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Life advice of the month: On exes, jet lag and guilt

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Life advice of the month: On exes, jet lag and guilt

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Becky Harlan/NPR; Tanja Ivanova/Getty Images; Getty Images

It’s our favorite time of the month — rounding up surprising and useful tricks, tips and life hacks from Life Kit episodes.

This month’s selection includes advice about kids and social media, how to minimize jet lag and high-fiber diets.

To decide whether you’re ready to be friends with your ex, ask yourself if you’re in a healthy place. If you’re reaching out to your ex because you still desire them and are hoping to get back together, “wait until those feelings subside,” says psychologist Marisa Franco. You’ll know you’ve reached an appropriate level of emotional distance when you want your ex to be happy regardless of whether or not their life includes you, says Franco.

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To form memories that you’ll keep, make them as multi-sensory and detailed as possible. “Plenty of evidence suggests that memory is better the more detail is available to us,” says Monica Thieu, a researcher in human cognition and a four-time Jeopardy! contestant. “So any time you have an opportunity to learn something in a richer way, do it.” What Thieu means is, incorporate as many different senses, emotions and mediums into your memory as you can. Immerse yourself in that subject.

Are you being made to feel guilty about something that’s not your fault? Clinical psychologist Han Ren offers a script of what you can say to the person making you feel this way: “You are entitled to your emotions, but it’s not my fault. I love you, but I love me too.”

Not sure if you’re north, south, east or west from home? Pick a few landmarks in town to help orient yourself. The ideal landmark is large and far away, like a big sign, a highway, a tall building or a bridge “so it can serve as a better cue to orientation,” says Mary Hegarty, a cognitive psychologist at the Spatial Thinking Lab at University of California, Santa Barbara.

When posting about your kids on social media, follow a “holiday card-or-less” rule of thumb. “They should be updates you’d be comfortable with anyone, from your great aunt to your boss, seeing. Information that’s not going to embarrass anybody and isn’t particularly private,” says Leah Plunkett, a faculty member at Harvard Law School who specializes in children, family law and technology.

If a loved one asks to borrow money from you, don’t ask for that money back. If you have the funds and want to help out, give it to them as a gift instead, says personal finance columnist Michelle Singletary. That way, you don’t have to worry about the borrower paying you back or what to do if they don’t.

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A fun and cheap way to have fun this summer? Swap houses with a friend or family member. Perhaps you know someone who lives in a different neighborhood or city you’ve wanted to visit. “You can get a feel of what they like. If they have a pool, you can take a dip or check out their DVD collection,” says personal finance writer Nicole Dow. “That’s a low-cost alternative to taking a full-fledged vacation.”

If you’re going on a big, international trip, load up on sleep before you travel. To mitigate the effects of jet lag, a little preparation goes a long way, says Jade Wu, a behavioral sleep medicine psychologist and researcher at Duke University. Take supplemental naps ahead of your journey, but don’t force it if you’re not sleepy. The goal is to get as much rest as possible so that when you’re in a period of less sleep, you’ll feel a little more alert.

As you add more fiber to your diet, make sure to drink plenty of water. It can help the fiber move through your system and keep it from hardening, which can lead to more gas and constipation.

This story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org.

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter.

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‘Hamnet’ star Jessie Buckley looks for the ‘shadowy bits’ of her characters

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‘Hamnet’ star Jessie Buckley looks for the ‘shadowy bits’ of her characters

Jessie Buckley has been nominated for an Academy Award for best actress for her portrayal of William Shakespeare’s wife in Hamnet.

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Actor Jessie Buckley says she’s always been drawn to the “shadowy bits” of her characters — aspects that are disobedient, or “too much.” Perhaps that’s what led her to play Agnes, the wife of William Shakespeare, in Hamnet.

Buckley says the film, which is based on Maggie O’Farrell’s 2020 novel, offered a chance to counter a common narrative about the playwright’s wife: that she “had kept him back from his genius,” Buckley says.

But, she adds, “What Maggie O’Farrell so brilliantly did, not just with Agnes and Shakespeare’s wife, but also with Hamnet, their son, was to bring these people … and give them status beside this great man. … [And] give the full landscape of what it is to be a woman.”

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The film is nominated for eight Academy Awards, including best actress for Buckley. In it, she plays a woman deeply connected to nature, who faces conflicts in her marriage, as well as the death of their son Hamnet.

Buckley found out she was pregnant a week after the film wrapped. She’s since given birth to her first child, a daughter.

“The thing that this story offered me, that brought me into this next chapter of my life as a mother was tenderness,” she says. “A mother’s tenderness is ferocious. To love, to birth is no joke. To be born is no joke. And the minute something’s born into the world, you’re always in the precipice of life and death. That’s our path. … I wanted to be a mother so much that that overrode the thought of being afraid of it.”

Jessie Buckley stars as Agnes and Joe Alwyn plays her brother Bartholomew in Hamnet.

Jessie Buckley stars as Agnes and Joe Alwyn plays her brother Bartholomew in Hamnet.

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Interview highlights

On filming the scene where she howls in grief when her son dies

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I didn’t know that that was going to happen or come out, it wasn’t in the script. I think really [director] Chloé [Zhao] asked all of us to dare to be as present as possible. Of course, leading up to it, you’re aware this scene is coming, but that scene doesn’t stand on its own. By the time I’d met that scene, I had developed such a deep bond with Jacobi Jupe, who plays Hamnet, and [co-stars] Paul [Mescal] and Emily Watson, and all the children and we really were a family. And Jacobi Jupe who plays Hamnet is such an incredible little actor and an incredible soul, and we really were a team. …

The death of a child is unfathomable. I don’t know where it begins and ends. Out of utter respect, I tried to touch an imaginary truth of it in our story as best I could, but there’s no way to define that kind of grief. I’m sure it’s different for so many people. And in that moment, all I had was my imagination but also this relationship that was right in front of me with this little boy and that’s what came out of that.

On what inspired her to pursue singing growing up

I grew up around a lot of music. My mom is a harpist and a singer and my dad has always been passionate about music, so it was always something in our house and always something that was encouraged. … Early on, I have very strong memories of seeing and hearing my mom sing in church and this quite intense mercurial conversation that would happen between her, the story and the people that would listen to her. And at the end of it, something had been cracked between them and these strangers would come up with tears in their eyes. And I guess I saw the power of storytelling through my mom’s singing at a very young age, and that was definitely something that made me think I want to do that.

On her first big break performing as a teen on the BBC singing competition I’d Do Anything — and being criticized by judges about her physical appearance

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I was raw. I hadn’t trained. I had a lot to learn and to grow in. I was only 17. I think there was part of their criticism which I think was destructive and unfair when it became about my awkwardness, or they would say I was masculine and send me to kind of a femininity school. … They sent me to [the musical production of] Chicago to put heels on and a leotard and learn how to walk in high heels, which was pretty humiliating, to be honest, and I’m sad about that because I think I was discovering myself as a young woman in the world and wasn’t fully formed. … I was different. I was wild, I had a lot of feeling inside me. I could hardly keep my hands beside myself and I think to kind of criticize a body of a young woman at that time and to make her feel conscious of that was lazy and, I think, boring.

On filming parts of the 2026 film The Bride! while pregnant

I really loved working when I was pregnant. I thought it was a pretty wild experience, especially because I was playing Mary Shelley and I was talking about [this] monstrosity, and here I was with two heartbeats inside me. Becoming a mom and being pregnant did something, I think, for me. My experience of it, it’s so real that it really focuses [me to be] allergic to fake or to disconnection.

Since my daughter has come and I know what that connection is and the real feeling of being in a relationship with somebody … as an actress, it’s very exciting to recognize that in yourself and really take ownership of yourself.

I’m excited to go back and work on this other side of becoming a mother in so many ways, because I’ve shed 10 layers of skin by loving more and experiencing life in such a new way with my daughter. I’m also scared to work again because it’s hard to be a mother and to work. That’s like a constant tug because I love what I do and I’m passionate and I want to continue to grow and learn and fill those spaces that are yet to be filled — and also be a mother. And I think every mother can recognize that tug.

On the possibility of bringing her daughter to travel with her as she works

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I haven’t filmed for nearly a year and I cannot wait. I’m hungry to create again. And my daughter will come with me. She’s seven months, so at the moment she can travel with us and it’s a beautiful life. And she meets all these amazing people and I have a feeling that she loves life and that’s a great thing to see in a child. And I hope that’s something that I’ve imparted to her in the short time that she’s been on this earth is that life is beautiful and great and complex and alive and there’s no part of you that needs to be less in your life. You might have to work it out, but it’s worth it.

Lauren Krenzel and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Beth Novey adapted it for the web.

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‘Evil Dead’ Star Bruce Campbell Reveals He Has Cancer

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‘Evil Dead’ Star Bruce Campbell Reveals He Has Cancer

Bruce Campbell
I’m Battling Cancer

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‘Scream 7’ takes a weak stab at continuing the franchise : Pop Culture Happy Hour

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‘Scream 7’ takes a weak stab at continuing the franchise : Pop Culture Happy Hour

Neve Campbell in Scream 7.

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The OG Scream Queen Neve Campbell returns. Scream 7 re-centers the franchise back on Sidney Prescott. She has a new life, a family, and lots of baggage. You know the drill: Someone dressing up as the masked slasher Ghostface comes for her, her family and friends. There’s lots of stabbing and murder and so many red herrings it’s practically a smorgasbord.

Follow Pop Culture Happy Hour on Letterboxd at letterboxd.com/nprpopculture

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