning transgenders.”

“Yes, let’s ban them, Bud Light and books. Especially the ones that show drawings of the, um, naughty parts. Of women and men. Not that I looked because my mommy said I’d go blind if I did that. And I sure didn’t look at the men naughty parts because Scott Hennen said I’d go blind if I did that. And, um, anyway … GUNS!”

Where were we? Ah, yes, the governor’s pending big announcement that he will run for the Republican nomination for president, joining a growing collection of also-rans who will finish far behind Donald Trump.

Burgum believes his path to the White House is a “silent majority” of Americans who want an alleged middle-of-the-road Republican who doesn’t appeal to “the edge” of political discourse. In DougWorld, extreme right-wing policies he signed like a six-week abortion ban and nasty anti-transgender legislation aren’t the edge.

So what would be, big guy? Imprisonment? Death squads? Or worse, being forced to watch “Shark Tank?”

Speaking of which, is it just coincidence that “Shark Tank” host Kevin O’Leary was hired by Burgum’s cabinet minions to run a state investment fund and then went on a multi-week bender of TV appearances and media interviews in March to tout how great Burgum was running North Dakota? It was probably just a coincidence.

Burgum is an exceedingly smart guy. Just ask him. His problem is, smart doesn’t translate in a Republican primary. Wooing the base is a race to the bottom, where simple slogans rule.

Build the wall. Lock her up. Grab her by the (naughty part shown in banned books).

Burgum wants to avoid that unseemliness and focus on the economy and North Dakota’s success as an energy state. The slogan is obvious: “We’ve got gas!”

We kid because we care, or at least have been instructed to act like it. Burgum running for president is good for the state, good for we the media and especially good for Forum columnists. Particularly ones with a sense of humor. So, Bender and myself.

Think of the fodder Tony and I will have gallivanting around Ottumwa, Altoona and Davenport. Corn dogs and pork tenderloin sandwiches for every meal, all on the company credit card. Cornering Iowans, asking questions, hoping nobody Castle Doctrines our behinds.

“Sir, will you support Doug Burgum?”

“Who?”

“The governor of North Dakota.”

“Sure. I love Mount Rushmore.”

How can you bet against that?

Mike McFeely is a columnist for The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead. He began working for The Forum in the 1980s while he was a student studying journalism at Minnesota State University Moorhead. He’s been with The Forum full time since 1990, minus a six-year hiatus when he hosted a local radio talk-show.