Lifestyle
My Son and My Husband Are Fighting. Help!
My son (29) and my husband (his stepfather of 20 years) had a tense and unproductive argument two months in the past, throughout which my husband refused to listen to my son’s aspect or let him reply. Afterward my son left the home abruptly and stated he wouldn’t return. My husband nonetheless focuses on the content material of their dialog, reasonably than his conduct. My son additionally stated that I by no means stood up for him together with his stepfather. Our communication has dwindled to a gradual trickle of texts. I’ve at all times been the peacemaker and have a tendency to imagine that issues work out finally. However my son says: Not this time! I’m harm and paralyzed with worry about methods to deal with this. Assist!
MOM
I do know it may be gut-wrenching to be estranged from individuals we love. Earlier than we speak about subsequent steps, although, let’s reframe this downside to see the chance it presents (and presumably cut back your worry): Your son loves you sufficient to be trustworthy about his emotions and lay out the battle as he sees it. That’s a promising begin for enhancing your relationship!
I’m certain you meant effectively whenever you took on the position of “peacekeeper.” However your son was only a boy whenever you married your husband (who sounds a bit of boastful and overbearing). To a baby, your fixed seek for compromise could have felt like abandonment. Get out from between these two males.
Apologize to your son for making him really feel unprotected and ask him that can assist you do higher. Invite him to speak about episodes that harm him and focus on how you would deal with them otherwise. This may in all probability require modifications in your husband’s conduct too — however you don’t have any management over that. So, attempt to restore your relationship along with your son first. Then recommend counseling for 3 of you to work on household dynamics.
Of Mice and Cash
My roommate and I found mice in our residence a number of months in the past. After two unsuccessful visits from an exterminator despatched by our landlord, my roommate moved out however stated she would proceed paying her share of the hire if the owner wouldn’t allow us to out of our lease. (Shocker: He refused.) I employed a reliable exterminator and haven’t seen a mouse since. Now, my roommate has requested me to discover a subletter for her. She appears unwilling or unable to take action herself. However I like dwelling alone. How a lot effort ought to I expend to assist her? It’s not my cash going to waste each month.
NYC ROOMMATE
There are a few methods to interpret your roommate’s conduct: She could also be attempting to foist her accountability for locating a subletter onto you. Or she could also be providing you the prospect to exchange her with a roommate you actually like. It isn’t laborious to provide a heat physique in our effervescent rental market.
Assuming her title is on the lease (and the rodents didn’t void it), it’s odd for her to count on you to rectify this example whenever you clearly profit from her absence. The honorable factor, although, is to be straight along with her: Inform her what you’re keen to do, if something, to assist her. And remind her that it’s her accountability to discover a subletter and to pay hire till she does.
Weedy Argument
I’m a 95-year-old girl sharing a home with my 35-year-old grandson. We get alongside very effectively, aside from one concern: marijuana. Its propagation and use are unlawful the place we stay. However he believes the legislation is improper and continues to develop and use it anyway. I’m not for or in opposition to marijuana. However I’m in opposition to breaking the legislation. He says it’s as a result of I’m outdated. Has time handed me by?
MARYALICIA
Your grandson talks ageist nonsense! There are good causes to legalize the leisure use of pot, together with the financial advantages of regulating and taxing its sale, and breaking the racist sample of selective enforcement (and punishment) of legal guidelines that prohibit its use.
Nonetheless, respecting the rule of legislation is a crucial social worth. Your grandson would do higher to take a position some vitality in legalizing marijuana than to foolishly declare that legal guidelines solely matter to outdated individuals. (Younger individuals in jail would in all probability disagree.)
Can’t I Simply Get You a Reward?
I’m vehemently against Fb associates asking for donations to charitable causes in honor of their birthdays. I get notifications from Fb about these fund-raisers, and I really feel compelled to make donations in order that my associates will assume effectively of me. What can I do about this?
ANONYMOUS
Your vehemence puzzles me. It may well actually be annoying to obtain a stream of fund-raising appeals — typically from individuals we barely know. However Fb notifications are weak tea as calls for go. (You’ll be able to even disable them.)
Charity is necessary. Nonetheless, I encourage you to respect your convictions and resist peer stress. Ignore these notifications. I doubt anybody is conserving rating. And even when they’re, affordable individuals perceive that the majority of us stay on budgets, together with for charitable presents. Solely donate if you wish to and may afford it.
For assist along with your awkward state of affairs, ship a query to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip Galanes on Fb or @SocialQPhilip on Twitter.
Lifestyle
Dabney Coleman, who starred in '9 to 5' and 'Tootsie', dies at 92
Nick Ut/AP
NEW YORK — Dabney Coleman, the mustachioed character actor who specialized in smarmy villains like the chauvinist boss in “9 to 5” and the nasty TV director in “Tootsie,” has died. He was 92.
Coleman died Thursday at his home in Santa Monica, his daughter, Quincy Coleman, said in a statement to The Associated Press. She said he “took his last earthly breath peacefully and exquisitely.”
“The great Dabney Coleman literally created, or defined, really — in a uniquely singular way — an archetype as a character actor. He was so good at what he did it’s hard to imagine movies and television of the last 40 years without him,” Ben Stiller wrote on X.
For two decades Coleman labored in movies and TV shows as a talented but largely unnoticed performer. That changed abruptly in 1976 when he was cast as the incorrigibly corrupt mayor of the hamlet of Fernwood in “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman,” a satirical soap opera that was so over the top no network would touch it.
Producer Norman Lear finally managed to syndicate the show, which starred Louise Lasser in the title role. It quickly became a cult favorite. Coleman’s character, Mayor Merle Jeeter, was especially popular and his masterful, comic deadpan delivery did not go overlooked by film and network executives.
A six-footer with an ample black mustache, Coleman went on to make his mark in numerous popular films, including as a stressed out computer scientist in “War Games,” Tom Hanks’ father in “You’ve Got Mail” and a fire fighting official in “The Towering Inferno.”
He won a Golden Globe for “The Slap Maxwell Story” and an Emmy Award for best supporting actor in Peter Levin’s 1987 small screen legal drama “Sworn to Silence.” Some of his recent credits include “Ray Donovan” and a recurring role on “Boardwalk Empire,” for which he won two Screen Actors Guild Awards.
In the groundbreaking 1980 hit “9 to 5,” he was the “sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot” boss who tormented his unappreciated female underlings — Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin and Dolly Parton — until they turned the tables on him.
In 1981, he was Fonda’s caring, well-mannered boyfriend, who asks her father (played by her real-life father, Henry Fonda) if he can sleep with her during a visit to her parents’ vacation home in “On Golden Pond.”
Opposite Dustin Hoffman in “Tootsie,” he was the obnoxious director of a daytime soap opera that Hoffman’s character joins by pretending to be a woman. Among Coleman’s other films were “North Dallas Forty,” “Cloak and Dagger,” “Dragnet,” “Meet the Applegates,” “Inspector Gadget” and “Stuart Little.” He reunited with Hoffman as a land developer in Brad Silberling’s “Moonlight Mile” with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Coleman’s obnoxious characters didn’t translate quite as well on television, where he starred in a handful of network comedies. Although some became cult favorites, only one lasted longer than two seasons, and some critics questioned whether a series starring a lead character with absolutely no redeeming qualities could attract a mass audience.
“Buffalo Bill” (1983-84) was a good example. It starred Coleman as “Buffalo Bill” Bittinger, the smarmy, arrogant, dimwitted daytime talk show host who, unhappy at being relegated to the small-time market of Buffalo, New York, takes it out on everyone around him. Although smartly written and featuring a fine ensemble cast, it lasted only two seasons.
Another was 1987’s “The Slap Maxwell Story,” in which Coleman was a failed small-town sportswriter trying to save a faltering marriage while wooing a beautiful young reporter on the side.
Other failed attempts to find a mass TV audience included “Apple Pie,” “Drexell’s Class” (in which he played an inside trader) and “Madman of the People,” another newspaper show in which he clashed this time with his younger boss, who was also his daughter.
He fared better in a co-starring role in “The Guardian” (2001-2004), which had him playing the father of a crooked lawyer. And he enjoyed the voice role as Principal Prickly on the Disney animated series “Recess” from 1997-2003.
Underneath all that bravura was a reserved man. Coleman insisted he was really quite shy. “I’ve been shy all my life. Maybe it stems from being the last of four children, all of them very handsome, including a brother who was Tyrone Power-handsome. Maybe it’s because my father died when I was 4,” he told The Associated Press in 1984. “I was extremely small, just a little guy who was there, the kid who created no trouble. I was attracted to fantasy, and I created games for myself.”
As he aged, he also began to put his mark on pompous authority figures, notably in 1998’s “My Date With the President’s Daughter,” in which he was not only an egotistical, self-absorbed president of the United States, but also a clueless father to a teenager girl.
Dabney Coleman — his real name — was born in 1932 in Austin, Texas After two years at the Virginia Military Academy, two at the University of Texas and two in the Army, he was a 26-year-old law student when he met another Austin native, Zachry Scott, who starred in “Mildred Pierce” and other films.
“He was the most dynamic person I’ve ever met. He convinced me I should become an actor, and I literally left the next day to study in New York. He didn’t think that was too wise, but I made my decision,” Coleman told The AP in 1984.
Early credits included such TV shows as “Ben Casey,” “Dr Kildare,” “The Outer Limits,” “Bonanza,” “The Mod Squad” and the film “The Towering Inferno.” He appeared on Broadway in 1961 in “A Call on Kuprin.” He played Kevin Costner’s father on “Yellowstone.”
Twice divorced, Coleman is survived by four children, Meghan, Kelly, Randy and Quincy, and the grandchildren Hale and Gabe Torrance, Luie Freundl and Kai and Coleman Biancaniello.
“My father crafted his time here on earth with a curious mind, a generous heart, and a soul on fire with passion, desire and humor that tickled the funny bone of humanity,” Quincy Coleman wrote in his honor.
Lifestyle
Dean McDermott Claps Back at Trolls After Tori Spelling Supports Relationship
Dean McDermott‘s firing off at trolls shocked at Tori Spelling‘s acceptance of his new girlfriend … this despite seemingly obvious tension between the exes.
The actor jumped into the replies of a post featuring his new girlfriend, Lily Calo, to defend himself and his estranged wife after several fans said they couldn’t believe Tori liked the post … essentially showing her support.
In response to one comment which seemed to really upset him, Dean wrote, “It’s because she is a highly evolved and compassionate loving person, which is a lot more [than] I can say for the trolls commenting on this post.”
A serious burn on the commenter … followed by McDermott’s view some people just work better together when they’re not married — and, adding TS has her own boyfriend too, so they’re both moving on.
It’s a pretty fiery roast from the father-of-five … and, it lifts the lid on a relationship that’s been hella strained recently.
Remember … the two announced the end of their marriage last summer — and Tori and their kids were bouncing between motel rooms and family friends’ homes because she didn’t seem to want to be near Dean.
BTW … Tori’s dropped other sweet comments too like one where she says she loves Dean and Lily. Talk about a 180!
3/31/24
misSPELLING
Of course, Tori filed for divorce from Dean officially at the end of last month … and, broke the news to him live on her podcast days later. There seemed like a lot of tension between the two at the time — but, now it sounds like they’ve moved on.
TMZ Studios
Pretty big change for the former couple … we’ll have to wait and see if Tori addresses it on her podcast.
Lifestyle
'Wait Wait' for May 18, 2024: With Not My Job guest Maya Hawke
This week’s show was recorded at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, with guest host Alzo Slade, judge and scorekeeper Bill Kurtis, Not My Job guest Maya Hawke and panelists Negin Farsad, Adam Burke and Faith Salie. Click the audio link above to hear the whole show.
Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images
Who’s Bill This Time
Joe Vs The Volcano; Mr. Cheese’s Last Tour; Interoffice Romance
Panel Questions
A New Irish Goodbye
Bluff The Listener
Our panelists tell three stories of well-meaning gifts that didn’t quite work, only one of which is true.
Not My Job: We quiz singer and actor Maya Hawke on birdwatchers
Musician and actor Maya Hawke had a breakout year 2019, when she landed the role of Robin in Stranger Things and released her first two singles. She’s gonna do it all again in 2024, with a new album called Chaos Angel, a role in Pixar’s Inside Out 2, and a new movie called Wildcat, which just so happens to be directed by her dad, Ethan.
Panel Questions
The Quest For a New Word For Quest; A Graduation Situation
Limericks
Bill Kurtis reads three news-related limericks: Another Reason To Go Outside; How To Get Some Free Bubbly; The Perfect Conversation Partner
Lightning Fill In The Blank
All the news we couldn’t fit anywhere else
Predictions
Our panelists predict, now that they’re retiring their animatronic band, what’s next for Chuck E. Cheese?
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