Looking back at my engagement (ring), and looking forward to the wedding (band)

CLEVELAND, Ohio – I’ve been writing about my impending Summer 2023 nuptials for nearly one year, and our big day is just around the corner. I figured it’d be a good time to look back, and then look forward, at one large, symbolic piece of the process: the band on my left ring finger.

This past week, I informally interviewed my fiancé Tom to get a better idea of his thought process behind picking out my engagement band. I also have my perspective to give.

Tom told me the whole process, from first inquiring about designing an engagement band until the time he proposed in March 2022, took maybe six months (but he doesn’t remember exactly). He said he found a reputable jeweler near where we live in Lake County and just popped in.

“I found a band that I liked, because it was two different metals that intertwined, and then I asked the jeweler if he could [add] the amethysts,” Tom said. Why amethysts, you ask?

No, it’s not my birth stone. I’ll tell you my side of the story.

I had not given much thought to an engagement ring, but I did know that I did not want a diamond. I can’t fully explain it; I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don’t wear a lot of jewelry in general, and a large stone on my hand seemed flashy. I have one friend who helped design her engagement band with her now-husband, and she picked out a very pale pink morganite – just beautiful. A gemstone was more “up my alley.”

Fast forward to the holiday season 2021, where jewelry commercials are on every 30 seconds. I noticed Tom got a little… weird each time one of these commercials came on, so one night I finally turned to him and said that if he was planning to propose to me, I had three requirements.

Firstly, no surprises like, “Oh look, your whole family has been hiding in the bushes, and now we’re having a party!” That is not my speed. Secondly, white gold or platinum – I don’t prefer yellow gold on my skin tone. And third, no diamond. I told him I preferred a stone like an amethyst, since I love purple, and I like the idea behind the supposed grounding and balancing metaphysical properties of amethyst stones.

Well, it turns out Tom had already decided on a mixed-metals band. In his words, “We have different minds and different skin tones and we intertwined,” he said. He has a darker, olive skin tone that tans easily in the sunshine, while I am a redhead who’s fair as paper. Plus, we do have very different perspectives on things in life, but we also know how to communicate and compromise. That’s what makes us work.

Tom also knew he wanted to give me a diamond, no matter what I said. So, the amethysts on the sides on the center stone were a compromise.

When Tom emailed the jeweler about the amethyst addition, “[the jeweler] emailed me three designs, and I liked one, and I was like, ‘OK, let’s see how it turns out,” he said. He liked the way the band looked once it was done, and then Tom went in-person to pick out the center diamond. And just like that, it was finished.

“I locked it away for a couple months,” Tom told me. I never did learn where that hiding spot in our house could be.

When Tom proposed in March 2022, I was taken aback at the beauty – if not the relative enormity – of the ring. He, and our jeweler, did fabulous work. We knew we had to follow through and go back to him for our wedding bands.

Unlike my custom engagement band, Tom and I decided to purchase standard bands from our jeweler. We learned that once we were sized, our bands would be finished within a week. Tom chose yellow gold, while I went with white gold (naturally). We plan to pick them up within the next few days; in fact, we may even have them by the time this reaches the Sunday paper.

Our experience with our jeweler has been smooth and pleasant. Fingers crossed that that’s how the rest of our wedding planning and detail-finalizing goes before our big day.

This column is part of a series I’ve done, chronicling my wedding planning adventures ahead of my summer 2023 nuptials. If you have an anecdote you’d love for me to read or thoughtful words of encouragement, you can email me at jmorice@cleveland.com or follow me on Twitter at @janemorice.

Read my most recent columns:

My future husband is planning our Maldives honeymoon. Why I’m happy to stay in the dark

Don’t skip pre-marital counseling before walking down the aisle

As wedding season rolls in, don’t repeat my mistake; remember to RSVP